REMIND YOURSELF OF WHAT’S GOING WELL

SOMETIMES WHEN I’M walking or doing yoga, I’ll talk to whatever you want to call it: a higher power, God, the powers that be—sometimes I talk to my dad. I remember this one night in particular, I kept saying, “I really want to have a positive experience.” It was in regard to a specific situation in my life at the time, but honestly, that little prayerlike statement could have applied to a lot of things that were making me feel overwhelmed.

I don’t necessarily go into these “conversations” expecting an answer or response, but this particular night, I heard it loud and clear as I settled into Savasana (“corpse pose,” which is typically done at the very end of a yoga practice). “You want to have a positive experience? Then let yourself have a positive experience.”

“Oh, duh. Thanks.”

It’s so easy to get caught in a loop listing all of the things we’re failing at and screwing up, or all the things that are going wrong in our world. There’s tremendous power, though, in reminding yourself of what’s going well.

Research has shown an association between positive thinking and our physical health.⁵ Using brain imaging, researchers have actually been able to observe that positive emotions can trigger “reward” pathways in the brain and that the longer those positive feelings last, the longer the activation of those pathways lasts, helping that person expe-rience a prolonged sense of well-being. Pretty cool, right? Hearing “think positive” from your mother or your best friend is one thing, but seeing on a brain scan that positive thinking makes a difference takes it to a whole new level.

When we’re constantly focused on what we need to change or on what we’re doing poorly, that negative self-talk can trickle into other areas of our life and drag us down. I know it can be tricky to reframe a crummy situation into something positive. Some of us also come from families or social circles where complaining is how we communicate. Others have been trained to think that it’s bad to let on that we like ourselves or are proud of our accomplishments, so we automatically dial down the joy. But if we keep priming ourselves to fail, that’s exactly what will most likely happen.

The Power of Positivity

Replacing negative, anxiety-provoking thoughts with positive ones (whether those positive thoughts are related to the original thought or not) has been associated with a reduction in worry.⁶ So yeah, maybe you’re sweating a deadline or beating up on yourself for eating the cookies you swore you’d avoid, but spend a few minutes thinking about how well you handled a tricky conversation at work, or the delicious, healthy lunch you made.

Why is this helpful? Making a habit of noticing the positive can retrain your brain to more easily recognize the choices that make you feel well and stable so you can make more of those choices. Making this a regular practice can also help you become more resilient over time, so that when troubling things come up—as they always do—you can gather your energy and deal with those stressors more effectively than you might have if you’d gotten sucked into a negative thought pattern.

If saying nice things to yourself feels super weird, you’re not alone. I know that when I first started making gratitude journaling and affirmations a part of my day, I felt really uncomfortable. I felt like the second I wrote down something I was proud of, someone was going to swoop in and shake a finger at me for daring to think I deserved to feel good about myself.

I’ll admit that even now sometimes there are days when I have to remind myself of the power of noting what’s going well and what I appreciate myself for. One time that stands out for me is the week my dad died. He went into the hospital on a Saturday morning with complications from his pancreatic cancer, and on Tuesday night, he passed away. The days in between are a blur.

As someone who had worked in hospitals for years, it was hard to be on the other side of things, watching what was happening but being unable to do anything. Each morning and evening, I actually wrote in my journal that I felt kind of stupid even bothering to try thinking of positives, and yet I continued to show up for myself. I kept it simple: “I now allow myself to feel love and to feel grateful for my family.”

Even in those last days, my dad kept up his sense of humor and upbeat attitude. He was more concerned about the rest of us, asking if we were okay, if all the monitors and the alarms scared us. And of course I will never forget the morning he had a heart attack and just had to let the rapid response team know that I was single.

“How could I be in a room full of hot doctors and not mention it?” he later said. We teased him mercilessly. Even though it was one of the worst days of my life, I still can’t help but smile when I think of that part of it.

So that night I wrote that I appreciated myself for laughing, for seeing the love in that moment instead of being embarrassed. That little bit of lightness helped cut through the heavy dark.

Try It

If acknowledging good things makes you squirm, you can start small. If rolling your eyes makes it easier, go for it. Here are a few easy ways to get into the habit of reminding yourself of what’s going well:

• Daily affirmations. You can start with something simple, like writing, “I deserve to be happy” each morning.

• A gratitude journaling practice can be incredibly powerful. Each night, list a few things—tiny (delicious coffee) or huge (landed a promotion you’ve been working really hard toward)—that you’re grateful for.

• Do a nightly check-in with yourself about what you did that day. What’s one thing you’re proud of or feel good about? Even little things like drinking enough water, paying your phone bill, or not spacing out in a meeting count!

It might feel weird at first, but after a few weeks, you may notice that you’re talking to yourself differently, with a more encouraging tone.