Featuring a reincarnated cat, a crook with image issues, a getaway driver who couldn’t drive, and heroic tobacco juice.
KIDNAPPED!
In April 2009, James Williams’s mother received some startling text messages on her cell phone: “we have ur son”; “pay $250 or we kill him”; “wire $ to the walmart in milwaukee”; “dont call cops.” She did call the cops, and when they traced the calls, they found Williams, 23, a few miles away in Kenosha, Wisconsin. He was sitting in his mother’s van—alone—feverishly texting more ransom messages to her. James was arrested and sentenced to 60 days in jail and one year’s probation.
Sharon Shelton, 66, the second ex-wife of Gerald Shelton of Madison, North Carolina, sent a cryptic letter to Gerald’s third ex-wife: “If you want to get even with him, burn the house down.” Ex-wife #3 turned the letter over to the police, so Sharon decided to do it herself: In October 2009, she broke into Gerald’s house, poured gasoline on his coffee table, lit it up, and ran away. Luckily, Gerald had a large, plastic spittoon on the coffee table—and the heat melted it, causing tobacco juice to spill out and extinguish the fire. Sharon was charged with attempted arson.
In 2009 Peter Koenig, a convicted bank robber serving five years in a German prison, went to court for the right to receive visits…from his cat, Gisele. Koenig, a practicing Buddhist, believes Gisele is the reincarnation of his mother. “I know it is mummy,” he told the British newspaper The Telegraph. “She looks after me just the way she did. I need to see her like other prisoners see their wives and children.” The request was refused. “While we respect the religious freedom of individuals,” the judge said, “the accused has not been able to furnish proof that his deceased mother has been reborn in a cat.” (The judge added that Koenig could always just write letters to the cat.)
A company called Drink Safe Texas sells bar coasters that test drinks for date-rape drugs.
Four men from Essex, England, robbed a jewelry store in September 2009. They ran outside and jumped into a waiting car driven by their friend, 18-year-old John Smith. One problem: Smith has no arms below his elbows, so his fellow crooks had to help him steer and change gears. They made it 30 miles before they lost control of the car and crashed. All four were arrested. Said Smith’s mother, “Because of his naïveté, he did not fully accept that by sitting in the car he was actually involved in the burglary.”
A man broke into a home in Woodbridge, New Jersey, in May 2009, and left not only richer but better looking and with fresh breath, too. In addition to $500 in cash, the crook took some Life Savers candies but left behind the razor he had shaved with (and some whiskers in the sink). He also left behind a pair of smelly black socks. Police are still looking for the man.
When Paul Baldwin was arrested for assault in New Hampshire in 2009, he didn’t have to be told where to go or what to do at the Portsmouth police station—he knew the drill. Why? He’d been booked there 152 times before on various charges including felony theft, lewdness, arson, and shoplifting. At his trial, Baldwin told the judge that he didn’t need a lawyer because, “I’ve been in this courtroom more than you have.” (He went to jail.)
In 1987 Phillip Arnold Paul murdered an elderly woman because he believed she was a witch. He claimed that voices in his head made him do it, and was acquitted by reason of insanity and then locked up in Eastern State Mental Hospital in Washington. He tried to escape once, but was quickly captured. Other than being a flight risk, Paul was considered a “model patient.” So one day in 2009, staff decided to include him in their annual supervised field trip to the Spokane County Interstate Fair. Not surprisingly, Paul escaped. “It’s outrageous that security was so inept that a guy who’s officially regarded as criminally insane was able to just slip away from the group,” said state Rep. Matt Shea of Spokane Valley. At last report, Paul’s whereabouts were still unknown.
Less than 10% of Americans tell pollsters they are “very dissatisfied” with their jobs.