*Reproduced in Appendix 2.
*The multiple orgasm some women experience can also be easily drawn on this diagram. It looks like a series of waves alternating between orgasm and plateau without going all the way down to resolution.
*For more information on contraceptive effectiveness and side effects, see web pages like “Women’s Health” at http://womenshealth.about.com/cs/birthcontrol/a/effectivenessbc.htm, or “Comparing Effectiveness of Birth Control Methods” at http://www.plannedparenthood.org/health-topics/birth-control/birth-control-effectiveness-chart-22710.htm. When pursuing contraceptive supplies, advice, or information, make sure you’re dealing with an organization that enthusiastically supports the availability and use of contraception. Not every organization purporting to give “advice” or “information” does that—and they’re not always honest about it.
*See STI pictures at http://www.avert.org/std-pictures.htm (or Google “STI symptoms pictures”).
*For starters, use the right size; buy a few different brands, and compare. Make sure you and your partner are touching or kissing while the condom goes on. As it does, put a few drops of water-based (not oil-based) lube both inside the condom and outside (to promote the transfer of both heat and pressure—in other words, of sensation). Periodically, you or your partner should reach down and make sure the condom is snug at the base of the penis—a lovely opportunity to stroke the often-ignored scrotum (“balls,” “nutsack”). For more tips, see an adult sex ed book or video.
*Of course, you also need the emotional skills to tolerate being that close to another person and their body. We discussed some of these skills in the previous chapter, and will continue later in this chapter.
*There are ways to improve your proprioception and kinesthetic awareness. The first step is getting assessed by a neurologist, physiatrist, or sports medicine specialist. Modalities such as Feldenkreis, Pilates, and Alexander Technique can be helpful in increasing your body awareness and learning to self-monitor, along with yoga, tai chi, juggling, and working with a trainer on a wobble board, balance balls, and other gym equipment.
*Many clinical professions offer successful ways of enhancing comfort with, and interest in, touch: physical and occupational therapists; yoga, dance, and massage instructors; psychologists; sex therapy with a surrogate partner; and hypnotherapists who do guided visualizations. Couples can participate in most of these modalities together.
*When dealing with desire discrepancies or complaints about pornography use, many therapists make this same mistake—insisting that the low-desire partner stop masturbating in order to increase his or her desire for partner sex. If you can actually get someone to masturbate less (uncommon in my clinical experience), it rarely accomplishes anything. See Appendix 1 (written for and about professionals) for details.