Whiskey Words & a Shovel I
Whiskey Words & a Shovel II
Whiskey Words & a Shovel III
Rest in the Mourning
to the wounded
from the wounded
i took my expectations
and buried them all
at the bottom of the sea
because i alone
was never brave enough
to dive that deep
i took my pain
the anguish
and turned it into power
i found more of myself
in the loneliest of hours
i used my tears to create rivers
for my boat
on disappointment and betrayal
i float
i float
i took your absence
as a sign to move on
now the melody has changed
and i sing a new song
my heart, broken blue
my mind split in two
and yet i gained peace
at the loss of you
i took the heartache
and learned a lesson
i began after we ended
you leaving was my blessing
i wish
i wish
for love like this
a love like summer
being kissed by the sun
a love like winter
hugged and covered with snow
a love like the night
being lit by the moon’s glow
i pray
i pray
that this never fades away
many claims of being in love
but none of them ever stay
i hope
i hope
i rely on our love
i rely on your heart
i wish, i hope
i pray we never part
i believe that the devil
takes a bow
when we lose
delighted by our mistakes
and the bad things that we choose
delighted by our pain
the devil does rejoice
defeated by our demons
the serpents who steal
our voice
but deep within the darkness
there’s a light that we find
a strength, a power
something to free our mind
something to free our soul
we go to war to fight for peace
bruised and battered
and yet we find a way
to bring the devil to his knees
what is it that you love about him
is it the way he lets you down
incapable of lifting you up
is it the way your heart breaks
when he says something
that shatters your self-esteem
is it the fact he never shows up
when you need him
tell me again
what is there to love
about a man who doesn’t love you
my horror story began with you
and ended with your departure
the confusion and the pain of it all
turned me into an author
a poet for the poets
a voice for the voiceless
i speak for the weak
i rally for the strong
will you miss me when i’m gone
what will the room sound like
without my voice
what will the room smell like
without my scent
my random sayings
my cough
my laughter
me yelling when angry
the sound of me weeping
when sad
my smile
will you miss it
my lips, my tongue
the kissing
when i vanish into air
will you care
will you grieve
will you stay here
in this home
or will my absence
make you leave
all i ask is that you remember
and that you never forget about me
lonely like the winter
i searched for warmth
and found nothing but cold air
with nothing but pain living there
the suffering will make you strong
the pain will help you grow
transforming heartache into lessons
refusing to remain down
when falling
not afraid to stare
your abusers in the eyes
the devil fears women like you
your softness
is your gift
your sensitivity
is beautiful
most of who you are
will go unappreciated
by men
who don’t deserve you
loving yourself
will save your soul
you will find your soul mate
when you fall for yourself first
you can’t save the person
who refuses to appreciate
or acknowledge your effort
this is what i had to learn
this is what i’ve come to accept
it’s scary
how you can do
so much for someone
and yet they’d rather focus
on what you don’t do
i edit the memories of you
pretending you thought more of me
than what you actually did
i’m much happier
lying to myself
about us
should’ve held my hand more
instead of your phone
my mental walls are crashing down on me
wide awake in this nightmarish thought
please save me from my own mind
she is both complex
and easy to love
give me eternal promises
an infinite love
and i’ll give you mine
you have been strong for so long
cry if you need to
scream if it helps
you are tougher than your demons
you are greater than the pain
take a lover
who will choose you
like you choose them
you’re cold
but you’ll love again
when snow melts
the flowers grow again
gather the sorrow
and let it teach you
collect the heartache
and heal
i fell in love with your strange
my heart fell for your crazy
with one kiss
you make the madness
of the world
disappear
screaming fuck you
into the wind on a chilly night
the moon is full
as i empty myself of you
sometimes i wish i could get back
all of myself that i wasted on you
the memory of you
burns like a flame
in my skull
but when you touch me
i remember how it feels
to feel okay
you’re trying to be everything
to someone who doesn’t care
for you
having my heart broken
helped me understand the true weight
of holding on to the wrong person
you’re terrified of feeling complete
you have a fear of becoming whole
and so you’ve accepted
being broken
too soon
the flowers dry up
then die without warning
there is so much more to you
than your reflection in the mirror
you are too deep for the understanding
of shallow souls
you are forgiven
but there is no longer
a space provided here
for you
not everyone you love
deserves your patience
not everyone you love
deserves your fight
not everyone you love
deserves your heart
not everyone you love
understands that love
we’re conditioned to love
what we know
and if all we know
is pain
this is what we tend
to choose
i couldn’t stay
my heart was too heavy
for your hands
my mind was too complex
for you to comprehend
and my soul was never yours
to keep
in mourning
i found truth
in mourning
i found clarity
in mourning
i found peace
there’s a black hole
where your heart used to be
and i won’t judge you for that
i give minimal attention
to those who do nothing
but tear me down emotionally
until i eventually
give them nothing at all
i went on living
even when i felt like
i couldn’t anymore
even when i felt like
i didn’t want to
your love is infinite
find someone who understands this
in order to heal properly
you must walk away
from what broke you
for so long
i was dating death
falling deep into a grave
that looked like love
who were you
when you first fell in love
a tender, timid heart
a soul in search of longing
vulnerable and beautiful
unprepared for heartache
the first one we love
is often the one
to teach us about pain
awkwardness and tension
short questions met with short answers
communicating without communication
or comprehension
no understanding
we are no longer
who we were before
neither friend nor foe
nothing, no one
just two strangers
who used to know
one another
a flame made weak by lies
a love that fell flat after betrayal
a heart, broken down
by the very person who promised
to protect it
you were never my forever
you were only my end
you were never as good
as you pretended to be
something short of what i am
and so you’re jealous of me
growing green with envy
your soul is undone
you’ve had many losses in your life
you may count this as one
with love comes several failures
many attempts met unsuccessfully
and so we search for endless love
in places where it’ll never begin
a woman is a warrior
with infinite strength
you began to talk like me
your facial expressions like my own
this is when i knew you were mine
there’s nothing more confusing
and painful to a woman
than being told that she’s amazing
by a man who treats her like
she’s not good enough to commit to
and the saddest part of it all
is that this woman
will fight to prove her value
to the one man
who doesn’t even deserve her
the fight to prove yourself
to someone who doesn’t deserve you
is a losing battle
what is there to achieve
when the one you want
has nothing to give you in return
where is the benefit
in going to war for someone
who’d rather fight against you
instead of beside you
here you are, alone
taken but alone
in a relationship
that feels like a big
question mark
constantly wondering
and wandering off
into a thick silence
struggling to find the words
at odds with your own heart
what should feel good
has become painful to bear
you wear sadness well
but i can tell that you’re tired
you’re fed up, you want out
being with the wrong person
is a time suck
loving someone
who refuses to love you
drains the heart
the soul becomes weary
the longer you stay
the opportunity to find
your soul mate
becomes greatly reduced
real love arrives
when the heart
no longer clings
to the wrong love
real love can only be found
when the heart
no longer searches
for it in the wrong places
there’s the problem
you say you want love
but you’ve settled for someone
who treats you like
they hate you
you can tell, you just know
you always do
no man on this earth
could keep secrets
from a woman like you
but i hate this idea
of knowing everything
and saying nothing
i hate this idea
of a woman being silent
here’s the thing
i realized that being loved
by you
was completely overrated
sure enough
an honest love exists
but we’re too busy
entertaining the lies told
by the people we think love us
i didn’t quit
i simply chose myself
instead of continuing to try
for someone who wouldn’t
try for me
placing you behind me
pushed me closer
to something better
i like to think
that all the pain
and heartache
is simply preparing me
for a love that heals
sometimes the love you crave
can’t be found in the person you want
and wanting someone is not enough
to have them love you
thank you to the women
who never get a thank-you
thank you to the women
who never get acknowledged
thank you for your softness
thank you for your toughness
thank you for your strength
your endurance
your ability to take pain
and transform it into power
i admire your ability to fight
i admire your ability to go to war
for all the things
you know you deserve
sadly, i watched from the other side
as you burned the one bridge
that you never deserved to cross
you went missing
when i longed for you the most
while my heart didn’t grow fonder
my mind grew further
how quickly i went from sadness
to feeling nothing at all
there’s this thing about coffee shops
for the life of me
it’s hard to put into words
the experience my soul feels
when all of my morning thrills
sit at the bottom of that circular
ceramic cup
the atmosphere
the people
the lovers sitting hand in hand
the friends, laughing silently
me, gazing into the eyes of my lover
speaking without saying words
sipping slowly
the sweet life
the brown hue of enjoyment
and delight
sitting near the window
in search of the perfect light
wrapped around both thighs
black hues and heather grays
beginning at the waist
ending just at the ankles
forcing me to pay homage
to your curves
30-plus days
without hearing the voice
of my nephew
30-plus days
of frustration and disregard
30-plus days
i was angry in the beginning
30-plus days
i’m more accepting of it now
it’s been 30-plus days
of missing this interaction
30-plus days
of wondering what the fuck happened
30-plus days
one day i’ll tell him about it
30-plus days
i’ll write about it for now
i should hate you
but even then
that would be way more
than you actually deserve
and so i’ll give you nothing
to match the nothing
you gave me in return
for so long
the only one deserving
of me
was myself
for so long
i transformed
into everything i needed
for too long
i’ve been disappointed
by people who were never capable
of becoming
what i’ve always been
struggling to find a love in others
that i could easily cultivate
on my own
everything is fake deep nowadays
life plagued by internet gurus
teaching about a love they’ve
yet to provide to the women
in their lives
fooling these hurt women
who follow in search of clarity
but confusion is all they’re selling
stringing together words to create sentences
to manipulate the masses
of women who wish for nothing more
than to be loved and cherished
this hurts me . . .
don’t drink their water
don’t sip from their wells
show no interest in what they offer
stop buying what they’re selling
silence their lies
by not listening at all
remove them from your timelines
block their accounts
don’t repost
don’t like
don’t bookmark
don’t screenshot
beware of deceitful people
exploiting your vulnerabilities
while filling their pockets
by your desire to have the quick fix
for your heartache that they’ve promised
to provide but never do
are you tired
are you weary
are you unhappy
have you accepted
this fate
have you allowed
them to destroy you
have you settled
for this type of relationship
knowing that you could have
done better
or are you unaware
that something better exists
next to you felt lonely
next to you felt cold
your presence felt like absence
your love felt like pain
we move on
or at least we think we do
hiding our pain with a smile
locking away the memories
behind the bars of our subconscious
but the things
we force ourselves to forgot
creep up beside us
in the middle of the night
are you awake
i often wonder
have you thought of me
like i think of you
is this as painful for you
as it’s been for me
i’m tired of needing you
suffering from the realization
that you never needed me
we’re young, we’re just kids
setting ourselves on fire
for tainted love
placing labels of forever
on temporary people
we’re so young
and yet we’re so hurt
we’re just teens
acting like adults
but no one taught us
how to love correctly
no one prepared us
for this
version of disappointment
and we fall in love
before we’re ready
pain shapes a woman
into a warrior
a man who truly loves you
chooses you every day
he chooses you forever
you don’t have to explain
why you left
to the person who made you leave
don’t respond when you’re angry
you end up saying things
you don’t actually mean
you end up hurting people
you’re not supposed to hurt
you end up saying things
you’ll never be able to take back
at midnight
you haunt me
at midnight
i stay awake
thinking about
everything
we used to be
a man who sends you mixed signals
is a man who doesn’t deserve you
briefly
the sky a devilish red
the sun setting behind
the earth’s face
i feel so alone
sitting next to you
my soul screams out
in silence
beneath the tension
consumed by darkness
break my heart
and you’ll find fragments
of all the love letters
i wrote to you
on each shattered piece
i fail so often at love
that i choose seclusion
over the expectations
that come with being
in a relationship
you struggle with love of self
and so when someone truly
adores your heart
you struggle with believing them
i’m always apologizing
when you hurt me
after assuming that i was trying
to hurt you, when i wasn’t
there is death
in loving the wrong person
i sit and watch so many
of my peers die slow
in love, alone
overrun with the desire
to feel nothing
suffering from the curse
of feeling everything
for someone
who feels nothing for you
people who don’t feel good
about themselves
are always ready
to make others feel bad
about themselves
i hope you find someone
who never makes you feel bad
for being all that you are
your apologies began to feel empty
“i’m sorry” triggered no emotion
to feel nothing for you
was everything i thought
it would be
peaceful in the absence
of your presence
you not acknowledging
the love i showed you
will always be the worst part
of our union
i’m left rereading old messages
sitting beneath the rubble
of everything we used to be
haunted, near the moon
by everything we didn’t become
the only thing you were good at
was making me feel like i was the problem
tears become words
pain becomes strength
heartbreak becomes a testimony
of how i found myself
after losing you
encounter me
and find the love
you deserve
stay close to the people
who remind your soul
to remain strong
i want to live on the pages
of your heart
i want to find life
in the stories
that make you smile
falling apart doesn’t make you weak
a strong heart is capable of breaking
i wanted to try
i was willing to fight for this
you wanted a way out
you never cared as much as me
every time you answer their call
or reply to their text
you have to restart the process
of moving
she doesn’t always
have to save herself
the queen doesn’t have to be
content with standing alone
being strong doesn’t have
to feel lonely
it’s okay to let someone take care of you
while you work on loving yourself
the person who deserves your love
won’t treat you poorly
love is not an excuse
to stay with someone
who can’t love you correctly
i could have been your everything
but you didn’t have the courage
to love me in the way i needed
sometimes i miss the anticipation
that attaches itself to new love
the longing and newfound desire
to learn everything about a beautiful stranger
incapable of facing the painful reality
of a love that’s been lost
we lie in the form of false memories
re-creating disaster and chaos
into beautiful moments
that never happened
oftentimes
tragedy transforms
into beauty
delightful things occur
in the aftermath of chaos
just be patient
one day i may have daughters
and i don’t want them to believe
that their independence is a burden
or restriction on love
your independence is not
some curse or restriction
your independence doesn’t have
to be an excuse as to why you’re single
you still deserve to be loved correctly
your independence should be celebrated
and supported while in a relationship
being independent doesn’t make you unlovable
being independent doesn’t mean
you always have to fight alone
independent women still deserve
the deepest love
and wanting to be loved
and cared for
doesn’t have to compromise
a woman’s strength and independence
strong women only intimidate
the type of men that’ll never
be able to comprehend
or understand their worth
a body betrayed
a heart destroyed
a mind in confusion
and yet a woman
is capable of taking pain
and transforming it into triumph
more mental health
and a peace of mind
protect your right
to feel at ease
shades and shadows
the smell of coffee beans
sits in my nostrils
the taste of Colombia on my tongue
the pages of my favorite book
between my fingers
my morning bliss
has just begun
i give silence to your criticism
as you’ve decided to exaggerate
your own importance to my art
i give silence to your opinions
because in my opinion
you are wrong
i give silence to your anger
because i’m happy and in love
i give silence to your opinion
while you remain below
i rise above
give your soul a break
if you’re tired of being hurt
just rest awhile
hate me, i love it
get angry, i’ll just laugh
i got tired of practicing
the self-destruction
of fighting for someone
who would rather fight
against me
that’s not love
if you’re in a relationship
with someone who
doesn’t respect your mind and heart
it’s time to move on
without that person
if you’re in a relationship
that doesn’t support your joy
and peace of mind
it’s time to move forward
without that person
feel what you feel but also understand
that most people don’t deserve
an emotional reaction from you
you are valuable
you are grand
you are the essence of strength
don’t let them break you
you’re always trying
but who tries for you
you’re always fighting
but who fights for you
i hate this idea of everything
falling upon the shoulders
of a woman
while she’s in a relationship
with a man who makes no effort
i hate this idea of a woman
feeling alone while being
in a relationship
i learned so many lessons in love
the hard way
i learned that loving someone
doesn’t simply make them the one
i learned that love
in its purest form
can only be provided
and accepted when
you love yourself first
there is value in your presence
there is value within your heart
and not everyone can afford
to be with someone like you
that’s fine
for me personally
i would not have found love
in someone else
until i found it in its
purest form within myself first
you are the beginning
it all starts with you
the love you long for
must first be cultivated on your own
by yourself
i think what we’ve found in dating
is that sometimes
the people we care for are incapable
of caring for us the way we need
we discover through relationships
that sometimes the person
we fall for cannot comprehend
the love we provide
having standards is not a burden
being strong is not a burden
the mate you choose
should always choose you
just you
the love you accept
shouldn’t hurt you
the relationship you entertain
shouldn’t cause confusion
it’s scary how dedicated
you can be to someone
who would rather use their energy
to attempt to destroy you
know your worth
and never communicate
reply or respond to anyone
who can’t afford to speak to you
or with you
delicate yet strong
there’s a certain balance
that only a woman like her
can obtain
she knows what she deserves
and provided anything less
she’ll walk away in search of more
she’s guarded, sure
but she’s ready to open up
to the one who deserves her
you’ve been hurt
you’ve made your mistakes
you’ve been called out
of your name
you’ve felt broken
you’ve fallen down
you’ve had to pick up the pieces
of your heart and start over
you’ve been mishandled, neglected
disrespected and you’ve felt unprotected
all of which has caused you to guard your heart but you’re stronger
look at what you’ve been through
you’re a queen who always gets through
you’re a woman who continues to survive
something within you
is hurting, you’re in pain
and it shows in the songs
you relate to
the quotes and poetry
you double-tap on social media
and of course it’s evident
from the way these words make you feel
but things do change, as you know
things do get better and they will
so many things i need to work on
so many fucking things i need to change
i find that it’s difficult
to find a heart that wants
to love you permanently
so many “i love yous”
from people who don’t
intend to stay
don’t let the pain
of any past relationship
prevent you from finding
something genuine and real
in the future of something new
i’ve come to realize that
negative criticism
often arrives from the lips
of someone incapable of accomplishing
the things you can
she is a storm of roses
dangerous but beautiful
too often the heart
finds a way to love
the ones who will never
love it back
loving myself more
set me free of you
my life rarely fits
the picture i draw up
in my head
having certain expectations
has ruined me
there are several levels to love
don’t be afraid to reach
for the highest
the truth hurts
and so we find peace
in lies that create
a temporary happiness
hating kills progression
i know this because
all the people who hate me
will surely never surpass me
my ego and my soul
have found the perfect compromise
i felt like a bookstore
with no books on its shelves
a profound emptiness
in my soul
somehow i’d always feel
a deep regret when asking for more
knowing damn well
that having any sort of expectation
would ruin me in ways
that i could never imagine
while my requests were met
with nothing or lack of effort
i was simply demanding everything
i knew i deserved
everything you weren’t willing to give
and i know that now
who are you when no one is watching
can i trust that person to remain loyal
without my watchful eyes
who are you when my back is turned
can i trust that person to be honest
in my absence
i see a lifetime in brown eyes.
the morning comes too soon
your eyes a weary shade of brown
your hair twisted and tangled
restless and yet you smile
the sun rises on your face
shining brighter than before
you lean in to whisper “i love you”
but in this moment, i love you more
i’ve become a flower and rose
enthusiast because i’ve fallen in love
i’ve come to the realization that loving
a woman
means making an effort to make her smile
at all times
why give her grief and sorrow
when you can give her roses
that scream “i love you”
i do whatever i can
to protect my partner’s peace of mind
when you love someone
you keep that relationship secure and safe
love shouldn’t feel like chaos and hell
holding on to someone
who doesn’t care about losing you
causes you to lose yourself
and self-esteem
watching you decide
to miss out on real love
because you’d rather hold on
to someone who doesn’t love you
is the hardest part
your opinion of me
will never define who i truly am
and whatever you think of me
holds no importance in my life
we’re drowning for people
who refuse to pull us from an ocean
of despair
we’re drowning for people
who tipped us over
forcing us to be submerged
by our own pain
we’re drowning as they watch
without a care in this world
we’re drowning and only we
can save ourselves
having many women means nothing
being able to juggle several women
doesn’t make you a man
but the strength and determination
to love and be faithful to one does
amazing isn’t it
the way that every lie that gets told
contains just enough truth to seem believable
but not enough truth to be true
the woman who asks for more
isn’t asking for too much
the woman who demands more
is simply in search of everything
she deserves
and that’s the issue
sometimes when you see what you want
you forget what you need
and what you accept is further
from what you deserve
the beauty in being secure with self
is that you never have to defend your ideas
or your actions
with people who don’t matter
she has the patience to stay
and the strength to move on
when a man realizes the value
of the woman who shares herself with him
he adds value to himself
seek the approval of no one
never change who you are
to fit the mold that others
have created for you
some apologize
because they mean it
others apologize
because they’ve gotten caught
i’m constantly evolving
i just wish you were involved
and a part of this change
i’ve been doing this without you
but i’m fine
she desires a patient partner
one who will dig deeper
making sure she reaches
her peak
understand that a woman’s love
is something that runs deep
if you’re not ready and willing
to reach her depths
don’t attempt the dive
don’t waste her time
when i hear the word “woman”
so many things come to mind
my thoughts are overtaken
by great things and visions
i value the essence, mind
and the very being of a woman
see, many men look at a woman
and categorize her by the way she looks
reducing her to her appearance
but i see more than that
i’m willing to go to the depths
of the soul, the mind
its core
the most beautiful woman is far more
than a beautiful structure or what
she appears to be to the naked eye
the most beautiful woman has gold
running through her veins and magic
living within her heart
you are that woman . . .
let us lie
beside
beneath
one another
using our emotions to convey
express
and act out the actions of our mind
body
soul
and heart
sex is poetry in motion
with a touch of love
adding meaning to what
is already beautiful
you and i
beneath the moon
covered in darkness
let us create
let us write
touch her in a way that no one
has done before
stimulate her entire mind
with an abundance of words
and leave an imprint upon her soul
create a long-lasting memory
and become something she’ll
never forget
a lasting impression is what
you should always aim for
appreciate all that she is
and all that she’s willing to offer
it’s what she deserves
she knew what she had to do
and as the clock counted down
the new year would stare her
right in the face
urging and pleading for her
to make the necessary changes
to bring forth the love
she desired and deserved
but that’s the thing
the most honest and hurtful truth
i don’t think they changed
they simply became more
of who they always were
and the person you see now
is the type of person
you’ve tried your hardest
to avoid but it’s hard to let go
because you’ve already fallen for them
you’ve been holding on
to someone who no longer
deserves your grip
you’ve lost countless hours of sleep
thinking about someone who doesn’t
deserve to be on your mind
you’ve displayed an amazing ability
to care so deeply unconditionally
and you’re beautiful because of that
one day you’ll be rewarded
with a love that mirrors your own
but first you must move on
without the person who refuses
to love you
i can’t stay here
i’m tired of being tired
i’m exhausted from yelling
and not being heard
i no longer wish to fight with
someone who refuses to fight for me
i am no longer willing
to wear this coat of unhappiness
i miss my smile and i’ll only find it
with you gone
but instead of asking you
to go
i’ll leave
not again
never, not anymore
i can’t
i won’t
i’m done
i’m gone
lately
you haven’t been yourself
your laughter isn’t as loud
your smile appears to be forced
and i just think you’d do well
with focusing more on yourself
for a while
today, just like any other day
you’ll rise from the ashes
a fire set by those who wish
for you to fail
and the prayer in your heart
will remain stronger
than the words of your enemies
you are mighty
and your strength
is your crown
you refused to live
within the nightmare
sold to you as a dream
you finally woke up
open your damn eyes
your suspicion can be justified
by their actions as of late
don’t second-guess your heart
you know the truth
and they wonder why
you have trust issues
or act as if you don’t
give a fuck
the way you are
the way you love
is a product
of being taken
for granted
some relationships
are just hurtful distractions
keeping you from the love
you long for
be with me
and only me
choose me always
because i’ll always
choose you
she poured her heart out to me
on pages i refused to read
texting me every night
“you are all that i need”
blinded by a situation
blurring my ability to see
she screamed
“i know that this means nothing
but you mean everything to me”
so consistent were her efforts
she was willing to wait
she said
“you think you love this girl
but you’re my soul mate”
her heart cries in need of me
but her smile is all they see
it meant everything to her
but never meant much to me
my home is overflowing
with things i’ll never need
no space for anything new
because i’m holding on to things
from my past that have no value
in the present
burn bridges for warmth
burn bridges for light
burn bridges to others
who don’t deserve
to get to you
i am cold
i am warmth
i am numb
i feel everything
i am all but nothing
i give love and i hate it
reading Sylvia’s words
wishing i could save her
wishing i could tell her
that it will get better
you speak
in silence
so well
it all falls on me
the weight of it all
crushing my spirit
like bone meeting iron
i’m breaking down
collapsing completely into
myself
until there’s nothing left
but the regret
of trying so hard
for someone who couldn’t
try for me
i’m done
the right people help you feel
the right things
the wrong people encourage
all of the emotions
you don’t want to feel
stay away from the wrong people
learning to detach from things
that serve no purpose in my life
being busy keeps the soul happy
doing nothing makes you feel
like nothing
they chose to be sheep
she decided to be a wolf
love me madly
like crazy is the new sane
i am both happy and sad
i feel weak but i am strong
i am broken but i’ll be whole
there is hope within pain
there is hope after heartache
and i’ve felt both of everything
i know that it gets better
read her like books
that intrigue the soul
i’m careful about the people
i choose to entertain
because attention can become love
and love can feel like hell
when given to the wrong person
come
see yourself in these words
come alive within my poetry
find clarity and peace
within the pages of this book
allow my art to touch your soul
allow these words to grasp your heart
you are a living extension
of the moon in the night
a light that shines the brightest
during the darkness
you’ve been chasing
all the ones who will never
love you
distracting yourself
from the one
who deserves that love
each of us, roses
waiting to be picked
chosen by the hand
who isn’t afraid of our thorns
isn’t that how it always begins
attraction sparked by the surface
something pleasing for the eye
something hopeful for the heart
here you are spending your days
and nights
in search of someone
to take the pain away
but what you discover
is someone who creates more pain
someone tagged me in a photo
with my words on their skin
i lost a lot of friends on this journey
but something like that feels like a win
drink more water
and stay away from people
with negative attitudes
and petty behavior
being with someone who refuses
to protect your heart
will distract you from the things
that would otherwise make you happy
the saddest part of it all
is that we’ll claim to want peace
and yet we’ll settle for
a chaotic relationship
then complain about it
the worst kinds of people
are those who are unhappy
with your need to experience happiness
detach from these types of people
your words are no longer yours
your voice the tone of someone else’s
you’ve changed who you are
for validation and profit
still, you’ve discovered
that success only arrives
to those who remain authentic
and this is why you
continue to lose
trying until trying
is something that i’ll no longer do
loving you until
i realize that it’ll change nothing
these things take time
and i’m patient
i’m finding more of myself
in my journey toward peace
learning to let go of the anger
that once plagued my soul
and altered the direction
of most of my days
i’m finding my voice
beneath the heaviness
of the pain that once caused me
to shut down
refusing to remain silent
about the things that broke me
i refuse to be a prisoner of heartache
we lie to ourselves
we hide behind our own masks
we suppress our truths
with tall drinks and loud music
self-medicating with sex
self-harming with acts of recklessness
we’d rather pretend to be happy
instead of cultivating long-term happiness
smiling to cover up the emotional bruises
left upon our soul by lovers
who never loved us
giving off the appearance of strength
while breaking down deep within
and yet no one ever knows
because being strong often means
being silent
i hate that i allowed my voice
to be silenced by my inability
to ask for help
i hate that i allowed this pain
to consume me in a way
that no one will truly know about
afraid to admit to myself that i cared
because accepting the truth
would reveal the hurt that found
its way into my heart
up early
while the world
is still dreaming
it’s 4 a.m.
and the city that never sleeps
is sleeping as this is written
wide wake
lying beside my dream girl
proving once more
that dreams come true
and you don’t have to be asleep
to bear witness to it all
22 minutes after 4
my soul at peace
my mind, widely aware
my heart pumping
giving me life
and a purpose to write
yesterday is yesterday
irrelevant, most unworthy
of this moment
the present being a gift
only given to those who open
their eyes
i am here among the living
and even if life is hard
it’s beautiful because i’m alive
it’s worth it, you wait and see
the unfortunate truth
of going to bed angry
is that you wake up weary
drained by the sadness that follows
and it swallows you up
with whatever good you had left
you wake up tired
longing for peace
but it easily escapes you
because in that moment
you’re too tired to pursue it
change the way you go to sleep
and you’ll wake up better
stronger, wiser
i tried
you didn’t
i loved
you refused
it was me
and never you
it was you
not wanting me
stuck, searching for you
when all i needed was myself
they want you
but none of them
deserve you
they like you
but none of them
will love you
take your time
and find more of yourself
before searching for more
of someone else
the love you desire
needs to be cultivated
within you first
before you can find it elsewhere
a different you
sitting in a brighter hue
gone are the days of darkness
gone, the days of sadness
a smile that bears light
like the sun rising against the ocean
a laughter that bears life
like a tree standing in the forest
this is my hope for you
and i know you’ll find it someday
good mornings
can replace bad nights
never underestimate
the sun burning out
the darkness
don’t let your past corrupt
the present
don’t let the painful memories
you’ve created
keep you from the creation
of something better
the pain will bring you strength
the heartache will give you purpose
somehow the sorrow
made you this
wise
stronger
beautiful
more of you
the wrong love
feels like death
and i felt myself
slipping away
while chasing after you
apparently i never needed you
i know this now
as i found everything i wanted
without you here
you are an unforgettable moment
a lifetime of delight
don’t let them fool you into thinking
that your presence means nothing
don’t let them fool you into thinking
that somehow you’re ordinary
i haven’t spoken to my mother
in such a long time
so long, that pieces of me
have begun to fade
into everything we used to be
and everything i used to feel
becomes lost with time
it takes us too long
to figure out that love
doesn’t have to hurt
and the love we give
is too precious to be given away
to someone who refuses
to give it back
who were you
before sadness overran your heart
i hope you remember
what it felt like to be happy
find your calm
reclaim your peace
re-create the love
you couldn’t find in others
the only one worthy of you
is you
in this moment
you only need yourself
become the love
that they refused to share with you
find your strength
find the courage
reclaim your voice
and say what you need
to say
do not be silent
be loud
be unapologetic
be entirely you
without regret
every day since we ended
i’ve developed new ways
to push you further
from my memory
i want you out
of my mind
a strong memory
is the destroyer
of the heart
count the stars
that live within yourself
you’re brighter than you know
loving you drained my spirit
do it
on your own
do it
for yourself
do it
at your own pace
i know too much
and say too little
while screaming
on the inside
we ended
i was never yours
to have, to hold
to keep
i struggled to forget
but you’ve forgotten me already
books stained with the tears
of the reader with the broken heart
books held tight
like lovers in the dark
sometimes all you have are the words
sometimes all that’s left
are the books
please
text me back
are you
still mad
say something
if not anything else
tell me what to do
i’ll do better
i can be better
help me understand
can i have another chance
i’m here
in the deep end
struggling to save myself
while you watch me drown
please don’t leave me
i get it now, i understand
i still need you
we were happy
i don’t know what changed
are you there
are you listening
don’t shut me out
we were happy once
the sun shined its light
on us, together
but the love faded
into the shadows of the sunset
and here we are
filled with nothing
showing shades of emptiness
a void no longer filled
with love and respect
we started as strangers
we ended that way
sometimes the beginning
is the same as the ending
fuck the writers
who write irrelevant things
about me
because they’re incapable
of writing anything as relevant
as what i’ve written
fuck the writers
who gang up to accuse
or abuse the authors
who achieve more than
they ever will
or ever thought possible
may your hatred become a shovel
that digs your own grave
my hope is that you rest in peace
with the hateful words you spewed
directly or indirectly
these words, this book
in memory of all the people
who dislike me
or others like me
a funeral held for those
who will soon be forgotten
buried beneath my words
buried beneath my success
after begging for a truth
that has been kept from you
emotional exhaustion sets in
you’ve been strong but now
you’re tired of being lied to
you’re tired of being denied
the respect that you’ve fought for
while fighting for a space in their life
the begging and pleading
is replaced with the silence of anger
the silence of resentment
the silence that seems the loudest
as your refusal to speak
screams of your disappointment
and your newfound commitment
to yourself
a silent declaration of the desire
to now detach your heart
from the heart that hurts you
after demanding the truth for so long
you’ve reached your breaking point
sometimes i wish
i could take my secrets back
i hate the fact that you know me
in ways you didn’t deserve
it hurts
the pain of feeling nothing
the realization that being numb
is best
it hurts because
i’d like to feel again
but i’m afraid of feeling for
the wrong person
the silence tells me everything
a wordless expression
a quiet resentment and regret
you can almost hear everything
that isn’t being said
i am becoming less afraid
of a reality that isn’t centered around us
i am becoming more accepting
of a life lived without you
all of this
all of that
all of me
but it was
never enough
the pursuit of you
destroyed my self-esteem
i want to slow dance to Nirvana
with you, love
we search for something
to take the pain away
but what we find is someone
who causes more pain
i really wish you well
i hope things get better for you
i hope you change your ways
i don’t wish the pain you caused me
on anyone else
and so i hope your heart learns
to feel love in its purest form
because if it doesn’t
you’ll miss out on something real
just as you missed out on being
with me
she refused to be anyone’s cup of tea
she was more so the finest glass of whiskey
it’s fucked up
because the people
who break you
are always okay
while you’re in pain
your smile breaks my heart
because it’s not real
and as much as i care
there’s nothing i can do
to help but give you these words
in hopes of letting you know
that you’re not alone
i see you . . .
you are your own best friend
don’t abandon yourself
become everything you need
so many men know
what it takes to make
a woman fall in love
but most of them
can’t comprehend what it takes
to keep a woman in love
you were only good
at pretending to be
what i wanted
but you were never
good enough for me
sometimes everything you’re looking for
hides within your own reflection
it’s time to start looking for you
it’s time to start looking for yourself
i know you can do this
if you can’t be strong
be brave, keep fighting
and if on this day
all you did was smile
even while you wanted
to break down
be proud of yourself
for standing
while wanting to fall
a man who loves you
will not force you to compromise
your emotional well-being
or the health of your heart
women are warriors
without physical weapons
the way they use their minds
to conquer whatever attempts
to break them
it’ll happen
you’ll either entertain
or fall for someone
who made you feel as if
they were the one
it happens often
you meet a person
you get to know them
feelings begin to surge throughout your heart
and you start to imagine
a future with that person
it happens to the best of us
things begin to change
that feeling of security
begins to fade
you find yourself fighting
to stay afloat on a boat
that is slowly sinking
you plug those holes with denial
you plug those holes with lies
telling yourself it’s okay
you make excuses
for the way that person treats you
you start to lose yourself
because you’re more concerned
with keeping a person that appears
to no longer care about keeping you
when you go back to someone
who mistreated you
you’re cheating yourself
out of an opportunity
to be with someone
who will always consider your feelings
sometimes a woman’s silence
serves as proof that she no longer
gives a fuck
and you’re no longer worth
her energy
you deserve the deepest
most sincere form of pleasure
i’m beginning to wake up
love is blind at times
but time also has a way
of waking us up to the bullshit
that often attaches itself
to loving someone who can’t provide
the same level of love
we express
we often settle
failing to realize
that there exists someone
capable of reflecting
the same level of love
we give them
loving the wrong person
provides a lesson
in what to look for
as far as warning signs
within your future relationships
it’s amazingly sad
when someone fails to understand
how much you truly care for them
but you can’t hold on to that pain
one day they’ll look back
with so many regrets
and you’ll be with the one
who loves you back
you’ll be with someone
who would fight to keep you
my heart is open once more
after being closed
while with someone
who promised to keep it safe
time alters what’s familiar
people change
you never see it coming
hesitant to love again
but again my heart is open
you’ve felt what i felt
so let us fall together
and i’ll help you fix
what he has broken
before i get the chance
to place my hands on your skin
i’d first like the opportunity
for our souls to collide
our minds to be fully stimulated
and our hearts to be in sync
this is the way i’d like to love you
on this morning
i feel at ease
the stress has gone
i can’t truly explain what i feel
at this very moment
but it’s a feeling that has escaped me
for far too long
i’m okay
on a path to being happy again
i’d love every part of you
if you allowed it
inside and out
and the silence is all you have
to offer to those
you no longer give a fuck about
what i desire more than anything
is a relationship with someone
who doesn’t mind the idea
of spending a lifetime with one person
i couldn’t help myself
before i knew it
my hands were on her thigh
her skirt beginning to rise
with no desire to rush
i inched my fingers
a bit closer to her flower
as i preferred the act
to unfold organically
i then touched her in a way
that caused a weakness
within her spine
ever so apparent by the way
she lay down on my mattress
like rain, falling from a cloud
“it’s been a while,” she whispered
as i proceeded to take her
this craving to explore
the unfamiliar places within you
has overtaken my mind
i’d like to get lost in you
i’d like the opportunity
to make you feel things
you’ve never felt for anyone else
i woke up with the taste of her
still lingering on my tongue
erotic visuals burned into my mind
her skin slightly wet
from the activity we engaged in
“it’s yours,” she whispered
muffled moans became screams
as i explored the deepest parts
of her existence
i’m addicted to this idea
of your legs wrapped around
my waist
holding me in place
as if to say
you’ll never let me go
can we pause for a second
and thank the heavens for angels
with strong wings
and soft skin
inner thighs like pillows
legs that bow like oval shapes
wrapped around my face
like blindfolds made of silk
i stopped wishing for moments like this the very moment you allowed me
to live it
completely, explicitly
your openness as wide as your spread eagle
your wet walls
like the insides of our mouths
warm and waiting
i’ve been anticipating you just as much
as you’ve been wanting me
utilizing my tongue
as a stress reliever
pressing pressure points
creating a climax
provoking pleasure
with ease
opening you right up
because my tongue
is the key
i’d like to get lost in you
mind, body, and soul
travel the avenues that lead me
to a greater understanding of you
show me your fears, the horror
the pain, the struggle
reveal your thoughts
as you overthink
show me the flaws
you try your hardest to hide
the sadness that sits beneath your smile
i’d like to know the real you
the you that you’re afraid
to show the world
the girl behind the shade
of a fake smile
i want to see the things
that you think will chase me away
i’d like to understand
and later learn to love you
for who you truly are
teach the many possibilities
to a child
never make a child feel like
their dreams are impossible
to achieve
when i open the book
i turn off the pain
the girls who love books
have the sweetest love to give
give me something
that can’t easily be found
help me rediscover
new reasons to smile
you’ve written your initials
on my soul
your love, carved into me
i want you wildly
and recklessly
i want you here
right next to me
i want the adventure
in your heart
so take my hand
and we can start
you are everything i want
you are everything i’m afraid of
this craving for love
met with the fear of getting hurt
but i’ll risk it all
for a moment on your mind
and a place in your heart
i see love in those brown eyes
i see warmth in your embrace
i feel a forever whenever i’m with you
i relive all of the moments
we’ve shared
and all of the memories we’ve created
every time my lips touch yours
a love between two broken people
can feel whole and complete
maybe we’re puzzles
and you were holding the piece
i needed the entire time
i just had to find you first
scary in the beginning
as your pain matched my own
both hurt and burned by love
we met one another
we held one another
then fell for one another
both of our scars visible
and yet the vision of us together
still remained beautiful
you ever get so sad
that you laugh
you ever feel so hurt
that you smile
we’re so good at hiding
behind what we wish to feel
we’re so good at pretending
to feel nothing
when we feel everything
i finally realized
that love hides itself
behind the people who hurt us
meaning,
you have to look beyond the pain
to find the love you deserve
it’s always there
you just have to stop letting
certain people distract you from it
broken people need to understand
that being hurt is nothing to be ashamed of
and just because you’re broken
doesn’t mean you’ll never find a pure love
depression has eaten its way
to my heart
there’s a sadness that lingers there
my mind overrun by painful thoughts
sometimes i hate being this aware
the one person
who was supposed to help me
fix this shit
was the first person
to leave when i needed them the most
this was one of the harshest lessons
i’d ever learn
sometimes the only person
you need is yourself
thinking about you
sucked me further
into darkness
and as hard as it’s been
i’ve been working harder
to free my mind of you
i hope the memory of me
burns through your mind
and in times of desperation
i hope you reach for me
then realize that i can no longer
be found
you’ll feel what i felt
you’ll sit with your face
in your hands
and your heart on the floor
because you lost the greatest thing
to ever happen to you
me . . .
sometimes you just need
to be alone with yourself
and the silence of solitude
in order to figure everything out
be still and conquer
if i could do it all again
i would’ve loved me more
instead of waiting on you
my personality is a secret
and i can only share it with you
once you’ve earned my trust
so much power
in one little woman
no tolerance for drama
no room for fake individuals
i keep to myself
because i prefer peace
she sat in the corner
with her face in a book
hiding from anxiety
trying not to panic
while others were searching
for wi-fi
i was searching
for a soul connection
where do you go
when you daydream
wherever it is
i imagine
that you’re happy there
smiling into the distance
beautiful while getting lost
protect your energy
understand that not everyone
who wants you
deserves you
protect your peace of mind
understand that most people
don’t even deserve to be a thought
i am more myself
when i am alone
empty people
filling themselves
with people
who fill them up
with more emptiness
more sadness
more pain
silence is a home
and it houses everything
i’ll never say
sometimes i don’t want to be
around too many people
sometimes i just don’t feel like talking
sometimes i dread
human interaction
and i’m not ashamed of that
silence for those
who either aren’t ready
to listen
or don’t deserve
to hear your thoughts
the most intriguing soul
belongs to the shy human
in silence
i listen
i observe
i see all
i know all
i understand
and can’t be fooled
watching all the people
trying to fit happiness
into shopping bags
noses buried in liquor
trying to forget
drowning out the pain
with loud music
trying their hardest
to be content with being hurt
let pain inspire
your power
let heartache
inspire your heart
to grow stronger
i am rarely alone
when by myself
i am more alone
with others
say “no” more often
tell them you’re just not interested
no more doing things
that you have no desire to do
for the sake of other people’s feelings
people are draining
i find fullness in being alone
she, a chameleon
capable of fitting in
but made to stand out
an outgoing introvert
if something like that could exist
but even in a sea of people
she still felt alone
a phone or a book
some headphones might do
all of these things
which prevent me
from having to talk to people
all of these things
to help me appear
uninterested
break me open
and roses will grow
between the cracks
i’m tired
of being tired
of being around
people
real love arrives
when we’re ready
real love arrives
when we love ourselves
we carry around hell
in the form of memories
moments shared with people
who no longer mean anything
to our lives
i’d go out and party
then come home to the moon
an empty home
and cold bed
this was no way to live
i needed more
being married
doesn’t save a marriage
loving someone
doesn’t make them
your soul mate
trying harder
doesn’t mean
they’ll try just as much
going to therapy
won’t help a person
who doesn’t think
they need to change
your denial
is your own
personal prison
he’d say anything
to make her stay
but never did enough
to keep her from leaving
you see
they want you
to do well
just not better than them
the support begins to fade
the more successful you become
heart filled with envy
jealousy consumes their souls
fake family and friends
and you’ll have to let them go
you were never
what i needed
you never became
the person
you promised to be
a happy ending is not enough
i deserve
i require
i demand a happiness
that doesn’t have to end
we do too much
for those who don’t do enough
we give our all
to those
who do nothing
we’re searching for peace
in relationships
overrun with hatred
i care more about
my own happiness
than the hatred
that people feel for me
i am a priority
within my own life
i choose me
every time
most of my critics
are only critical of me
because i continue
to move beyond
the limitations
they’ve set on my craft
and most of the hate
i’ve received from other writers
is derived from
their inability to achieve
what i’ve achieved
i am totally accepting
of their defeat
i am completely content
with winning
when you insult my words
you insult my readers
but insulting my art, me
and my supporters
does nothing but keep you
stranded beneath us
Samantha King
queen of my future
a ruler on her own
a warrior
through and through
it’s the memories
the painful ones
what we remember
poisons the heart
you belong to the night
next to the brightest stars
in sync with the moon
above the earth
i was a mirror
in our relationship
and maybe you left
because you didn’t like
what you saw
i traveled to the messiest
parts of her mind
and found beauty there
you make winters feel hot
i’m in desperate need
of your warmth
you helped me relate
to the saddest of songs
my heart ran blue
because of you
it’s like i want to be alone
but i want to be touched
she lives inside of her head
to escape the reality
surrounding her
home is where the heart
can feel secure and safe
i was homeless
when loving you
but i’d drain the entire ocean
to keep you from drowning
you said enough
to make me believe
but never enough
to keep me from leaving
i let you break me
then waited for you
to fix me
it happens
you know
sometimes
broken people
break others
what truly hurts
is that i was happier
before you arrived
and letting you in
was like inviting chaos
into my life
allowing you
to invade my peace
isn’t it ironic
how the need for love
draws us closer to hate
the best kind of love
is the one that never ends
it’s there whenever you need it
it holds on without letting go
you need only to be with someone
who brings out the light in you
be who you are
stand tall in what you believe
accept yourself
don’t wait for the world
to love you
another person’s sexual orientation
has nothing to do with you
and your criticism of who
they choose to love
is unimportant and irrelevant
do not hide your love
behind the hatred of others
do not allow others
to dictate who
or how you love
kiss the hell out of the one
who helps you find heaven
on earth
if women
were silent
the world
would lose
its voice
if women
held back
the world
would lose
its strength
the supporting of women
the encouraging of women
the motivation of women
doesn’t in any way
equate to hating men
just because
you are kind to her
doesn’t mean
she owes you sex
do not trade in your strength
to make him feel stronger
do not exchange your voice
for his comfort
i will always be too much
of everything
for someone who is incapable
of being everything to me
your beauty is yours
your body is yours
you are yours
you don’t exist for them
sadly
the biggest danger to us all
are the people we trust
they have the keys
to violate us in the worst of ways
disliking you as much
as you hate me
would require
an emotional commitment
that you don’t deserve
it ended
because i realized
that you didn’t love me
like i love me
no tolerance for
racism
sexism
and homophobia
zero tolerance
for anyone
who thrives upon hatred
without a doubt
i can
and i will
free myself
the busy have no time
to respond to the criticism
from those hating below them
the goal is to avoid boredom
and never grow content with being lazy
or doing nothing
i seem to attract hatred
and criticism
from people who are content
with achieving less than me
i find that these individuals
travel in packs, fueled by hatred
or their inability to accomplish
the things that the people they hate on
have done
they’re always so mundane
and boring with their lackluster
and unoriginal insults
screaming loud but their voices
muffled under their ignorance
stretching out their bitter, short arms
toward people like me
yet i remain out of reach
almost untouchable
and they’ll always be laughable
to say the least
i’ve gone mad
and the library
is my asylum
my peace of mind
my heaven on earth
speak, woman
tell me everything
tell the world
do not be silent
yell if you need to
i want to listen
i want to learn from you
i want to evolve
based upon your wisdom
you inspire a difference
come, speak
change the world
do not allow the path
of your life
to be altered by people
who have no path
to follow
no one is hurting more
than the people
who are silent about the pain
that lives within their souls
i write poetry
because it’s much easier
to write it down
than to say it out loud
without breaking down
you can lie to others
sometimes successfully
but you can’t tell a lie
to yourself successfully
because no matter what you do
every night before you fall asleep
the truth will look you in the eye
and burn a hole within your mind
be inspired
by the pain you feel
and your heart’s ability
to keep fighting
you are powerful
mighty beyond measure
she could calm the ocean
with a glance
she could quiet a storm
with a whisper
all-powerful
all-beautiful and all-knowing
she’s a woman
and that made her
some sort of god
being broken is the beginning
it’s the process of rediscovering
what it means to feel whole once more
some of you may believe
that getting hurt is the end
but the pain that you experience
gives way to a path that may lead
to something more beautiful
or stronger than what you’ve had
it’s okay to feel hurt
there’s nothing wrong
with feeling broken
the pain is never easy
but never be ashamed
to feel whatever it is you feel
do not think less of yourself
because of someone’s inability
to do more or give you more
of what you deserve
i’ll be the one
you couldn’t keep
i’ll be the memory
that hurts the most
i’ll be the greatest loss
in your life
i’ll be the one
you’ll never be able
to come back to
all because i love me more
than you ever could
you don’t know it yet
but there is love lurking
around the corner
there is something truly beautiful
waiting for you in the distance
you don’t know it yet
but there is someone
searching for someone
with a love like yours
there is someone
searching for someone
who can love them
the way you do
three years ago
i wrote myself a note
i wrote a letter to others
as well
detailing the pain
and suffering that lived
within my soul
three years ago
in that letter, the note
i wrote down from my heart
my mind, my wretched soul
detailing what was next
a desire to take my last breaths
three years ago
i wanted to die
three years later
i feel so fucking alive
away i go
conflicted
broken like glass
for a love
that wasn’t real
you see
this is what i get
trying to force my love
in places
where it was never meant
to fit
i understand
no judgment here
we all need to be
in control of something
you don’t have to be ashamed
you don’t need to hide this from me
your ability
to be orderly
is not some disease
your desire
to maintain control
is not some disease
your rituals
are simply several attempts
to get it right
your desire
to achieve order
is not a disorder
i wanted to tell you
that the OCD is not a curse
it’s just a gift that the world
doesn’t understand
i wanted to tell you
that the anxiety you feel
is just proof of your ability
to feel deeper levels of emotion
that others may not be able
to comprehend
i wanted to tell you
that the depression you experience
causes you to view the world
from a perspective that goes
beyond the surface
a surface that so many minds
can’t handle
and that in itself makes you rare
and mighty, you’re strong
the world says you’re broken
but that just means you’re beautiful to me
you are beautiful
you are powerful
you are rare
you are grand
you are majestic
your broken
is a gift
the pain
will make you
stronger
keep fighting
continue to survive
i’ll fight beside you
she doesn’t have to look good
for you
wear makeup for you
be thin for you
cook and clean for you
she is not for you
she doesn’t belong to you
real love isn’t something
you force
real love is not something
you compete for
real love will never have you
compromise your peace and joy
demand the love you deserve
and be willing to walk away
from anyone who refuses
to reciprocate the love
you provide
no woman should feel like
she has to try harder for someone
who isn’t trying for her
it’s not your fault
you were never the problem
you can’t be everything
to someone
who deserves nothing
from you
you could never be
what i needed
you were nothing close
to what i deserved
i will no longer search
for my everything
in a relationship with someone
who does nothing to keep me
deeply and truly
i love me, so much
talking shit about others
won’t reduce the shit
in your life
listen and understand
you will need me
before i ever need you
and knowing this is my power
i don’t suffer from OCD
i thrive from it
never apologize
for saying no to the things
you didn’t truly want
one day
every scar on your heart
will make sense
she is color
in a world painted gray
do not search for comfort
in the same heart
that destroyed yours
if you missed me
you’d show up
if you missed me
you’d be here
i have seen true power
in the eyes of a woman
who felt broken
but kept fighting
i have witnessed
a warrior’s strength
while watching
a woman survive
the ink in my pen
swells with the urge to write
thoughts coming together
to create words describing you
stories told beneath the moon
under a desk light as you sleep
tonight reminds me of love
and how much you truly
mean to me
i forgot about myself
while trying to remember you
we ended
like seasons changing
we disappeared
into a rainy fog
i breathe life into poetry
with every keystroke
my fingers in motion
i revive what was thought
to be dead
every bookstore
is a museum
the keeper of words
the holder of my art form
my thoughts on display
a resting place for my books
no more silence
my voice raised with others
who think as openly as me
screaming yes for gender equality
fists up in solitude for equal rights
how do you destroy
the woman
when you were created
in her womb
teach her that love
is not only in giving
remind her that she too
deserves to receive
a love that doesn’t force
her soul to weep
she’s single
which makes her
a kingless queen
and that’s okay
life begins again
once you stop living the way
society taught you
unwanted sexual attention
harms the mind
hurts the heart
and bothers the soul
stop
stop
stop
we grow colder
the longer we hold on
to anything that isn’t
good for our soul
wearing the color black
mourning the loss of myself
the fracture of my innocence
the cracks in my heart
you asked me how i felt
and silence was my response
because nothing was what i felt
you won’t leave right away
your heart will break
your mind will grow weary
and your soul
will long for more
but you’ll reach
for the person who pushed you
to the edge
because you’re in love
and that love is unconditional
that love is beautiful
that love is pure
that love should be given
to yourself
while the stars
compete for the moon’s attention
she is the only light
that i search for in darkness
i’m fine
i’m okay
i’m just tired
i’ve been hurting
the happiness
is the mask
that hides
all emotional truth
and i’ve been hiding
all of me
from all of you
these words pour from me
like rain from foggy skies
i often fear that i’ll drown
in my own pool of sadness
submerged, reaching for no one
because only i can save me
i have always saved myself
what are we
where are you
did you get my call
did you get my text
what do you feel
do you miss me
what are we
where do we go from here
am i wasting my heart on you
are you the one
are you seeing other people
are we exclusive
do you love me
why am i asking questions
that i should know the answers to
why do i feel the need
to question you
and yet you never answer
and to the Raymonds of the world
the underachievers
who mumble underneath their breath
when in the same room
as the overachiever
i hope you find your way
out of the pit of your own failures
i hope you find some peace
among the chaos you’ve created
i wish you well
as you continuously defame others
to make up for your own shortcomings
how sad, how weak
it’s okay to love whatever
or whomever you love
even if what you love
isn’t accepted by others
my April is colder
than usual
my April pours rain
like Seattle
my April hides the sun
behind its clouds
my April is gloomy
like a sky painted gray
there are times
when i don’t want
to be strong
there are moments
when i’d rather not smile
there are days
when i feel like screaming
there are nights
when i crumble into the darkness
of the night
for years i’ve been fighting
and most days i want to quit
so many years of surviving
and tonight i feel like shit
and i’m not afraid or ashamed
to admit that i’m not okay
i’m far from fine
a long way from being happy
this is it, my honesty
i will stand in my truth
i will stand when it hurts
i will stand even when i feel
like falling
cigar smoke dancing
in my lungs
the city’s vices on display
for everyone to see
the music loud
the people in a daze
high off life’s drug
some pretending to be happy
most of all everyone
trying to escape their daily woes
i suppose i’m sort of like them
here in this moment
trying to chase away
whatever it is that’s been
weighing me down
i needed to get away
and this is it
me among family
me, filled with peace
my mind
a museum of madness
my heart
a museum of pain
the club was often interesting
but rarely fun
weirdly i thought
the remedy for my loneliness
was to go to a place
filled with lonelier people
the club was just a place
where people were celebrating
their struggles
by drinking to get away
from all the fucked-up things
that occur in their lives
a temporary distraction
from all the things
that will still be there
when the music stops playing
a loneliness that will still be there
in the morning after the stranger leaves
the club has been prescribed
to anyone going through
whatever they’re going through
but just as i’ve found out for myself
the club won’t save you
there’s a difference between
being wanted and being loved
and i realized this even more
while in the lobby of the hotel
in Vegas, a place that also entertained
thousands of people with a casino
restaurants and clubs
i watched men and women
stumble in drunken misery
some alone, others together
finding each other but only
for the moment
i held my fiancée a little tighter
that night
to the eyes fixated
on this page
to the heart
that feels broken
to the mind
that feels tired
to the voice
that struggles to speak
to the voice
that struggles
to be heard
to the voice
that the world
has attempted to silence
i hope you found
a truth in these words
i hope you found
the inspiration
to keep fighting
to keep living
to keep surviving
to keep speaking
to keep going
i hope you found strength
in these words
i hope you found something
that’ll motivate your soul
to keep pursuing
or going after all the things
you deserve
thank you for giving me
your attention
until next time
keep fighting
keep fighting
keep fighting
keep fighting
index.
#.
a.
b.
c.
d.
e.
f.
g.
h.
i.
i see a lifetime in brown eyes.
j.
k.
l.
m.
n.
o.
p.
q.
r.
s.
t.
u.
v.
w.
y.
z.
a beautiful composition of broken
copyright © 2017 by r.h. Sin. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission except in the case of reprints in the context of reviews.
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