Chapter 4

Taking Charge of My Mind and Body

My Skills and Strategies

List or draw any strategies you’ve tried to help you deal with your fears or worries.

Circle those that have been helpful.

Then rate each strategy on a scale of 0 to 5, with 0 being “not helpful at all” and 5 being “the most helpful.” Write your rating next to each strategy.

My Very Own Worry Box

Sometimes it can feel as though worry want to be around ALL THE TIME. It’s not a good idea to let worry completely take over, because it can get in the way of other important things we need to do, like eating, sleeping, doing homework, and even playing and having fun!

We need to be able to take a break from worry. To do that, we need a place to put it. As we get older, we learn to put things away in imaginary sections in our mind to come back to later. Sometimes it even helps to imagine these different sections as actual places, like drawers or files, where we keep different things to think about later. While we learn to do this, it can help to make a real place to keep our worry, where we know we can come back and deal with it later. To do this, lots of kids make a worry box.

Turn the page to learn how to make your very own worry box!

To make your very own worry box, first get any box that’s small enough to easily keep around, but big enough to put pieces of paper inside. An old shoebox or tissue box works great. Since you want to be able to put the worries in and take them out, the box should have a way to open and close, like a cover or flap. You can decorate this box however you want—try using construction paper, markers, crayons, or stickers! Some kids even like to imagine that the box has special materials, powers, or protections that keep the worries in.

To use the worry box, draw or write down a worry on a piece of paper and put it inside the worry box any time you have a worry that you’re not ready to deal with yet. This could be when you’re trying to sleep or to focus on schoolwork. When you’re ready, you can take the worry out of the box and think of the skills and strategies you have to help you deal with that worry. This book will help you come up with lots of ways you can deal with your worries. You can even get someone close to you to help if you want!

Some Things Other Kids Found Helpful

You probably already have a lot of strategies you’re really good at, and you might have some pretty good ideas for dealing with fears and worries.

Keep doing all the things you already find helpful!

You might also want to try some strategies that other kids have found helpful.

Doing activities that help you relax

Thinking positive thoughts

Talking about your thoughts and feelings

Standing up for yourself

Problem solving

Facing fears one step at a time

Being the boss of your own imagination!

You might have already tried some similar ideas, and some of them might be new to you. You can decide which ideas work best for you—you might even want to use different strategies for different situations.

Before deciding just how helpful these ideas are, be sure to practice them! Just like we can’t jump on a bike and ride it right away without practicing, a lot of kids find that they need to practice before these ideas start to be really helpful.

Check off any ideas in the list that you tried and found helpful.

Mind and Body Training: Relaxation and Mindfulness

There are things we can do to help us relax. Sometimes, we do them without even thinking, like taking a deep breath when we feel stressed. Other times, we might plan to do things that we find relaxing.

People have different ideas about what is or isn’t relaxing, and that’s okay!

Some ways of relaxing might help relax the mind, while others focus more on the body. Because our mind and body are connected, relaxing one can help relax the other too!

My Relaxation Ideas

Draw or list some things you already do that help you relax.

Then rate each strategy on a scale of 0 to 5, with 0 being “not helpful at all” and 5 being “the most helpful.” Write your rating next to each strategy.

The Body Stress Test

  1. Lie on your bed.
  2. Lift one arm up in front of you.
  3. Let it drop.
  4. See if your muscles tighten to catch your arm.
  5. If your muscles tightened, completely relax your arm and try it again.
  6. Repeat this with your other arm.
  7. Now, do this with each of your legs.

As you do the Body Stress Test, you might notice that it’s easier to let your muscles go when you feel relaxed. Try doing this test when you want to know if your body needs to relax!

The Body Scan

Let’s see if there are any tight spots in your body. You can imagine scanning your body from head to toe while you sit comfortably in a chair. Imagine that you are using a special muscle ray scanner…bzzzzzzzzzz. Starting at your head, check every muscle in your body, all the way down to your toes. Completely relax every muscle as the scanner passes it, and notice how different it feels when your muscles are loose. You might not have even realized that some of your muscles were tight to begin with!

  1. Scan your forehead, then your cheeks.
  2. Move down to your neck.
  3. Let your head drop forward softly.
  4. Feel your shoulders droop when the scanner passes over them.
  5. Allow your arms and hands to drop gently to your sides.
  6. Let your belly relax when the scanner passes.

  1. Breathe all the air out of your lungs before taking another breath.
  2. As you move your attention down your body, notice your hips and legs relax.
  3. Now, your feet. You can even wiggle your toes a little and feel how the muscles loosen up.

Any time you think your body might be tight, you can do a body scan. Not only will it help you see if you’re tight or loose, but it can help you relax, too!

My Relaxation List

Now, try some of the relaxation activities on the following pages. It’s a good idea to practice these regularly so you’ll feel comfortable using them when you need them most.

Circle the ones you find most helpful as you try them!

As you find other strategies that help you relax, write them down in your own relaxation list:

Deep Belly Breathing

You can use deep belly breathing to signal to your body that it’s time to relax.

First, get into a comfortable position—you can sit or lie down, as long as all your muscles can relax. Close your eyes if you want to. Pay attention to your breathing for a few minutes. In, out, in, out…

Now, slow down and relax your breathing. Take long, slow breaths. In, out, in, out…

Next, to make sure you’re taking full belly breaths, place one hand on your belly. Feel your belly filling up round like a balloon as you breathe in. Your belly should raise up higher than your chest. This kind of breathing helps you take deeper breaths.

Breathe in through your nose as you fill up your belly, and out through your lips as you breathe out. Notice the cool air going in through your nose and the warm air going out through your mouth. Let your muscles relax as your breath leaves through your lips.

Continue to slow down your breathing. Count slowly while you take slow, deep breaths in. Hold your breath, then count slowly while you breathe out in a relaxed way. Don’t worry about how high you can count. Slow and steady is best. Do this for a few minutes until you feel calm and relaxed.

Muscle Relaxation: A Trip to the Circus

Relaxing our muscles can help us relax our mind and our body.

To relax our body, we practice tightening and relaxing our muscles. This can help us notice how our body feels different when our muscles are tight or relaxed. And that can help us learn how to loosen up those tight muscles!

To relax our mind, we focus our mind, especially our imagination, on things that are calming, or even fun!

The first few times you try this exercise, it might help to have someone read it aloud for you so you can be free to just imagine. The person reading to you can also act it out with you.

First, choose a color that you think matches the feeling of worry.

Worry color:

Now, choose a color that helps you feel calm and relaxed.

Calm, relaxed color:

In the next exercise, you’re going to imagine the feelings in your body as these different colors. Using your imagination, you’re going to try to change your whole body from the worry color to your calm, relaxed color.

Start by imagining that your body is completely filled up with the worry color. In a few moments, you will start to tighten and relax every group of muscles one by one, starting at your feet and moving up your body. You can imagine the color of those muscles changing to the calm, relaxed color as they loosen up. When you get to the top of your head, you’ll push that worried color right up and out of your body, leaving you with only the calm, relaxed color—from head to toe!

You can even imagine that the calm, relaxed color brings a comfortable, relaxing temperature with it. Do you prefer to be warm or cool? You get to choose!

To help you practice in a fun way, we’re going to imagine that we’re at the circus. Sit in a chair with your feet on the floor. Make sure you feel comfortable. Take relaxed belly breaths, closing your eyes if you want to.

As you do the different activities, feel free to open your eyes and get up and act them out! Remember, this circus only exists in your imagination, so it’s a totally safe place. You control what happens there. You even get to decide if you want to bring anyone with you!

Now, imagine that you just arrived early to the circus, so you sit on a bench to wait. It was raining earlier and the ground is a little wet and muddy. You’re wearing old rain boots, so you decide to smoosh your feet into the mud.

You smoosh your feet around for a while and notice that when you try to pull your feet out of the mud, they’re a little stuck. When you smoosh your feet deep into the mud, you can push them hard against the solid ground underneath the mud. Spread your toes out as wide as you can. Then, curl your toes up tight into a ball. Notice how tight your feet feel with your toes curled up. Now, wiggle your feet around and shake them to loosen them up. Tighten and relax your toes a few times. When the muscles in your feet feel loose, imagine that they have filled up with your calm, relaxing color. Just as you finish squishing your feet around in the mud, the circus gates open and you go in.

After you go inside, you notice a goalie game that looks fun. You think you might be pretty good at it, so you give it a try. You stand in front of the net and get ready to block the soccer balls. You notice that the game first aims the ball at the right side of the net, and on the next turn, it aims at the left side of the net. This means you can get ready by lifting your right leg out to the side when you know the ball is coming to the right side of the net. Hold your right leg out for a few seconds, keeping the muscles tight, so you can block the ball. Keep your toes up, too—that way, you can block the most space. Feel those muscles getting tight. It worked! You blocked the ball. Now, try it again with the left leg. Notice how tight this leg is compared to the one that you just relaxed.

You still have four more balls coming! Repeat this exercise twice for the right leg and twice for the left leg. Pay attention to how tight your leg muscles are when you’re getting ready to block the ball compared to how relaxed they are when you let the muscles relax. Then, shake your leg muscles loose and imagine that calm, relaxing color rising from your feet to fill your leg muscles. Now your calm, relaxed color goes all the way up to your knees.

Next, you decide to go into the big tent to look around. The circus performers are practicing, and one performer is talking to a crowd of kids sitting around him on chairs. There’s space for you to join them. The performer is describing what it’s like to be shot out of a cannon. He explains that he has to curl up tight and small into a ball to get into the right position.

He invites you to see how small you can curl up in your chair. Pull your legs right up to your chest, wrapping your arms around them. Squeeze your thighs in to help you get even smaller. Now, you’re in a tight ball. Notice how it feels to be so tight. The performer tells you to imagine shooting out of the cannon. Release your legs and hop out of the chair, stretching your arms out as you imagine shooting out of the cannon. Feel all those muscles relax as you imagine flying through the air. Try it again one more time.

All the muscles you used to curl into a tight ball are feeling a little looser now. Imagine your calm, relaxed color filling up those muscles, through your thighs and hips, and beginning to trickle up your body to your shoulders. The performers need to practice some more, so everyone starts to leave the tent to see the other attractions.

As you leave the tent, you realize some of the gates out of the tent are already closed. You decide to squeeze through one gate that has been left open a little. Suck in your belly as tight as you can to squeeze through the gate sideways. As you inch all the way through while keeping your belly sucked in, you notice how your belly feels when it’s all tightened up. Once you’re through, let your belly go loose. Then, take a deep breath and hold it for a second before letting it out—it feels so good to take a full breath! Just then, a breeze snatches your ticket out of your hand and blows it to the ground just inside the gate. Now you have to squeeze back through. Again, feel how tight your belly becomes when you suck it in, and how relaxed it feels when you make it through the gate and let your muscles go. Now, go back through the gate one more time. By now, your belly feels super relaxed. Imagine your belly filling up with your calm, relaxing color.

Now that you’re back outside the tent, you see a lemon-squeezing contest. You decide to challenge yourself to see how quickly you can squeeze the juice out of the lemons. Before you start, stretch to get ready. Join your hands together in front of you and push forward. Now, move your hands up over your head and back as far as you can, still holding your hands together. Next, hold your hands together behind your back and push them out. Notice how tight your arms, shoulders, and back feel. Let go and shake all those muscles loose. Feel your calm, relaxing color trickling up your body, filling your back and shoulders.

Now, time for the lemons! You get two lemons, one for each of your hands. Pick up those lemons and squeeze them as hard as you can! Squeeze tight! Your hands might even change color, looking white in some places and red in others. Now, stop squeezing. Drop those lemons and shake out your hands. Notice how different your hands feel when they’re relaxed and loose compared to how tight they were when you were squeezing. Now that your hands have had a break, let’s get back to squeezing. There is still some juice left in those lemons. Squeeze! Squeeze! Squeeze! Feel how tight you’re squeezing. Now relax. You’ve squeezed out enough juice to win a prize! You notice that your calm, relaxed color has spread to your hands and lower arms.

Next, you see two bodybuilders in the crowd, taking pictures with people. You want to get a picture with them, too! They invite you to flex your upper arms for the picture. Flex your right arm as hard as you can. Reach over with your left hand and feel your muscle all tensed up. Now, relax your right arm and flex your left upper arm. Touch it with your right hand. For the final picture, you decide to flex both arms at once, before relaxing them and shaking them out. How much of your body is filled with your calm, relaxed color now?

Then, you notice a reptile tent and decide to stop and take a look. You see a turtle slowly duck its head inside its shell, and you start to imagine what it would be like to be a turtle. Pull your shoulders up slowly, while pulling your head into your shell at the same time. Imagine hiding in there where it’s nice and protected. Now, poke your head out slowly to see if it’s safe out there. Lift your head straight up as far as you can while you let your shoulders back down. Now, slowly like a turtle, look to the right, then to the left, then straight ahead. What would you do if you saw a large bird? Hide inside your shell again, pulling your shoulders up and your head straight down. Now, peek out again—bring your head back up, looking to the right, then the left, then center. Lift your face up to the sky to make sure the bird is gone. You’re safe! Now, your calm, relaxed color fills you all the way up to the top of your neck.

Next, you decide to join a bubble-blowing competition. Imagine that you have a piece of gum that’s bigger than any piece of gum you have ever chewed. Chew as hard as you can to get the gum ready to blow bubbles. Move the gum around. Feel it stretch your cheeks. Now, spit it out and take a break. Relax your cheeks. Push on them with your hands to feel how loose they are. Now, chew your gum again. It’s time to blow your big bubble! BLOW! Watch the bubble grow bigger and bigger, until…POP! The bubble pops, right on top of your nose. Pull it off and throw it away. You blew a really big bubble and won a ribbon! You also notice that your jaw and cheeks are filled with your calm, relaxed color now.

A small fly lands on your nose—it likes the sugar left on your face from the bubble gum! You don’t want to use your hands to get the fly off because they are still sticky from the gum. You decide to wiggle your nose to get it off! Wiggle, wiggle…the fly is gone! You can relax now. But wait…here comes the fly again. Wiggle hard! Okay, it’s gone. You can relax. But…oh no! Here comes another one! One more time…wiggle that nose! The fly flies over to the cotton candy stand and leaves you alone, and you can relax your face. Imagine that someone gives you a facecloth to wash your face. Scrunch up your face as you wash it. Imagine taking the time to enjoy smooshing your face muscles around with your hands. Imagine that the last little bit of the worried color is leaving your face. That color has now been pushed all the way up and out of your body—from your toes all the way up through the top of your head!

How do you feel after tightening and relaxing all of your muscles?

Even though you learned to tighten and relax your muscles by imagining a fun trip to the circus, you can tense and relax your muscles at any time, no matter where you are.

Use this checklist to help you remember each body part:

Making a Stress Ball

Have you ever squeezed a stress ball? A stress ball can be any small, squishy ball that you can squeeze in your hand. You can buy stress balls at any dollar store, but it’s also really easy to make your own.

What You Need:
Steps:
  1. Place the funnel in the neck of one balloon (not the balloon you want on the outside).
  2. Slowly pour small amounts of the filling into the funnel. Give the funnel a little shake to help the filling flow through the funnel’s hole into the balloon. If the filling gets stuck, use a pencil to push it through.
  3. After filling the balloon, remove the funnel and tie the balloon.
  4. Ask someone to hold the opening of your second balloon open. It helps if they put two fingers of each hand into the neck of the balloon and pull. Place the filled balloon inside, and then tie off the second balloon.

Now, you have your very own stress ball. Give it a squeeze and try it out!

You can carry your stress ball with you and squeeze it any time you need to relax.

Creating My Own Peaceful Place

You’re going to imagine your own peaceful, safe place that you can visit in your mind any time you want to relax. You get to decide everything about this place: where it is, what it’s like, whether anyone is with you, and what you see, smell, hear, taste, and feel.

First, relax your body and get in a comfortable position. Try to calm your mind and body by focusing on your breathing. Breathe in and out slowly, letting your breathing relax you. Breathe in…hold…and let it out slowly. Pay attention to your breathing…slow, calm, and gentle. As your heartbeat slows down, your body gets more and more relaxed.

Next, start to imagine a place where you would feel completely relaxed and peaceful!

Let’s start with where this place is. Is it a place in nature or indoors? A big, open place or a small, cozy one? Does your place look like somewhere in this world, or is it in a made-up world? Keep imagining what this place looks like. What do you see around you? What are the colors? Are there any plants, animals, or other living things?

Are you alone in this peaceful place, or would you like to have some company with you? Since this is your place in your mind, you get to choose everything. This place is completely safe!

Now, notice what time of day it is. What is the light like? Is it bright or dark? What’s the temperature? Is it cool? Comfortable? Warm? Is there a breeze, or is the air still and calm?

Can you hear anything? If you’re outside, do you hear waves crashing, or birds chirping? Are you indoors listening to your favorite band? Or is it calm and silent?

Take a deep breath in through your nose. What do you smell? Are there nature smells? Food smells? Maybe you can smell some of your favorite things, like flowers or fresh, clean laundry.

Now imagine whether you taste anything in your peaceful place. Is there anything you would like to be eating or drinking?

What are you doing in your peaceful place? Are you sitting or lying down, relaxing somewhere comfortable? Or, are you doing any activities? Walking around? Floating? Flying? Is there anything else you might enjoy doing there?

Imagine what you feel with your body. What is your skin touching? Are you holding anything? If so, what does it feel like?

Keep enjoying your peaceful place. Notice all the different things you can see, smell, hear, taste, and feel.

Know that this place will stay safe inside your imagination and you can visit it any time you need to relax. It’s like a free vacation, and you don’t even need to pack a suitcase! Even as you return to your day, know that you can take that calm, peaceful feeling with you.

Notes on My Peaceful Place:

Where am I? What is this place like?

What do I see?

Is anyone with me? If so, who?

What time of day is it?

What’s the temperature?

What do I hear?

What do I smell?

What do I taste?

What am I doing?

What do I feel against my body?

Any other important details?

Draw a picture of your peaceful place.

Mindfulness Meditation

Being mindful is being aware of the moment you’re in—at that moment.

We can get distracted by a lot of things. Sometimes we think about things that have already happened. Or, we might be busy looking ahead to the future, and maybe even worrying about it. We can spend a lot of our time worrying about things that haven’t even happened yet (and may never happen) rather than being aware of the moment we’re in. When we are mindful, we notice what’s happening right now! We can really appreciate things that we sometimes miss out on.

But, being mindful might also mean letting ourselves notice what we’re feeling, even when our feelings are unpleasant. Lots of times, people try to push tough feelings away. It makes sense—tough feelings are hard to have around. And let’s face it, we even worry about having worries! But when we try to push our feelings away without facing them, they often end up sticking around or popping back up when we don’t expect it. Sometimes they’re even stronger than before! It can actually be more helpful to just notice (and accept) our tough feelings as we feel them. Even though it can be hard work, it can help us be more relaxed and not be scared of our feelings, instead of worrying about how to get rid of them.

To be more mindful, take some time each day to sit with your eyes closed and just notice your thoughts, your feelings, your body (including all of your senses—sight, touch, hearing, smell, and taste), and your environment (everything around you).

Take a moment and try to meditate…

First, find a comfortable place to sit. Lots of people choose to sit cross-legged on the floor with their back straight up. You can use a cushion if you want to.

Then, close your eyes and just focus on your breathing for a little while. Feel free to take your time. You can stop at each step as long as you want.

Take a few moments to notice how fast or slow your breath is.

Next, without opening your eyes, bring your attention to the room around you. Do you hear any sounds? Does the room smell like anything? From behind your eyelids, does the room seem light or dark? Do you feel anything against your body? How does the floor (or the surface you’re on) feel?

Next, notice your body all over. Notice if your muscles are tight or loose. Feel free to let any tight muscles relax. Every now and then, go back to noticing your breathing.

You’ll probably notice some thoughts will come into your mind. Don’t worry about making your mind blank. You can notice your thoughts, and your feelings too. Try your best not to decide whether they are good thoughts or bad thoughts—just notice that they’re there. No thought or feeling will last forever. They will all come and go, even if some might come back.

If you notice a feeling that is really difficult, like a worry, try not to push it away. All of your feelings are a part of you. Remember that you’re safe where you are sitting meditating. Try to sit with that worry and focus on your breathing again. You’ve probably noticed that when you try to push a worry away it often comes back, but when you can learn to sit with a worry you can start to feel more calm and confident when it’s around.

Keep noticing your breathing, taking a full, deep breath when it feels good. Keep noticing your body in general, your thoughts, your feelings and your mood, and the world around you.

Take a few moments, and when you’re ready, open your eyes and return to your day.

If you do this regularly, it can help you notice more about yourself and the world around you, and you might find that difficult thoughts and feelings don’t seem as strange and scary as they once did.

Bubble Meditation

This bubble meditation can help you slow down and notice your thoughts, your feelings, and even what’s going on in your body, without getting stuck on any one thing. When we don’t spend a lot of time holding on to these things, we have more time for noticing other things, too!

First, get comfortable. Sit up with your back straight but relaxed. Try to let go of any tightness in your muscles (give them a little wiggle to loosen them up if you have to), and start with some deep belly breathing.

Now, imagine that bubbles slowly start to float up in front of you, one at a time. They start from the floor and float up through the ceiling (or into the sky if you’re outside) until you can’t see them anymore. Inside each bubble, picture one of your thoughts, or feelings, or even something you’re noticing. You can picture something that’s on your mind, such as the fight you had with your best friend, or how you’re feeling right now. You can even picture something you’re feeling in your body, such as having an itchy nose. Some bubbles might be empty, or some might have the same thought or feeling over and over again. That’s okay—let your bubbles fill up with whatever comes to mind, and then watch them float away.

Now, notice a new bubble right in front of you. Look at what’s inside and then watch it slowly float up and away like the others. Try not to think of what’s inside the bubble as being “good” or “bad.” Just look at what’s inside the bubble, without thinking more about it. Watch it as it floats away. Keep watching your bubbles float away for a few more minutes while using your deep belly breathing, until they’re all gone. Keep breathing comfortably, and when you’re ready, open your eyes again. How was that?

If you practice just noticing thoughts and feelings like this, it might not feel so scary when they’re around. It can also help to realize that lots of different thoughts and feelings come and go, and even if some do come back for a bit, there are other moments, thoughts, and feelings to notice too.

Brain Breathing

Even though our brain doesn’t really “breathe,” we’re going to learn a way to imagine our brain breathing in fresh, clean air and breathing out dark, heavy air. Let’s start with regular deep belly breathing. First, just breathe regularly, then slow down and concentrate on bringing deep, full breaths into your belly and letting the breaths out through your mouth.

Now, as you breathe in, imagine fresh, cool air flowing up into your head and swirling around your brain. This time, instead of breathing out through your mouth, let the air flow back out through your nose. With your next breath in, imagine the air collecting any worries with it and pulling them back out through your nose as it exits. Fresh, cool air in. Worry-filled air out.

With the next breath in, imagine the air getting a little stronger, but still gentle, like a swirling wind. Imagine the air coming in, gathering up anything heavy or dark in your brain. Now, imagine the heavy, dark air escaping through your nose and your ears this time. It can’t get back in, and the only thing left behind is clean, light air. If you have a headache, imagine that being pulled out, too.

Continue to breathe this way until you imagine that all your worries, darkness, or pain have been pulled away, leaving only a light, clear mind.

Making a Feeling Jar

When we have a lot of worries racing and buzzing around in our mind, it can be really hard to calm them down. To help us settle them down, we can make a feeling jar!

What You Need:
Steps:
  1. Fill your jar most of the way with water, leaving a little space for sparkles. You can always add more water later if you need to.
  2. Add a drop of glycerin, gel, or glitter glue. You can add more if you want the sparkles to move more slowly. Stir or shake the jar with the cover on.
  3. Choose a different color for every worry swirling around in your mind. For worries that seem to come and go, choose heavier beads or objects in that color. For worries that really swirl around for a while, choose some sparkles. Put these in your jar.
  4. Put on the cover and shake up your jar.
  5. Imagine that the beads and sparkles are all the worries swirling around in your mind.
  6. Watch the beads and sparkles while they settle down. You’ll notice that some settle quickly, while others float around for a while.
  7. Take deep belly breaths while you watch, until the last of the sparkles settles down.
  8. Notice how much calmer you feel. Some worries will come back again in the future—that’s part of life—but now you know how to help them settle down. For now, you can leave your worries settled in the jar and keep that calm feeling with you!

Taking Charge of My Thoughts

It’s important to take time to notice all of our thoughts and feelings (including the tough ones), but it’s also important to take time to notice the positive (good) things around us.

Sometimes it seems like our mind is really good at paying attention to all of the negative, scary things that happen (or could happen) around us. For example, if you have a test coming up, you might think scary thoughts, like “I’m never going to pass” or “I never get anything right.”

But are those scary thoughts really true? Most likely, there are lots of things that you can do that you once worried were impossible. Just think about all those things you listed or drew in the Things I’m Already Good At section.

Some positive thoughts that kids have found helpful include:

If you realize you’re thinking scary or negative thoughts, you can stand up to those thoughts with these questions:

Let’s try this exercise. Below, put a  by the positive thoughts, put an X by the scary, negative thoughts, and underline the questions you could use to challenge yourself.

  • I can only do my best.
  • I’m not good at anything.
  • I’ll never get it.
  • Is that really true?
  • I’m good at lots of things.
  • What advice would I give a friend?

The Worry Leap Frog Game

There are lots of things that happen that we can’t control. There are things we have to do that we have no control over, like having to go to school or going with our family on vacation. We also can’t control the words or actions of other people. But we can control what we think about things that are out of our control and how we react to them. When we change the way we think, it can change the way we feel about something, our choices, and what happens in the end!

The Worry Leap Frog Game will help you think about, and maybe change, the way you think so that you can enjoy more things in life.

Read the rules below. The example after that will help you to understand better before you try the game on your own.

Worry Leap Frog Game Rules:
  1. Write down the situation that you’re worried about.
  2. Write down the negative or scary thoughts you have about the situation in the thoughts lily pad on the Worried Path.
  3. Write down the feeling that goes with those thoughts in the feelings lily pad.
  4. In the actions lily pad, write what you think you would do if you listened to the scary thoughts.
  5. In the outcomes lily pad, write down the end result of your actions if you followed the Worried Path.
  6. Repeat these steps for the Brighter Path. Remember, you can’t change the situation, but you can change the thoughts you tell yourself about the situation. Notice how your feelings, your actions, and the outcome change when you notice some of the more positive things that you may have been missing before.

Look at the example, and then play the Worry Leap Frog Game on your own.

Act Positive to Feel Positive

We’ve learned about noticing and changing our thoughts to help us have more positive emotions (how we feel), actions (what we do), and outcomes (what happens in the end).

Now, let’s think about how changing our behavior (actions) can also change the way we feel. For example, even if we’re feeling worried about something, we can do something that we enjoy to lift our mood. It can feel good just to be silly sometimes!

One way to be silly and lift our mood is to sing or whistle a happy tune. If you feel like you could use a pick-me-up, sing or whistle the happiest or silliest song you know. This helps your brain get into the mood you’re usually in when you sing that song. If you can’t think of a silly song, you can even try to make one up. We all need to take a break from our worries, and take the time to be silly sometimes!

Talking to Others

We’ve learned that we can’t always control situations or what other people do, but it’s still important to let others know our thoughts, feelings, and needs. We might even need other people’s help sometimes. If we don’t tell people what we’re thinking and feeling, it can be hard for them to understand what we need.

One way to express your thoughts and feelings is to use an “I feel…when…” sentence:

I feel when . (feeling) (situation)

Here’s an example:

I feel worried when we go to a new place and I don’t know what’s going to happen.

If you already have an idea of what someone can do to help, you can add that information, too.

I feel worried when we go to a new place and I don’t know what’s going to happen. It would help if you could tell me what to expect.

Now you try it!

I feel when .

It would help if .

Being Assertive (Standing Up for Myself)

The story below will help you understand three big words: passive, aggressive, and assertive.

When someone is being passive, it means that they might accept whatever happens without standing up for themselves, even when there’s something that they still want or need.

When someone is being aggressive, they can seem pushy. It might look to others like they think what they want is more important than what other people want.

If someone is being assertive, they stand up for themselves and express their thoughts and feelings, but they’re still considerate of other people’s feelings. When people are assertive, they are often more confident and fair.

You’ll read about three people in this story. Can you figure out who is being passive, who is acting aggressively, and who is being assertive?

It’s lunchtime at school and Johnny is excited because it’s Pizza Day. Hawaiian-style pizza is his favorite, and he’s worried that it will be gone before he can get a slice. All of a sudden, Patrick cuts in front of him in the line.

Ugh…Patrick is always trying to get to the Hawaiian pizza first, Johnny thinks as he puts his hands in his pockets and looks at his feet. He wishes a teacher had seen Patrick cut in line and done something.

Just then, Johnny notices his older brother’s friend, Jamal, rushing over. Jamal pushes Patrick out of the line and yells at him for cutting in front of Johnny. Johnny is relieved that Jamal stood up for him, but then he realizes that Mr. Williams saw Jamal push Patrick, and he’s headed this way.

Jamal is sent to the office, even though he was standing up for his friend. Mr. Williams says that everyone is responsible for their own behavior no matter what the other person did first, and that Jamal could’ve helped in another way.

Mr. Williams talks to Johnny and Patrick and figures out why Jamal pushed Patrick. Mr. Williams reminds Patrick of the school rules on not cutting in line, and why it’s important for everyone to follow the rules and be fair.

Even though Johnny feels nervous, Mr. Williams helps him tell Patrick how he felt when Patrick cut in front of him. Mr. Williams encourages Johnny to use an “I feel…when…” sentence. Johnny takes a deep belly breath and says, “Patrick, I feel sad and angry when you cut in front of me. It’s not fair, and I like Hawaiian pizza just as much as you. You need to wait in line, too.”

Johnny feels better because he said what was on his mind. Patrick goes to the back of the line and gets a warning that if he tries to cut in line again, he will have to stay for detention. Even with all the commotion, Johnny gets a slice of Hawaiian pizza! He feels pretty proud because he stood up for himself!

Who was being passive in this story?

Two people were acting aggressively in this story. Who were they?

What happened to the people who were acting aggressively?

Who was a support person (someone who helped)?

Who changed from acting in a passive way to being more assertive by the end of the story?

What did that person do to be more assertive?

How did it help the situation?