LIVING A LIFE THAT REALLY MATTERS
LIKE MOST PEOPLE WHO enjoy their sleep, I’m not a fan of middle-of-the-night awakenings. Typically, I provide what is needed — a glass of water, a lost stuffed animal, or a kiss on the cheek — and then quickly usher my child back to bed.
But this particular night was different.
Maybe it was because my daughter Avery was unusually hot with fever. Or maybe it was because my Hands Free journey had taken up permanent space in my head, consistently pointing out when to pay attention. Whatever the reason, I felt compelled to crawl all the way into my child’s bed and nestle under the covers when she quietly commanded, “Stay, Mama.”
Once settled, I cupped Avery’s round face, which still held traces of baby, and whispered, “I am here.”
These three spoken words appeared to bring great comfort to my child’s weary head, and her eyelids began to close. That is when I studied her face. Every eyelash. Every freckle. Every curve of her small, sweet mouth. I felt the need to soak up every detail of her six-year-old self. Although my eyes stung from a need for sleep, I felt a sense of peace knowing I was exactly where I needed to be.
Just as I was about to nod off, my daughter’s eyes suddenly flew open. Had I not administered the medication myself, I would’ve thought she’d been given a double shot of espresso! With the skill of a seasoned news reporter, Avery began drilling me with questions — questions that even in the light of day would be challenging.
Has anyone in our family been to war?
What war was it?
How did your grandparents die?
Will I die of old age?
Will you die of old age?
Will Grandpa and Grandma die soon?
I managed to answer the first five questions somewhat satisfactorily given my level of alertness, but the last one stumped me. I began to stall. “Well, Grandma is hoping to be at your high school graduation, so let’s see that’s . . .” Mumbling to myself, I began adding the number of years until my child graduates to my mother’s current age.
My observant child immediately noticed I was miscalculating. “No, Mama. Grandma is seventy-three, not seventy-four,” she corrected. I was about to speak, but something stopped me. I sensed Avery was not finished yet. Illuminated by a crack of white light streaming from her bedroom closet, Avery lifted her hands in front of her face. Like the wings of a bird about to take flight, she spread her small fingers as far as they could go. It was then that this child with sweat-fringed hair and flushed cheeks soberly stated, “I’m keeping track of life.”
I actually stopped breathing for a moment.
Keeping track of life.
It was such a beautiful term, and one that became almost magical given the way Avery extended her two free hands. But what made the hairs stand straight up on my arms was the fact that I knew exactly what it meant. Keeping track of life is knowing you’re on your true path toward fulfillment. It’s being at peace with who you are and how you are living. It’s placing your head on the pillow at night knowing you’ve connected with someone or something that made your heart come alive. It’s investing in what really matters, understanding full well that managing life is the tendency but living life is the goal.
Keeping track of life is much more than going through the motions of putting down the phone, burning the to-do list, and letting go of perfection. It’s something deep. Lasting. Permanent. It is a conscious decision to focus on what really matters when a sea of insignificance tries to pull you away.
I knew what it meant to keep track of life because it had become my daily practice. What began as small steps to change my distracted, perfectionistic, and hurried existence grew into a transformed perspective — one that profoundly altered the way I made decisions, interacted with my loved ones, focused my attention, and spent the precious minutes and hours of my days. Intentional actions to grasp what really mattered had evolved into living a life that really mattered.
Along with my hands, my eyes and heart were opened, allowing me to identify the greatest distractions of the modern age — distractions that cause people like you and me to lose track of life to the point that it seems irretrievable. Perhaps that is where you are right now, wondering if it’s even possible to reclaim your life from the demands of a distracted culture and an overwhelmed life. I can assure you — it’s not too late. In fact, this very moment is a beginning. The same two hands that hold the pages of this book are the very hands that can put living and loving back on the priority list.
THE POWER OF OPEN HANDS, EYES, AND HEART
By now, most of us are aware of the cost of everyday distractions. The blatant diversions of a tech-saturated, overscheduled, maxed-out world interrupt our conversations, steal our focus, and undermine our ability to be present in the moment. Using mindful strategies we can curb these obvious distractions and create a healthy balance between tech and life. But that is only half the battle. To be completely free to focus on what truly enriches our lives, we must learn to recognize the larger, all-encompassing distractions that divert our attention from our greatest goal: to live and love fully. The distractions that get in our way take many forms, but perhaps you’ll relate to one of these:
Sacrificing everything to climb the corporate ladder
Striving to achieve the illusion of a perfect home and perfect life
Pushing loved ones to excel in certain areas despite their lack of interest, talent, or ability
Serving on endless committees to prove your worth
Engaging in people pleasing to gain acceptance
Seeking external validation for superficial reasons and from questionable sources
Making important life decisions based on what other people think or do
Going to dangerous extremes to maintain a certain appearance or status level
Attempting to control the uncontrollable
Acquiring the latest and greatest material possessions in order to impress
Replaying past mistakes and not allowing yourself to move forward
When we become consumed by these corrosive yet virtually unseen distractions, we stop asking questions. We fail to assess if we are on the right path toward our life’s purpose. We become complacent and accept that this is just the way it is despite the emptiness and stress that keep us awake at night. Before we know it, we lose track of what matters most in life, only to later realize we’ve accomplished much but lived little.
We all yearn to look back on our lives to find we lived a life of significance. But is it even possible anymore? We live in a culture where grand achievements and small waistlines are complimented on a daily basis . . . where busyness is a badge of honor and excess is the norm . . . where electronic messages have replaced face-to-face contact . . . where day-to-day responsibilities overwhelm and downtime is extinct. Considering the degree of distraction and amount of pressure that exists in the world today, keeping track of life may seem impossible.
But I am here to tell you it is not.
You have the power to make meaningful, lasting human connection despite the busyness of everyday life.
You have the power to live in the now despite that inner nudge pushing you out of the moment toward perfection and productivity.
You have the power to protect your most sacred relationships, as well as your values, beliefs, health, and happiness, despite the latent dangers of technology and social media.
You have the power to pursue the passions of your heart without sacrificing your job or your daily responsibilities.
You have the power to evaluate your daily choices to ensure you are investing in a life that matters to you.
Whether you are just starting your journey toward a life that really matters or have been at it awhile, my hope is that this book will help you to create life-altering habits that enable you to invest in what is most significant. As your hands, heart, and eyes become open, you will find yourself thinking differently about life. With a Hands Free Life perspective, you have the power to keep track of life so that one day you will look back and see you didn’t just manage life — you actually lived it and lived it well.
HOW TO USE THIS BOOK
Through my ongoing journey to let go of distraction, perfection, and societal pressures to grasp what really matters, I have discovered nine intentional habits of a Hands Free Life. These life-changing practices make up the nine chapters of this book and fall into three parts: Creating Lasting Connections, Living for Today, and Protecting What Matters.
Drawing on insights and discoveries from my personal journey, each chapter explores one habit of a Hands Free Life. Sprinkled throughout each chapter are affirmations called Hands Free Life Daily Declarations. These uplifting statements are designed to inspire mindful daily practices and new thought processes to help you establish and maintain your own Hands Free Life.
Each chapter concludes with a powerful perspective shift I experienced on my journey called a Hands Free Life Habit Builder. These poetic reflections are intended to be something like a manifesto, a hymn, a prayer, or a meditation you can use to reinforce that particular Hands Free habit in your own life. Although much of my writing inspiration comes from my children, the discoveries in the Hands Free Life Habit Builders and Daily Declarations can be applied to all areas of life — parenting, marriage, friendship, work, family caregiving, and personal well-being.
KEEPING TRACK OF LIFE STARTS NOW
On the night of Avery’s illness, she finally stopped talking and succumbed to sleep. I, on the other hand, lay wide awake, feeling grateful for the small hand that clung lovingly to mine despite my past mistakes and daily failings.
In that loving gesture, the most promising aspect of keeping track of life presented itself. Keeping track of life is not a contest; it is not a competition. There are no tally marks; there is no grading system; there are no awards. Keeping track of life doesn’t work like that.
By the grace of God, any act of love and any offering of genuine presence — no matter how small or imperfect — counts. And what’s more is that you can start keeping track of life anytime, anywhere, at any age — despite what happened yesterday.
In fact, you can start right now.
Push away doubts — especially the one questioning if life’s too far gone to ever be retrieved.
Silence the inner critic — the one who says you are too flawed, too distracted, too damaged to ever be worthy of a fulfilling life.
Dismiss the drill sergeant, the perfectionist, the control freak, and the frantic rusher — those whose relentless demands sabotage any chance of meaningful connection in the blur of a frenzied day.
Life is meant to be lived
not managed,
not controlled,
not screamed,
not stressed,
not hurried,
not guilt-ridden,
not regretted,
not scripted,
not consumed by distractions, big or small, obvious or subtle.
It’s time you lay your head on your pillow at night knowing you achieved something of significance — not in terms of societal standards, but in terms of the light in your child’s eyes, the curve of your spouse’s lips, and the beat of your very own heart.
So open your hands and spread them like a bird taking flight. With a Hands Free view, you have the power to rise above the distractions of the world and see a clear path to what matters most.