CHAPTER 4 I’d Like to Exchange This

It is not how much we have, but how much we enjoy, that makes happiness.

—Charles Spurgeon

Linda stumbled through the door just before sunset, exhausted from a busy day at work. Groceries in one arm, purse and computer in the other, she exhaled in relief, glad her workday was finally over. Her two boys, David and Aaron, stopped playing their video game long enough to say, “Hi, Mom. What’s for dinner?” and her husband, Will, came in from mowing the lawn just in time to ask the same question. It looked like it would still be a little while before Linda could relax.

But dinner would have to wait. There was one bright spot in Linda’s busy day that she wanted to show Will and the boys first. On her lunch break, Linda had gone down to her favorite store and bought a beautiful blouse for an upcoming night out with friends. It was a top she had been wanting for months, and today’s big sale afforded her the opportunity to buy it. Even on sale, it wasn’t cheap, but it was so beautiful, Linda just couldn’t pass it up.

Excitedly, Linda tried on the blouse and came out to show her hungry family. Will exclaimed, “Wow! Looks great, hon!” and the boys glanced up from their video game to say in unison, “Nice shirt, Mom.” But when Linda spun around to let Will see the back, things took a negative turn.

Apologetically, Will informed his wife, “Um, honey, I don’t know how to tell you this, but there is a big rip in the back of your blouse.” Linda ran to the bathroom to look in the mirror, and sure enough, her new blouse had a tear in the back. She couldn’t help it. The events of the stressful day finally overwhelmed her, and Linda burst into tears. Nothing had gone right all day and her beautiful, new, ripped blouse was the proverbial icing on the cake.

Will came in to the bathroom and gave his sobbing wife a huge, comforting hug. “Don’t worry, honey,” he said. “You can take it back tomorrow and exchange it for a new one.” That’s when Linda replied in a way that surprised her husband. As she wiped her eyes and worked to compose herself, she said, “No. I don’t want to go through all that hassle. I’ll just make do with it the way it is. Maybe I can wear a jacket over it and no one will notice that it’s ripped.”

Bewildered, Will stepped back and said, “Linda, that’s silly. You don’t have to go around wearing a torn blouse. That doesn’t make any sense. Let’s just take it to the store and exchange it for a new one.” But Linda persisted. “No. It’ll be fine. I’ll just wear it the way it is. If no one sees my back, they’ll never know the blouse is ripped. I’m not going to exchange it. I’m going to hold on to it and deal with it.”

Three nights later, Linda sadly wore her ripped blouse as she went out with her friends for dinner. It was a night she had looked forward to for weeks, but she really couldn’t enjoy herself. Rather than talking and laughing and having a good time, she spent the evening feeling uncomfortable because she knew she had a huge rip in the back of her blouse. Everyone else had a wonderful time, enjoying the dinner and making the most of their girls’ night out, but Linda never got in on the fun. Instead, she spent the evening self-conscious, frustrated, and unhappy.

It could have been easily avoided. Linda could have been just as happy as her friends that night. She didn’t have to spend the evening uncomfortably hot because she couldn’t take her jacket off. She didn’t have to be upset and unhappy. In fact, she could have been the happiest person in the room, wearing a beautiful new blouse and relishing much-needed time with wonderful friends. It would have all been different if she had made one simple decision: I’m going to make the exchange.

It’s Really Not That Complicated

If reading that fictitious story about Linda frustrated you, you’re not the only one. You were probably thinking (like I was), C’mon, Linda. Just return the blouse. It’s not complicated—make the exchange. It’s an unfortunate reality that Linda had a problem, but she also had a solution. All she had to do was take advantage of the solution and exchange the blouse for a new one. (Don’t worry, things get better for Linda by the end of this chapter.)

You know, stress is kind of like that ripped blouse. Stress is something that happens in our lives—and many times—through no fault of our own. Linda didn’t cause the rip; it just happened. We don’t always cause stressful situations; they just happen. Whether you’re fifteen, fifty-five, or eighty-five, you’re going to deal with stress on a regular basis. And you know what? It’s not easy. Whether it’s a demanding boss, a bigger-than-expected bill, an upcoming move, an avalanche of homework, a disappointing diagnosis, a calendar that is too full, or an unruly child, stress from these and other situations can be enough to make you run to the bathroom and have a good cry.

But the good news is that as believers, we don’t have to take ownership of the stress. We don’t have to hold on to it and incorporate it into our daily lives. In other words, we don’t have to go to a dinner party with a ripped blouse. We can exchange that stress for something better. The Word of God teaches us that we can cast our cares on God (see 1 Peter 5:7) and exchange the burdens, frustrations, and sorrows of the world for the joy of the Lord.

Just look at these Scriptures that talk about the exchange that happens for the children of God:

Be not grieved and depressed, for the joy of the Lord is your strength and stronghold.

Nehemiah 8:10

To give them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness.

Isaiah 61:3 (NKJV)

Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.

Psalm 30:5

It’s really not that complicated—God wants to make a trade with you. Of course, the ultimate trade is the exchange of your sins for Christ’s righteousness (see 2 Corinthians 5:21), but that is just the first in many wonderful exchanges. God wants you to give Him all your cares, problems, and failures. In return, He’ll give you His peace and joy. And on top of that, God promises that He is the one who is going to protect and take care of you.

In order to exchange your stress for His peace, it is important that you stop getting upset about little things that you can’t control. Many people would like for God to take care of them, but they insist on worrying or trying to figure out an answer on their own, instead of waiting for God’s direction. Many of us wonder why God doesn’t give us peace, but the truth is that He has already given it to us, with an instruction to stop allowing ourselves to be agitated and disturbed (see John 14:27).

What a great trade! We give God our stress, and His peace is ours! We give Him all our cares and concerns, and He gives us His protection, stability, and joy. That’s the privilege of being cared for by Him. Because He cares for us, He wants us to live in joy. God wants you to make the exchange each and every day because He loves you and He has a wonderful plan for your life.

Which Are You?

At the beginning of this chapter, you and I were both a little frustrated with Linda. Why in the world would she choose to go around with a ruined blouse? Why wouldn’t she just make an exchange? Well, I want to take a moment to make this a little more personal. Is it possible that you’re more like Linda than you realize? Maybe you’re not going around with a ruined blouse, but are you letting the stresses and pressures of the world destroy your peace, steal your joy, or ruin your happiness? I meet people all the time who are living far short of what God has for them, but they don’t even realize it. They’ve held on to stress for so long, they can’t see how it has damaged their lives. I don’t want that to be you, so let me share three questions for you to ask yourself and some specific ways to make an exchange for God’s best today. Take a moment and consider this. Are you:

1. Stressed or at rest?

It seems that there are so many people overwhelmed, stressed out, exhausted, and weary because of the demands of life. But the truth is we don’t have to live that way. In Christ, it’s possible to live in God’s rest and find relief from the demands of stress and worry.

The truth is we all get weary. There’s absolutely nobody who doesn’t get overburdened at times. If you think it’s just your life that you get weary about, I can assure you that it wouldn’t be any better if you had somebody else’s life. It’s not life that makes us tired; it’s the way we handle life. Our attitudes and mind-sets cause us to be stressed more than our circumstances do.

In Matthew 11:28–29, Jesus said, “Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy-laden and overburdened, and I will cause you to rest. [I will ease and relieve and refresh your souls.] Take My yoke upon you and learn of Me, for I am gentle… and humble… and you will find rest (relief and ease and refreshment and recreation and blessed quiet) for your souls.” The rest Jesus is talking about in this passage of Scripture is not a rest from doing any work—Jesus is talking about an inner rest for your mind, will, and emotions. This is a rest you can have in the midst of even the most hectic situations!

In order to be at rest rather than overloaded and stressed, the first step is simply to come to God. This is something you can do on a daily basis. Rather than facing the day in your own strength, you can come to Him each morning and say, “Lord, I’m depending on you today. Help me to have joy and peace regardless of the situations around me.” The next thing to do is to take His yoke upon you. This means that whatever task is before you, ask God to help you and give you His strength. Then together, you and God can handle anything that comes along.

Let’s make this practical:

If you’re tired and weary because of an ongoing struggle with a coworker, make an exchange today. Simply pray and say, “Lord, I’m exchanging my stress for Your rest. I give this situation to You and ask You to work all things together for my good.”

If you’re tired and weary because of a child who keeps trying your patience, make an exchange today. Rather than getting angry and losing your temper, ask God to give you wisdom. Trade in your frustration for His direction and trust that a divine breakthrough is going to take place.

If you’re tired and weary because you’ve spent so much energy trying to change your spouse (and it’s not working), make an exchange today. Rather than asking God to change your spouse, ask God to change you. You’ll be surprised at what a difference it will make!

Whatever the situation is that has you stressed out, choose to trust God and be at rest on the inside. When the pressure rises and tempers start to flare, ask God for an inner peace that passes understanding so you can live a life that is calm, stable, and at rest.

2. A worrier or a grateful worshipper?

Worry and worship are exact opposites. We’d all be happier if we spent more time worshipping God, thanking Him for our blessings, and less time worrying about our problems. Worry opens the door for stress, but living with an attitude of worship brings us into God’s presence. One key to living a joy-filled life is to take our eyes off the circumstances around us and fix them on the Lord.

Sometimes, when we are going through something difficult, stress and frustration work to keep us from worshipping God. It’s easy to get so preoccupied with our problems that we forget the promises of God. But when we know that God has our best interests at heart, we can worship Him regardless of our circumstances. Remember, God is good even when our circumstances are not. You can worship God regardless of any situation you are going through, because God has promised to never leave you or forsake you (see Deuteronomy 31:6). You don’t have to give in to worry or despair; you can worship God, knowing that He is going to carry you through.

So stop worrying about everything. Give it to God and worship Him every day. Let Him know that you love Him and that you appreciate all the things He does for you. Don’t waste another day of your life worrying. Determine what is your responsibility and what is not. Don’t try to take on God’s responsibility. When you do what you can do, God steps in and does what you can’t. So give yourself and your worries to God and begin enjoying the abundant life He has planned for you.

Let’s make this practical:

If you’re worried about something that is going on in your family, make an exchange. Rather than rehashing the same old problem, take a few minutes to worship and thank God for His goodness. Remember some of the problems He has solved for you in the past, and trust that He will do it again.

If you’re worried about what you heard someone is saying about you, make an exchange. Instead of worrying and calling everyone you can think of to defend yourself, worship God for being your defender (see Psalm 59:9). Praise Him that He is strong enough and caring enough to protect you against the accusation of others.

If you’re worried about losing your job or not getting that promotion, make an exchange. Don’t focus on what might go wrong; instead worship God for what is going to go right. Take a few minutes to celebrate that He is your provider (see Philippians 4:19) and He is going to supply everything you need for today and each day to come.

Don’t let worry ruin your life. If you’ll take time each day to focus on God and His love and goodness, your life will be characterized by worship. Worshippers aren’t stressed and frustrated. Worshippers are full of joy because they know their God is powerful and that He is able to fulfill His promises in their lives.

3. Hectic or happy?

Lily Tomlin once said, “For fast-acting relief, try slowing down.”1 I like that quote because there are so many people who have stuffed their calendars with so many things to do that they are stressed and burned out by life. An important factor in enjoying a peaceful, joy-filled life is learning to be obedient to the Lord. Following the Holy Spirit will always lead you into peace. He will never lead you into stress, because He is the Prince of Peace. Common sense tells us that God’s not going to stress us out and lead us to do more than we can do; however, we often do this ourselves.

It’s so important not to overcommit ourselves. Do you have too much to do? This seems to be one of the biggest complaints I hear today. People say, “There’s just too much to do and not enough time to do it all.” (Sound familiar?) I’ve found that this is often the result of not saying no often enough. Sometimes we say yes and commit ourselves to do something that we really don’t want or need to be doing. We take it on just to keep other people happy. We really need to be careful in this area and make sure that our mouths are not saying yes when our hearts are saying no.

So let me ask you a few more questions regarding “happy or hectic.” Whose pace are you moving at? Are you keeping the pace God has set for you or someone else’s? Are you stressed out from trying to keep up with everyone else? Living under the stress of competition and comparison? A perfectionist with unrealistic goals?

I believe you can be happy in the middle of a hectic world, but it’ll require some decisions—possibly radical ones—on your part. Allow God’s Spirit to lead you out of a stressful lifestyle and into one of peace and joy. Respect your body. Treat good health and feeling good as a valuable gift. Don’t waste the energy God has given you trying to do too many things. Use your energy to enjoy the important things God has placed in your life and learn to let some of the other things go.

Let’s make this practical:

If you’re hurried and overloaded by too many daily commitments, make an exchange. Look at your calendar and ask God to show you what things you need to step back from. It might not be easy, but decide to only give your energy to those things that bring you peace rather than take it away.

If you’re hurried and overloaded by a morning routine that is hectic and rushed, make an exchange. Decide to prioritize in order to make your mornings more productive. Rather than staying up late the night before, go to bed earlier. Instead of oversleeping, get up a few minutes early and spend time with the Lord. You’ll be amazed at what a difference a more disciplined routine makes.

If you’re hurried and overloaded because you’re comparing yourself to someone else and trying to do all the things they are doing, make an exchange. Instead of living their life, determine to live your own. Ask God to help you reject the temptation to compare yourself to someone else and decide to be content and happy with who He has made you to be.

It’s amazing how something as practical as your daily schedule and routine can raise or lower the stress levels in your life. Don’t let the pressures and anxieties of life make you run all over the place, never taking a moment to enjoy the life God has given you. Instead, determine to live at God’s pace and to relax and savor every day He has given you.

Back to Linda and Her Ripped Blouse

Let’s finish the chapter by going back to unhappy Linda. Even though she’s fictional, I feel we need to resolve her story because she represents so many of us—needing to make an exchange but reluctant to do so. Let’s take a moment and rewrite the story so that Linda can have a blast with her friends for their girls’ night out.

You remember the setting, right? Linda has come home from a stressful day. Her boys, David and Aaron, are playing video games but thinking about dinner. Her husband, Will, has just come in from mowing the grass. And even though she’s exhausted, Linda is excited to show her family the new top she bought during her lunch hour, because she wants to wear it in a few days for a fun dinner party with friends…

Apologetically, Will informed his wife, “Um, honey, I don’t know how to tell you this, but there is a big rip in the back of your blouse.” Linda ran to the bathroom to look in the mirror, and sure enough, her new blouse had a tear in the back. She couldn’t help it. The events of the stressful day finally overwhelmed her, and Linda burst into tears. Nothing had gone right all day and her beautiful, new, ripped blouse was the proverbial icing on the cake.

Will came in to the bathroom and gave his sobbing wife a huge, comforting hug. “Don’t worry, honey,” he said. “You can take it back tomorrow and exchange it for a new one”…

As she wiped her eyes and worked to compose herself, she said, “You’re right, Will. I’m just a little disappointed and overwhelmed by the events of the day. But tomorrow I’m going to exchange this blouse and get a new one, because I really like it.”

The next afternoon on her lunch break, Linda returned the ripped top to the department store where she bought it. The sales associate apologized profusely and quickly exchanged the blouse for another just like it, but in perfect condition. Even though Linda had gotten the blouse on sale, the sales associate took an additional 15 percent off in an effort to show good will. Linda showed it off again that night for Will and the boys, and they loved the way it looked on her.

Three nights later, Linda happily wore her new blouse as she went out with her friends for dinner. They all commented on how lovely she looked, and she had a wonderful time laughing and talking over dinner. She even told the story of the ripped blouse, hungry boys, understanding husband, and convenient exchange. It was a great night out with friends and a beautiful ending to the story all because Linda made one simple decision—a decision that you and I can make each and every day—she decided to make the exchange!

Things to Remember:

We don’t always cause stressful situations. Sometimes they just happen.

You don’t have to hold on to stress. You can exchange it for the peace and joy of the Lord.

God wants to give you beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness (see Isaiah 61:3 NKJV).

No matter how stressful situations on the outside appear, you can have an inner peace and rest.

If you’re filled with worry, worship is the key. You can’t be a worshipper and a worrier at the same time.

Don’t let your schedule control you. Instead, take control of your schedule and ask God to give you the wisdom to do only the things that He has called you to do.