SISTAH VEGANS BREAK IT DOWN IN CYBERSPACE
In the year 2006, I initiated a discussion about body image on the Sistah Vegan Yahoo listserv. The sistah vegans had an honest dialogue about how we felt about our bodies. As women of the African diaspora practicing veganism, we expressed our experiences with struggling to fit the “normal” model of how our bodies “should look.” Some of us spoke of being ridiculed for being “too big” to be a vegan. Others spoke of how we were ridiculed for not having “enough curves” or a “booty” like a “real Black woman.” Below is the first message I sent to the listserv.
Dear Ladies,
A few months ago we had an interesting dialogue about body-types and the challenges to debunking the myth that “being vegan” doesn't mean that EVERYONE will be thin. Furthermore, “thin” does NOT equal “healthy” for everybody.
Last night I just finished reading a chapter out of the book Recovering the Black Female Body [edited by Michael Bennett and Vanessa D. Dickerson]. It's called “On Being a Fat Black Girl in a Fat-Hating Culture” by Margaret K. Bass. It was REALLY good and it got me thinking about the conversations we have had.
There is a quote from Margaret's essay in which she talks about how one is NOT allowed to be outwardly racist or sexist in American society because it's not politically correct in the U.S. anymore. However, people who are “fat” (she uses this word because she doesn't feel that using a politically correct word for it is productive) are constantly receiving prejudiced remarks and comments that sound like it could be from the same mentality as “racism” and “sexism.” She quotes from [Susan] Bordo, who talks about how U.S. society views people who are fat:
The obese embody resistance to cultural norms . . . the obese—particularly those who claim to be happy although overweight—are perceived as not playing by the rules at all. If the rest of us are struggling to be acceptable and “normal,” we cannot allow them to get away with it; they must be put in their place, be humiliated and defeated.1
Margaret continues by commenting on Bordo:
I am defeated. I am humiliated and put in my place, and as I write I marvel at how closely related this language is to the language of racism. MY racial self would never allow this, but my fat self concedes, gives up. I don't think any middle-class person, woman, in this country can be fat and happy. Despite the worthy efforts of fat acceptance crusaders, I don't believe they've made a dent in this culture's prejudice against fat people. Oh, you can love your life, have a great job and great friends, a wonderful marriage or partnership, but fat and happy? Not likely. Ask Jenny Craig, The Diet Center, Weight Watchers, Overeaters Anonymous. Consider the hundreds of women who would rather expose themselves to the risks of dangerous drugs than to be fat. Middle-class America, Black and white, won't let you be fat and happy, and I resent it. I resent the ways in which I feel compelled to capitulate to someone else's standard of health and beauty. There are actually studies that suggest one can be fat and healthy.2
This was an amazing chapter to read. Margaret brought up a lot of much needed reflections to talk about. I'm very curious about how I often see veganism/vegetarianism advocacy centered on “a great way to lose weight.” It's actually always bothered me and I wonder why it has been “normalized” that thinness is normal for everyone and that “being skinny” is a “good health” reason for engaging in veganism. Honestly, how is “healthy” defined? Who defines it? We all know that there are many cultures outside of white middle-class America that do not perceive a thin body as “healthy” or “beautiful.” I am very concerned about how veganism is advocated if it still is founded upon white Eurocentric middle-class standards of morality, health, and beauty.
I'm just thinking out loud here, as Margaret's article really touched me. I practice very hard not to be judgmental of body-types; I, too, often have to check myself and make sure I'm not falling into the land of “isms” when I talk about the vegan lifestyle and my perceptions of health with everyone. I always tell people, “Well, everyone is unique and whole-foods veganism has worked for me.” However, I have seen many vegan and vegetarian people become judgmental toward female vegans and vegetarians who are not thin. They can be harsh and prejudice in a way that actually parallels “racism.” This really bothers me. After all, there are plenty of thin veg*n ladies who are extremely unhealthy.
Anyway ladies, I just wanted to share this with you and see what your take is on this. Remember, we can all have a friendly dialogue about this. You do not have to agree with me. I just hope we all understand that on this Yahoo group we can all “agree to disagree.”
Hugs,
Breezie
RE: Veganism and Misconceptions of Thinness as “Normal” and “Healthy”
Breeze,
It's funny you would bring up this subject. I recently had a conversation about this subject that brought me to tears of frustration. I am a size 12–14. This petite sister butted into a conversation I was having with another sister about vegetarianism/veganism. She said, “Being a vegetarian is NOT healthy because all you can eat is carbs and they make you gain weight.” Of course, she said this while looking me up and down. Then she started giving me advice about how she eats cottage cheese, string cheese for snacks, chicken breast, etc. Then she said, in a condescending tone, “This is why I look the way I look. I weigh 122 pounds and I am in my 40s.” (Whooptie doo, good for you!) I said to her, “For my body-type your weight would be unrealistic and probably unhealthy so, instead of focusing on my weight, I am focusing on health, and veganism works for me.” We went back and forth with a few indirect catty insults to each other. She was calling me fat in a roundabout way. I glorified the Afrikan in my hourglass figure. She tried to say that men don't like “all of that.” I said that brothers don't like flat asses and no curves.
I hate the fact that I had to resort to petty insults especially with another sistah in order to defend my size and my lifestyle. But it seems as if I run into that type of B.S. often and quite frankly, I'm sick of it! If the subject comes up that I am a vegan, I notice the first thing that some people do is look me up and down. . . . I see the doubt in their eyes and their tone of voices. If one more person says some comment like, “I tried to be a vegetarian but I GAINED weight” or “I heard that this can make you gain weight” I am going to scream!!!!!!! I know I shouldn't take it personally, but sometimes I feel as if they are directing those comments to me. A family member once asked me why I am not eating meat, I said, “To be healthier,” and he cut me off and said, “You are far from the perfect picture of health.” That hurt. It's hard not to take it personally when people are constantly undermining you, trying to make a mockery out of you based on some blanket perception of health. Correct me if I am wrong, but I don't believe that smaller vegan sistahs have to engage in these types of conversations. Anyway, I will stop my ranting now, I don't want to turn this into a “woe is me” conversation. But I am in total agreement with the author. . . . While I have a much healthier body image than I used to, it is not always that easy to feel good about yourself in this society, even when you are doing the right thing.
Jameelah
RE: [sistahvegan] Veganism and Misconceptions of Thinness as “Normal” and “Healthy”
OK, Jameelah,
Peace and Love. But whoa now, who said that being a family member is grounds for allowing rude people to speak to us in less than loving ways? Who says that being scrupulous about what you take into your body/spirit is anyone's concern other than those we designate to fulfill the role of familiar intimate?
Look-a-here, sweetie-pie. . . . The next time someone steps to you, crosses your plane of intimacy, and dares to engage you in intimate terms about your diet, your practice, your butt, etc., simply say, “Sister, I don't know you nor do I choose to engage you further in conversation,” and with that turn your big vegan behind and switch it away. OK?
Re: Veganism and Misconceptions of Thinness as “Normal” and “Healthy”
Dear Breezie,
Good health should always mean not just some mythically agreed upon benchmark that some invisible being hands down like Moses's commandments. We should always be guided by how we feel. Sisters, listen to your bodies. Get quiet enough to listen to what your bodies say.
Respond with rest, baths, vacations, spas, fasts, cleanses, whatever we need, our response should be quick and immediate. Eat energizing foods. Surround yourselves with brilliant conversationalists. Eat beautifully prepared food that is colorful and lively like yourselves.
Speak positive words. Lead contemplative lives. Find time to be still. Stop talking so much. Have at least two hours for yourself each day. Do something special for yourself daily. Treat yourself as if you were a personal garden and create place of beauty and awe.
Re: Veganism and Misconceptions of Thinness as “Normal” and “Healthy”
This is SO CRAZY because, last night, I was searching the Internet for a “vegan weight loss plan.” I will tell you that I lost weight once I switched to vegetarianism. I lost 20 pounds in three months EASILY. Then I got stuck. Now, even though I teach yoga three times a week, pilates three times a week, hip-hop aerobics twice a week, and weight train when I can, I'm stuck.
My waist is about a 6 but my butt is a 10. :) I work in a highly stereotypical field that is full of young, thin white girls and it did, at one time, create mental havoc as I didn't feel like I was good enough. When I was a size 22, I was miserable as hell even though I was “smart” because all people ever saw was “fat.”
People are so easy to try and discredit what you do anyway. Yesterday, I was mentioning to a coworker that I could make her some callaloo with chicken broth instead of coconut milk. Two other coworkers went to whooping and hollering because I said the word “chicken.” My response was, “If I told you it was ‘fake chicken broth’ would you have turned your nose up?” I wasn't making it for me anyway but I feel like I had to “defend” my veganism just like I had to “defend” being fat. I have a big ole glob of mass hanging out in front :) but it's not like it used to be and now I have the energy to run with it instead of laying on the couch crying about it.
That's my rant . . . Now back to your regularly scheduled programs!! :)
Tasha
Re: Veganism and Misconceptions of Thinness as “Normal” and “Healthy”
I agree totally with you, Breezie! I can relate to this completely, ladies. I am a size 16 and I'm not going to say my weight. :-) I don't look what I weigh, I'll say that. LOL. I truly have a larger frame and I'm big boned. I have this body structure from both my parents' sides, so it is hereditary. I have always had meat on my bones and that's just how I've been shaped. I have struggled with weight all my life and I was subject to a mother who thought I was pretty much fat. I was home-schooled and therefore I didn't participate in any outside activities that “normal” kids get to participate in. I didn't exercise as much so the weight stayed on me more. When I was 12 years old I looked like I was a damn college student. I've always looked older than what I was and the weight probably had a lot to do with it. I get so sick and tired of the dirty and nasty looks that I sometimes get whenever people find out I'm a vegetarian AND HAVE BEEN ONE ALL MY LIFE! I have a beloved brother that teased me and my sister with NO mercy about our weight. He called my sister a “refrigerator bandit” and “eat 'em up.” He told me that he wondered how I could eat no meat and look the way that I do, in other words still be larger framed or “big” and not eat any meat. Y'all better believe I went OFF on his ass MANY times about that. He said some really mean things having to do with weight about me and my sis (my sis is larger framed also but differently shaped than me). I'm 5 feet 7 inches and my weight is proportionate to my height I think. According to those damn medical standards, I'm OBESE! I admit that sometimes I have piled on the junk food more than I needed to and stress has also contributed to my latest round of weight gain. But I am not stupid enough to let myself get out of control where I blow up to an unbelievable huge size.
Yes, people are very, very comfortable in criticizing you about your weight (especially if you are a female). I always try to be sensitive to others who are larger framed because just because you are larger framed doesn't mean you are unhealthy. Everyone wasn't meant to be thin.
S.S.
Re: Veganism and Misconceptions of Thinness as “Normal” and “Healthy”
I wanted to let ladies know that I'm in no way saying that thinness is or isn't healthy. I just want to clarify that I am not attacking thin women on this group but just wanted to bring this subject to attention.
It is so important for me (and probably important for many of you ladies, regardless of whether you are “thin” or “full”—sorry if I'm not using the “right” words) to explore this because I am very fearful of how science/medicine/health specialists create health standards. As women of the African diaspora we KNOW how many parts of Western science have been used to construct white middle-class BODIES and lifestyles as “normal” while directly positing it AGAINST the Black FEMALE BODY/lifestyle as “abnormal” and “deviant.” Though it's not as DIRECT today as it was 100 or even 50 years ago, it still happens ALL the time in an often very covert way.
I guess what I'd like to do is just for us to continue talking about the aesthetics of the BODY and how “healthy” has been constructed through the times (well, since European and American colonialism). Let's start talking about how we have found the meaning of “health” on our own terms, regardless of what science in the West has “proven.”
Jameelah, don't apologize for talking about your experiences. Please keep on talking about them. SHARE SHARE SHARE. Don't feel you have to be silenced. The silencing of “taboo” issues is NOT cool. Be heard, girl. I would love (but I can't force this, of course) for all of us here to be supportive of us ladies. It is challenging enough to live in a society that is racist, sexist, and elitist AS WELL AS unapologetically phobic and hateful toward “full” female bodies (especially Black female “full” bodies) who embrace their appetites.
Tasha, don't apologize for wanting to go through “weight loss” needs. This doesn't mean you're doing something wrong or right. We're all simply trying to find ourselves in the many facets of our lives in terms of: dietary philosophy, ethnic/race consciousness, spiritual practice, etc. Please feel you can share your feelings on this site. Other ladies, please feel comfortable with opening up. Let's not let us feel that we are the ONLY ones who feel the way we do. Let's not complacently advocate SILENCE by not speaking up for each other.
Shawntaye, you're not the only one whose family members have hurt them with such horrible words. Whether it be weight issues, color-tone (you know, “My daughter was born light so I'm glad” type of crap), to intellectual capability, we've all had to experience this from people who say they love us. I'm just hoping that we can all help support you and help you if you need some interesting, assertive responses to your siblings. Maybe some of us on here can tell you how we manage these situations or have gotten to the point to tell our families to STOP BOTHERING us in a language that they finally understand.
Hugs,
Breezie
Re: Veganism and Misconceptions of Thinness as “Normal” and “Healthy”
I just have to jump in because I am thin. Actually I have been the same size since high school, about 20 years. I have four children and have not been able to keep any weight on me at all. As a result, I have been called “little girl,” “string bean,” “pencil,” and told I look too young for my children to be mine. This was cute for a while, but I have been trying to gain weight for the last 10 years so I can look close to my age.
I just want folk to know that it goes both ways, whether thin or thick some will be happy and some not. Life is just funny that way I guess.
Much love and blessings ya'll.
RE: Veganism and Misconceptions of Thinness as “Normal” and “Healthy”
As much as I completely agree with everything that has been said, I must honestly talk about the feelings I have been dealing with in regards to larger Black women. Larger, in this sense, means obese, NOT a size 12–14 (since when is this big anyway? Aren't we Black? When I was a 12, I weighed maybe 165 pounds . . . twenty-five pounds more than I do now . . . not close to obese). I have been feeling very ashamed and embarrassed and condescending toward these women when I see them in the street or talking to a group of white people because I feel like I know what the white people are thinking . . . something about Mammie and fat, happy darkies (and they are OFTEN smiling when in this situation—like playing a role). I have been trying to analyze my feelings for a few weeks now. I think it is also related to my past eating disorder and my concern with public health, and the fact the white people are driving me crazy on this campus. Beyond that, there is nothing wrong with having meat on one's bones (though I wish I could get me some meat on my bones). If it makes anyone feel better, people say the same thing about going vegetarian making them gain weight, even though I am quite thin. They say it because it is true. When most people become vegetarians, they eat bread and cheese, either in the form of pizza or cheese sandwiches, etc. My response is that there is more to being a vegetarian/vegan than removing the burger from between the white roll, cheese, ketchup, and wilted-ass iceburg lettuce. I explain the concept of whole foods, then add that eating this way should not make you gain weight (though it might maintain your weight).
Another culprit that we often forget is lack of breastfeeding. I was breastfed for only three months or so before my mother had to go back to work and breast pumps were not in existence in 1976/77, so I took my Similac like a good lactose-intolerant baby with severe colic (because they were giving me cow's milk). Formula-fed babies are larger than breastfed babies and can develop larger fat cells that stay large forever (I am a skinny woman with large fat cells . . . and I have been heavier at two times in my life . . . preteens . . . and freshwoman in college). These things make it difficult for people to lose weight, just because your body finds its equilibrium at a higher weight. The important thing, as has been said, is to eat to be healthy, not to be skinny.
Adria
Re: Veganism and Misconceptions of Thinness as “Normal” and “Healthy”
Ya know, I used to be ashamed of how I looked. I HATED the fact that I had hips and thighs and an ass. I absolutely hated it. I always had wished I could be thinner. Thinner was better, my problems would go away, people would like me better if I were thinner!
I guess when you are a certain size, be it small or larger, you really have to tune out what other people say or think about you. That's one very hard lesson to learn. Yes, I'm sure that some white people will look at a Black female who is obese in their eyes and liken her to the “mammy” stereotype. Of course too, being that there are more of them who are overweight than there are us in this country, I think they have a lot of nerve in even going there.
S.S.
Re: Veganism and Misconceptions of Thinness as “Normal” and “Healthy”
Hello Ladies,
What a loaded, difficult issue. Loaded for all of us, difficult for most. I know when I read someone :) describing their size 6 stomach as a “big ole glob of mess” I have to fight back searing pain at my own self-judgment . . . and remember that it's not about me.
First . . . commendations to all for using gentle words.
You all have heard my mess already ;) but every medical professional (Western and non-Western) has confirmed: “Raquel, your body SIZE has NOTHING to do with your intake. NOTHING.” Sure, people are skeptical at that (I was, which is a part of what led me down the dark road of anorexia and compulsive exercising) . . . but it is so true. Which means it sucks. I didn't lose that weight when I became vegan at age 11. I didn't lose weight when I transitioned to more raw foods. I grew up severely malnourished and with other complications, major weight and body issues. I feel like I'm a testament to all those of us who may feel like “freaks of nature”! I'm approximately 5′2″/5′3″ but look much taller based on how I carry myself. It's been determined that I have a medium to small frame, but you wouldn't guess that. However, you also wouldn't call me “big boned.”
My family was and is extremely toxic. My mother sold me into childhood prostitution at the age of two for her own drug habit; another pair of relatives had me on ephedrine and forced diets and exercise by four; and in beauty pageants and child modeling (for money, again) by six. My lowest weight was around 85 lbs at 5′2″ but that was during a month where somehow, magically, my hormones had been balanced more than not.
No amount of herbs, meditation, yoga, powders, creams/gels/pills/therapy/exercise/raw foodism/water/etc., has ever fixed this problem. I could rant more, however—in this I'm just trying to say:
. . . and this is still who and what I am. I won't lie. I cry a lot. I get very, very, very depressed about it. I have to cling for dear life at times as I see the tiny little girls lift their little two-pound weights while I'm pressing 150 and barely breaking a sweat. I have insane endurance and crazy strength. That much is a blessing.
So the next time anyone dares to make an assumption about someone's size (whether perceived to be small or medium or large or, as Missy Elliott would say: “double X-L you can all just tell”) . . . you don't know DIDDLY about where they're coming from. I think I'm preaching to the choir here ;) , but so many of us have been quite literally doo-dooed on by family, society, etc. The best we can do is empower ourselves. Try to see the beauty in ourselves. TRY to be gentle on ourselves.
Size 22 may be big for one, but maybe it's “normal” for someone else (lawd knows—at one store I'm an 8, next store I'm asking for a 14 or 16 because I have major body dysmorphia, but in general . . . I'm about a 10—which would surprise some, others not—and despite the size of my ladies!!! I wear a medium shirt size, small in men's, often worn by much thinner girls); whereas a size 2 on some folks would be unhealthy. S'all relative. Keep that heart healthy, keep that system clean, build those muscles strong; especially the one between your ears.
Love and blessings,
raquel evita
Hey, Raquel . . . (and other Sistahs),
I didn't want you to think I was being “vain” by my comment. If I had a size 6 stomach, then I wouldn't be complaining. :) (Although I don't believe that is true because it seems like when we reach our goals, we always want more . . . ESPECIALLY when it comes to body image.) And the reason I mentioned my size at all is because I have to remind MYSELF of where I have been in terms of weight and investigate the reasoning behind the deep-seated body issues I have.
My mother always told my sister and me how she didn't want “fat teenagers.” I danced my entire high school career and had a PERFECT shape. I was built just like a Coca-Cola bottle. However, on my dance team, I was STILL the big girl. I never thought about what I ate or how much of it I ate because I was dancing on most days (by my senior year) five hours a day. I went off to college, started eating bad, quit the dance team, got married, had a baby, lost a baby, got pregnant again, and here comes 232 pounds. My husband had an affair with a thin, white girl and it almost killed me—the affair AND the fact that I felt like he was disgusted with my weight. I went to see a childhood friend right after I had my son and I wrote him a letter after I got back saying how good it was to see him, blah, blah, blah. He sent the note back, let his girlfriend curse me out, and then said, “Why would I want to be with you? You're FAT. . . .” UUUUGGGGHHHH!!! This is a boy that I shared my first kiss with, my friend since I had been 11, and it hurt the hell out of me. It still does.
When I teach my classes, I try to wear long shirts and control-top panties to keep my size 100 stomach from falling out of my pants. It has happened on a few occasions and I was sick with embarrassment. I feel like I should be a “role model” and a Pilates teacher with a fat stomach, in my eyes, is not motivating. Then again, perhaps if I saw someone who “looked” like me then I would be more apt to stay with it saying, “Hey . . . they're doing it and I can too.”
Raquel (and other ladies)—I feel you, baby girl. As painful as it is, I'm glad we are having this discussion.
Love and Peace,
Tasha
Re: Veganism and Misconceptions of Thinness as “Normal” and “Healthy”
Ditto ditto ditto on what has already been expressed. Thanx for broaching this topic, Breeze. I bought the Bennett and Dickerson book about five years ago, but only skimmed this article. I read it just now and am quite moved. . . . This is such a complex issue. . . .
When I was a grad student at Michigan, I recall that one of my sister colleagues was pissed off with a white, female former professor because this woman spoke of body image and obesity without dealing with race, ethnicity, and culture. No joke. This “respected” scholar was equating fat discrimination WITH racial discrimination, rather than considering the intersection of body-type, size, race, culture, class, AND gender. You can't—how can you separate them? She argued that the experiences of obese white people are the SAME as those of people of color. Never mind that a heavy, working-class sistah in a metropolitan area might experience life differently from a heavy and wealthy white woman, or even a heavy middle-class sistah in the deep South.
Two nights ago, a sistafriend and I were talking about class, culture, body-type, and food. She laughed at how she bugged out during a visit to Africa when they prepared to discard the remainder of the chicken. She grew up, as did I, with the mindset that you DO NOT throw away good food! Additionally, she, as do many of us, had difficulty shaking the idea that most Africans are starving and can't afford to throw away food—even though some of us know better. . . .
This led to a discussion of how we've both had and witnessed arguments about food with or between loved ones. She admitted tearing into her partner about butter. I recall laying into my sister for throwing out leftovers once. I've also continued eating after I felt full, on occasion, because I felt that I was supposed to clean my plate. And good Lord, I remember my mom telling my sister and I (when we were little), “Gimme that drumstick! Y'all don't know how to eat chicken. Look at all that meat left on that bone!” Well, my mom grew up poor, so that factored into some of her ideas about food.
Regarding my own body, I was a heavy child. My mom wouldn't allow family or friends to tease me or comment on my weight. On a number of occasions, I recall her intervening on my behalf. I took comfort in “knowing” that it was “baby fat” and that I was just “big-boned.” And like the author of that chapter Breeze referred us to, I had high racial self-esteem. Never wanted to be light-skinned, have thinner lips, or a thinner nose, although I didn't learn to appreciate my kinky hair until I was in my early 20s. I lost the weight during my sixth-grade year. However, after a classmate informed me (in the fifth or sixth grade) that I had a flat booty, I learned to feel self-conscious about another part of my body. Don't you just love how screwed up life is?
Anyway, I was a size 7 and loved it (although my big boobs and small booty make clothes shopping nightmarish and elicited inappropriate comments from men/boys that often made me cringe) until I went into the military. Forced to eat three meals a day, which were high in simple carbohydrates and animal-based protein, I gained weight, a lot of it muscle. However, when my activity level slowed, some of the muscle converted to fat. It didn't really bother me 'cause many of the women I grew up around were sized 12 or larger. Single-digit sizes were perceived as skinny. So, I accepted my size-12 self and thought I was cute.
Over the last 12 years, my weight has fluctuated depending on my stress level and my increasing education about nutrition. In terms of hurtful things that family sometimes says, I endured the jesting of my brother who, whenever I visited home, referred to me as “the fattest vegetarian he had ever seen.” This usually evoked laughter, because the running joke was that I was sneaking off and eating pork on the down low. Of course! How else could I be that “large”? Also, did I mention that too much education has caused me to develop strange ideas and habits about food and religion? Too much of that caused me to reject pork. However, my continued education at a white institution really made me crazy and caused me to reject meat, etc., altogether. According to some people, either I'm a “crazy Muslim” or I have become “white-identified.”
What I have since discovered is that although I had eliminated meat, dairy, etc., I wasn't a healthy vegetarian. I recall, some years ago, thinking it seemed odd that I could be vegetarian or even vegan and not eat many fruits and vegetables. I was also ignorant about whole grains, EFAs [essential fatty acids], raw foods, etc. Essentially, most of us, unless we're among the fortunate few who have parents who are food conscious (in a healthy way), have to learn how to live healthy.
I mentioned this a few months ago, but for me I actually began losing weight when I starting eating healthier. Unexpectedly, I surpassed any weight-loss goal that I had (I recall that I ran out and got an HIV test just to check). I just wanted to get back into my clothes, not get cramps when I crossed my legs, and not pant like crazy after climbing stairs. And as much as I hate to admit it, I would be lying if I said that as a heterosexual sistah, it bothered me that brothas didn't find me as attractive when I hit nearly 180 pounds. If I could've carried 50 pounds of it in my butt, I thought, I would've been happy, but NO! My disproportionate self resembled a “lampshade” as I recently heard some unfunny Black male comedian say as he callously described women who are all breasts and no behind.
Although I was never on the skinny side, I was active growing up, and prided myself on being one of the best dancers in my community/school, being able to lift heavy objects (not being a fragile or “weak” girl), running, etc. So, when I couldn't do the things I used to do and couldn't wear my clothes (I was around size 14, and physically, just didn't feel good), I made some changes.
It's funny how the memory of who you used to be sticks with you mentally. When people describe me as “small” or “little”—mind you, only Black people have called me skinny—I still look around to see who they're talking about. In my mind, I'm still larger. In fact, it only dawned on me about a year ago that my bras were ill-fitting because my BAND size had decreased. I was so focused on my cup size—thinking that I went from a DD to D—that I was buying the wrong size bras! As my girlfriend says, that's just bananas! I was so stuck on a size 38 that it never occurred to me that that number had decreased, 'cause in my mind, I was still a size 12. It turns out that I'm a 32 or 34 F—depending on the brand.
Anyway, that's my long-long-winded two-quarters worth on the subject. As I move into my late 30s, I've grown more accepting of my body-type. However, it has been a process.
peace,
angie
Re: Veganism and Misconceptions of Thinness as “Normal” and “Healthy”
Just checking myself on language. As big as I am on the significance/meaning of language, I nevertheless stated that I was “panting like crazy” when I was at my heaviest weight. Dogs pant, people breathe. I guess as progressive as I think I am, living in this jacked-up society has socialized me to internalize various stereotypes. It bothers me when I hear people refer to overweight women and girls as cows. . . . Generally, I avoid using language that compares people to animals. However, this one slipped through. It reminds me that we never stop learning, and that it is arrogant to assume that one has completely escaped or risen above particular “isms.”
Although I have moved closer to the more progressive end of various continuums, I feel the need to constantly check myself—especially if I do not currently or have never held membership in a particular group.
later,
angie
Re: Veganism and Misconceptions of Thinness as “Normal” and “Healthy”
Hello Amie Breeze,
I've been out of the loop for a while (finishing up school and vacationing after graduation) but I am really happy to have returned to this circle of openness and honesty about the various myths that need to be debunked surrounding this lifestyle.
Personally, I'm new to veganism and actually still in the transitional phase. I guess it is safe to say I'm vegetarian at this point. I've learned a wealth of knowledge as a member of this group and continue to learn every day. To be quite honest, this is my sole support for my health-conscious decision to purge unhealthy foods and byproducts from my body, mind, and spirit as where I live is highly carnivorous and unhealthy. I'm sure the transition would be much smoother if I were home in South Florida as there are many resources and places in which I could patronize while discovering what's best for me. However, out here in the Midwest, people tend to frown upon it or give into the myths or false beliefs about it.
That passage you shared was extremely powerful and I do know many people who've considered a vegan lifestyle because they believe they will immediately become thin. However, that is not my reason for making the conscious decision to change. My family in the islands for the most part is largely vegetarian and I grew up in that environment until my parents split and we returned to the United States. But I am straying from the topic at hand.
I am short (5′2″), and I don't think any amount of dedicated veganism would ever make me thin. I have what they call a medium frame, which basically means I'm not meant to be thin. I have met some vegans who are extremely thin and, in all honesty, lacking certain nutrients. While I understand fruits and veggies provide us with significant nourishment, I think some people tend to overcompensate in some areas while neglecting other important areas. I think health is a combination of proper nutrition, and mental, physical, and emotional balance as well. I don't think one should enter into any situation, be it life-changing or otherwise, with preconceived notions because usually it sets us up for disappointment.
Collier
Re: Veganism and Misconceptions of Thinness as “Normal” and “Healthy”
Again, thank you for this discussion.
Raquel, thank you so much for your previously listed compliment. I am so hard on myself because of what I have basically been brain-washed to believe. I had a photo shoot last night (of course, on my casual pictures I was sporting my Sistah Vegan tank!). The photographer was a friend and he kept reminding me to “show my muscles” that I had worked so hard for (in his words, “So other sistahs can be inspired”) and how I should be thankful that I am so brown and how my short haircut (that I am still trying to get used to) was “banging” and how our men don't really care about our stretch marks the way we do and how they like our butts and we shouldn't be ashamed of them, etc. I believed him until I looked at the pictures.
All I could think about was how my nose was too big and my fat rolls were hanging on the side and how my hair makes me look retarded, etc. There is even a pic where I didn't wear a belt and my booty was solid in my jeans but my waist is smaller and it makes this “gap” in the back of your pants. He was laughing like, “Yeah, that's a real sistah picture right there. It shows who you are.” All I did was think about how “imperfect” I was. On top of that, we have a mutual friend who is also a dancer and all I could see in her pictures was how slim she was and how her legs kicked higher than mine and how pretty and long her hair was. I couldn't believe that, at 31 years old, I was still going through this.
Last night was an “eye-opening” experience about how I perceive beauty and strength. This morning, even after I got off the scale and it didn't say what I wanted it to say, I looked at my stretch marks and my hair and my nose, turned the light off, and started my day. I am still me; whole, perfect, and complete, and there is no stereotype or lack of self-esteem or false misconceptions that can do away with that.
Have a great day!
Tasha