If you’re not allowed to laugh in heaven, I don’t want to go there.
—MARTIN LUTHER
My home is in Heaven. I’m just traveling through this world.
—BILLY GRAHAM
THERE’S ONLY ONE way to make it through the valley of grief, and that is to embrace the hope of heaven. One way to translate Romans 8:24 is: “For we were saved by means of hope.” Being able to look forward to the future God has planned, has promised, and is well able to deliver is truly what makes our grief different from “others who have no hope” (1 Thess. 4:13, MEV). I sometimes wonder how people without this hope even survive the experience of grief.
The entire experience of walking through the valley of grief could be described as a journey from focusing your mind on your excruciating loss to focusing it on the hope of heaven. In that process even the overwhelming pain of grief becomes “our light and momentary troubles” when compared with “an eternal glory that far outweighs them all” (2 Cor. 4:17). The pain of grief is not removed by this hope, but it is put in perspective.
Perspective really does change everything. Imagine being stranded in a small boat during a storm, waves crashing over you, threatening to drown you. You’re soaked and terrified. Suddenly a helicopter hovers above you, a rescuer plunges into the water beside you, a basket is lowered, and you are lifted to safety. Your perspective suddenly goes from water level to hundreds or thousands of feet above the waves. From the window of the helicopter speeding off with you in it, the light catching the waves appears brilliant and beautiful. You can now focus on more than gasping for your next breath as fear is replaced with relief and hope.
That’s what the hope of eternity can do for you in your grief. That’s what a change in perspective can do to your pain. That’s what being saved by hope feels like. That hope may not overtake you as quickly as a helicopter extracting you from a stranded boat, but it can become just as certain of a lifeline. It will come if you keep walking.
Heaven and the New Earth
No section in a chapter of a book can come close to adequately describing what heaven is like. Jesus talked often about both heaven and “the renewal of all things” (Matt. 19:28), as do many of the New Testament writers. Ever since then many saints have tried to put into words the beauty, joy, and glory of heaven with only partial success. Our human language cannot do it justice. And yet heaven will not be the end. God has promised to make all things new, including earth. That’s where the New Testament ends—not in heaven, but right here on earth with everything re-created. Only then will God’s eternal purposes for creation and for us be fulfilled.
This truth gives all humanity great reason to hope. But let’s look specifically at some of what the promise of heaven and the new earth means for us who are going through the valley of grief.
Our hope is in a real place.
One thing you cannot escape noticing throughout the New Testament is that Jesus and all who followed Him believed heaven to be as real as the things we can see with our physical eyes, perhaps even more so. Jesus spoke of preparing a place for us there, a home in His Father’s house (John 14:1–3). He spoke of heaven as a place with rewards, books, a banquet, treasures, a city, and angels that pass between here and there. He spoke of His Father as being in heaven and Himself as coming from heaven and going back there. Heaven is certainly not some ethereal place where disembodied spirits play harps all day. Taking Jesus’ words at face value, one would have to conceptualize heaven as a realm we cannot see now but that is at least as real as our present world, only perfect and permanent. Paul and John both were allowed glimpses of heaven, and they were overwhelmed by the experience.
Think of those who were persecuted and even killed in the early centuries after Jesus walked the earth and those who are still willing to give up their lives in places where believing in Jesus is physically dangerous today. Would so many gladly endure persecution and even death if they weren’t as convinced as Jesus was that the eternity God has promised us is real? Even before Jesus came to earth, Abraham by faith looked “forward to the city with foundations, whose architect and builder is God” (Heb. 11:10). Heaven is very real.
Paul wrote about us having bodies in heaven that are different from the ones we have here, bodies that are themselves permanent and not subject to sickness or death. (See 1 Corinthians 15:42–44.) He wrote of us having a “spiritual body.” Perhaps a more correct translation is that we will have a “spirit-empowered body.” This is not meant to suggest our eternal bodies will not have substance. We may not understand exactly how a spiritual body will look, but we have every reason to believe our heavenly bodies will be in form very much like what we know now. God created humankind in His image, so we are already very much like Him, with hands, feet, eyes, and all the other such things we think of as part of the body. We will have eyes capable of tears that God Himself will wipe away. We will have feet to walk through the gates of the New Jerusalem, and a mouth and senses to enjoy eating from the tree of life. (See Revelation 21–22.) Our bodies will be re-created to reflect what God originally intended.
The first two chapters of Genesis talk about how “God created the heavens and the earth” (Gen. 1:1). The last two chapters of Revelation talk about how God re-creates “a new heaven and a new earth” (Rev. 21:1). God’s plan is not thwarted—detoured perhaps, but not thwarted. And finally it all comes to pass. John describes a city with gates and foundations. There are rivers and trees with leaves and fruit. Taking Jesus’ frequent talk about “the regeneration” together with John’s description in Revelation, the new earth is what God had intended all along. It’s Eden restored—physical bodies, relationships, nature, health, and joy all made gloriously perfect, along with God’s physical presence forever with us here on earth.
And about those tears. We have sorrow and weep now. But picture being in the new earth. God Himself, the One who created you and gave His Son for you, is now walking up to you, putting His arm around you. Then with His eternal hand, “He will wipe every tear from [your] eyes” (Rev. 21:4). I’ve read that verse for years, but it means so much more to me now.
I believe in part this also means our tears will not be wiped away before eternity. We can receive true comfort, healing, and growth here in this life, yet tears will still be a reality for us. But the day will come when God Himself, the One who stands at the center of the universe and has been planning this day since before time began, will take His heavenly, golden handkerchief and wipe your tears away with a touch so gentle, lovely, and overwhelming that you will never need to cry again. And the meaning behind this picture is that not only will He wipe the tears away from your eyes but from your heart as well.
Of course, everything wonderful will be a part of eternity with God: adventure, excitement, fulfillment, healing, peace, growth, learning, intimacy, romance, accomplishment, satisfaction, creativity, abundance, true love, and every other wonderful gift you can imagine. And everything horrible will never, ever show up again. Pain, shame, embarrassment, loss, confusion, inhibition, sadness, fear, worry, lack, trauma, and most of all death will be eliminated forever.
The day will come when God Himself will take His heavenly, golden handkerchief and not only wipe the tears away from your eyes but from your heart as well.
Our personalities in heaven
Some people wonder if they and their loved ones will be able to recognize one another in eternity. The Bible indicates that we will. Jesus’ disciples were promised a role in governing “the twelve tribes of Israel” (Matt. 19:28). That would seem to imply the disciples would have similar personalities and even physical characteristics to what they had when Jesus spoke those words. Many Bible scholars interpret Paul’s statement in 1 Corinthians 13:12 in a similar way: “Then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.” We will both know others and be known for who we really are, more completely than in any human relationships we have now.
What we do here on earth now has carryover into our experience in eternity. In the parable of the talents in Luke 19, the servants who diligently invested what they were entrusted with were given significant authority when the king returned (vv. 17, 19). Jesus spoke about storing up “treasures in heaven” (Matt. 6:20). He often said that what we do here will impact our reward in heaven. This reward is not salvation. But somehow in God’s economy our time here on earth is not wasted. The things we learn, the choices we make, the skills we develop, and the things we invest in God’s kingdom now affect what we will be doing in eternity.
Getting to Heaven
We touched on this earlier in this book, but it deserves another brief discussion here. One cannot read Scripture without being convinced that some human beings will not be in heaven. But God makes abundantly clear that His desire is for each person to be saved. “The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance” (2 Pet. 3:9). The parables of the lost sheep, lost coin, and lost (prodigal) son in Luke 15 show God as One who does everything possible to save every single human being.
And yet He does not force anyone into heaven or the re-created new earth. Jesus is pictured in Revelation 3:20 as knocking, waiting for a response from the heart. And when a person does respond, He rejoices. He is looking for any possible reason to save as many as possible—you, me, and our loved ones. The response He is looking for is not for us to try harder, or grovel, or profess a certain religious affiliation. None of those things matter when it comes to salvation. He’s looking for someone to say yes. And every single time, without exception, when someone says yes, He says yes in return. As Romans 10:13 declares, “Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.”
What does saying yes look like? Romans 10:9 says, “If you declare with your mouth, ‘Jesus is Lord,’ and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.” There’s nothing anyone can do to earn their way into heaven. Treating other people right, doing penance for the wrongs you’ve done, giving money to good causes or the church, keeping yourself out of trouble, being born with the right pedigree—none of that makes a bit of difference. And God won’t check your weight, smoking status, bank account, or political or church activities on your way into the New Jerusalem. The only thing that matters is that you said yes to His knock on the door of your heart.
And that’s the only thing that matters about your loved one as well. Although the legacy our loved ones leave on earth is determined by their behavior during their lifetime, what matters when it comes to where they spend eternity is their heart’s posture toward God. And once again, if you’re unsure of how your loved one stood with God at the time of the person’s death, remember that only God knows what transpired in the last moments of your loved one’s life here on earth. I believe all of us will be surprised at some of those whom we will meet in heaven.
Since we’re on the subject, I cannot close this book without asking you to make sure you have said yes to Jesus’ knock on your own heart’s door. Heaven is too wonderful to miss. When God re-creates the new earth we will finally be able to fully experience everything we were created for. Regardless of what may happen during the remainder of your life here, don’t miss your chance to let God come personally to you and wipe away the tears from your eyes—and your heart. I want to meet you in heaven and the new earth. And I pray you meet your loved one there as well.
Finding Hope in the Midst of Pain
The journey through the valley of grief is possible because of hope. Sometimes that hope seems hard to grasp, and it seems as though the waves of sadness will drown you. Know that you are not the first one to go through this valley, and you are not the only one going through it right now. As dark and hopeless as things may appear, you can be certain that what you see and feel right now is not all there is.
Knowing Jesus and connecting with a community of faith makes a difference here and now. But as Paul said, “If only for this life we have hope in Christ, we are of all people most to be pitied” (1 Cor. 15:19). However good this life may be, it’s never enough. As long as your loved one lived, it wasn’t long enough. Even as good as it is to know Jesus here, it’s not enough. Only with the hope of heaven and the new earth, only with the reality of eternity, can your soul ever find satisfaction or gather the courage to go on. Only with our eyes regularly returning to the view of eternity can this life be meaningful. Let us fix “our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God” (Heb. 12:2). If Jesus had to keep His eyes on eternity to make it, how much more you and I will have to do the same.
Grief is supposed to hurt; it’s the price of love. Death was not part of how God originally designed things to be, and in His universe it’s not normal. Your pain now is a mark of how wrong things have gone here on earth and of how much sin has messed everything up. But even in the middle of your pain, you can choose to embrace hope.
Some days the waves of sadness, loneliness, hopelessness, anxiety, panic, or pain will threaten to overwhelm you. Look for the waves of hope. The reality of heaven, the absolute certainty that God will set all things right and that He will wipe all tears from your eyes when He makes all things new, can wash over you too. Don’t deny or ignore the waves of pain; often you will have to ride those waves and let them crash on the shores of your soul. But at the same time, choose to also ride the waves of hope.
When you need a moment of hope, call a friend. Cry out for God’s presence. And read again Paul’s declaration about the death of death:
For the trumpet will sound, the dead will be raised imperishable, and we will be changed. For the perishable must clothe itself with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality. When the perishable has been clothed with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality, then the saying that is written will come true: “Death has been swallowed up in victory.”
“Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?”
—1 CORINTHIANS 15:52–55
Even so, come, Lord Jesus!
TWO STEPS FORWARD
1. How does looking forward to the time when God will wipe away all your tears help you make it through the dark valley of grief?
2. Write in your journal about what you are looking forward to in heaven and the new earth.