Sometimes you’re so mad, you just want to throw something…like a waffle. Or a plate of food. Or a jellyfish.
Thrower: Keith Edward Marriott
Thrown: Several jellyfish
Story: In September 2009, sunbathers at Madiera Beach, Florida, saw Marriott, 41, as he seemed to be struggling in the surf. When they ran into the water to save him, he jumped up and started throwing jellyfish at them. Witnesses said he repeated the stunt several times, each time throwing jellyfish at people who ran to help him. He was arrested and charged with disorderly intoxication.
Thrower: Crystal Samuel of Manning, South Carolina
Thrown: A waffle
Story: Samuel and some friends were waiting for a takeout order at a Waffle House restaurant early one morning in May 2009. Her friends got their meals, but Samuel was still waiting, so her friends started eating. A waitress told the group that they couldn’t eat from takeout containers in the restaurant. Samuel explained that she didn’t have her food yet, but the waitress told her they all had to leave. An argument ensued—and Samuel threw a waffle at the waitress. They both went outside, and the waitress walked to her car…and took out a gun and shot Samuel in the arm. The waitress, Yakeisha Ward, was charged with assault and battery with intent to kill. Samuel told reporters she thought the incident showed that the restaurant had “bad customer service.”
Throwers: Three police officers in Gainesville, Florida
Thrown: Eggs
Story: One night in November 2008, three off-duty cops were out drinking until around 2:00 a.m. when they decided to do something stupid: They went to a convenience store, bought four dozen eggs, and drove to a part of town known to have a high concentration of prostitutes and drug dealers. The cops then cruised the streets and threw eggs at people. They were finally pulled over by another off-duty cop, who recognized them because he’d pulled them over once before—for doing the same thing. After an investigation, the officers were given a written warning. (The citizens of Gainesville can sleep soundly now.)
Every year Americans use enough plastic wrap to cover the entire state of Texas.
Thrower: William Singalargh of Whakatane, New Zealand
Thrown: A hedgehog
Story: Singalargh, 27, was arrested in June 2008 after getting into an argument with a 15-year-old boy. During the confrontation, Singalargh reportedly grabbed a hedgehog (no word on where he got it) and threw it at the kid. The porcupine-like creature struck the boy’s leg, causing several punctures and severe swelling. Singalargh was fined $500 for simple assault—the original charge of assault with a deadly weapon was dropped when the hedgehog was determined “not deadly enough.”
Thrower: Andrew Mizsak Jr. of Bedford, Ohio
Thrown: A plate of food
Story: In May 2008, Mizsak and his father, Andrew Sr., got into an argument at the dinner table over young Andrew’s messy bedroom. The junior Mizsak threw a plate of food across the table and “made a fist” at his father when he was told to clean it up—and the father called 911 on him. But when police arrived, the senior Mizsak told them that he didn’t want to press charges against his son. Why? “I don’t want to ruin his political career,” he said. Andrew Mizsak Jr., who was a member of the Bedford school board, was 28 years old and lived in his parents’ basement. “I know this looks bad,” Mizsak Jr. told reporters.
Thrower: Douglas Jones, 57, of La Quinta, California
Thrown: Golf balls, tennis balls, and cans of fruits and vegetables
Story: In 2007 park rangers in Joshua Tree National Park in Southern California began finding golf balls near roads in the park—lots of golf balls. It continued for more than two years, during which between 2,000 and 3,000 balls were found. In August 2009, rangers finally solved the mystery when someone spotted Douglas Jones throwing golf balls out of his car as he drove through the park. Jones immediately confessed, saying that he threw the balls to “leave his mark” and to honor deceased golfers. Park rangers said that Jones also threw cans of food, which he claimed were intended for people who became stranded. He was cited for abandoning property, littering—and unauthorized feeding of wildlife.
In 2005 North Korea launched an ad campaign telling men to cut their hair The campaign’s slogan: “Trim Our Hair According to Socialist Lifestyle.”
Thrower: Taesani
Thrown: A rock
Story: A woman identified only as Ms. Kim went to a South Korean police station in 2009 to report that someone had thrown a rock at her. Who threw it? Taesani, an elephant at a Seoul zoo. Kim told officers that on a trip to the zoo, she’d noticed the elephant picking up a stone with its trunk, didn’t think much about it, turned around—and felt the rock suddenly hit the back of her head. Police investigated the incident, but there were no witnesses, and it happened outside the view of surveillance cameras. No charges were filed against the elephant.
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Julie Jackson from Dallas, Texas (who once worked as an intern on Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood) invented two products that have us scratching our heads (and our cats’ heads, too).
• Subversive Cross-Stitch Kits—$20: They look just like the sweet embroidery samplers that Grandma used to make, except these kits (fabric, thread, pattern, embroidery hoop, and two needles) lets you make cross-stitch patterns that spell out vulgar messages, including “Homo Sweet Homo” and “Shut Your Whore Mouth.”
• Wigs for Cats—$50: As presented in her book Glamourpuss: The Enchanting World of Kitty Wigs, Jackson (along with photographer Jill Johnson and her Siamese cat, Boone) show off the many colors and styles of cat wigs. You can choose from Pink Passion, Bashful Blonde, Electric Blue, and Silver Fox.
Both of Jackson’s products have been huge sellers.