Martin Seligman, mentioned in the preceding lesson, is a traitor to our cause. Unsatisfied with working exclusively on what we might call “negative psychology,” he abandoned ship in the 1990s and began to study the determinants of better-than-average well-being. Happy people inhabit a state that has been, at least until lately, psychology’s “undiscovered country.”
Rather than simply enumerating the correlates of high life satisfaction, Seligman and his colleagues have devised exercises to boost it. This new field of positive psychology might seem to have little to teach us about misery. But just as risk factors for depression can point the way toward happiness, satisfaction-enhancing techniques can inform us of what might bring despair.
One of the most potent strategies thus far studied is also an arrestingly simple one. Lying in bed, before going to sleep, you would call to mind three things about the day that you enjoyed or appreciated. These events can be worldly—perhaps, for example, a peace treaty appeared in the news or a friend received a promotion. But most of the events should be personal: a tasty bagel eaten at breakfast, a compliment received from a friend, a bookshelf newly dusted, a drive through morning rush hour that was easier than usual. Even on an otherwise terrible day, there are usually at least some positive elements: The admitting clerk at the root canal clinic smiled nicely at me.
To get people to remain focused a bit longer on the exercise, Seligman advises them to write the events down in a bedside notebook and to contemplate how they came about—in effect, to make attributions for the events. They might credit the bagel to the skill of the baker, the compliment to a friend’s kindness, the clean bookshelf to their own efforts, the light traffic to people taking a long weekend. Some of these attributions might be internal, others external. The point is to occupy the mind with these positive events for at least a few minutes.
The challenge that clinicians have in recommending this exercise is that it seems far too simple. People want to believe that changing how they feel is a complex, obstacle-strewn path filled with thorns and leg-hold traps. It turns out, however, that altering the mood is often a somewhat simpler task, both for those seeking happiness and for those of us with darker aspirations.
How does the exercise work in the quest for increased misery? As we have been discussing, the key to negativity is to set our cognitive filter so it weeds out positive events and emphasizes the unpleasant ones. The Three Things exercise pushes the filter the other way, forcing one to pay attention, however briefly, to the more welcome elements of life. Once people are accustomed to the nighttime exercise, they can, without prompting, begin doing the same thing throughout the day, in effect noticing and storing up material for their bedtime ritual. I should remember getting this check in the mail; I can use it as one of my three things tonight.
All right, but we’re driving in the wrong direction, aren’t we? The corresponding exercise for our purposes is obvious. Each evening, as you settle into bed, cast your mind back over the day. Think of three things that brought your mood lower. Even seemingly pleasant days will have a few:
Anything will do—no need to find the worst. Hold each in your mind for a few seconds. Dwell on why they occurred. Extra points if you can blame yourself. Write them down. Then let them go. Pledge to carry out the exercise for at least a week.
Of course, doing this will likely trigger rumination and keep you awake, thus achieving a spinoff effect that positive psychologists can only dream about. And, like the happiness collectors, you will automatically accentuate your daytime habit of looking for bedtime candidates (in your case, negative ones) as they occur.
For extra impact, install a turbocharger on the technique. Once you have listed your daily three disappointments, cast your mind forward to the day to come. List three unpleasant things that might happen:
Think about each in turn, then roll over and slide gently off to sleep.
Good luck with that.