Here’s a strange thing. These supposedly upright, rigid, organized, and stiff Germans are relaxed and welcoming when it comes to home life. Every visitor to Germany attests to the fact that the rigid separation that the Germans make between business and personal life means that at home people are delightful, generous, excellent hosts, accommodating, and fun. How does this paradox come about?
Much as in the USA, less so than in Britain, and in common with other European countries, the Germans are a regional people, committed to their region and to their Heimat—their homeland. This is the part of the country where their parents lived, where they were brought up, where their close friends live, and perhaps where their wives, husbands, and in-laws come from.
Coming Home
A typical young couple, Achim and Constance grew up on the slopes of the hills overlooking the Rhine near Mainz. Constance’s parents still have a vineyard there. Achim and Constance both work for a company in Mainz. They are sent all over the world for their company and love to travel, but eventually they want to come back and settle in Mainz. They want their children to have the same sense of belonging to their Heimat.
After the age of thirty or so the Germans show much less job mobility than American or British people. They prefer to seek jobs near their families in their home area. So when a leading German insurance company reduced the number of its call centers from forty-five to five, relocation was a major issue, and many of the call-center workers took voluntary layoff rather than uproot themselves and move with their company.
The German regions each have a distinctive local character. Thus Rhinelanders are renowned for generosity. The Swabians, around Stuttgart, on the other hand, are the “Scots” of Germany, known, rightly or wrongly, for thrift. The citizens of Mecklenburg in the east are considered to be reserved, and the Bavarians to be the most laid back and relaxed.
Home ownership is less common than in the rest of Europe: about 43 percent of Germans own their homes. Most people rent, and spend 25–33 percent of their net income on accommodation. Tenants enjoy considerable legal protection, and, as a result, landlords are choosy about whom they accept.
German houses and apartments are well appointed, and the Germans themselves are very house proud. This extends beyond the house to its surroundings. By law, German home owners are expected to keep the adjacent sidewalks swept and free of snow, and commonly there is a rotation for apartment owners to do this.
This sense of community extends to a variety of household tasks. One is the use of communal laundry facilities. In many apartment blocks communal washing machines and driers are kept in the basement and there is a rotation system regulating their use by residents. Many residents now install their own personal equipment in their apartments, but if you are using the basement facilities and need the washing machine when it’s not your day, then you have to negotiate.
Communal Life
Social awareness runs deep in German home life and affects all kinds of things, such as the making of noise and the putting out of garbage. Germany’s mandatory quiet hours extend from 1:00 to 3:00 p.m. and 10:00 p.m. to 7:00 a.m., Monday to Saturday and all day Sunday. You are expected not to mow your lawn, wash your car, or disturb the peace on a Sunday. By law, you can’t even wash your car if it is parked in the street. You are also forbidden by law to make any excessive noise that might disturb your neighbors, such as playing loud music or using machinery, after 10:00 p.m. If you do these things, beware. Your first complaint might not be from an upset neighbor but from the police, whom your neighbors will have called. If you are having a party, let your neighbors know in advance.
Germany is one of the most ecologically aware countries in Europe and this manifests itself in garbage collection and recycling. Differently colored bags and dustbins are used in recycling different types of household waste. Some foreigners find the organization of this quite difficult to come to terms with, and it may cause rebellious feelings in those who feel that their right to choose how best to dispose of their waste is being infringed. Worst of all, the German sense of communal order is such that your neighbors may comment on your mistakes in this area, or a waste disposal team may even refuse to take waste in the wrong bag. This is definitely a case of “If you can’t beat them, join them!”
Ecological awareness extends to supermarkets. “Bring your own bag” is a common practice, and the bag in question will normally be linen, not plastic. Plastic packaging is frowned upon as being nonbiodegradable and is not used in households, or by companies.
German downtown apartments may be smaller than American and British householders are used to. Many will have a dining corner in the kitchen for family or intimate meals, and a dining area in the sitting room for guest meals. The rooms may be smaller and more compact. Houses will, of course, have more and bigger rooms, and some of the traditional nineteenth-and early twentieth-century apartments, houses, and chalet-style houses in Bavaria can be very spacious indeed.
The lack of space may place a few restrictions on your lifestyle. You don’t leave bicycles in hallways, for example. In fact, always keep the hallway clear, and check with your landlord about what is expected. If you’re having a party, always inform your neighbors; invite them if you can. Politeness to neighbors is expected. Closeness is not. It is important not to be intrusive or overfriendly.
If you decide to rent an apartment for a short time, be aware that they are unfurnished unless otherwise stated. Make sure to learn the terms used generally in advertisements. In Germany “unfurnished” means bare. The outgoing tenants usually take the light fittings and the taps. You will have a kitchen sink, bathroom equipment, light fixtures (but not necessarily fittings), and often a stove. You won’t necessarily have a fridge. On the positive side, all apartments must be in mint condition when you move in, with central heating, water, and so on.
There are other costs involved apart from furnishing your new home. Rental agencies will typically demand three months’ rent in advance, but will ensure that everything is done and all legal issues are taken care of (these can be complicated in Germany). You also have to pay an additional security deposit, or Kaution, repayable in principle on departure and usually equivalent to three months’ rent.
There is also the Nebenkosten (utilities charges) payable to the landlord. This covers heating, but you will be responsible for gas and electricity (register with the local Stadtwerke, or city power generating agency) and telephones (Telekom). On the credit side, German law protecting tenants is very strong, and if you go through a rental agency it should take care of the legal side as part of the service. One important thing to remember is this: when you leave, make sure that you have fulfilled the legal requirements of the landlord, and cancel all the utilities or you could be faced with an unpleasant souvenir of your stay in Germany for a long time to come.
Central heating may be centrally controlled in apartment blocks, but you will have individual controls in your apartment. You’ll also find effective window insulation in most houses as it can get very cold.
Americans constantly complain about the size of European refrigerators. Either import a Westinghouse, or be prepared to think smaller. One saving grace is that as the Germans are used to shopping for food regularly, rather than making one huge weekly excursion, there may well be two fridges, one for freezing and one for keeping food fresh.
Germany works on the metric system. This means that American and British home appliances do not conform to the German electrical system, or that your prized dining-room table may not fit into your bijou living/dining room. A lot of foreigners living in Germany prefer to buy locally and resell on departure. This is especially the case for things like fitted bed linen, as American beds, in particular, have different specifications from German ones.
If you are using electrical appliances in Germany and you are from the UK or the US you will need an adaptor plug for the German electricity system. Furthermore, if you are from the United States you will need a voltage adaptor as well, as the Germans work on 230 volts and 50 hertz, as opposed to the US 110 volts and 60 hertz. For people relocating to Germany and taking their TV with them, Germany works on the PAL system, which is not compatible with the US NTSC system. You can buy a converter locally or use the DVB-T2 antennae for your TV, or maybe go for broke and get a multisystem TV set.
Many people watch TV on their computers. You can use a TV tuner card or external USB, but make sure the device works in Germany. Alternatively, streaming services such as Apple TV may be suitable.
Although credit and debit cards are accepted in most of Germany, the Germans themselves show a strong preference for paying cash for even quite large items, rather than paying by card. Many say it helps them keep better track of their money and their spending.
All Germans carry identity cards and use them when registering children for school, at libraries, and for all kinds of registration. If you stay in Germany for under three months you can use your passport, but if you’re there for longer you will need an Aufenthaltserlaubnis, or residence permit, and a confirmation of registration (Anmeldebestätigung) from the local authority. This is proof that you live where you say you live, and all Germans have the same document. Contact the Foreign Nationals Office, or Ausländeramt, for details and be prepared for it to take a while. If you are American and have completed an application form before you arrive, be sure to tell the German immigration officials on arrival that you are applying for a work permit so that they don’t stamp you as ineligible for work.
The Germans tend to get up early, around 6:30 to 7:00 a.m., and would expect to be at work by 8:00 or 8:30 a.m. Families often breakfast together and, if you are staying with one, it’s worth checking breakfast time with your host so that you can join them.
German breakfasts differ from traditional American or British breakfasts in the offer of bread, ham, cheese, yogurt, and muesli, as well as the customary cornflakes. There will be slices of ham, salami, or sausage, and soft-boiled eggs (but never fried food), and tea, coffee, milk, or orange juice.
Most schools start at 8:00 a.m. They are usually more local than in America and Britain. Children usually have a light lunch (sandwiches and fruit), and after-school care is becoming increasingly available.
In Germany lunch is traditionally the main meal of the day and may consist of a starter followed by hot meat, fish, or vegetables, potatoes, pasta, and a salad, and a dessert of cake or fruit.
German wives and children often get together for Kaffee und Kuchen, the informal occasion at which coffee, tea, or soft drinks and a variety of sticky cakes and pastries are served. The aim of the afternoon is chatting and catching up, and you will be invited to sample as many of the delicacies as you can, most of which will be homemade. Do this, if only out of politeness. Many guests bring a small gift of food (cookies and shortbread are popular).
Children return from school around 4:00 p.m. (earlier, of course, for primary schools), and the evening meal, a lighter meal of cold meats, fish, and cheese is served with bread or rolls. Beer, cider, wine, and sometimes herbal tea, may be taken with these meals. Supper is usually early—between 6:00 and 6:30 p.m.—but if guests have been invited it will be at 7:30 or 8:00 p.m. People generally go to bed early during the week, at 10:30 to 11:00 p.m.
German houses are more like British houses than American. Clear boundary divisions act as a protection against the outside. Fences and borders are well kept and psychologically well defended. The same goes for inside. In some countries you can expect “the tour of the house” on your first visit, which helps to create a relaxed, informal atmosphere. You may even ask “Can I help?” and wander into the kitchen to chat to your hostess. This is rare in Germany, where things are a little more formal. The atmosphere will be relaxed and friendly, but the whole house, although clean and sparkling, is not open to visitors.
The layout of the average German house or apartment reflects this sense of order and boundaries. On entering, you will find not an open-plan living area but a small closed corridor. Off this open the rooms of the house, the doors of which are normally closed. This is partly an economy measure. Rooms in German households are often individually heated, so a closed door keeps the heat inside. Your strategy: don’t ask to see the house unless your relations with the host encourage it, and don’t go into the kitchen unless you know you will be welcomed. Your respect for German privacy will earn their respect and affection in turn, and open doors that might otherwise remain closed.
This phrase is often now used mockingly, to describe the traditional and conservative role of the German mother. As in other Western countries, the role of women in business and in the home has changed quite radically as more and more women have full-time jobs. The traditional role of the Hausfrau (housewife) who looked after the home, the children, and the old people in the family is now a matter of taste rather than of necessity. However, there are significant differences in this regard between East and West Germany. In the former Eastern states women had a lot of state support, including free child-care facilities. With reunification, that has gone and there are much higher unemployment levels among women in the East.
Where women do choose to forgo careers and to make bringing up their children their business, they are accorded a good deal of respect. There is still a significant debate in Germany about whether or not women should work full time, while more and more women are actually both working full time, in offices and factories, and running their households.
In any household with children school plays an important part, and it is a good idea to take an intelligent interest in your neighbor’s or friend’s children’s education. All German children attend school from six to eighteen, although most go first to Kindergarten from the age of three. From six to ten (or twelve in Berlin) children attend the Grundschule (elementary or primary school). Children then attend a Hauptschule, Realschule, or Gymnasium, and after two years will be assessed on progress. Gymnasium students proceed toward the academic school-leaving examination at eighteen, called the Abitur. Something like 35 percent of German school students go to Gymnasium. Twenty percent of German children attend a vocationally oriented Realschule, where they receive core educational teaching but with a strong practical element. Some students will move across into Gymnasium, but most will graduate with a diploma that will qualify them for vocational training.
A further 25 percent of students attend Hauptschule, or general high school. Once again, the emphasis is on core education with a vocational bias. Students will graduate with a diploma and start a vocational training program combining work with a Berufsschule (technical college) twice a week. This system ensures that Germany has a supply of support staff with a good general and vocational level of education.
The final type of secondary school is the Gesamtschule, or comprehensive school, which offers a mixture of academic, commercial, and vocational programs and is an attempt to break down the social stratification that can result from dividing children into academic and vocational streams.
German schools are run by the individual Länder, so there are differences between the sixteen state educational systems, and education is free. Private schools exist but are in a minority.
Alternative systems include religious schools, which have the same curriculum as state scools, but stress their own particular values; Waldorf schools, based on the philosophy of Rudolf Steiner, which emphasisize creativity; and Montessori schools.
If you know a family with young children, remember that the first day of school is a big rite of passage, marked by the giving of the Schultüte.
The most obvious difference in education between the United States and Germany is that the Germans specialize much earlier than the Americans. They are being groomed for a fairly specific job market from the ages of twelve to fourteen, and the education system is still quite “top down” and monitored by regular standardized tests. American and British education at elementary and secondary/high-school level has developed many more “student centered” education options, with continuous assessment, group project work, and so on. Increased individualism among German students has created demands for a less directive system, and is the subject of some debate among German parents and educational theorists.
A Schultüte, a cone full of candy, marks the first day of school.
One of the pleasures of being in the center of Europe is that you receive programs from all over the Continent. The German satellite television system will get you programing from Germany, Spain, Italy, and Turkey, as well as CNN, Eurosport, and other international channels. Most houses and apartment blocks are wired for satellite.
The German DVB-T2 system (equivalent to the UK Pal) is incompatible with the US NTSC system (see page 100). NTSC system users may experience problems with transmission if they take their own TVs. As we have seen, the recommendation is to buy locally.
Unlike the practice in many countries, German television programs are all broadcast in German. This means that (mainly) US television series and films are dubbed into German. Unless you like watching Friends in German, look for a set that has a switch to allow you to hear the original language track, not the dubbed track.
All the German television stations are free to air. The two main public broadcasters are ARD and ZDF and there is a variety of regional television networks. Householders pay a license fee (Rundfunkbeitrag), quarterly, six monthly, or yearly, to cover all radio and TV appliances in the household, but license fees for companies may vary depending on the number of employees. Most people pay quarterly by direct debit. For information about paying license fees visit www.finanztip.de/rundfunkbeitrag.
If you watch German TV or go into a newsdealer the provision of sexually explicit material is quite open. The Germans are not at all prudish about sex and treat it quite matter-of-factly. What will upset them is not sex but violence. Therefore some of the videos or movies you might think of as unexceptional will be viewed very badly by the Germans, whereas programs that you might find unacceptable for viewing by, say, young teenagers will be perfectly acceptable in German households.
There is a viewer’s guidance system for feature films called the Freiwillige Selbstkontrolle, with five categories. These are:
Ohne alterbeschränkung (no age limit)
ab 6 jahre
ab 12 jahre
ab 16 jahre
and ab 18 jahre
(Suitable from 6, 12, 16, and 18 years old.)
Be prepared for the Germans to be forthright about bad service, high rents, or unacceptable behavior, and to voice their opinions in general. If someone complains to you, develop a thick skin, and if you are a complainer yourself remember there is a difference between being frank and being tactless. Above all, don’t complain that you are among a nation of whiners. You are not.
Ask people what the center of the household is, and you’ll get different answers. For most it’s the living room, for some the bedroom, for some the terrace, for many the kitchen. For the Germans it’s around a table, talking. The table, be it in the living room or in the kitchen, is the place where life and communication happen. Germans still prefer to sit and talk around a table, time permitting, than to watch TV.
As in the home so it is outside. Germany is very much a pub culture. People go to drink and socialize in beer gardens and beer halls, where they sit around tables, sometimes as whole families, and drink and talk—and sing. It is a popular and recognized meeting point.
Stammtisch is a word that you should learn. German pubs and beer halls often have a table that is set aside for regular clients. If you as a stranger sit at it, you may be asked politely to move because you aren’t Stammtisch—regular at the table. In a German household you’ll know that you are really part of the furniture when, instead of relaxing in the deep, comfortable chairs of the living room, you are huddled round a table in the kitchen or living room on a hard chair, a drink in your hand, arguing about the issues of the day. Don’t be surprised if, when invited to dinner, you find yourself sitting around the table for an hour after dinner is over, happily chatting over coffee or drinks.
Speaking Your Mind
Late at night at a German airport the German taxi driver packed five disparate plane passengers into his cab to take them to their different hotels. After all, he explained, it was better to suffer a bit of discomfort and get to the hotel quickly than to wait to be ferried individually. “And it can’t be so bad for you either,” piped up one German passenger, “as you’re charging full fares.” “How German!” the non-Germans all sighed, “How discourteous!”
Even though what she was saying was probably true, the other passengers felt the driver should more properly have been thanked for his willingness to bend the rules. Germans, however, are never slow to tell it as they see it and don’t understand the British and, to some extent, American reluctance to quibble.
You may remember the old joke that in America and Britain everything is permitted except what is expressly forbidden, and that in Germany everything is forbidden that is not expressly permitted. Reading this chapter you may begin to feel that that is actually the case. It’s important to remember that for the Germans an ordered society makes for a better, easier, and more productive life for everyone. Therefore they are prepared to put up with what might be seen as petty restrictions on personal liberty for the greater good, both personal and social. Foreigners living and working in Germany quickly get used to the lifestyle and, on repatriation, often rail against the “anarchy” of the society they have returned to.
However, in Germany things are changing, and there is increased individualism and rebellion against the ordered society. Like the rest of Western Europe, there is a significant rise in the number of people living together without getting married, and of single-parent families. There are also communal living arrangements, called Wohngemeinschaften, where people live together in a community trust.
As lifestyles change so do the attitudes of children. School and parents raise each child to be independent, self-reliant, and, above all, a responsible citizen (mündiger Bürger) who will be politically aware and who will ask questions and expect answers. University students today are far less accepting of the old educational conventions. Following on from the generation that pulled down the Berlin Wall, young people are still overturning a number of the precepts their parents live by and moving toward a more individualistic and libertarian lifestyle.
For foreigners living or visiting Germany, for every “traditional” German you meet there will be one who is rebelling against the ordering of society, looking for new ideas, new thinking, and new ways of doing things. It makes for an intellectually adventurous and exciting mix.
