For some of us, there are merely two food groups: 1) food that comes in a crinkly bag meant to be ingested by the handful; and 2) everything else. We are a tribe of eternal snackers. Some of our best meals happen between meals.
Certainly every time you crave to dip a chip, you’re not going to bust out the wok and start deep-frying the contents of your cupboard. However, when special occasions, rainy days, movie nights, birthday parties, and the need to gift strike, these haute snacks will fill the bill. Do the math: real food + real snacking = pure joy. No crinkly sack required.
While I love a crunchy rod or stick as much as the next gal, soft pretzels are the go-to carb-and-salt snack to make at home—because few things on this earth taste this good. And while they are at their best fresh, they are still delightful the next day—just rub them with a bit of water and re-bake for a few minutes. The most difficult part of this recipe will be waiting to devour them until they are really and truly cool; the flavor and crust just don’t develop until they have rested for a full 30 minutes. Eat without mustard at your own risk. Oh, and feel free to track down fancy pretzel salt if you wish. Straight-up kosher salt works fine for me.
Makes 12 pretzels
TIME COMMITMENT About 4 hours
6 cups (1 pound, 13 ounces) all-purpose flour, plus more as needed
1 packet (2½ teaspoons) active dry yeast
2 tablespoons sugar
1 tablespoon kosher salt, plus more for sprinkling
2 tablespoons vegetable oil
8 cups water
½ cup baking soda
1 egg
INSTRUCTIONS In a food processor fitted with the dough blade (or a stand mixer fitted with the dough hook), whirl together the flour, yeast, sugar, and salt. With the motor running (at low speed for a stand mixer), drizzle in the oil, then 2 cups of the water. The dough will come together and grab onto the dough hook.
Dust a countertop with flour and knead the dough, pushing it in from the sides and then over from the bottom, for 7 to 10 minutes. It will become less sticky, more cohesive, and slightly shiny, and it will have the texture of an earlobe to the touch. (If it doesn’t, add more flour, 1 tablespoon at a time.)
Lightly oil a large bowl and dampen a clean kitchen towel. Heat a cup of water in the microwave and remove it. Roll the dough into a ball, transfer to the oiled bowl, and cover the bowl with the moist towel. Move the bowl into the microwave and let it sit for 1 hour.
Transfer the dough to a countertop lightly dusted with more flour. Stick your finger directly into the center to make a small hole. Use your fingers to widen the hole and work the dough, hand over hand as if you’re pulling on a rope, into a large O-shape about 2 inches thick.
Cut the dough into a long rope and then into 12 equal pieces. Working with 1 dough piece at a time, roll into a 22-inch-long rope and fold into a pretzel shape: first, make a tall, skinny U shape, then cross the ends down and across each other to the opposite sides of the U. Pinch the pretzel to hold its shape. Form the other pretzels and let them rest for 20 minutes.
Preheat the oven to 425°F. Line 2 baking sheets with parchment paper.
Bring the remaining 6 cups of water and the baking soda to a rapid boil in a wide-mouthed Dutch oven or other large pot.
Boil the pretzels, one at a time, for 30 seconds each. Don’t skip this step: it’s what sets a pretzel apart from a doughy roll. Remove the pretzels from the water with a slotted spoon and hold them over the pot to drain well, then place them on the lined baking sheets. Beat the egg with 1 teaspoon of water. Brush the pretzels with this egg wash and sprinkle with salt to taste.
Bake both sheets of pretzels for 15 to 18 minutes, rotating the baking sheets and swapping their places in the oven halfway through. When they’re done, the pretzels will be golden brown. Transfer to a cooling rack and allow them to cool for a full 30 minutes—really: this sets their texture.
HOW TO STORE IT The pretzels are ready to eat immediately, and they are best eaten within a day. Alternatively, they can be frozen in a zip-top bag for up to 3 months.
Silly name, severe crunchability. Centuries from now, historians will look back through the annals of culinary history. They will scour Brillat-Savarin and Escoffier, they will comb through the writings of M.F.K. Fisher and Michael Pollan, and they will look to one another with a single critical question burning in their hearts: Is it possible to make your own cheese doodles? The answer, my snacking friends, is “yes.” Take this on on a rainy afternoon; you will not be disappointed. These do have a short shelf-life; I assure you this will not be an issue.
Makes about 5 ounces (about 2 cups)
TIME COMMITMENT About 3 days
3 ounces Cheddar cheese
1½ teaspoons kosher salt
3 teaspoons nutritional yeast
3½ teaspoons nonfat milk powder
½ cup masa harina
¼ teaspoon cayenne pepper (optional)
1 tablespoon butter, melted
½ cup plus 1 tablespoon water
2 cups neutral vegetable oil
INSTRUCTIONS First, the cheese must be dried out to become a powder. Using a sharp knife or a mandoline, slice the cheese very thinly, about ⅛ inch thick. Lay the cheese slices on a wire rack over a pan, not touching and not covered, so there’s plenty of room for air to circulate around it. Let the cheese dry at room temperature until it becomes very hard and crumbly; depending on the humidity, this will take 2 to 3 days. Note that oil will rise to the surface of the cheese as it loses moisture; this is fine.
Once the cheese is completely hard, blot the oil with paper towels. Move the cheese to a food processor fitted with the metal blade and grind for 2 to 3 minutes, until it becomes a fine powder, scraping down the sides as needed. Measure out ½ cup of the cheese powder and return it to the processor bowl. Reserve the remaining cheese powder, if any, for another use.
Lightly pulse the cheese powder with 1 teaspoon of the salt, 2 teaspoons of the nutritional yeast, and 1½ teaspoons of the milk powder. This will be the dusty coating of the cheese weasels: scrape it into a small brown paper bag and set aside.
In another bowl, use a fork to combine the masa harina, the remaining 2 teaspoons of the milk powder, the remaining 1 teaspoon of the nutritional yeast, and the remaining ½ teaspoon of the salt. (If you like, ¼ teaspoon of cayenne added here will give your weasels some heat.) Stir in the melted butter, and then the water, and let this mixture rest for 5 minutes.
Set a rack over paper bags, newspaper, or paper towels on the countertop. Heat the oil in a 12-inch skillet over medium-high heat (the oil should be about ⅓ inch deep).
Using a scraper, transfer the dough into a quart-sized zip-top bag (or, if you have one, a pastry bag fitted with a narrow tip). When the oil is just starting to smoke, snip a very small corner from the bottom of the bag—just enough to allow a bit of the weasel batter to squeeze through. Working in batches, squeeze the dough directly into the hot oil in whatever shape you desire: I like 3-inch squiggly lines. Let the weasels fry for about 2 minutes, until golden; there’s no need to flip them. Using tongs or a slotted spoon, gently remove them from the oil, allowing excess oil to drip back into the pan, and put them on the cooling rack until all the batter has been fried.
Move the still-warm fried weasels into the paper bag with the cheese dust. Shake gently to coat each weasel in cheesy dusting powder. Serve immediately or eat within the day.
HOW TO STORE IT Store in an open, paper-lined bowl for up to 3 hours.
This is a high-ventilation, high-mess recipe, and one that feels almost daredevil for the home cook. But it’s worth it! Homemade pork rinds are insanely tasty, and the way they puff up seems like a feat of kitchen magic. This is probably one of the healthiest parts of the pig to ingest—the animal fat is rendered away and the skin is cooked quickly in vegetable oil so hot that it barely soaks in—but whether it will become part of your daily diet is between you and your medical consultants. Making pork rinds requires two steps: first a lengthy rendering of the fat from the skin and then the actual frying, which goes very quickly. I encourage you to obtain the best pig skin you can from your local butcher that specializes in sustainable meats. Oh, and don’t worry if there’s still hair attached to the skin. This will burn off in the frying. ¡Viva los chicharrones!
Makes about 14 ounces
TIME COMMITMENT About 14 hours
1 pound pig skin
2 tablespoons kosher salt
5 cups neutral vegetable oil
INSTRUCTIONS Preheat the oven to 200°F.
Using a sharp knife and cutting along the underside of the skin, remove as much fat from the skin as you possibly can. Generously salt the skin on both sides and place it, fat side down, on a rack set over a rimmed baking sheet; put in the oven.
The point here is to render as much of the fat from the skin as possible and to dry the skin out until it’s hard. After 7 to 8 hours, take the skin from the oven and use a spoon to scrape off the softened fat and discard. Return the skin to the oven for another 3 to 5 hours, after which all of the fat should be melted away and the skin should be hard and solid throughout. Once the skin is cool enough to handle, use your hands to crack it into 2-inch pieces. (At this point, the skin can be stored airtight in the refrigerator or freezer for up to 4 months.)
In a wok with a candy or frying thermometer attached, heat the oil over medium-high heat until it starts to smoke and reaches 360°F, 5 to 8 minutes. Line your countertop or a baking sheet with paper bags, paper towels, or newspaper for draining, and have some tongs ready.
Working in batches of about 5 rinds at a time—they will puff up to be much larger than their current size—carefully place the rinds in the oil and swirl them around for 30 seconds until they puff dramatically. Remove them from the oil and let drain in a single layer on the paper. Taste the pork rinds before adding additional seasoning, as the salt level should be sufficient.
The rinds are ready to eat immediately.
HOW TO STORE IT Stored airtight at room temperature, they will last for up to 3 days.
Gather ’round, ye skeptics. These lentils are not the mushy, bland vegetarian pabulum that has poisoned America. These are light, crunchy, immensely flavorful, and sort of fun and dangerous to make. If, like me, you’re addicted to the panoply of bagged crunchy Indian snack mixes, these supercrunchers will soon send you to a snacker’s twelve-step program as you combine them with nuts, raisins, and the Puffed Rice. Note that a slotted spoon cannot be used for this recipe. You will need a mesh skimmer capable of withstanding wickedly hot oil. And it’s imperative that the lentils are COMPLETELY dry before frying. In oil this hot, any bit of water becomes a scalding, splattering mess.
Makes about 3 cups
TIME COMMITMENT up to 1 day
2 cups brown lentils
2 cups neutral vegetable oil
2 teaspoons curry powder, either homemade or store-bought
½ teaspoon kosher salt
INSTRUCTIONS Line a baking sheet with kitchen towels; set aside. In a large stockpot, bring about 10 cups of water to a boil over high heat. Slowly pour in the lentils, cover tightly, lower the heat as necessary to simmer for 15 minutes, until the lentils are tender but not thoroughly cooked.
Drain the lentils in a fine-mesh sieve, running them under cold water to cool thoroughly, and drain them well. Lay the lentils out in a single layer on the towel-lined baking sheet. Either let them dry overnight, stirring them occasionally; blow them dry with a hair dryer; or put them in the oven on its lowest possible setting for about an hour, stirring every 15 minutes, until they’re completely dry.
Meanwhile, cover the countertop or another large baking sheet with clean newspaper or paper towels. Have at the ready a mesh skimmer suitable for removing foods from hot oil.
Place a wok over high heat, add the oil, and let it get smoking hot, about 5 minutes. When you see the smoke, quickly and CAREFULLY pour half of the dried lentils into the oil and stir. Turn off the heat, keep stirring, and allow the lentils to cook for 1 to 2 minutes total, just until some of the lentils turn mahogany brown. Remove the lentils from the oil as quickly as possible and spread them out on the paper to drain. Turn the heat back on, get the oil smoking hot again, and follow suit with the remaining lentils.
Once the lentils are cool, transfer them to a bowl, add the curry powder and salt, and toss to coat. Eat immediately.
HOW TO STORE IT Kept airtight at room temperature, these will last for at least 1 month.
This homemade spin on Cracker Jacks makes for a very well-received prezzie (you will need to supply your own tiny toy in a plastic wrapper). Not only is it an insanely great treat, but also because there is absolutely no way you should eat this entire recipe by yourself. (Trust me. You’ll be sorry.) Don’t skip the final baking time: I know it’s more dishes to wash, but it makes a huge difference—the results are super-duper crunchy. Gift this tied up in lovely fabric lined with plastic wrap, tucked inside a paper towel tube wrapped in decorative paper, or in a good ol’ fashioned pretty bag.
Makes about 9 cups
TIME COMMITMENT About 1 hour
1¼ cups popcorn
6 tablespoons neutral vegetable oil
1½ cups sugar
½ cup butter (1 stick)
1 tablespoon kosher salt
INSTRUCTIONS First, pop the corn. In a large stockpot with a lid, heat together the popcorn and the oil over medium heat. Wearing potholders, shake the pot occasionally over the heat until the corn starts to pop, at which point, you should shake the pot every 5 seconds to avoid scorching. Keep shaking until there’s a 2-second pause between pops. At this point, turn off the heat and keep shaking constantly for another 30 to 60 seconds, until all popping subsides. Remove the lid carefully: the steam is very hot, and you may be attacked by a stray kernel! Pour the corn into a very large mixing bowl (or 2 smaller bowls if that’s all you have): you will need a lot of room to mix the caramel into the corn. You should have 9 cups of popped corn. Resist eating it all.
Preheat the oven to 300°F and lightly oil 2 rimmed baking sheets.
In a small saucepan over medium heat, melt the sugar and let it caramelize without stirring for about 20 minutes, until it turns a beaver brown. Then, add the butter and stir it in until melted and smooth. Take the pan off the heat and stir in the salt.
Slowly and evenly pour the liquid caramel over the popcorn and toss with a wooden spoon at first, and then with your hands (moistened with water to prevent sticking) once it’s cool enough, until well-coated.
Pour half of the caramel corn onto each baking sheet and spread it out evenly in a single layer. Bake the popcorn for 20 minutes, stirring the contents after 10 minutes, until the corn becomes crispy and darkens in hue slightly.
Let the popcorn cool completely before ingesting ludicrously.
HOW TO STORE IT If kept airtight, caramel corn will keep beautifully for at least 5 days at room temperature.
