EPILOGUE

A WHOLE BUNCH OF VALUABLE LESSONS

CLAUDIA

In addition to being a hugely successful fundraiser for a very good cause, the scavenger hunt was an important learning experience. And not just for me.

For example, I think all of us learned you can’t trust the media not to completely exaggerate everything. So if something crazy goes down and you had anything at all to do with it, DON’T TALK TO REPORTERS.

DIMITRI SHARANSKY, The Knights Who Say Ni team member

I got my name in the paper!

TOBY ZIMMERMAN, The Knights Who Say Ni team member

Me too! That was beast.

CLAUDIA

Uh, guys? Do you realize that article single-handedly destroyed the scavenger hunt? So your talking to that reporter basically cost the Manhattan Food Bank millions of dollars in future donations?

DIMITRI

Aw, geez… I didn’t think of that.

CLAUDIA

Also, nobody under sixty-five reads a newspaper anymore.

TOBY

Harsh! Way to make us feel bad, Claudia.

CLAUDIA

I just want to make sure we all learn from our mistakes, Toby.

On a personal level, I learned that when you’re putting together a team, it is very important to choose the ABSOLUTELY BEST person for the job.

And the best person MIGHT be someone you are going out with.

But not necessarily.

JENS

I learned that kids from New York will sometimes make a fun game very, very serious. And sometimes, they even make it too serious.

Also, if you go for a scavenger hunt, it is better not to wear good shoes.

CARMEN

I learned that if your friend tries to jam you with a terrible idea, you should stand your ground and absolutely refuse to let her boyfriend be on your scavenger hunt team. ^{Ed. Note: NOT my boyfriend! (FOR MILLIONTH TIME)}

PARVATI

Ohmygosh, that is EXACTLY the same lesson I learned!

Plus I learned that Kalisha Hendricks is DEFS the smartest person in our class.

CARMEN

What a coincidence! I learned that, too!

CLAUDIA

Okay, whatever. Moving on.

JAMES

I learned to always read the fine print.

Also, don’t jump in the back of an open truck.

CLAUDIA

Speaking of fine print, I also learned—although I think it’s actually more important that certain OTHER people learn this particular lesson—that there’s a time and a place for humor. But it’s not always appropriate in every situation.

For example, “the middle of a list of scavenger hunt items” is NOT a good place for humor.

AKASH

I learned that people are idiots who can’t take a joke.

What?

Don’t look at me like that, Claudia. I regret nothing.

DAD

I learned the importance of being completely honest at all times. Especially when you’re texting your wife. ^{Ed. Note: Dad also “doing some soul-searching re: work-life balance”(i.e., wants to quit his job)}

REESE

I’ll tell you what I learned: no matter how far down you are, you should never, ever quit.

Because you can make it happen! YOU CAN BE THE MIRACLE!

You just gotta believe in yourself.

CLAUDIA

You do realize you had absolutely nothing to do with winning those tickets, right, Reese?

REESE

Ouch! Looks like I also learned some people are sore losers.

CLAUDIA

Reese: not counting the Deondra photo, you got eleven and a half points. Out of a possible two hundred and fifty.

You had a thirty-point item in your hands… AND YOU ATE IT.

REESE

Haters gonna hate, Claude.

But you know what? Totally serious? No kidding around?

It was a great thing you did, creating that scavenger hunt. You worked really, really hard on it.

And yeah, it got a little crazy. But you raised a whole bunch of money for a really important cause. And I KNOW that money made people’s lives better.

So you should really be proud of yourself. I’m for sure proud of you.

CLAUDIA

Wow… Thanks, Reese.

REESE

You’re totally welcome.

And you know what? Even though all you ever did was badmouth my team and talk about how we were so pathetic, there was no way we’d ever win… for all that hard work you did, you deserve my front-row ticket. I want you to have it.

CLAUDIA

Seriously?

REESE

No.

Ohmygosh, the look on your face when you thought I was going to give it to you? Hilarious!

CLAUDIA

I am turning off the voice memo app now.

Then I’m going to count to five.

And then I’m coming to kill you.

REESE

BYE!

 

 

 

 

 

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