This book was supposed to come out six months earlier than it actually did. I pushed the date of publication back because I was near relapsing. Yes, here I was, writing a book on balance, and I felt totally imbalanced and near burnout . . . again.
So, I stopped writing and took some time to actually read the advice and complete the exercises in the book for myself—all twelve steps. And guess what? After I finished the book, and recommitted to doing the work, I started to feel like myself again. My happiest, most productive and balanced self.
That’s how I know it works.
At first, I was embarrassed to be writing a book on balance while feeling like my own life was hanging in it. I felt like a fraud. Everyone I spoke with about the book asked me what my secret was to staying balanced—and I didn’t have one.
I had to remember that there is no secret. Balance is a skill. And I have become skilled, not in remaining balanced at all times but in being able to regain my balance when I need to. And as with any skill, even the masters must practice it over and over again to become and stay proficient.
The word “balance” can be both a noun and a verb, a thing and an action, but achieving true Super Woman balance means using it as a verb. It’s not something you find once and then stop looking for. It’s not a thing that’s hiding somewhere. Balance is constantly in motion. It’s active—and something in which you must be an active participant. It’s something you do. All. The. Time.
After getting to the other side of my breakdown, I got cocky and stopped practicing balance as much as I should have. I was feeling good, and forgot I was a “Fall Risk.” I quickly slipped back into my old habits—ones that numbed the imbalance but didn’t solve it. I went back to thinking that there were external solutions to my internal problems. And, of course, there never are. So I fell.
As much as I shamed myself for slipping, I can’t actually blame myself. Like most people, I have a lifetime of unhealthy habits deeply ingrained in my brain. There’s even a fancy word for it: “neuroplasticity,” which describes the phenomenon that occurs when the things you do over and over again stick and become habits. To ingrain healthy habits instead, I needed to practice those for longer than the unhealthy ones, so that they were the stronger pathways in my brain. Sure, I worked on my Emotional Wellness, but not for long enough. It didn’t become a habit because I didn’t cultivate it continuously; and nothing less than a lifetime is long enough for that. Just as we wouldn’t expect to take a break from physical fitness and return to the gym as strong as before, we can’t expect to take a hiatus from mental fitness and remain in balance.
It’s tempting to stop working on Emotional Wellness, especially during crazy-busy times or when everything seems to be going fine. But here’s the thing: Life constantly tests us with chaos and change. Just when we think we have it figured out, bam! Something unexpected—tragedy, joy, loss, gain—happens. The only thing we can be certain of is uncertainty. And the only thing we can control is how we respond to that uncertainty, which means developing the tools and skills required to regain our balance when we slip.
While writing this book, old demons gave me a test that I didn’t pass. But I learned something I’ll be able to use for the next test: Between every chaotic event in our lives and our response to it is a space, a gap, where the growth for which we’ve worked so hard can happen—but only if we let it. That gap allows us to pause and choose whether to keep stepping out of our comfort zone and growing or to go back to our past, familiar ways as soon as things become uncomfortable.
I got stuck in that gap, thinking, I’ll get back to the balance stuff when . . ., or I’d be balanced if only . . ., just to realize all over again that there will always be another “when” and “if only.” Balance and chaos happen together. They must, because without each other, they cannot exist.
It is easy to think I’ll be balanced or in chaos. But the harder truth is to know that I’ll be balanced and also in chaos. Accepting and living by that makes you less of a “Fall Risk.”
Embrace the power of the paradox. Be proud of how you bridge the gap when tested. It’s what separates the women from the Super Women.