We’re betting that whoever invented pants never saw these stories coming.
What’s in Her Pants: A bat
Story: Anna Buchan, 19, of Aberdeen, Scotland, was being driven to work by her mother one morning in July 2008 when she suddenly let out a scream—something was crawling up her thigh, inside her pant leg. Buchan hurriedly pulled down her pants and saw what it was: a small bat. She managed to grab the animal and, once she arrived at work, put it in a box. Wildlife officials advised her to release it after nightfall. “It’s so cute and small,” Buchan said, after she regained her composure. “I’ll be sorry to see it go.”
What’s in His Pants: A ferret
Story: In October 2009, a teenager walked out of a Pet Supermarket store in Jacksonville Beach, Florida, and confronted 38-year-old Rodney Bolton. Why? The boy had just seen Bolton stuff a ferret down his pants inside the store. Bolton denied it, but when the teen wouldn’t leave him alone, he pulled the ferret out of his pants and thrust it into the kid’s face—and it bit him. Police arrived a short time later and arrested Bolton. He was charged with robbery and battery with a “special weapon”—the ferret. The brave teenager was treated on the scene and released.
What’s in His Pants: Wieners
Story: Police in the town of Innisfail, Australia, were called to a supermarket in October 2009 because a man had been seen leaving the store after shoplifting several items. Police found the 38-year-old suspect in the parking lot—with several sausages stuffed into his pants. According to reports, the sausages “were recovered but were not returned for sale in the store.”
What’s in His Pants: Pigeons
Story: Customs officers at the airport in Melbourne, Australia, became suspicious when they found two small eggs in the pocket of a man traveling from Dubai. They told him they’d have to search him, asked him to take his pants off—and found two live pigeons taped to his thighs. The unidentified 23-year-old was arrested for trying to smuggle live animals and faces up to 10 years in prison.
Clinical depression is 10 times more common now than it was in 1945.
What’s in His Pants: A scar
Story: David Walker, 28, of Dinnington, England, was in a pub one night in March 2004 with his “lifelong friend,” Stuart Simpson. After drinking approximately 15 beers, the two friends got into an argument: It was Simpson’s turn to buy a round, but he didn’t buy one. So Walker got angry, left the pub, went home, shoved a sawed-off shotgun down his pants, walked back to the bar, and, on the way there, shot himself in a very delicate place. While he was still recovering from emergency surgery, Walker was sentenced to five years in prison for illegal possession of a firearm. He says he has no memory of the incident whatsoever.
What’s in Her Pants: “Trees”
Story: In January 2008, police in Palm City, Florida, pulled over a car driven by 24-year-old Theresa Linette Rochester. According to the police report, officers “observed a large bulge in the groin area of Rochester that resembled a male penis.” Pretty sure that Theresa didn’t have a penis in there, one of the officers asked her what the bulge was. “She stated it was ‘trees,’” the report said—a street name for marijuana. A subsequent search found that she had about an ounce of the drug in plastic bags in her pants. Rochester was arrested for drug possession.
What’s in His Pants: Fire
Story: Kenneth Ray Brooks walked into the Centura Bank in Orlando, Florida, in September 2006, demanded cash, got it, shoved it down his pants, and quickly left the building. A few minutes later, police patrolling the area noticed a man walking down the street with smoke pouring from his pants. It was Brooks—a dye pack hidden in the bills had exploded and somehow lit his pants on fire. Brooks was arrested and, according to officers, “walked very, very slowly to a waiting ambulance.”
Female buffalo on California’s Catalina Island receive regular birth-control injections.