At the BRI, our job is to search for crazy stories and put them in a book (with a two-headed duck on the cover) that will be read in the bathroom. In comparison to these professions, our job is quite normal.
MOURNING CLOWN. An Irish company called Dead Happy Ireland sends out their “mourning clowns” to wakes and funerals. The clowns make balloon animals, squirt water out of their corsages, stumble toward the open casket as if they’re going to fall in, and fart at inappropriate times. Says founder John Brady, “I’ve been to so many funerals, and they’re always so sad. Wouldn’t it be nice to have something funny happen?” Cost: 150 Euros (about $220).
DOG POOP PICKER-UPPER. This used to be a job exclusively for neighborhood teenagers who needed to earn a little money, but today dog-pile removal is big business. For example, Poop Patrol in San Diego has a fleet of trucks and workers use specialized “extraction tools.” Their motto: “Always on doody.”
GROSS STUNT PRODUCER. Thinking up new and detestable ways to make reality-show contestants (and viewers) cringe, these people create and sample eyeball soups, maggot slushies, and other foul “food.” “If I can’t keep it down,” said Fear Factor production assistant Josh Silberman, “then perhaps it’s not edible.”
GUMBUSTER. When there’s something strange stuck to the sole of your shoe, who ya gonna call? Gumbusters! Equipped with a contraption similar to a rug cleaner, Gumbusters will superheat the sticky goo so it can be easily washed and vacuumed off the floor or sidewalk. They’re in great demand in most major cities (except in Singapore, where chewing gum is illegal).
LA-Z-BOY CHAIR TESTER. This job is not quite as easy as it sounds. “You can work up quite a sweat after the first hour or two,” says Mike Pixly, who rocks back and forth up to 2,800 times per shift at the La-Z-Boy factory in Monroe, Michigan. Though he only earns $6 per hour, this “motivated self-starter” (as his boss calls him) appreciates the great workout for his calves and abdominal muscles.
In 2009 a woman who was bitten on the buttocks by a police dog sued the dog. (She lost.)
MILITARY ROLE-PLAYER. Defense contractors are looking for a few good actors to take part in elaborate war games that help soldiers train for upcoming missions. These days, the casting calls are primarily for actors who look, or better yet speak, Arabic to play Middle Eastern villagers and combatants. The job entails running around shooting guns loaded with blanks, negotiating with soldiers, and playing dead.
CHICKEN SEXER. These skilled hatchery workers must separate baby chicks by gender—females will become egg layers; males are saved for later consumption or breeding purposes, or are disposed of. How do the sexers determine gender? Sometimes by the appearance of the feathers, but most often by squeezing the chick until its anal vent opens up—a little bump means it’s a male.
MEDICAL MARIJUANA TESTER. Using a grant from the National Institutes of Health, the University of Iowa pays people $620 to be subjects of a 60-hour study. Basically, the subjects smoke marijuana joints while researchers monitor their brain function in an effort to help determine whether marijuana can be used medicinally, or if it does little more than give users the munchies.
CONDOM TESTER. Durex in Australia recruits men of all sizes to try their products and give feedback on comfort and durability. While it’s not a paying job, testers receive $60 worth of Durex products, and one lucky guy wins a $1,000 bonus. (And for the ladies, there’s also a job called “tampon tester.”)
LAUGHTER THERAPIST. Has modern life become so bleak that we need specialists to teach us how to laugh? Yes, according to “joyologist” (and clinical psychologist) Steven Wilson, who helps his patients reconnect with the “joyful, zestful, exuberant laughter we all had as babies.” A good belly laugh, Wilson says, can lead to a stronger immune system, less stress, and a slower aging process (except for the wrinkles that form on your cheeks from all that laughing).
Peak time for most Internet searches: 5:00 p.m. For “adult” Internet searches: 11:00 p.m.