I had only just arrived at the book launch at the new Waterstones on Tottenham Court Road, having headed straight downstairs to the basement, when Julia came up to me. I wouldn’t have gone if I’d known she’d be there. I’d been drinking since Daniel had left and hadn’t even spoken to Helen and Malcolm before leaving the house. I’d decided to have some fun. To put that prick Daniel behind me.
‘Hello, Amy, you’re a hard woman to find. What news?’ asked Julia.
‘You don’t usually come to these things, Julia,’ I replied. ‘Val McDermid isn’t even one of our authors.’ Trying to shake her, I pushed through the crowd towards the bar. But before I reached it a waiter passed by with a tray of champagne. I took two.
I saw Liam on the other side of the room talking with Val and the Australian crime writer Michael Robotham. Once again, Liam was the only black man at one of these events. His success had changed nothing in publishing. He smiled and waved me over. I couldn’t see Gail anywhere. Val and Michael turned to see who Liam was beckoning. I downed the first glass of champagne.
Michael was staying with Liam and Gail while he was in England. Liam loved playing host to international authors.
I started to make my way over. But Julia wasn’t going to be ignored. She took hold of my elbow. The noise in the basement was deafening.
‘Amy, I need to speak to you,’ she said, into my ear. ‘I only came tonight in the hope you’d be here.’
The second glass followed the first.
‘I love your dress, Julia. Seriously, you look amazing.’
Julia seemed perplexed.
I leant forward and said into her ear, ‘I mean it. You look gorgeous. Are you here with someone or on the prowl?’
I didn’t wait for a reply. I had to get rid of the glasses so I made my way to the bar and left them there. The barman gave me another full glass. Julia was still with me. I knew I wouldn’t shake her until she’d had her say.
Julia opened her mouth, but I said, ‘The barman just checked you out.’ I put a glass of champagne in her hand. ‘When was the last time you let a stranger fuck you?’
Julia glanced across at the barman. He was attractive, but young. Probably not even twenty.
‘Stop messing around.’ She put the glass on the bar. ‘You haven’t answered my calls or my emails. No one has seen you.’
‘You asked me to fix the Helen Owen problem. That’s what I’m doing.’
‘Helen has been getting a lot of press since the awards, not all of it bad. We need to capitalise. Can Helen deliver?’
‘He just did it again. I’ve never seen you look this good, Julia. Those shoes, where did you get them?’
That’s when I saw tattoo boy. I mean Josh. I don’t know if he had already seen me. I turned away quickly. I had known there would come a time when I’d run into him again. I just didn’t think it would be this soon. My whole body reacted to the sight of him.
‘Helen can do anything she sets her mind to,’ I said into Julia’s ear. ‘I can’t guarantee success but I think there may be a way to get what you want. Maxine was right, there’s great potential in the novel.’
‘You’re running out of time.’
‘I know. I’ll call you next week.’
Josh was pushing his way towards us.
I leant forward and, almost kissing Julia’s ear, said, ‘I know how these things work. If you want a fling, the barman’s yours. He can’t take his eyes off you. Believe me.’
Julia looked again. I couldn’t tell if there was blood in her veins or not. I didn’t know much about her. I took no interest in her personally. I’d have guessed she was forty. She had great skin so it was hard to tell. She could have been married for all I knew. But she did look good; I wasn’t having her on. There wasn’t much to her, but what she had was perfectly suited to the little black dress and strappy stilettos.
‘You’ll call me next week about Helen?’ she asked, then glanced again at the barman, who smiled at her.
‘See, I told you so. Live a little,’ I said. ‘And yes, I promise to call you.’
Someone began tapping the side of their glass with a fork. I looked across and saw Liam standing in front of a large banner for Val’s new book, Out of Bounds. The speeches were about to begin. I pushed my way through the crowd, taking Josh’s hand as I passed him, and dragged him with me. He knew what I was about and led me through the back of the basement into an office. There was no time for niceties. He lifted my dress, ripped down my G-string, bent me over the desk and fucked me. We hadn’t even spoken. It was hot, and over as soon as it had begun.
‘I’m keeping this,’ he said, and pocketed my G-string. He led the way out. The speeches were still going on. Liam was speaking. I let go of Josh’s hand. He went one way, I went the other. I joined the crowd and clapped when they did. My legs were giving way. I leant against a bookcase.
Liam’s speech was winding up. He was introducing Val. His speeches are never long. We must only have been gone for a few minutes, tops. A real quickie.
I needed another drink. I looked around for more champagne and found Liam’s eyes. Had he seen? It didn’t matter. I wasn’t his wife. I was his lover. Very different. He could fuck off if he thought I should be loyal to him.
If Gail hadn’t come up for the launch, Liam would probably have expected me to join him, Val and Michael for dinner after the event. And after dinner, Liam would have expected to take me back to his office. The idea of being with two different men in such a short space of time was interesting. Especially if Liam knew and still fucked me.
Scanning the room I suddenly saw Helen over by the stairs. For some reason my heart skipped a beat. It was like being caught masturbating by the housemistress. When I looked closer I realised it wasn’t her. The two women looked nothing alike.
Josh drew near with a tray of champagne. He looked very pleased with himself. Grossly so. And I was struck by that feeling of collision again. I lifted a glass from his tray and took a sip. Josh tried to brush his hand against my bottom, but I evaded him. I watched him go. Nothing could spoil his mood.
Another waiter was carrying little quiches. But he was too far away. I was ravenous. I hadn’t eaten anything all afternoon.
The champagne was going to my head. The champagne and the fuck.
The crowd erupted into laughter. I had missed what Val said, but I had heard her speak before. She’s a good speaker. Always gets a laugh, too. Then it was over. Val made her way to the signing table and guests started to line up. I searched the room for Josh but couldn’t find him. Julia was talking to the barman, I saw. Then I found Josh; he was speaking with Liam. This made my heart skip a beat. What the fuck could they be talking about? Liam laughed and patted Josh on the back, then they posed for a selfie. Afterwards Josh moved on.
I couldn’t get to Liam easily, but he saw me coming and headed over.
‘Who were you talking to?’
‘He’s another fan slash wannabe writer.’
So he didn’t see me with Josh . . . Josh wanted to be a writer?
‘Are you coming to dinner?’ he asked.
‘Are you asking?’
‘Would you like to come to dinner, Amy?’
‘Thank you for asking, but no, not this time.’ I said this before I knew why I was saying it. Moments before I had wanted to go. In my line of sight the woman who wasn’t Helen was getting her book signed by Val.
‘We’re not going down to the country tonight. Michael’s flying to Berlin early tomorrow, so is staying at the Langham. I’ll be staying in town. Will you be over later? Gail wasn’t feeling well and stayed at home.’
I didn’t like this. There was no need to mention Gail.
‘No, I’m going to get an early night,’ I said. ‘The Helen Owen thing I told you about is getting messy. Julia is being a real bitch about it, too. They want the manuscript by next week.’
Liam wasn’t happy being denied: it was written all over his face. He expected me to be in his bed later. But he didn’t risk a second denial. Instead he asked, ‘What about our work?’
‘Already done. Sitting in your inbox.’
He gave me one of those smiles I had told him I find irresistible. I resisted it. Then, feeling the spirit of mischief enter me, I said, ‘By the way, check out Julia. She’s by the bar. I think she’s going to fuck the barman.’
‘Is that Julia? Our Julia? She looks different.’
‘She looks hot.’
‘She does.’
‘Perhaps I’ll see if she’ll come to dinner.’
‘Don’t fuck the boss, Liam.’
‘Don’t fuck the waiter, Amy.’