Cosmetic surgeons can do some amazing things to you these days. Here are a few real procedures you can try if you have a little defect—and a lot of money lying around.
• Have you always wanted to look like an elf, or Mr. Spock? Consider ear-pointing surgery. A small slice at the top of the ear is cut out and the two sides of the incision are stitched together, creating a pointy ear. It’s considered such a minor procedure that most doctors farm it out to tattoo artists and ear-piercers.
• As humans age, more things deteriorate than just our physical appearance—even our voices age, growing drier, scratchier, and quieter with time. A voice lift reverses all that. An incision is made into the throat and the vocal cords are strengthened with either a synthetic implant, the patient’s own fat, or ground-up tissue from medical cadavers.
• Do you have an “innie” belly button, but would rather have an “outie,” or vice versa? There’s a surgery for that. Technically called umbilicoplasty, this procedure involves a surgeon manipulating the fat and skin in the belly button to make it protrude more or recede into the belly, whichever you prefer.
• Botox treatment, an injection of the botulinum toxin, causes mild, temporary paralysis and smoothing of whatever tissue it’s injected into, making it popular for erasing facial lines. Now there are Botox armpit treatments, which use the same technology to halt underarm perspiration for three to six months. The treatment can also be performed on overly sweaty feet.
• The weight-loss tongue patch is an increasingly popular procedure in California cosmetic-surgery clinics. A stamp-size plastic mesh patch is sewn onto the top of the tongue. Every time the patient eats solid food, the patch digs into the tongue, causing excruciating pain. Result: The patient switches to a liquid diet, which hastens weight loss. (The patch is removed after the target weight is reached.)
Southampton, Britain, banned residential barbed wire fences. (Burglars might injure themselves.)