Get out of my head, you damn dirty alien!
PROTECTION
In 1998 Michael Menkin, a former technical writer for NASA, invented the “Thought Screen Helmet,” a hat made out of Velostat, a kind of metallized plastic produced by 3M. On his “public service, nonprofit website,” www.stopabductions.com, Menkin offers instructions for building your own helmet. Here are a few excerpts from the site.
• Aliens cannot immobilize people wearing thought screens nor can they control their minds or communicate with them using their telepathy. When aliens can’t communicate or control humans, they do not take them.
• Adults and children all over America, all over Australia, in Canada, the United Kingdom, and in the Republic of South Africa are wearing thought screen helmets to stop alien abductions.
• Only four failures from standard thought screen helmets have been reported since 1998. A third failure in 2005 was from a cloth helmet with a smaller square area of Velostat and a Velcro strap which was easily removed by an alien-human hybrid.
• Other shielding material was tried in previous models with less success. Only thought screen helmets using Velostat are effective. Large leather aviator hats lined with Velostat with secure straps are recommended for making effective helmets.
• You can make a thought screen helmet (or thought screen baseball cap) for $30 if you purchase Velostat by the yard.
Here’s a customer testimonial from John Locke, alien abductee:
“Since trying Michael Menkin’s helmet, I have not been bothered by alien mind control. Now my thoughts are my own. I have achieved meaningful work and am contributing to society. My life is better than ever before. Thank you, Michael, for the work you are doing to save all humanity.”
Did they tank the Academy? Sean Connery and Lionel Richie both keep their Oscars in the bathroom.