CHAPTER 5
WE ASSEMBLE AN AWESOME TEAM (AFTER A SLIGHTLY HUGE ARGUMENT)
CLAUDIA
It was Akash’s idea for the scavenger hunt to have four-person teams. This seemed perfect, because it meant me, Sophie, Parvati, and Carmen could be one team—which we called Team Melting Pot on account of our ethnic diversity. Ed. Note: Asian American, Indian American, Cuban American, Miscellaneous American (me)
But unfortunately, the scavenger hunt was on a Saturday. And on Saturdays, Sophie is way overscheduled.
SOPHIE
I have ballet from 9 to 11 and conversational Korean from 2 to 4. But that wasn’t even the problem. The problem was I had a violin recital that day. And there was, like, no way I could skip it. I’ve been practicing the Concerto in G FOR-E-VER.
CLAUDIA
I could totally respect that, even though I was very sad. Not only because Sophie would’ve been a huge asset, but also because she’s my best friend on the planet.
So we needed a fourth person for Melting Pot. And Carmen, Parvati, and I had a real difference of opinion about who it should be.
Personally, I thought we should look for someone with skills we didn’t have. For example, it seemed like a good idea to recruit a boy in case we had to find boy-specific stuff. Ed. Note: boy-specific stuff = comic books, Pokémon cards, anything gross, etc.
And I thought a sporty, athletic boy would be particularly good, because Parvati and Carmen and I are more indoor types.
Plus, it seemed like since we were all Americans, it’d be smart to get someone who was foreign-born, just in case we needed an “outsider’s perspective.”
And when I added all that up, Jens Kuypers was a no-brainer, because he is A) a boy, B) very athletic, and C) just moved here from the Netherlands last summer.
PARVATI
I’m sorry, but can we just be honest here? The ONLY reason you wanted Jens on the team is because D) HE’S YOUR BOYFRIEND.
CARMEN
Seriously, Claudia. You totally jammed us with your Dutch boy toy.
CLAUDIA
I am just going to address this issue head-on and be completely honest about it.
First of all, Jens is NOT technically my boyfriend. Mostly because I don’t think “boyfriend”/“girlfriend” should apply to sixth graders. That’s more of a seventh-grade-and-up situation.
Although it is true Jens and I are going out. I’m not going to get into details about our relationship, because it’s nobody’s business. But I will say it’s been almost two and a half weeks so far, and it is going great.
However, that is ABSOLUTELY NOT why I wanted Jens on our team. I sincerely thought that when it came to beating the Fembots, he’d be more strategically helpful than Parvati and Carmen’s first choice, Kalisha Hendricks.
PARVATI
And I was like, “THAT IS RIDICULOUS.”
Because Jens is cute and friendly and all? But, no offense? He always seemed kind of lazy to me.
And I’m sorry, but Kalisha is brilliant.
CARMEN
She is SO brilliant! She’s the smartest person in our class!
CLAUDIA
I don’t know about THAT. I mean, yes, Kalisha’s brilliant. No question.
But there are a LOT of smart people in our class. For example, that math test last week? Kalisha only got a 94. And I know for a fact that at LEAST one other person got a 96.
PARVATI
Who? You?
CLAUDIA
It’s not important who it was. I’m just saying.
And again—Jens was bringing boy-specific knowledge we didn’t have—
PARVATI
So was Kalisha! Because she lives in Queens! Which, like, NOBODY who doesn’t live there knows anything about.
I mean, seriously. I’m not even sure where Queens is.
CARMEN
Kalisha would’ve been SO helpful. AND she was psyched to be on our team.
CLAUDIA
For the record, I’d like to point out that Kalisha was also totally fine with NOT being on our team.
KALISHA HENDRICKS, one of the smartest kids in our classEd. Note: (but not necessarily THE smartest)
It was all good. I just hooked up with Yun and Charlotte instead. Then we got Max to be a fourth.
CLAUDIA
And FYI, Jens is NOT lazy. He’s just laid-back. AND he was very motivated to kick butt.
JENS KUYPERS, friend Ed. Note: NOT technically a boyfriend
Yeah, sure. Scavenger hunt sounded like good fun. To go around New York City and find things, because I am only living here a short time, I think, “This is cool to do.”
CLAUDIA
Also, I don’t want to be mean, but I think Jens appreciated being rescued from playing on a team that, tbh, had absolutely no chance of winning.
Of course, my brother didn’t see it that way.
REESE
I could NOT believe my sister stole Jens from us! I worked 24/7 putting Beast Squad together! Me, Xander, Wyatt, and Jens would’ve been a dream team!
In fact, we almost called ourselves Dream Team instead of Beast Squad.
CLAUDIA
Again, not trying to be mean here. But Dream Team would’ve been a MUCH better name, because Reese was dreaming to think he had a snowball’s chance of winning.
Basically, all the things Reese and his friends are good at—like bouncing soccer balls off their heads, or belching the alphabet, or having wrestling matches in our living room and breaking the furniture Ed. Note: (actually happened TWICE)—are totally useless in a scavenger hunt.
But that didn’t stop them from completely freaking out when Jens joined Melting Pot. Check out this exchange I found on Jens’s ClickChat wall:
CLICKCHAT POSTS ON JENS KUYPERS’S PUBLIC WALL
REESE
I was seriously ripped when Jens quit. But then I was like, “It’s cool. We’ll just be a three-man. We’re STILL going to pwn it!”
CLAUDIA
Unfortunately for Beast Squad, two days before the hunt, Mrs. Bevan told them that since they had an extra spot, she was adding James Mantolini to their team.
I should explain about James Mantolini.
Actually, no. I should let Reese do it.
REESE
I don’t like to trash-talk people. But there’s something seriously wrong with James Mantolini.
It’s hard to explain. It’s like Earth isn’t his home planet or something.
Like, if you said, “Hey, James, what’s two plus two?” He’d be like, “Sausages!”
And he gets in a LOT of trouble at school. He’s always been like that. Back in kindergarten, he got sent to the principal’s office for eating Molly Preston’s hair. While it was still attached to her head.
It was pretty nuts. I was sitting next to Molly when it happened, and I’m, like, NEVER going to be able to get that image out of my mind.
So it wasn’t a surprise nobody wanted James on their team. And when Mrs. Bevan put him on Beast Squad, Xander and Wyatt and I got pretty skreeved. Ed. Note: N.A.A.W. (“Not An Actual Word”)
I’m not saying EVERYTHING crazy and illegal that happened was because of James.
But at least half of it was.
The other half was Dad’s fault.