DISTRACTED DRIVERS

Are you driving your vehicle down the road right now? Then don’t forget to look up and check traffic every now and then while you read these fascinating stories.

CLEAN GETAWAY
When police noticed water pouring out of the cab of a truck traveling down a road in China in June 2009, they assumed the truck had mechanical problems and pulled it over. Instead of a leaky radiator, the officers found the driver naked and soaking wet from having just taken a shower—behind the wheel. He explained that his air conditioner had broken, and his wife (in the passenger seat) helped him rig up a “sprinkler kettle system” to keep him cool, complete with a bicycle wheel suspended above him to accommodate a shower curtain. To keep the dashboard dry, his wife held a sheet of plastic over it. The man was cited for reckless driving.

DANCIN’ FOOL

Romanian police are searching for a truck driver who posted a video on the Internet of himself dancing: He claps his hands, stands up in his seat, and then jumps out of his seat, mugging for the camera with his hand either barely on or not on the steering wheel, while his truck is speeding down the highway. So far, police have been unable to locate the man.

CAP’N CRUNCHED

Concerned drivers in Needham, Massachusetts, called to notify police that a vehicle was driving erratically, crossing double yellow lines, and tailgating other cars. When police caught up to the driver they found him eating a bowl of cereal with milk. His excuse for the reckless driving: “I was hungry.”

NIT-PICKING

In Canada, talking on a cell phone while driving can get you a $500 fine under the “Distracted Driving” laws. But according to Ontario’s transportation minister, Jim Bradley, the law doesn’t go far enough. “There are many other activities occurring during driving that are just as dangerous, if not more so. The other day I was almost side-swiped by a man who was completely distracted while picking his nose. And I don’t mean just a nose scratch—he was in up to his knuckle.” Bradley proposed raising the fine to $850. A rival politician, Randy Hillier, scoffed at the idea: “What’s next? No eating broccoli with dinner due to the possibility of passing gas into the atmosphere thereby increasing global warming?”

Vulcan, a town in Alberta, Canada, has a tourist center that looks like a space station.

BUS DRIVER MANIAC

In San Antonio, Texas, in 2008, onboard security cameras recorded a bus driver reaching into his shirt pocket, getting his phone, starting to text…and then slamming into a stopped car, causing a massive pileup. The bus was carrying disabled passengers. There were no serious injuries, but the driver was fired.

IF ANYONE SHOULD KNOW BETTER

In 2009 Amanda Meyer, a police officer in Jacksonville, Florida, was driving her cruiser when she glanced down at her dashboard-mounted computer. When she looked up, there was a tanker truck stopped at a railroad crossing. She swerved…but not in time to avoid the 40-mph collision. Thankfully, the gas tanker was empty, but Meyer, who suffered minor injuries, was cited for reckless driving and fined $149.

IT’S SNOT FAIR

Michael Mancini was stopped in traffic in the town of Prestwick, Ayrshire, Scotland, in 2010. He took out a tissue and blew his nose. A moment later, a policeman signaled for the 39-year-old furniture restorer to pull over into a nearby parking lot. But it wasn’t just any policemen—it was Officer “Shiny Buttons” (his real name is Stuart Gray), known for his strict adherence to the letter of the law. Officer Buttons witnessed the nose-blowing incident and cited Mancini for distracted driving, which carries a fine of £60 ($93). “You’ve got to be kidding,” said Mancini. “My van wasn’t even moving!” Officer Buttons wasn’t kidding. Mancini appealed to police department officials to drop the charges, but they refused, so he had to pay the fine and his license was suspended. “What is the world coming to?” he complained to reporters.

3M Health Care now offers a Bluetooth stethoscope. It records what your doctor is listening to.