Emergency-room workers have all sorts of disgusting stories having to do with…well, private parts. (Warning: These stories aren’t for everyone.)
A TREE GROWS IN GRANNY
An elderly North Carolina woman arrived at the ER saying she had green vines growing in her “virginny,” as she quaintly called it. An exam and a few X-rays confirmed her story: It was a vine, and it had sprouted…out of a potato. The woman explained that her uterus had prolapsed, or fallen out (a condition not uncommon in elderly women), so she’d popped in a potato to hold it up—and forgotten about it.
A woman brought her unconscious boyfriend into the ER in a panic and explained that she’d found him lying in the bathtub. Doctors noted a large lump on the man’s head…and some curious scratches on his scrotum. As they were trying to determine what happened, the man woke up and told his story: He’d been cleaning his tub in the nude, and while kneeling to scrub the drain, he didn’t realize that his swaying testicles had drawn the attention of his cat. The cat pounced, and the man jumped in pain…then hit his head on the tiles and knocked himself out.
In a fit of depression and self-loathing, a middle-aged man did the unthinkable—he cut off his own penis. The urologist at the ER believed he could reattach it if it was found, but time was running out. So a police officer rushed to the man’s house to look for it. There, he heard a choking sound coming from the man’s poodle. After a brief struggle, the officer was able to wrench the man’s missing member from the dog’s mouth. Sadly, it was too damaged to reattach, but the cop was given a citation for service “above and beyond the call of duty.”
In 2008 a man who claimed the drug Mirapex caused his gambling habit won an $8 million lawsuit.