Sorry, but It’s Too Hot in Here for Clothes
Liam answered the door wearing shorts and only shorts.
‘Sorry, but it’s too hot in here for clothes.’
He gave me a chaste kiss on the lips and then turned back down the short passage to the living room. I hadn’t seen him near-naked for a month or so. It wasn’t the way I wanted this meeting to go. He was every bit as fit now as he’d been when a soldier. Probably more so, having gained weight and muscle as he aged. I have seen pictures of the nineteen-year-old soldier; he looked like a boy. Liam was all man now.
All the windows were open, but there was only a faint breeze. Looking around I couldn’t fail to notice the place was a mess. I was trying to remember how long it had been since I had been there.
‘Yeah, it’s a pigsty. I haven’t had time to clean up,’ he said, following my gaze.
‘Gail hasn’t been here in a while, either?’
‘She won’t come here anymore. We’ve got ourselves a townhouse in Holland Park.’
‘When the fuck did that happen?’
‘The day after we had dinner. She insisted on me buying a house suitable for raising a family. She’s sick of being stuck in Surrey.’
‘So you just bought a place?’
‘Yeah. Well, no. Gail had been working on it for ages. She just forgot to tell me her plans.’
‘Are you sure? Perhaps you were just half listening to her?’
‘Probs.’
‘Probs?’
‘Yeah, probs.’
‘Are you going to get me a drink?’
‘It’s just gone two and we haven’t done any work yet.’
‘I didn’t come here to work. Get me a fucking drink.’
‘You have a problem, you know. Don’t fuck all this up by becoming an alcoholic.’
‘Become? I’ve been a high-functioning alcoholic for years.’
He went into the kitchen and asked, raising his voice, ‘Yeah, but you’re not high-functioning at the moment are you?’
‘Who says?’ I said, rounding on him where he stood in the kitchen opening a bottle of Moët.
‘Julia. She’s ready to sack you over this Helen Owen thing. She just needs an excuse. Rock up to work drunk again and she’ll turf you out.’
‘She’s chicken shit.’
The cork popped and hit the ceiling, causing me to jump.
‘Well, if you give her a chance, she’ll fuck you over. Seriously. Listen to me.’
‘Shut up.’
He poured out two glasses and walked up to me, almost barging through me, his arm touching my shoulder as he walked back into the living room. He stood holding out a full glass to me.
‘You reading that?’ I said, taking the glass and pointing at the copy of Ian McGuire’s The North Water lying open, pages down.
‘It’s brutal. Visceral. I’m fucking loving it.’
‘It’s on the longlist with Malcolm.’
‘I know. I’ve read Malcolm’s book, too.’
I raised an eyebrow.
‘Fucking hated it,’ he said, smiling broadly.
I laughed, and said, ‘Each to their own.’ Then, taking a sip of the champagne, ‘Tell me about your new house.’
‘Gail’s new house.’
‘Okay then, tell me about Gail’s new house.’
‘I’d rather bend you over that table and fuck you till you pass out.’
The way he does that. It’s like a lightning bolt through me: the tone of his voice, the look in his eyes. There is nothing like it. I shouldn’t be so susceptible to it but I am. I suppose the force of it is compounded by the hundreds of times he has fucked me into oblivion.
There was time to breathe. He put down his glass. That gave me a second to gather myself. He stepped towards me and took hold of my wrist. I took a step back. His movement brought with it his scent. It was overpowering, gorgeous and I had missed it.
‘Let me say something.’
‘After.’
I looked down. I could see his cock thicken in his shorts, which weren’t big enough for him. His cock pressed against the fabric.
‘Fuck, Liam. Stop. I promised Gail I wouldn’t.’ I reached out and pushed against his chest with all my might. He didn’t move. My hand looked small and frail against the broad mass of flesh.
‘Wouldn’t what?’ he asked, grabbing my hip and spinning me around. He pulled my body against him, his cock pressing against my back, one hand on my hip, the other grabbing my breast.
‘She knows. She’s always known.’
‘Knows what?’ He lifted my dress. And I felt myself being pushed forward. I steadied myself by grabbing the edge of his writing desk.
‘She knows about us. She promised not to leave you, if I promised not to fuck you.’
‘She doesn’t know anything. She played you and won.’ He began to pull down my G-string. He did it slowly, crouching as he reached my calves. I could feel his hot breath against my butt.
‘She knows. And if she asks me, I won’t be able to lie. Not anymore.’ I lifted my left leg and he pulled my G-string over my stiletto.
‘Don’t lie, I don’t care. She’s threatened to leave a million times. But she hasn’t. She fucking loves that place in Holland Park.’ He parted my legs and pressed his face between them.
‘Oh fuck, Liam. You’re a bastard. A fucking bastard.’ His tongue entered me from behind. I lowered my head and rested it in my arms. ‘I’m a fucking awful person.’
Liam stood, ran the tip of his cock against my wet lips, then grabbed my hips.
He said, ‘Yes, you are,’ as his cock slid into me deliberately slowly.
*
I lay on the bed as he showered. After a while, I reached to the floor and picked up my dress.
My life isn’t perfect, I thought. I’m not perfect. I’ve done things I regret. But Gail can go fuck herself, really. Why should she dictate my pleasures? She married a man who turned out to be a bastard. Her doing, not mine. I fuck him and get out. Bastards are lovers, not husbands. Rule number one. Everyone knows. She knows it, too. She wants her cake and all.
And why would I give this up? Why wouldn’t I want him to destroy me whenever he wanted to. He just came twice. I’m covered with the stuff. It’s on my face, in my hair, on my fingers. I rubbed it all over my breasts. He’s a sex god. He knows how to make me come with cock alone. I shudder at his touch. His cock was designed for me. I can’t resist, and shouldn’t be expected to.
And we have a brilliant working relationship. We’re successful and this is how we got there.
What is a wife in all of this? Nothing. Nothing.
Fucking Liam is outside normal life. It doesn’t count. It’s part of the creative process. Necessary to it, even. Gail said as much herself.
Max hadn’t thought so, though, when he found out.
I climbed off the bed, threw on my dress and began looking for my things.
‘I’d leave her and marry you,’ he said, emerging from the bathroom door as I was stepping into my G-string. ‘You know that, right. You’re the woman I should be with. You’re the one I can’t stop thinking about. You’re the one who inspires me. I do all this for you. You challenge me to do it. To be better and better.’
I went into the bathroom to avoid having to say anything in reply. I checked myself in the mirror.
I always look my best, I think, just fucked. My dress creased, hair messed, face smudged, cum on my skin. There’s something about my eyes, too. A cock-crazed glint. And my lips are fuller, as well. Sucking cock beats collagen. My movements are different. They’re jittery, quick, dangerous. In stilettos the effect is devastating.
I looked at what I was wearing. I’d never intended to keep my pledge to Gail, had I?
I left the bathroom, grabbed my bag and checked my phone. I was consciously ignoring him. I needed to go. I downed the last of the champagne and turned. He was stretched out naked on the bed. His cock was beat, but lay semi-erect against his thigh.
‘You’re a gorgeous specimen, Liam.’ I took a photo with my phone.
‘Delete it.’
‘No. It’s mine’
‘Delete it!’ he said, almost shouting.
‘I’ll crop it. No face. Just that gorgeous body and that hardworking cock.’ I turned the phone to him to show what was left. He seemed mollified. ‘It’s a gorgeous cock, Liam,’ I added. Then I saw it move. ‘Did that thing just stir?’
‘You’re leaving too soon. I have fight in me yet.’
‘I’ve got to go,’ I said, watching his cock thicken. ‘I do.’
‘Only you can do this to me. No one else. How many times have I come?’
‘I’ve really got to go.’
‘You can’t leave this,’ he said, gripping his cock. ‘I know you. You’re thorough.’
He rolled off the bed and approached me. I didn’t move. His cock was hard now. He took my phone out of my hand, held it up and started filming me.
‘Suck my cock, Amy.’
‘You’re going to film me, Liam?’
‘Yes. Suck it good for posterity.’
He’d never done this before. This was new. I’d been filmed hundreds of times, but never my face and never by him. Here he was saying my name and filming my face. Madness.
But it was hot.
*
He was leaning against the doorframe watching me tidy myself up in the bathroom again. He was naked. There wasn’t much for me to do; he hadn’t even bothered to undress me. After I sucked his cock he had filmed himself fucking me from behind. He’d just lifted my dress, pulled my G-string aside and fucked me hard and fast. I’m certain the neighbours heard that one. The windows were open, it took him a long time to come and he was brutal. By the time he came, I was screaming with every heavy thrust.
‘Marry me,’ he said.
‘Not a chance.’ My hand was shaking as I tried to reapply my lipstick.
‘I’m serious.’
‘So am I.’
‘So you’re saying no.’
‘I’m saying no,’ I said, looking at him in the mirror.
‘Why?’
‘You’re a bastard to women.’
‘I’ll change.’
‘You already have. From nice guy to bastard.’
He smiled.
‘And we don’t love each other,’ I continued. ‘Love is important.’
‘I love you, Amy.’
‘Said your cock.’
‘Seriously, I love you. Not being with you for so long has made me realise it.’
‘Being fucked for three hours made you realise it. You’re under the spell of my cunt. When I’m gone, spray some air freshener, take a cold shower, watch some football and all will be well.’
‘Don’t play with me, Amy. I’m trying to tell you I love you.’
‘I know what your love looks like. You love Gail. That’s love and that’s the best you have to give. You may love me as a friend, as a fuck buddy, but you love Gail with all your heart.’
I left the bathroom and picked up my phone. I’d arranged to see an estate agent about selling my studio. I quickly texted him that I’d be late. Then took a quick peek at the video Liam had just made. Fuck.
I suddenly felt myself again. This is the world I belong in, I thought. This is my natural habitat.
Liam was all sincerity.
‘I love you as you are,’ he said, sitting on the edge of the bed.
‘Well, that’s a problem because I don’t love you. I love to work with you. I love to fuck you. I love to be your slut. Your porn star,’ I said, showing him the footage he’d taken of me taking his big cock all the way into my mouth. ‘But I don’t love you.’
He looked glum for a moment, then said, ‘Love’s not everything. We understand one another. That’s so important. We share goals. We’re both ambitious and creative. We could have an open relationship. You could fuck hot waiters and homeless guys and I wouldn’t say a thing. We could move to France or Italy. Get out of all of this and live large.’
‘You’re not that guy, Liam. You think you are. But you’re not. You want a family. You want a home to come back to, with a loving, chaste wife and adoring kids. You’re that guy, really. This is my fault. If I hadn’t come into your life you wouldn’t have a mistress – it wouldn’t even have occurred to you that you could have one. It certainly wouldn’t have occurred to you to fuck your fans, publicists and fellow writers. I brought this to you. I corrupted you.’
‘We corrupted each other.’
‘No. I kissed you first. Remember how innocent it all was in the beginning? Even if you had wanted to kiss me, you would never have tried. I kissed you. And you kissed me back, but then our feelings of guilt kept us from doing anything more for weeks.’
‘I wanted to.’
‘But you didn’t. And you wouldn’t have done anything more. You married your childhood sweetheart. You were a good boy. You were a soldier. You had principles. I fucked you and Gail over. You don’t love me. You shouldn’t even like me.’
‘But I do.’
‘That’s unfortunate. Try to forget it and I’ll try to forget it, too. Because I don’t want to know that you think you love me. It will make things awkward. You need to be the bastard I’ve taught you to be. You lose that, you lose me.’
And with that I left. I felt mean. I felt ungrateful. He’d fucked me so well. But I also felt right. And although I had betrayed Gail again, I had fought for her, too. He didn’t love me, he loved Gail. He needed to hear it. He needed a slap. We had something unique and we were fucking lucky to have it. But it wasn’t unbreakable.