Contents

Introduction: The Dreams of Another Age

The Ten-Million-Dollar Question

Column A and Column B

What’s the Problem?

Let’s All Embrace the Dark Side

Four Points, Forty Lessons

A Note to the Uncommitted

Part One: Adopting a Miserable Lifestyle

Lesson 1: Avoid All Exercise

Lesson 2: Eat What You’re Told

Lesson 3: Don’t Waste Your Life in Bed

Lesson 4: Live Better Through Chemistry

Lesson 5: Maximize Your Screen Time

Lesson 6: If You Want It, Buy It

Lesson 7: Can’t Afford It? Get It Anyway!

Lesson 8: Give 100 Percent to Your Work

Lesson 9: Be Well Informed

Lesson 10: Set VAPID Goals

Part Two: How to Think Like an Unhappy Person

Lesson 11: Rehearse the Regrettable Past

Lesson 12: Blame Inward, Give Credit Outward

Lesson 13: Practice the “Three Bad Things” Exercise

Lesson 14: Construct Future Hells

Lesson 15: Value Hope Over Action

Lesson 16: Become a Toxic Optimist

Lesson 17: Filter for the Negative

Lesson 18: Cultivate Your Presence—Elsewhere

Lesson 19: Insist on Perfection

Lesson 20: Work Endlessly on Your Self-Esteem

Part Three: Hell Is Other People

Lesson 21: Become an Island unto Yourself

Lesson 22: Give Them What They Want

Lesson 23: Measure Up and Measure Down

Lesson 24: Play to Win

Lesson 25: Hold High Expectations of Others

Lesson 26: Drop Your Boundaries

Lesson 27: Bond with People’s Potential, Not Their Reality

Lesson 28: Demand Loyalty

Lesson 29: React to Their Motives, Not Their Messages

Lesson 30: Cultivate and Treasure Toxic Relationships

Part Four: Living a Life Without Meaning

Lesson 31: Keep Your Eye on the Small Picture

Lesson 32: Let Your Impulses Be Your Guide

Lesson 33: Look Out for Number One

Lesson 34: Duty First, Life Later

Lesson 35: Live the Unlived Lives of Others

Lesson 36: Stay in Your Zone of Comfort

Lesson 37: Avoid Solitude

Lesson 38: Choose Fashion over Style

Lesson 39: Pursue Happiness Relentlessly

Lesson 40: Improve Yourself

Conclusion: Ending the Misery Project: Life on the Top Floor

The Causes of Misery

And Now, Ladies and Gentlemen, Please Remove Your Masks

Short Term, Long Term

Pain-based Impulses

An Unreliable Crystal Ball

A Culture with an Agenda

Some Advice, At Last

Acknowledgments

Notes

References and Additional Reading