CHAPTER 11

BLACK MARKET CRONUT

CLAUDIA

While Team Melting Pot was at the Met, Beast Squad was headed downtown to the Cronut bakery.

REESE

The whole way down to SoHo, Dad was up front in the passenger seat of the cab, typing work emails on his phone. Along the way, we passed the FAO Schwarz toy store, where there’s this big floor piano you can play by jumping up and down on it.

We were like, “Let’s stop and get the video of us playing Beethoven on the floor piano! It’s worth ten points!”

And Dad was like, “We’ll get it later! Let’s go downtown!”

Which I guess was fine, because we couldn’t agree on what Beethoven’s Fifth Symphony sounded like.

First, I was like, “I know it! It’s dun-dun-DA-dun, dun, DA-DUN, dun DA-DUN.”

WYATT

The rest of us were like, “Reese, dude: that’s the Darth Vader song.”

But that got the Darth Vader song stuck in everybody’s head. So whenever somebody tried to sing Beethoven’s Fifth, it came out sounding like Darth Vader.

REESE

By the time Wyatt googled the right song on his phone—it’s actually “dun-dun-dun-DUN”—we were thirty blocks past FAO Schwarz, so it was too late anyway.

But we did get five points for “taxicab receipt for trip over 1 mile.”

When we got to the Cronut bakery, ^{Ed. Note: aka Dominique Ansel} it looked like we were in luck. Because when we counted, there were only thirty-seven people in line.

WYATT

But it turned out that was because they were almost out of Cronuts. And when we got in line, the people in front of us were all, “Are you crazy? We’ve been here for hours! And even WE probably aren’t getting Cronuts!”

REESE

Then Dad was like, “Oh, well! Let’s go take a picture of the Wall Street bull statue!”

Which is, like, a block from Dad’s office.

But I wasn’t thinking of that. I was like, “Dad—the bull’s only worth three points! A Cronut’s worth THIRTY!”

Then all four of us started begging him to stay in line and give it a shot.

So Dad was like, “Let me do some investigating.” He went up to the front of the store to check out the situation. The rest of us stayed at the back of the line, which was around the corner at the end of the block.

Wyatt got his phone out to check the scavenger hunt’s ClickChat wall. There was some crazy stuff going on with Athena Cohen’s team, so we started reading the messages.

WYATT

And that’s when our Calvin got hit by a truck.

JAMES

It was Xander’s fault.

XANDER

No way, dawg! That was ALL on J-Mo. ^{Ed. Note: Xander’s nickname for James (should be “J-Ma” or “J-Man,” but Xander is idiot)} Alls I did was smack him upside the head with the Calvin a coupla times.

J-Mo’s the one who jacked it from me and drop-kicked it in the street right when the truck was going by.

WYATT

I actually heard a pop when its head exploded. That truck wheel caught it JUST right.

But the good thing was the stuffing was still all soggy from the coffee, so it didn’t blow away. It just kind of oozed.

REESE

James was like, “Stand back! I’m a doctor!” And he tried to jam the stuffing back inside the Calvin’s head. But there was no way to close it.

Wyatt and I were going to go buy some tape for the head, but then Dad came back.

And he was like, “I got bad news… and I got good news.”

The bad news was the bakery had run out of Cronuts.

The good news was Dad had found a guy who’d just bought a Cronut and was willing to sell it to us.

But he wanted a CRAZY amount of money. Dad wouldn’t tell us how much.

WYATT

I was like, “Is it more than fifty bucks?”

And your dad was like, “Yes.”

And then I was like, “Is it more than a hundred?”

And he was like, “No comment.”

REESE

Dad kind of lowered his voice and went, “Here’s the deal, guys: I’m willing to buy you this Cronut. BUT… in return for that… I need you to do me a VERY big favor.”

Before he could tell us what the favor was, this guy with a goatee came up to him, holding a little yellow box from the bakery.

And he was like, “Hey, buddy—are we gonna do this? ’Cause otherwise, I’m eating my Cronut.”

And Dad looked at us and was like, “Guys, do we have a deal? I get you the Cronut, you do me a huge favor?”

XANDER

I’s all, “HOOK US UP, babylicious!”

WYATT

I was a little worried. Not because of the money, or the favor thing, but because the guy selling the Cronut seemed kind of sketchy.

And then James yelled, “HOW MUCH DO YOU CHARGE FOR AN ASSASSINATION?” at him.

JAMES

All I’m saying is, anybody who sells black market Cronuts is probably doing a LOT of other stuff on the side. Like contract murders.

And I have some very powerful enemies I’d like to see neutralized.

CLAUDIA

Oh, really? Like who?

JAMES

I’ll never tell. Because when it happens, my fingerprints can’t be on it. ^{Ed. Note: James is RIDICULOUS}

REESE

So Xander put James in a headlock to get him to shut up long enough for Dad to pay the guy with the goatee some crazy amount of money. Then the guy forked over the box, and we sat down on a bench in this little park by the bakery to open it up.

I was pretty curious, because until that morning, I’d never even heard of a Cronut.

It was basically a fancy square-ish donut with purple frosting.

And then Xander went, “Yo, Homes—dat ain’t no Cronut!”

XANDER

Alls I know is, last time I had a Cronut? That bad boy was chocolate. And this was some kinda purple-fruity ish.

REESE

Dad was like, “Please tell me I did NOT just buy a counterfeit Cronut.”

And Wyatt was like, “Oh, yeah! It could totally be a fake!”

WYATT

It made sense. I mean, you can buy a Rolex watch in Chinatown for twenty bucks. But it’s not really a Rolex.

And one time, my mom bought this, like, Louis Vuitton bag for $40 from some guy on the street? Only it was a total fake, and it fell apart in three days.

Mom doesn’t really want me telling people that story. But it’s true.

REESE

When Wyatt and Xander told him he’d paid a gazillion dollars for a fake Cronut, Dad basically turned white and looked like he was going to have a heart attack.

Then he took a picture of the Cronut and texted it to Mom.

MOM AND DAD (text messages)

 

(DAD) Does this look like a real Cronut?

(MOM) I don’t even know what a Cronut is

V worried I just bought a fake

I have MUCH bigger problems right
now. Have you seen the ClickChat
page?

 

REESE

Eventually, Dad decided even if the Cronut was fake, the box looked real. So we should just turn it in and try to get our thirty points.

Then Dad was like, “Now, about that favor I need from you…”

And that’s when the trouble started.