HAVE YOU EVER seen little children play in a sprinkler? With my adult mind I can’t make sense of how it can be so much fun, but apparently this is a pretty huge event in the life of children. They run and jump and frolic with utter joy as they play with a simple sprinkler—a device that represents nothing but work to me. I can’t think of anything I like less about yard work than dragging a sprinkler around, turning it on, then running away in an effort to avoid getting drenched. But kids—give them a sprinkler and a warm summer day, and it’s on.
Children can have fun in just about any environment. This was demonstrated to me quite dramatically several months ago while I was shopping with my wife at the mall. Now, I’ll be the first to admit, walking through the mall is much like watering the lawn for me. I dread it. It was on one of these dreadful trips to the mall that I encountered a young child who was getting dragged around the mall in much the same way I was.
He was probably about four years old, and his mother was in “the shopping zone.” She had loaded up her husband’s arms with multiple bags from stores like Bath & Body Works, Victoria’s Secret, and The Limited. Her husband looked absolutely whipped—for good reason, I’m sure. But this little kid who had been walking around the mall for hours was determined to have fun. I watched him as his dad sank into a chair at one of the women’s specialty stores that literally blasts dance music in an effort to make you forget you’re spending way too much money on inferior merchandise.
As the thumping rhythm started to invade the little boy’s mind, he looked up at his dad, cracked an enormous smile, and then started dancing as if there were no tomorrow. He wasn’t a particularly talented dancer; as a matter-of-fact, in another environment one might have thought he was having some sort of seizure. But the kid was having a blast as he threw himself into different positions with utter abandon. As his dad stewed in his own misery, the little boy found a piece of heaven right there in the mall.
What do sprinklers and dancing boys have in common? Well, these two stories demonstrate how willing children are to embrace the fun in life. Without a doubt, kids are masters at finding joy in even the dullest environments. They do what they love to do—what makes them feel alive and free. How often do you do what you really love to do? I’m not talking about sitting in front of the TV watching reruns. I’m talking about doing the things that really nurture your soul, the things that feed your spirit, the things you find exhilarating.
If you’re like most people who are overstressed, you don’t spend much time doing the things you love—and that’s a problem. Researchers have started to identify a new strategy for stress management that has been overlooked for years. Basically, they’re finding that one of the easiest and most intuitive ways you can feel less stressed is to engage in activities that you find fun and enjoyable.1
Sounds pretty simple, doesn’t it? Well, it might be for some people, but having fun is not the typical mode of operation for people who are overstressed. That’s why we spent yesterday covering the topic of creating margin. But when you create the needed margin in your schedule, what are you going to do with it? Fill it up with other activities that are stressful? You probably will do just that unless you make an intentional effort to do what you love.
Let’s say you work forty hours a week, fifty weeks a year, for fifty years. That’s one hundred thousand working hours over the course of your career. One hundred thousand hours of work. How many hours will you spend playing and engaging in the kinds of activities that exhilarate you and make you feel alive? Through the course of your life, the time you spend dancing in malls will probably pale in comparison to the time you spend working.
It makes sense, then, that an important part of managing your stress is to intentionally pursue activities that you find enjoyable. In short, if you’re serious about living a less-stressed life, you should cultivate the ability to create margin in your schedule for the things you love, for the things you find exhilarating. You have to become like a child.
FINDING YOUR FIRST LOVE
One of the biggest problems overstressed people have is that they don’t know what they find enjoyable. I can’t tell you how many clients I’ve seen in my practice who can’t answer questions such as: What do you like to do? What’s fun for you? This happens simply because of the problem stressed-out people have with creating margin in their lives. They are so busy with their chaotic schedules that they don’t even have time to consider what they would find exciting or fun.
Can you answer the question: What do you like to do? If not, it’s important that you begin to think about what you can do to have some real fun. One of the best ways to address this in your life is to do what I call a “historical review.” Think back over the course of your life about some times when you had great fun. Can you remember a time in your childhood that was distinctly enjoyable? How about in high school or college? Did you have fun playing an instrument? Maybe you can remember a time when you were interested in painting or drawing. Have you ever enjoyed reading? How about scrap-booking or fishing?
The point is, if you can remember times in your life when you had fun, when you felt alive and free, then you should be able to replicate those activities in the present. You are in the process of creating margin in your life. If you can combine your new margin with activities that you truly enjoy, you’ll be well on your way to creating a less-stressed life.
For today’s assignment I want you to try something very different. Go play in a sprinkler! Metaphorically, that is exactly what I want you to do. Become intentional about embracing play, exhilaration, and enjoyment in your life. Yesterday you thought about how to keep the main thing the main thing as you learned how to create margin in your schedule. Today I want you to cast a vision for yourself of what you’re going to do with the time created by your new margin. You can fill it up with more chaos, or you can follow the model of Christ that we talked about yesterday and nurture yourself by engaging environments you find enjoyable. Considering all the work you do, you deserve to have some fun. So check out the worksheet I’ve included to learn how to do what you love.
ASSIGNMENT
• Complete the Do What You Love to Do worksheet.
• Expose yourself to stressor number two on your Top Five Stress Triggers list by completing the imaginary exposure exercise from Day Thirteen.
• Practice passive or active relaxation for twenty minutes.
• Log thoughts, feelings, and behavior three times a day after breakfast, after lunch, and before bedtime using the stress log.
• Complete all seven columns of the stress log and implement your personal system for managing stress when you begin to feel stressed.
DO WHAT YOU LOVE TO DO
Are you ready to have some fun? As I mentioned in today’s reading, new research confirms the truth that engaging in leisure activities we consider fun and exhilarating is an important component of effective stress management. Complete the following exercise to remind yourself of what you really love to do and find exhilarating. Have fun!
1. Perform a historical review in which you think about times/experiences in your life when you’ve had a tremendous amount of fun. I’ve included a guide that will help you think this through.
2. Based on your past experiences and your knowledge of what you find enjoyable, list several fun activities you could begin to engage in. As you start to free up time in your schedule, enjoy the margin you have created.
3. Remember the little dancing boy? He made what seemed to be a mind-numbingly boring environment exhilarating. Look for opportunities to engage in fun and joy in life even when the situation doesn’t necessarily call for it. You might even want to tweak your new story to reflect this concept!
STRESS LOG
This stress log will help you practice becoming more aware of the emotions you experience when your stress begins. It should be completed daily beginning on Day Six of the Stress Relief for Life program. If you encounter a stressful experience during your day, fill out the entire row under the appropriate time period. If you don’t have a stressful experience, complete only the first four columns.
