WISE CARE FOR THE SICK
Pastoral Implications
Even the stoutest sinners will hear us on their death-bed, though they scorned us before.
Richard Baxter, The Reformed Pastor
A PASTOR IS REGULARLY FACED with unique challenges, issues, or situations that are not directly addressed in Scripture, yet which still require great wisdom and discernment. In moments like these, a pastor must learn to exercise pastoral wisdom as he makes choices that are empowered by the Holy Spirit, takes the related teaching of Scripture on an issue, and then acts in a manner that practically applies it to another situation. In other words, pastoral wisdom is the bridge that often unites biblical doctrine to an application in a new context or unique circumstance.
Another closely related bridge uniting doctrine and application is preaching. Here the pastor’s task is to connect the truth of Scripture to the lives of his flock through application. The pastor’s labor of study, prayer, and meditation on both God’s word and his people creates a bridge that unites doctrine and application together.
This work has both a theological and practical element to it. These “pastoral considerations” connect the theological (discussed in chapter 2) to the practical (what we will consider in chapter 4). These considerations deal with more than just surface issues; they reveal the heart, motive, and attitude behind our actions and thoughts.
Prepare Your Heart
Never underestimate the intuition of those who are sick. They can usually tell if we are visiting out of a sense of duty or obligation or out of genuine love. Before anything else, this is the first heart issue we must honestly assess. It’s an easy trap to fall into, especially for pastors! We begin to think that visiting is just part of the job we’ve been hired to do. Pastors and paid staff must make a special effort to ensure they are visiting the sick out of love and care, not just out of a sense of obligation. Curtis Thomas, a seasoned American pastor of over forty years, writes: “Our visits should never appear only as professional duties. If the patient perceives that we are there only to carry out our responsibility, rather than having a genuine concern for him or her, our visit can do more harm than good.”8
We also need to prepare our hearts for what we might see and experience. You may be visiting someone who is close to dying — and there are disturbing realities that accompany death. You may see blood or tubes and needles placed into unthinkable places. Deep pain, gasping for breath, and many other mannerisms can make even the toughest person squeamish. Yet these circumstances are not reasons to avoid caring for that person. In fact, these scenarios can be gifts that God gives to us that force us to prepare our hearts so we rely completely on the Holy Spirit for strength.
We must prepare our hearts, not just to avoid passing out, but so we are spiritually prepared as well. Before we come face-to-face with the person we are visiting, we should have in mind the Scriptures we want to read. We should think through the words of encouragement and hope we intend to bring. Whatever promises of God we choose to share, we should remind ourselves of them, believe them, and allow them to fill our hearts with joy. If we know and believe the truth we share with others, they are more likely to receive these words as truth from someone whose hope and confidence are evident as well.
Watch Your Time
How long should we stay when we visit someone? Does it differ, depending on whom and where we visit? A helpful starting place can be found in the wise words of Alistair Begg: “It is always better that people should feel our visit is too short than too long.”9 With this in mind, I recommend planning to stay no more than five to ten minutes in a hospital or nursing home setting. If the sick are in the hospital, you can safely assume they are experiencing some measure of pain. We actually care for them more faithfully by not pushing the line and staying too long. A home situation can be a little more flexible. Depending on the level of sickness and the pain of the individuals you are visiting, twenty to thirty minutes may be appropriate.
How soon should you visit after receiving word of an illness? This largely depends on the person’s current condition and the nature of the affliction. In the nineteenth century, people often died from what we might consider “ordinary” illnesses. David Dickson, writing at that time, suggests, “When the elder does hear of such illness, he should visit at once. A day’s, or even an hour’s, unnecessary delay may cause him a long regret.”10 In the age of modern medicine, however, there is not the same sense of urgency there was a century or two ago. Still, there are certain emergencies that, once we receive word, should become our top priority. Like Dickson, if we delay and miss the passing of a dear brother or sister in Christ because of our procrastination, we will likely regret it and miss an opportunity to minister God’s love and grace to someone in need.
Listen; Don’t Solve
Being married is a wonderful gift from God that teaches us many things about ourselves and about men and women in general. One of the most noticeable is the striking difference in the ways that men and women deal with problems. Men typically want to take action, conquering and solving problems, while women want to be loved and nurtured. Since men are notorious for trying to solve problems, men who are ministering to sick persons need to remember that while problem solving can be a helpful gift, we must know when it is appropriate to utilize it and when we need to suppress the urge to fix things. Visiting the sick is one of those times when it is best to suppress this urge. In the discomfort of the moment, you may find yourself wanting to explain (with a thoughtful three-part thesis) to a precious soul lying in a hospital bed how God is going to use this affliction in his or her life. This is neither loving nor pastoral. Dickson gives a helpful alternative: “In cases of sudden and severe affliction, we may be able to do little more than weep with them that weep (Romans 12:15), giving that afflicted some word from the merciful and faithful High Priest, and perhaps taking hold of the sufferer’s hand — an act of sympathy that often has a wonderful power to calm and soothe in times of deep distress.”11
In other words, we need to simply listen and love. Fewer words can be more profitable in these scenarios than too many. Those suffering from affliction and sickness will feel more loved if we sympathize, not rationalize, with them in their illness. Listen; don’t solve.
Leave a Note When Necessary
When I first started doing hospital visitations, I often found my efforts and time produced little in the way of results. This was not because the visits were bad; it was because I didn’t even get to see the sick person! Sometimes they were sleeping or meeting with a team of doctors or out of the room for tests. I would leave and come back a few hours later, only to find they were unavailable again. I was wasting valuable time driving back and forth, and I found myself battling discouragement. How I wish someone had shared with me a simple and obvious tactic — leave a note.
There are countless reasons that a person may not be able to receive your visit. If they are in the hospital, they may be out of the room for a test. They may be unconscious or sedated. They may be with a doctor or nurse and not taking visitors. In nursing homes, they may be participating in activities or sleeping. In rehab centers, patients regularly leave their room for therapy several times a day. When you visit someone at their home, they may be out at an appointment or even unable to get up and answer the door. Leaving a note is a simple way to communicate your care, and it accomplishes several things you would have done if you had been able to see them. Here is an example of a simple handwritten note I might leave for them:
Dear ,
Sorry I [we] missed you. Know that I am praying for you and trusting God’s sovereign plans and purposes for you in this difficult time. I talked with the nurse and will let the congregation know of your updated circumstances. Please let me know if there is any way I can serve you or your family through this time. You can reach me day or night at this number: .
Grateful for you,
Brian [and any others who may have been with you]
A note lets the person know you took the time to visit them, that you are praying for them, that you want to serve them, and that they are still connected to their local church in spite of their current circumstances. They can reread your note at any time to gain encouragement long after you have gone.
Enjoy the Moment
The stress and anxiety many experience in visiting the sick can sometimes cause them to miss the joy of this ministry. As you visit people, be mindful to enjoy all that God wants to accomplish for his glory. Here are a few opportunities in which you should anticipate God’s providence.
1. See visiting the sick as a divine opportunity to care for those who may not care for you. Richard Baxter made this comment: “Even the stoutest sinners will hear us on their death-bed, though they scorned us before.”12 One of the hardest things to do is to love those who despise you, but this is exactly what our Savior commands us to do (Matthew 5:44; Luke 6:35). I recall that a struggling relationship I had with an elderly woman in our church greatly improved after I visited her at the hospital. Baxter’s counsel is helpful in reminding us that obedience to Jesus is not optional. Enjoy seeing what God does when you are faithful to care for those who might not return the favor.
2. Caring for those who are hurting also increases your spiritual sensitivity. There is a unique joy in caring for people when they are most in need of care. This is a privilege that we only have while on earth. David Dickson writes about this privilege, “It is our part . . . to do what [angels] are not privileged to do — to sit beside a dying believer, to smooth his pillow, to moisten his lips, to remind him of the rod and staff that are ready for his help in the dark valley [Psalm 23:4], and to direct his dying eye to Jesus. All this is a precious service we cannot render in heaven, but only on earth.”13 Caring for the sick and hurting is an honor that can bring great joy to us as Christians, if we are mindful to enjoy it.
3. In caring for the sick, we enjoy the gift of exercising our faith in Christ. There is no better place to experience the confidence of faith than alongside suffering saints who anticipate meeting their Savior in a matter of moments. Christians’ faith is magnified in suffering. Therefore, we should not only enjoy experiencing the gospel shining in suffering but also rejoice to be a witness of lives that end with rejoicing in the person and work of Christ as their only hope.
4. Finally, we need to enjoy how God molds, shapes, and teaches us through these experiences. This is one of the reasons I enjoy not just visiting the sick and dying but also performing funerals. Our hearts are wired to become so preoccupied with the affairs of life that we forget that death and sickness will one day fall on each of us. At any moment our lives can end. In caring for the sick and afflicted, we are reminded of the fragility of life and our closeness to eternity. We should enjoy these experiences that God gives us by his grace because they keep us mindful of the eternal — the things that are of lasting value.
Sitting at his father’s bedside after watching him take his last breath, John Piper spoke these words:
I look you in the face and promise you with all my heart: Never will I forsake your gospel. O how you believed in hell and heaven and Christ and cross and blood and righteousness and faith and salvation and the Holy Spirit and the life of holiness and love. I rededicate myself, Daddy, to serve your great and glorious Lord Jesus with all my heart and with all my strength. You have not lived in vain. Your life goes on in thousands. I am glad to be one.14
The pull of our culture today toward the comforts of life in this world demands that we as Christians do all we can to intentionally set our minds on the things above (Colossians 3:1 – 2). Visiting those who are sick and dying is one of the means God gloriously uses to accomplish this heavenly focus in our lives. Embrace this aspect of God’s grace in your life.
The truth is that you don’t have to be a pastor to think pastorally. Pondering these kinds of considerations will help you build a bridge from the theological convictions you have about sickness, the sovereignty of God, and caring for those in need so that you can minister to them.