CHAPTER 19 MY BROTHER’S TEAM HITS A NEW LOW

REESE

When I got back to the bull statue, Dad and Wyatt were already there. Dad was majorly stressed about losing half our team, and the first thing he did was take us back to Hooligans to get Xander. I hid around the corner with Wyatt so none of the Liverpool fans would try to kill me again while Dad dragged Xander outside.

XANDER

Yo, strong ups to Big Daddy Tapper for frontin’ the bill on dem wingz.

REESE

After that, we were like, “What’s next on the list?”

And Dad was like, “Finding James Mantolini! What’s his cell?”

And we were like, “Didn’t he give it to you when we started?”

And he was like, “Yeah, but it was fake. What’s the real number?”

And we were like, “No idea.”

Because none of us had ever called James for anything. But I had his email, ’cause he was on the cc list for kids who were supposed to be getting extra help in Ms. Santiago’s math class during lunch.

So I emailed James, but I figured there was no way he’d get back to me.

REESE (email to James)

REESE

Then we were like, “Dad, don’t worry, he’s fine.”

And Dad was like, “I’m the chaperone—I HAVE to make sure everybody’s safe.”

Which, seeing as how he’d left us alone in the first place, was, um… what’s that word? When somebody says something, and it’s like the opposite of what you’d expect?

CLAUDIA

Ironic?

REESE

That’s it. Yeah. And it seemed totally cray to even try to look for James. ’Cause not only is New York City mega-huge, but we were in the middle of the scavenger hunt.

So we were all, “Why don’t we just split up again?”

And Dad was like, “We are NOT splitting up! Over my dead body!” Which, again, was totally… oh, geez, I forgot that word already.

CLAUDIA

Ironic.

REESE

Right. Sorry.

And Wyatt and Xander were all, “We can’t just quit the hunt! We’re winning! We got the Cronut!”

So I had to tell them I ate the Cronut.

WYATT

I was seriously spun out over that. You stuck me on the ferry all alone—and then while I was gone, you ATE THE CRONUT?!

REESE

I am so skronking sorry, dude.

XANDER

Weak, yo. WEAK!

REESE

I know! I’m sorry!

So Dad started marching us up Broadway, back toward where I last saw James. And he was all, “If you were James, where would you go?”

XANDER

And I’s all, “Prison.” Cause J-Mo be seriously headed for jail if he don’t check himself.

And Big Daddy Tapper was all, “We’ll look there later.”

WYATT

Then I went, “Dunkin’ Donuts!”

And your dad was like, “Does James like donuts?”

And I was like, “I dunno—but there’s a Dunkin’ Donuts right over there. And we can buy a donut and pretend it’s a Cronut!”

REESE

Which was a sweet idea. Because even though I ate the Cronut, I’d kept the box.

So we basically ran in and bought the donut before Dad could even argue with us.

We got a strawberry glazed, ’cause it looked like the Cronut I’d eaten, except it was a little too oval-ish. So I chewed around the edges to make it look more Cronut-y.

Then we put it in the box. Although I’d been carrying the Calvin head around in there, so the box was, like, kind of soggy from the skruzzy subway water. ^{Ed. Note: A.B.N.Q.A.A.W.—Almost (But Not Quite) An Actual Word}

CLAUDIA

Just please tell me nobody ever put that half-eaten donut back in their mouth after it had been sitting in that scuzzy box. ^{Ed. Note: A.A.W. (An Actual Word)}

REESE

No comment.

Anyway, after we got the replacement Cronut, Dad was like, “Check your email—maybe James wrote back!”

And I was like, “Dad, there’s no way… ohmygosh, he actually did.”

JAMES (email to Reese)

REESE

I showed the email to Dad, and he was like, “Flatbush and Atlantic? How did he get all the way to Brooklyn?”

And then Dad was like, “We have to go get him.”

And the rest of us were like, “But then we’ll never win the scavenger hunt! There’s only a few hours left!”

WYATT

Then your dad was all, “Guys, I’m going to be completely honest with you: there’s ALREADY no way you’re going to win. It’s after 1:00pm, and all you’ve got is a taxi receipt, some mangled legs in front of the Statue of Liberty, and a half-eaten donut.

“You’re getting CRUSHED. Now, come with me and we’ll go get James, so at least everybody can get home in one piece.”

XANDER

That was harsh, yo. Big Daddy Tapper done showed us the back of his hand with that speech.

But I was aaiite with it. ’Cause I was cookin’ up a secret plan to win.

REESE

Xander asked my dad if the three of us could take a cab back to his place—which was just a couple blocks from Culvert Prep—and wait there while Dad went to Brooklyn to get James.

Wyatt and I were like, “Why do you want to go to your place?”

And Xander was all, “Secret plan, yo.”

And we were like, “What secret plan?”

And he was like, “Two words: Photoshop.”

CLAUDIA

“Photoshop” is one word.

REESE

Seriously? It’s not, like, “photo” and “shop”?

CLAUDIA

No. It’s just “Photoshop.”

REESE

Oh. I don’t think Xander knows that. ^{Ed. Note: list of things Xander doesn’t know is VERY VERY LONG} Anyway, Dad wasn’t too hot on the idea of us splitting up again. But we swore up and down we’d go straight to Xander’s and not leave there for any reason, except maybe if his apartment was on fire.

Then Dad was like, “WHY would Xander’s apartment be on fire?”

And we were like, “There won’t be a fire! It was just an example!”

And he was like, “PROMISE me you’re not going to light anything on fire.”

And we were like, “OF COURSE NOT!”

So finally, he put us in a cab uptown ^{Ed. Note: more bad judgment by Dad (but did not actually result in fire)} and then headed to Brooklyn to find James.

I probably should have reminded Dad that James is a huge liar, so there was a good chance he wasn’t really in Brooklyn. But I was so psyched to find out about Xander’s secret plan that I just kind of forgot.

So that was my bad.