The Origin of My Concept of God

1     When I was a child, there was a series of television ads for Star Kist tuna fish.

1.1   It featured an ambitious tuna, Charlie, who longed to be accepted by the Star Kist brand.

1.2   Realizing that Star Kist had high standards, Charlie spared no effort to improve himself.

2     In one ad, he busied himself with literary classics.

2.1   In another, he learned to play the violin.

2.2   Week after week, Charlie slaved away, acquiring new refinements.

3     At the end of each ad, Charlie would present his most recent skill to the Star Kist quality controller, who was represented only by a godlike voiceover.

3.1   Eyes shining with hope, the tuna would loft his violin/golf club/copy of Moby-Dick.

3.2   The verdict of the Star Kist God was always the same:

4     “SORRY, CHARLIE!

STAR KIST DOESN’T WANT TUNA WITH GOOD TASTE:

STAR KIST WANTS TUNA THAT TASTES GOOD!”

5     As a child, this ad disturbed me deeply.

5.1   I feared for the selfless tuna, clamoring to be tinned as food.

5.2   Why didn’t Charlie taste good? What about Charlie wasn’t good?

6     A superficial reading yields an anti-intellectual agenda.

6.1   Going more deeply, one might posit “tasting good” as a Zen no-mind state.

6.2   Or: tainted by original sin, we can be saved by Grace alone.

7     Pondering it now, I shoved away the vile Star Kist God and defied him: