Growing Through
Family Conflict
Relationships bring us more grief and joy than just about anything else we experience on planet earth. Each of us carry within us lifetimes of peace and war, love and betrayal. Any conflict is rich with the needs, hurts, and fears of the participants. There are so many ways to relate to each other. We can be smothering or cold, uncaring or supportive, calm or aggressive, and any of the degrees between two extremes. Navigating the shoals and currents of any relationship is the work of many lifetimes.
Our wisdom is developed and refined through our experiences. No experience is more important than developing relationships with others. Our ability to relate will always reflect the quality of our connection to our true self.
Conflict is not always bad. It can work for us as well as against us. We can learn to skillfully interact with others when sharing differing views. We can build wisdom and strength. We can see ourselves through others who mirror our behavior. And we can learn to love unconditionally.
In this chapter, we examine how to create peace when conflict erupts in our families. We learn about disharmony and how to find the balance between being enmeshed and being close. We discover there are reasons for having our difficult parents or family members. We can find ways of being more accepting so we can find the true path to peace.
Dealing with Disharmony
Trying to openly resolve conflict in a family can sometimes make it worse. We like everyone to be happy, but arguing to create harmony is counterproductive. Trying to ensure our needs are met in the family might trigger hostility in other members, who may fear their needs won’t be met. Even being silent and submissive can annoy some people who may read it as being disengaged.
Sometimes our inner peacefulness can rub off on others and we feel good. But often it doesn’t make any difference. We will always have some family members who challenge us. No matter how hard we try, we struggle to create congenial relationships with these relatives.
Eleanor, age fifty-seven, comes to her first session because of conflict in her family. She greatly values having a close family in which everyone gets along with each other. But unfortunately, Eleanor is unpopular with her insecure daughter-in-law. Eleanor describes her son and her daughter-in-law as being hard-hearted parents who can be mean and judgmental toward all four of the children in their care. Of the four children, biologically, two are his and two are hers. Eleanor accepts these four children as her grandchildren and does her best to give love and support equally to each child.
On one occasion, Eleanor spoke to her son about the need to be gentler with the children, but this only made things worse between her and the two of them. Since her son told his wife about her suggestion, his wife shunned her mother-in-law and her son continually supported his wife instead of his mother.
During a party, the daughter-in-law accused Eleanor of ignoring her two children. Eleanor had been watching her daughter-in-law constantly pick on the youngest child, her biological grandson. Eleanor did her best to comfort the child, who looked sad and downtrodden. After the daughter-in-law’s accusation, Eleanor calmly stated that she loves all her grandchildren and treats them all equally. The daughter-in-law burst into tears and ordered Eleanor out of the house. This behavior caused a deep rupture in the family.
We were a close-knit family. My other children don’t stand up for me. They want to stay in contact with the daughter-in-law for the sake of the children. I understand this, but in a way, I am being sacrificed. My daughter-in-law has made me the problem. I see through her, but she doesn’t want to be seen. Still, I feel hurt.
During the session, Eleanor experiences a past life as a Roman centurion in charge of a group of men engaged in combat. These groups were called Centuries and formed part of a legion containing thousands of men.
The battle is in front of me, but I am in a safe spot, standing and watching. I feel a bit numb, frozen to the spot. I feel like an authority. Lots of my people are dying and being hurt. It is not going well.
Now I am on a horse and galloping fast away from the battle. I am deserting my men but only so I can go for help. I have come to a tent with a big table at the front where my authorities are discussing the battle. I am reporting and asking for help. Other Centuries are fighting elsewhere, and the authorities are sending available reinforcements to them, not my men. They to say to me, “not now, not now” and wave me away.
The centurion discovers something about the battle plan that he had not been told.
My group were a diversion for the main battle. We were sent as a sacrifice. I didn’t know that. I feel emotional—abandoned and betrayed.
The practitioner asks him what happens after he makes this discovery.
I went back to help the others. I feel a spear going through my chest. I could see it coming, but I couldn’t get out of the way. I feel a sharp pain and I fall back and hit my head.
I lie there for a while, listening to the fighting. Someone comes to my aid, but there is nothing he can do. I feel myself slipping out of my body. I seem to be going somewhere.
Eleanor pauses. The practitioner asks where the centurion is going.
I am standing in a meadow and there are people around who I don’t know but should know. I seem to be in a daze. They are supportive, helping me stand and walk. The chest pain is gone. Now I am floating along and it feels normal. There is a bright area that I am moving to, and now I am in it.
I am floating, feeling a little lost, in a space of nothingness. It is peaceful.
Someone is there who I know as Father and I hear, “I am here, my child.” I can’t see him. I am still a bit dazed. Father has said, “Come, child.” But I feel I am still in limbo.
When the practitioner asks why she is stuck in this limbo, Eleanor says she feels her soul is undeserving and damaged. The practitioner suggests Eleanor ask Father if her damaged soul can be healed, and he replies.
It is done, child. It is done.
Eleanor feels emotional and struggles to accept this message because she still feels responsible. The practitioner asks for more information.
I feel responsible for the past, when I was part of the universe, part of a group of twelve. I can see us standing around a crystal and the crystal has cracked.
We were trying to increase the energy of the crystal and it unexpectedly broke. It damaged the grids around the earth. Continents moved, and the water went everywhere. The ocean rose, and a lot of people were lost, including Atlantis. It was an accident.
The flood wasn’t our intention. We were trying to increase the power on earth, so things would be better. But it didn’t work.
The practitioner suggests she ask Father what can be done about this.
He said, “It was all part of the plan. It is done. It is healed.” It is only my memory that feels there is a need to heal. The healing is happening. He says I took it very personally and that is why I am stuck. Taking it personally is part of my nature. I need to heal that within myself.
The practitioner asks how it can be healed.
He says, “Love. Love for the self.” I feel emotional. Now I feel numb.
The practitioner asks her to remember the past life of the Roman soldier and notice if she can see any similarities between the situation of the battle and the situation with the crystal.
Eleanor sees the similarities. She took on the responsibility for the loss of the men in the past life and she took on responsibility for the devastating changes on the earth. In both situations she was just following orders. In the Roman past life, there was a greater battlefield plan that was being followed. And there was a greater plan being followed in the time of Atlantis. She agrees to let go of the feelings of responsibility.
After this realization, she is taken to a place where she senses the energy of many beings, but only sees four or five. She describes them as Masters.
I seem to be absorbing energy as a preparation for something.
The practitioner waits. When Eleanor next speaks, there has been a change.
I am feeling bilocated. I am with the group, but still in limbo. Now the Masters are moving away.
When she regains her connection to the Masters, they explain that she moved herself away. “Limbo means losing confidence and not trusting yourself.” She asks several questions about the limbo feeling, but they have only one reply.
“New journey, new path.”
I get dragged back into the limbo for taking on responsibilities that aren’t mine.
The practitioner asks if they can answer the questions she brought to the session. Suddenly the Masters disappear. The practitioner has experienced this before. In other regressions, clients who are sufficiently advanced are expected to use their own connection to the Masters to intuitively receive the answers.
She internally focuses on the conflict with her children while holding a desire to understand. The answers immediately come into her mind.
It is their journey. My role is to bring things up for them by just being myself—honest and loving, letting them be. And I am to feel okay about it. I am to trust in myself and know that I am just as important as anyone else.
Eleanor comes out of her Life Between Lives session feeling much more at peace.
Before the session, she carried guilt from the devastating consequences of her actions. But her guilt was misplaced. Her actions were ordered by those in authority above her. When her men fell in battle and when the seas rose and destroyed Atlantis, she was not responsible. She was innocent.
No wonder her daughter-in-law challenged her. The daughter-in-law reflected her past, triggering Eleanor’s misplaced feelings of guilt. The daughter in law was blaming Eleanor when she was innocent. This blame and the fracture in the family elicited the same feelings Eleanor experienced during her visit to the past life. When the authorities refused to send reinforcements and when the family refused to support her, she felt hurt, abandoned, and betrayed.
Eleanor wanted harmony in the family, but she was missing harmony within herself. Guilt was driving her. When there was any disharmony in the family, she felt responsible deep inside, even though her rational mind told her she shouldn’t. The conflict outside was a mirror of the conflict she felt inside. She doubted herself, wondering if she was guilty or innocent. Her inner turmoil was unbearable whenever she was confronted with friction in her family.
Once Eleanor was at peace within herself, she saw the family conflict with new eyes. She could accept the members of her family as they were, allowing her daughter-in-law to play out her insecurities without it affecting her. Now Eleanor has the inner strength and harmony to meet any challenges with love, forgiveness, and honesty.
Dysfunctional Families
Many of us have parents who are challenging. Parents can be abusive, neglectful, or argumentative. When they treat us badly, we can feel like victims. We wonder, “Why don’t I have parents like my friend’s?” If we dwell on this too long, we build resentment and self-pity, emotions that add to our misery.
When we are children, few of us realize that we chose our parents. Before we are born, our soul self, plans for our life, and our parents are an important part of this plan. Our soul selves don’t choose parents who will make us feel loved and happy unless such parents are part of the plan. We mostly choose parents who will challenge us in some way, teaching us what we need to learn.
Parents can teach us by many means, but the most persuasive way is by example. We can learn from the love, care, and honesty they demonstrate, but we can also learn from negative behavior. A dysfunctional parent acting violently or neglectfully can be a powerful lesson for how not to behave.
Sarina, age forty-one, has a difficult family of origin.
My mother, father, sister, and paternal grandmother all have personality disorders and I am, and have always been, their scapegoat. It has been the challenge of my life to be their daughter, sister, and granddaughter.
Despite her family, Sarina has managed well in life. She hasn’t wasted their example of negative behavior either.
Fortunately, I have been gifted with psychological “normalcy” and a great deal of intuition and resiliency, which is partially my nature and partially learned from my experiences of life with them. I am thankful for that.
Ironically, their negative and abusive behaviors have taught me to value and look for the opposite in healthy relationships with others.
As an adult I have been able to make good decisions for myself and my life. I am in a happy marriage, raising sweet, loving, and confident children, and doing very well in my chosen profession.
Although she has overcome many obstacles, recently Sarina is more frustrated and drained than ever with her family’s behavioral patterns.
The dysfunction in my family of origin persists, and I find that coping with the slings and arrows of their disorders is becoming more difficult as I age. Now I realize that there will be no changing on their part. I need to seek more support to fortify my spirit so that I can change the way I respond to them.
During the session, Sarina’s guide appears, explaining why she has chosen this challenging family.
Her purpose is to ascend. She chose these parents for this purpose.
Her mother gives just enough love, just enough light, for Sarina to grow. With that love and light, can Sarina stay the path? She chose to live with this difficulty as a test of endurance for her own awareness. She is testing herself.
She can draw back from the family. Find her purpose elsewhere. Nature is a good healer. There are other things for her. She is partially aware of what those are—but we will lead her as she goes, through her dreams and feelings from good works.
The practitioner reminds Sarina that she has felt rage at her family and then guilt. She asks if her guides can give her more information.
Sometimes rage is good. Power must be applied when it is necessary for her to protect herself and her children. It shows her that she has power before them.
Now she can let it go. Let us deal with them. It is no longer her job anymore.
Her parents chose to come into this life being difficult, abusive, and angry to help her ascend. They came as aids to help her fulfill her wish to test herself. They challenged her to stay light during darkness.
Two months after the session, Sarina writes to her practitioner.
What I am most thankful for is this sense of peace I have regarding my parents. What once weighed so heavily on my mind and heart has been lifted. I feel a miraculous difference in myself. Now I can think of them and handle contact with them.
Sarina chose her parents to test her ability to be her true self, while being challenged by the negativity of her family. Her mother was a good choice, shining just a little so Sarina didn’t feel completely isolated. It takes a strong, loving soul to stay light when there is darkness all around.
Challenging Parents
Parents caught up in their arguments with each other often neglect the needs of their children. Their focus is on defending their fragile sense of self from perceived attacks by their partner. When we see these parents as indulging in frequent conflict, we judge them as neglectful. They have overlooked their child’s need for a stable, comfortable environment. But appearances can be deceptive. Some children don’t need a stable, comfortable environment at all. What they need is an environment that helps them grow as a soul.
Jennifer, in her early fifties, is a successful businesswoman, happily married for twenty-five years, with no children. She feels her relationship with her parents has been a struggle and she comes for a Life Between Lives session wondering why she chose them.
The practitioner guides Jennifer into her mother’s womb. Jennifer feels comfortable and connects with her soul self. Now the practitioner asks if her soul energy moves in and out of the womb or just stays there. Jennifer’s reply is adamant.
I’m just in the baby. I’m in it! I stay!
In the womb, Jennifer feels alone, reporting that she is not receiving any help from spirit. The practitioner wonders why this is the case.
This makes me realize that I can do this. I did this on purpose. Help was offered, and I said no, I really want to try this alone, I know that I am strong enough. I can do this! This whole life’s deal, coming into the body and my purpose, I’m strong enough to be here. I’m strong enough to be born. I’m strong enough to be in this life.
This is a powerful realization for Jennifer, as she grew up unsure that she was meant to be here. She hasn’t felt strong and wonders if this life is a mistake. She is told that as a baby she refused to eat. She assumes this means she didn’t want to stay in her body after she was born.
Jennifer receives more information about her strength and starts making connections with her achievements in life.
I’m thinking about the determination that I always have; this is part of who I am, and I’ve always had it. I remember it now, the determination I have. Once I decide to do something, it will be done.
Now I am being shown my parents. My parents are arguing and that makes me determined. It fuels me. This fire makes me unstoppable. I can do it! Whatever it is. It’s the focus that I get sometimes as Jennifer, the same focus I had when I went to school for acupuncture, when I trained for a marathon, all the times I was determined to do something. It feels like fire. I have a picture of a fire horse in my office.
Jennifer has come to the planet in this life to stay. It seems she found incarnations challenging in the past. But she is a determined soul and she knows that difficult parents will give her an example of what she doesn’t want to be. In a way, their conflict inspires her.
Once she arrives in the spirit world, Jennifer meets her soul group.
Someone is coming forward that I don’t know. It feels very maternal, like the energy of someone like Mother Mary or Quan Yin.
It feels so welcoming and nurturing, reminding me I can still feel loved and nurtured, even when nurturing is not present in a physical life. That feeling of being nurtured doesn’t come from food. It doesn’t have to be your own mother that gives this feeling to you. You have it inside of you. You know where to look for it.
The practitioner asks why Jennifer missed out on nurturing and love from her mother.
This has to do with expectation. It’s a lesson around how everything comes from the inside. It’s okay to reach for something inside of us when we don’t have it outside of us. This happened so I can learn not to blame people when they don’t give it to me. It’s free for them to give it, but I cannot demand it.
The practitioner now addresses the question of Jennifer’s choice of parents.
It’s all actually simple! They are pushing my buttons, but that is what it’s all about. It’s all okay. It’s not about the buttons, that doesn’t matter. It’s all about our growth.
My mom and I are supposed to have fun together, being silly with a lot of laughter. It would be wonderful for us to spend more time together and to figure out the fun things we could do with one another. It feels good just thinking about it.
I chose to learn that nurturing comes from the inside out and to not expect it from her. I can show her how to love herself! We can have some joyful times together before it’s too late. There is still space to grow.
She is happy just the way she is. Even though that’s not how I would want to live my life, she accepts it. It’s what she wants. It feels worse to me than it does for her. I just need to remember to be and let be.
The practitioner notes that Jennifer has been carrying around a life-is-hard attitude. She asks where it came from.
“Life is hard” is Mom’s statement, it is not mine. I’m letting it go.
Jennifer now connects with her father’s soul to understand why she chose him.
My dad’s soul is a younger soul and a little afraid. He appreciates the determination I have, and he is sometimes in awe of that. It makes him feel insecure. He is gentle though.
We had one other lifetime together before. The main reason for this one is for me to show him that it’s okay to be courageous and to just get out there. To not be afraid!
He taught me to be patient. I knew he was going to test my patience.
I am showing him different ways to live, to acknowledge the intuitive skills that he has. It’s never too late to listen to his intuition if he chooses. There is still space for him to grow like that.
We chose each other to be teachers to one another. This feels good!
Some months after her session, Jennifer wrote to her practitioner explaining how her healing journey continued to unfold.
In the months following the session, I could see my parents with more compassion and a “let live” attitude. I understood that they would never be like me and that they would never be as I would be as a parent. I have accepted that. I understand that my role may be to show them how to be different, and if they see this, great! If not, that’s okay too.
I also understand that this life and my purpose in this life is only a sliver, a small part of my soul purpose. Just as I chose to stay with my mom and become a living baby, so I also choose to not continue the “usual” path of becoming a mother myself. I understood that I don’t have to feel guilty or like less of a person by not continuing my parents’ family with grandchildren.
Overall, this session taught me that I am a lot bigger than the physical person.
Jennifer chose her parents to teach her several lessons. Their anger reminded her of her strength. She learned to seek love and nurturing from her inner self. We can beg, hope, and bully to get our needs met by others, but the shortcut is to give what we need to ourselves.
Jennifer also learned the importance of acceptance. She had wanted to change her parents until she finally realized that they are settled emotionally where they are.
We live much happier lives when we accept our parents as they are. Taking time to think about what we have learned from them is worthwhile. We learn from their love and their lack of love, from their nourishing care and their disturbing deeds. What exactly we take away is up to each of us.
Enmeshed Families
What is the difference between a close family and one that is enmeshed? An enmeshed family is like a tribe. In the past, tribes were enmeshed because they had to be. Nomadic tribes lived in harsh territory, and the survival of any individual member depended on the collective. Tribes had strict rules, and if a member of the tribe broke the rules, they were often banished.
Some tribes and clans were especially cohesive, practicing a system of payback. For example, if a member of a tribe did wrong by another tribe, any member of the offending tribe could be the recipient of the payback, even an innocent child. The hard enforcement of these rules may seem cruel to us, but tribal rules were developed over countless generations to ensure the tribes’ survival.
Remnants of our tribal history are present in our families today. In an enmeshed family, we might feel the pain of a suffering loved one. Because their suffering is our suffering, we might grow angry if they don’t look after themselves. We may want to control them, becoming annoyed if they are too independent for our peace of mind.
Sometime during our soul journey, we need to break away from the tribe and develop our individuality and independence. Deanna, in her mid-forties, is still single and states she is still entwined with her family of origin. She wants to know how to handle them.
Early in the session, she goes to a scene when she is four years old.
I feel tense. My parents are arguing. I feel frozen and fearful. I am in another room and they are in their bedroom. This is the first time I have experienced them arguing. They are very loud, and I am sensing their anger. My mother is pregnant with my younger sister. I am concerned for my mother and the baby. Now the voices have stopped and mum is crying. I feel helpless. My other sisters are here, and they are just as scared.
Mum comes into the kitchen pretending nothing has happened. We look concerned, but she is ignoring it. My elder sister understands that something is wrong. I feel my heart beating. I am hurting and there is fear. I feel a contraction in the heart. This is the beginning of my heart palpitations. It comes in fearful situations and I feel like I am going to die. It is absolute helplessness.
Later, in her Life Between Lives session, Deanna’s guides make some suggestions on how to handle her parents.
You are getting caught up in their stuff and it has nothing to do with you. Forget the obedient child thing. Live your own life.
Do what you want to do out of love rather than doing what you feel you must do out of duty and obligation.
It is okay to have a response to the way they are. Acknowledge that, but then move into acceptance and unconditional love.
Feeling the emotion is essential, otherwise there is no point being here in a body. Not feeling the emotion is shutting down, and that is not being here. You need to feel the hurt, but don’t get stuck there.
Twenty-five years ago, Deanna’s father was told by a doctor that he would be dead in a year if he didn’t give up smoking and drinking. That scared him so much, he immediately gave them up, taking up soda pop and sweets instead.
Now he is old, in pain, and uncomfortable, but he won’t see a doctor. Deanna wonders if he is afraid of being told he could die, receiving information from her guide.
His soul is choosing that level of discomfort. He is stubborn, and it is compounded by your mother’s fear of orthodox treatments. He thinks, “Soldier on!” There are layers of history, of karmic connections, and some of it isn’t your business. He knows what he could do, but it is his stuff that he needs to work on.
Let him come to his own realization about seeing doctors and looking after himself. Think of him as a child. The only things a child needs are love and time, time to work out the problem. Nothing you do is going to make any difference except alienate and isolate him.
What is the worst thing that can happen? He could die. The spirits are indicating, “So what?”
They are telling me I need to step back. If I move into judgment, that is the opposite of karmic resolution. I am to be there for him in a nonjudgmental way with compassion and unconditional love. The lesson is to move into a space of love.
The practitioner asks one of Deanna’s prepared questions. She wants to know more about self-doubt, and how to deal with it.
Acknowledge the self-doubt, call it what it is. And then don’t give it power. Let the doubt drain away.
When you ask for guidance, the first thought is it! The second thought is the fear, which is of a lower vibration.
An energy comes into your consciousness, such as love or fear. Love and fear are on opposite sides of the same coin. It is all just energy. Once you are aware of your reaction and its cause, move on. You can transform the lower-level resonance of fear into a higher energy of love.
Fear and love are like the same cell but vibrating at different rates. Like a cake that can be dense or light. The same ingredients can make two different cakes depending on how the ingredients are treated.
If you over-beat the cake, it will be dense, just like when you overthink and feel tight and tense. If you leave the cake in the oven too long, it will be burnt and dry. The heat of the oven is like the heat of a fiery temper. You and those around you feel burnt and heavy.
Apply this idea of experiencing life as an adventure and use the cake analogy. You have your life ingredients. What sort of cake are you going to bake?
Deanna takes on the wisdom provided by her guide.
With my family it is not my lesson. It is not mine to change. I am to enjoy my time with them in nonjudgment. The guides are saying, let that be your goal for every interaction, even those that would have previously irritated you. There is a selfless reaction and a selfish reaction.
The life lesson with dad and all the family and the tribe is just acceptance and surrender, which is unconditional love.
As we advance on our soul journey, the challenges we face in our lives become more complex. Being accepting and loving with our families can be more challenging than expressing anger and resentment, especially when our loved ones are selfish or self-neglectful. We want their attention, and we want them to look after themselves.
When we realize each person on this planet is walking a path designed to be exactly what they need, we can pull back and let go of our arrogant assumption that we know what is best for them, loving them just as they are.
Suicidal Relatives
Suicide elicits strong emotions. It means giving up and abandoning everyone. So, when someone we love takes their own life—or even threatens suicide—we feel abandoned. Anger and sadness are other common responses.
Sometimes, we feel that if we’d only offered a little more—if we’d taken that last phone call, if we’d been more aware of the signs—we could have averted their suicide. We feel worse if we’ve argued with someone who later takes his or her own life. Although we wanted to save them, they didn’t want to be saved. They just wanted to escape.
Many people find the earth journey challenging. Research tells us that around 70 percent of people feel depressed sometime during their lives. Many of these people have thoughts of suicide. Society is concerned with the numbers of people who commit suicide, but these are small when compared with the number of people who would like to escape. Many do escape, not by suicide, but by other means, such as drugs and alcohol.
What do we do when we are faced with loved ones who tend to be self-
destructive and who don’t want to be here?
Colleen, age thirty-two, is a counselor to women who have suffered domestic violence. In her Life Between Lives session, she wants to discover if she is on track.
Colleen experiences a past life as a young woman, happily married, but with a troubled younger sister.
I am standing at my front door looking out, seeing cars in the street and the river. I am worrying about my sister. She is a lost soul who is taking drugs and hanging out with the wrong people. She is naive and trusting. While I am happy and secure, I am concerned that I can’t be there for her. She won’t let me. I have tried to warn her, but she doesn’t listen.
The practitioner takes Colleen to another scene.
I just saw her hanging.
I got her to come and live with me, but she had bad depression. I had been out. I came back and found her hanging from the top bannister. I try to hold her up, but she is dead.
I feel guilty. There is a big pressure on my chest. I am angry that she has done this in the house with my little girl. My husband is trying to help me cut her down. I am howling, and he is in shock.
The practitioner encourages Colleen to breathe through the pain in her chest until it dissipates.
I still feel angry and some relief too. The struggle is over now. I am feeling she is at peace. The guilt is gone.
Colleen leaves the past life and, while still in her life between lives, she receives information about how to get through trauma of this magnitude.
Thinking that I should be over things faster, doing more and feeling frustrated, just adds unnecessary resistance. I need to go with the emotions that arise and surrender, being in the present moment, allowing them, with no judgment and no resistance.
Now she wonders how she should handle negative people.
The guides are showing me a mirror, suggesting I use it as an opportunity to look at the situation. Once I discover my core beliefs about the negative behavior, I need to turn inward, bringing awareness to that core belief and letting it go. I need to create boundaries, ask myself what I expect from others and what I deserve. What I choose will reflect my feelings of worthiness. If I let go of the relationship, I don’t need to feel guilt. “Listen to your guidance,” they say. That is my journey in this life, to listen. I will get a sense of what is right for me and what isn’t. I need to send love to these difficult people for helping me to learn, grow, and be assertive.
Colleen learns that she had many challenging past lives, including some in which she committed suicide. The guides give her more information about her soul journey.
Forgiveness keeps coming up. Forgiveness for the guilt I had. It was planned to teach me so much. I was meant to experience guilt and all that happened. Now all will unfold naturally.
My suicides and mental health problems in past lives have taught me a lot. I have good insight into others and what my clients are experiencing. I have been an abuser in past lives, but that was a long time ago. From that, I have insight into perpetrators and know they feel vulnerable and like victims inside.
Everything I have experienced has taught me insight, compassion, and understanding. I can be with people and be patient. I have experienced life from many different angles. All is valuable.
In the life with the sister who committed suicide, I had to learn to let go and let her be because there was nothing I could do. I was not to sacrifice myself or my family. In the beginning, I was really concerned, but I learned to let go and let be. My guides are clapping because I did so well.
Unsatisfactory relationships with our families can bring us great heartache. We can feel helpless because, after trying, we eventually discover we cannot change people. But the cases we have explored show us a way forward. We don’t have to change others; we just need to change ourselves.
Once we really get this understanding, we surrender. Eleanor wanted a close-knit family. But a superficial close-knit family with members feigning togetherness is no comfort. Eleanor gave up her dream of a close-knit family and large family get-togethers. She saw there were other ways to have happy times with her family members.
Accepting the reality of our parents can be freeing. Sarina and Jennifer felt more peaceful when they understood why they chose their families. And Deanna was able to step back from worrying about her parents.
Acceptance also worked well for Colleen. Her loved ones were struggling with negativity and learning how to adjust to being here on the planet. When Colleen realized her loved ones were in the process of finding their own way to love and happiness, she could let go. With this new understanding, Colleen knew her role was to give unconditional love.
The guides often advise “let them be” to anyone having difficulties with family members. When we look closely at our own motivations, we often find our concern is more about us than our loved ones. We are worried we won’t cope if something bad happens to them. Our fears hark back to our primal sense of looking after the tribe. We want them to be happy and peaceful because we feel more at ease when they are happy.
Unconditional love is acceptance. Each person is on their own soul journey. Once we honor the choices of our loved ones, even when it hurts us, even when it keeps us awake at night, we will eventually find peace.