These actual products are for people so lazy they can’t even fini
PROBLEM: Pancakes are so hard to make. First you have to read the directions on the box. Then you have to mix the dry ingredients with the wet ingredients. Then you have to grease a pan. Then you have to fry the pancakes. That’s seven minutes of your life…gone!
SOLUTION: The Chefstack Automatic Pancake Machine does all the work for you. Simply pour in a “batter pouch,” turn it on, and the machine makes and stacks pancakes in 30 seconds. But it’s only for real pancake lovers—it costs $3,500.
PROBLEM: When you use a pair of scissors, you have to move your thumb and forefinger slightly apart and then back together again, and then again, and again, and again…
SOLUTION: Try Whizzers! Perfect for the 21st-century lifestyle, they’re battery-operated, automatic scissors that cut while you guide. (It’s actually a motorized knife.)
PROBLEM: You’re hungry, but that delicious cake is all the way over on the other side of the table. Come here, cake!
SOLUTION: The Extendable Fork. It’s just like a normal fork, except that it telescopes out to 18 inches, long enough to reach across the table without having to get up.
PROBLEM: Making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich is hard work. First you have to spread the peanut butter on a piece of bread; then you spread the jelly on another piece of bread. And don’t even get us started on how hard it is to put the two together.
SOLUTION: Goobers. Made by Smuckers, it’s a jar filled with alternating columns of peanut butter and grape jelly. And if sticking a knife into that is still too much work, Smuckers also makes UnCrustables: preassembled PBJ sandwiches (with the crusts cut off).
University of California scientists built a “tickle machine” to study why you can’t tickle yourself.
PROBLEM: Playing “fetch” is a great way to spend some quality time with your pooch, but what if you’re too busy, or there’s something good on TV?
SOLUTION: The GoDogGo Fetch Machine. Like a miniature tennis ball machine, it shoots balls a few dozen yards away so your dog can chase them. If the dog brings them back and drops them into the bucket, the machine shoots them again. And you don’t have to miss a second of Survivor!
PROBLEM: Losing weight requires exercise, which requires movement, which requires getting up off the couch.
SOLUTION: The Vibro Power Belt lets you burn fat while sitting down. How? The belt “rigorously massages the skin and underlying tissue to get circulation moving and break up deposits.” The jury’s still out on whether it works, but at least you can make a game of it: Eat some pork rinds, turn on the Vibro Power Belt, and let the two battle it out.
PROBLEM: Stirring your coffee or hot chocolate can be hazardous. If you get too rambunctious, it can spill and burn you. And if you stir a lot, there’s always carpal tunnel syndrome to worry about.
SOLUTION: The Chunky Mug is a cup that looks like a cow and has a built-in agitator that automatically stirs your beverage for you. Just press the button, and your stirring worries are over!
PROBLEM: Licking an ice cream cone involves moving your tongue up and down, in a circle, side to side, up and down, in a circle, side to side…and you’ve barely made a dent.
SOLUTION: The Motorized Ice Cream Cone does all the work. Simply place your ice cream cone into the green plastic receptacle, and it will slowly rotate the cone for you. All you have to do is stick out your tongue, and the ice cream comes to you.
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“Progress is made by lazy men looking for easier ways to do things.”
—Robert A. Heinlein
That’s strict! Classroom rules in Japan dictate which shoulder students must carry their bookbags on.