Maybe it’s just us, but there are a few things you just shouldn’t have to do to a toy—like shave it, or breast-feed it.
SHARP TOY. In 2007 the toy company Zizzle introduced Jack Sparrow’s Spinning Dagger, a tie-in with the Pirates of the Caribbean movies. The toy, for kids “ages five and up,” consists of a plastic dagger attached to a wristband. With a flick of the wrist, the child can spin the dagger from a “concealed” position to one where it’s ready to stab—or at least ready to poke somebody’s eye out. Parents’ groups protested that the clearly dangerous toy lacked any kind of warning label.
HOMELESS TOY. Mattel’s American Girl dolls are one of the most popular toy lines of the 2000s. Each doll represents a different era and has her own storyline: “Julie Albright” is a girl from San Francisco in the 1970s; “Kit Kitteridge” is from the ’30s. And then there’s a modern girl, “Gwen Thompson,” whose deadbeat dad walked out on the family, leaving her to be raised by her single mom…in a car. Cost: $95.
THIRSTY TOY. Dolls that cry, eat, drink, poop, pee, and talk are old news. But Spanish toy company Berjuan went for a new level of realism: breast-feeding. Bebé Gloton (“Gluttonous Baby”) includes a special shirt that girls (target age: 8 to 10) put on. Bebé Gloton then latches on to a nipple on the shirt and makes sucking sounds. It’s available only in Spain.
ADULT TOY. Obviously, Mattel couldn’t make a magic broomstick that actually flies. But their Nimbus 2000 (modeled on Harry Potter’s flying broomstick) should have been fine for kids playing make-believe, who would just put the foot-long toy between their legs and run around, pretending they were flying. The problem was that Mattel installed a battery that made the broomstick “simulate movement”…by vibrating. To recap: That’s a foot-long toy meant to be stuck between the legs that vibrates. The product was quickly discontinued.
Scorpions can survive being frozen solid for as long as three weeks.
HAIRY TOY. You Can Shave the Baby, a doll available only in Japan, is a baby with some unfortunate hair growth. Topped with a huge helmet of orange hair, the baby also sports hair “suspenders,” hairy ankles, and a nest of orange pubic hair that’s so overgrown that it looks like a diaper. Kids are supposed to have “fun” giving the baby a much-needed shave. (No word on whether the hair ever grows back.)
GROSS TOY. The placenta is the organ that develops inside a woman’s uterus during pregnancy which nourishes the growing fetus. After childbirth it’s expelled, and normally it’s disposed of. But British designer Alex Green turns placentas into teddy bears. The skin of the five-inch tall toy is a placenta that’s been treated until it turns into a soft leather, then stuffed with brown rice. “Of course, a lot of people feel it’s grotesque,” said Green.
UNSETTLING TOY. The German company Playmobil makes hundreds of different miniature play sets depicting everyday life, jobs, and fantasies, from suburban living rooms to hospitals to pirate ships. One of their weirder ones is the HAZMAT Disposal set. It consists of two action figures dressed head to toe in protective suits and helmets, along with large industrial vacuums, some “WARNING” signs…and a leaking plastic drum of toxic waste.
SEXY TOY. Introduced in the U.K. in 2006, the Peekaboo Pole Dance was a collapsible, child-size stripper pole. It came complete with a CD of “stripping music,” a lacy garter, and a wad of play money. It was banned almost immediately.
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The U.S. Congress is one of the few workplaces in the U.S. where it’s still legal to smoke indoors.