Comic books and superhero stories like The Dark Knight and Watchmen have taken the genre through some unusual twists and turns. Here are a few that were even more twisted.
Superman: At Earth’s End (1995)
This comic book is set about 500 years in the future, after humanity has been all but destroyed by an apocalyptic disaster. Superman is still around, but he’s a very old, mentally ill, homeless person with a long white beard. The U.S. is now run by the DNA Diktators, twin clones of Adolf Hitler who want to exterminate what’s left of the human race and start over with a “master race.” So they send out evil Batman clones and flying robots to find and kill any remaining humans. Superman tracks down the Hitler twins, kills them, retrieves Batman’s corpse from the cloning lab, and then sets it—and himself—on fire.
Now 60 years old, Spider-Man (or Peter Parker) is retired from crimefighting and works as a florist. He’s not doing too well—he vomits, hallucinates, and cries a lot, all signs of inconsolable grief. Why the grief? Because the love of his life, Mary Jane, died of cancer after a mysterious, prolonged exposure to radiation. Only he knows the truth: Because he was bitten by a radioactive spider as a young man—which gave him his spidey-superpowers—his bodily fluids constantly emitted radiation. Then he married Mary Jane and, after years of doing what married people do, his own super body gave Mary Jane cancer…and killed her.
After the Incredible Hulk flies into a rage and kills 28 people one day in Las Vegas, the government passes the Superhuman Registration Act, requiring superheroes to check in with the government and divulge their true identities. The superhero community splits into two camps on the issue. The anti-registration contingent is led by Captain America, who is executed for treason by the pro-registration side, led by Iron Man, who hires an army of supervillains to hunt down noncompliant superheroes. Dozens of Marvel Comics characters get involved in this satire of the paranoia and ratcheted-up security measures in the U.S. since 9/11, the Patriot Act, and the Abu Ghraib scandal.
55% of all deaths caused by firearms in the United States are suicides.
The Punisher, who made his debut in the 1970s, is one of the darkest superheroes in comic-book history—a vigilante who avenges the deaths of his family (who accidentally witnessed a mob hit) by torturing and brutally murdering any criminal he can get his hands on. Meanwhile, Archie is the squeaky-clean “all-American teenager” who hasn’t changed much since his introduction in the 1940s. In this comic, the Punisher is looking for Red, a drug kingpin who’s hiding out, posing as a gym teacher in Archie’s high school…and who also happens to look exactly like Archie. After a series of mistaken-identity gags involving Archie and his friends, the Punisher gets ahold of Red (and nobody dies).
In this update of the ’60s superhero team the Avengers, the main characters are Quicksilver and Scarlet Witch, fraternal-twin superheroes (male and female, respectively). But this brother and sister are bound not just by their family ties or common special powers; they’re also…romantically involved. The Ultimates is believed to be the first incestuous-twin superhero comic book. And why the attraction? Quicksilver says he’s drawn to Scarlet Witch because she “reminds him of his mother.” (Eww!)
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• bacon-flavored lollipops
• bacon-flavored breath mints
• bacon air freshener
• bacon ice cream
• bacon tape
• bacon bandages
• bacon-infused personal lubricant
About 1% of the static on a TV tuned between stations is a relic of the Big Bang.