Before we begin this section, take a deep breath and repeat this new mom’s weight-loss mantra: I have an amazing body and I just gave birth to a beautiful child. I accept my body just as it is. I will be patient and compassionate as I take this journey. I will not compare myself to others.
Pregnancy was work. Labor and delivery were work. Breastfeeding is work. Caring for a newborn is tons of work. And weight loss is yet more work. You need a break, mama! And only you can give yourself permission to take a break and to ask others for help when you need it. Before you overwhelm yourself with thinking about weight loss, consider the basic advice we offer below. Most important: Set a natural pace. Most women lose half of their “baby weight” by six weeks after childbirth. The rest often comes off over the next several months.
• Weight loss from delivery. Take one 7- to 8-pound baby, plus about 2 pounds of blood and amniotic fluid, and you’re pretty much assured a 10-pound weight loss in the hospital after you deliver. In the first week, you will probably lose another 3 to 4 pounds of water weight. So, up to 15 pounds can be lost without effort. That’s the good news!
• To lose the rest will take work. But ideally wait until after your 6-week checkup before starting a diet. Get clearance from your doctor or care team to diet. Those entire first 6 weeks are a transitional period for mom and baby. It takes about that long for your baby to adapt to the rhythms of the outside world, for breastfeeding to gel, and for planning a daily routine.
• Aim for a weight loss of about 1½ pounds per week. A healthy diet combined with daily exercise will help you shed the pounds. Ideally, you should plan to return to your prepregnancy weight by 6 to 12 months after delivery.
• Get your doctor’s approval to exercise. Many women wait at least 6 to 8 weeks before starting or restarting a serious exercise regimen.
• Keep at it. Everyone loses weight at a different rate, so don’t be discouraged if your weight loss happens more slowly than it does for all those celeb mamas. It took 9 months to put that weight on, so give yourself at least 9 months to get it off and get your body back.
• Prioritize breastfeeding. If you are breastfeeding, wait until your baby is at least 2 months old and your milk supply has normalized before cutting calories. It’s generally safe to diet while breastfeeding, as long as your total caloric intake doesn’t dip below 1,800 calories per day and you keep eating a wide variety of nutritious foods. Be sure to check with your doctor and your child’s pediatrician to get the green light.
• Quick weight loss can reduce your milk supply. Losing about 1½ pounds (680 grams) a week should not affect your milk supply or your health. You may want to make a note of when you start your weight loss program in case it does affect your milk supply.
• You may not be able to return to your exact prepregnancy shape. For many women, pregnancy causes lasting changes in the body. You may have a softer belly, wider hips, larger breasts, feet, or waistline, and that is normal. Make your goals about your new body realistic.
• Weigh yourself only once a week and remember that sometimes it takes a week for your efforts to catch up with the scale. You won’t see a cause-and-effect relationship every week.
As we all know, one key to successful weight loss is being psychologically at peace with yourself and your new family situation before you begin. This equilibrium is not always obvious or easy to achieve. According to Linda Wade, PhD, a clinical psychologist with a private practice in New York, a woman must connect with her “inner self ” before beginning any effective weight loss plan at any stage in her life, not just postpartum. Dr. Wade sees many clients seeking to reduce their weight. Here she shares some of the advice she offers them.
How will I know when the timing is right to start dieting?
The right time to start dieting depends very much on the individual and can be determined only by you. Don’t compare yourself to anyone else. We all carry our own weight, both emotional and physical. Check in with yourself and take inventory of what’s going on in your life at the moment. As wonderful as the birth of a child is, there can also be losses associated with it: loss of personal time, loss of your prepregnant body image, and sometimes loss of income due to a change of employment. In general, losses tend to make a woman want to use food for comfort, so begin by understanding how you feel about your new place in life and ask yourself whether you are happy there. If you are not, think about why not and how you can adjust. Ideally, try to eliminate as much stress and conflict as possible from your life before you begin dieting. Get support from your partner, family, friends, or a diet group.
What reasonable goals can I set for myself and how can I prioritize them?
It is very important to be realistic about what can be accomplished. Small changes tend to be more lasting. An initial goal of simply maintaining your weight while you try to reduce your stress and manage your life, is an admirable goal. When you get an inner reading that things are calm enough for you to effectively change your food intake and begin exercising, 1 to 2 pounds per week is a healthy and realistic goal. Many women have an impatient side that will want to set much higher goals, but this invariably leads to failure, self-judgment, and often to giving up. Dropping a few hundred calories from your day requires a lot of physical and mental work.
Making the time to eat right, exercise, journal, and do other self-care activities is one of the biggest challenges of early motherhood. As tired as you may be, set aside 15 minutes for yourself—maybe before the baby and anyone else in the house wakes up—to make a cup of tea, to read something inspirational, to get quiet within yourself, or to journal. During this time, think through your day with this question in mind: When can I be free to take care of myself? Try to carve out time to exercise, take a walk with your baby, make yourself a nice salad for lunch, or nap if you are exhausted. You will know you are strong and confident enough to make positive changes to your lifestyle when you listen to and connect with yourself.
How can I control my cravings and urges to indulge when others are indulging?
There is an old saying—“hungry, angry, lonely, and tired,” also known as HALT—that reminds us that if we are experiencing one or all of these feelings, we are vulnerable to overeating. Exhaustion is especially difficult—and very common in early motherhood. Again, self-knowledge will serve you well. Don’t overcommit yourself to nonessential activities and ask for assistance with basic chores and shopping. Try to keep only healthy foods and snacks in your home, reach out to friends for advice or support, and share your frustration, anger, or anxieties with your partner. If you can eliminate these four feelings, your cravings and overindulgence will likely subside.
Know yourself—your strengths and weaknesses—and figure out how you can feel satisfied without feeling deprived. Once you find harmony, make a deal with yourself that you will try a small portion of appealing dishes and that you won’t take seconds. Eat slowly, so you aren’t finished before everyone else. Think about the number of calories in the high-sugar desserts and ask yourself if they are really worth the extra hours of exercise that will be necessary to burn them off. The answer is probably no.
What if my weight classifies me as obese and I feel defeated and depressed without even trying?
There are two issues here. One is long-term weight loss and the other is depression. While dieting, you need to discover how to live with the knowledge that you are doing the best you can to lose weight, even though from day to day the amount of weight being lost does not seem significant. But think: at the rate of one pound per week you will lose 52 pounds in one year! That’s a considerable amount. Keep returning to the positive—what you have accomplished so far—and keep moving ahead. If you find that your depression is not lifting with positive self-talk, consulting a professional is the best next step. Psychotherapy and/or medication can be very helpful.
What if my partner or others are not supportive?
While dieting is inner work, it helps to have support from the outside. In fact, the ability to speak up for one’s self is an expression of inner work. Letting your friends and partner know that you are following a healthy diet plan to lose weight will help you, particularly if you make decisions in front of them. You might also want to ask them not to take personally any refusal of food they offer you. If your partner wants to have certain foods in the house that are not helpful foods for you, ask him or her to find a special closet or space in the refrigerator for them. Some experts may advise that the partner forgo these foods altogether, but in general, I would not agree with this. Ultimately, we cannot place the control of what we eat on anyone or anything outside ourselves.
What is the best way to start a diet?
Journaling would be my advice. Getting into the habit of recording your daily thoughts and feelings is important inner work for any life change, including weight loss. You can write in a food journal, or you can use a separate journal for your entries. Now, to get started, sit somewhere comfortable with a notebook and a pen. Take a big, deep breath and relax. Then begin to notice your emotional body. What is that? you may ask. Well, it’s the part of your body that carries a hunch or feels anxiety or tension. Just notice it. Notice what thoughts are coming. There might be judgment: I hate this, or Why do I have to feel this way? or What’s wrong with me? There might be opinions: I have to go on a diet today, or This is impossible, it will never work. Or just feelings: I’m feeling kind of down today, I’m happy because the baby finally slept through the night. Don’t judge anything you write but be curious about your thoughts and feelings. These are some of your parts coming forward. They need space and acknowledgement. After you do this for a while, you will begin to notice your “whole self” start to relax. Ultimately, you will be in a better place to take actions, such as making smart food choices and doing exercises, which will serve your entire well-being. If you don’t have time to journal, even thinking about these things is helpful.
Dieting can bring up a lot of emotional baggage. How should I sort through it?
The therapeutic technique I use most in my practice is based on the Internal Family Systems Model (IFS) developed by Richard C. Schwartz, PhD. In a nutshell, the IFS is based on the understanding that there are many different parts of our mind that affect our thinking. They are almost like separate individuals subconsciously guiding our thoughts and actions. We must acknowledge our “parts” and possibly even name them.
For instance, one part might be protective and managerial, another might try to keep our vulnerabilities under wraps, and a third part might try to keep any emotional pain, past or present, from surfacing by suppressing it using unhealthy means, such as alcohol abuse, binge eating, or overworking. In addition to our different parts, everyone also has a Self, a curious, compassionate, and nonjudgmental center to their entire being. The goal of this work is to be more and more led by one’s Self, and to leave those other parts behind.
If one’s parts are being heard and understood by one’s Self, a person can approach dieting in a calm, confident, and creative way. If one or more parts are not being acknowledged, and food has become an antidote for emotional pain or conflict, trying to diet is going to be tricky and, in the end, could add to a person’s emotional distress. The IFS Model is, of course, a lot more intricate than this brief description implies. If you would like to learn more about it, visit www.selfleadership.org. Introduction to the Internal Family Systems Model is an excellent description of the theory that can be ordered from the website.
Aim for a healthy, balanced diet within your calorie limits and shun all unhealthy foods. Crash and yo-yo diets don’t work and are not healthy for your recovering body. And seasoned moms will tell you, don’t try to make changes all at once. A common mantra is “Nine months up, nine months down.” These healthy eating tips will help you lose weight safely.
• Do not skip meals. With a new baby, many new moms forget to eat. If you do not eat, you will have less energy, and it will not help you lose weight.
• Eat 5 to 6 small meals a day with healthy snacks in between (rather than 3 larger meals). Planning out meals and snacks for the day or week is an excellent idea if you have the ability to do so. Once you have a system that works, meaning you’re losing weight at an appropriate pace, stick with it as long as possible.
• Eat breakfast. Even if you do not normally eat in the mornings, get into the habit of having breakfast. It will give you energy to start your day and stop you from feeling tired and hungry later.
• Aim for a full-range of nutrients from foods, just as you did during your pregnancy. Choose foods high in vitamins, minerals, healthy fats, complex carbs, and fiber. Refer to the charts and recipes throughout this book for ideas. Keep taking your prenatal vitamin for up to 6 months postpartum.
• Slow down. When you take your time eating, you will notice that it is easier to tell that you are full. It is tempting to multitask, but if you focus on your meal you will be less likely to overeat.
• Make sure you get enough protein throughout the day.
• Drink plenty of water—aim for 10 glasses per day. Keep a water bottle near the spot where you usually feed the baby, that way you’ll remember to drink when your baby does.
• Choose whole foods (also called real foods) as much as possible and try to cook at home as often as you can. Limit high-calorie or empty-calorie drinks, such as sodas (including all diet sodas), fruit juices, and other beverages with added sugar. They can keep you from losing weight.
• Choose broiled or baked rather than fried foods. Avoid sugary sauces as much as possible. A squeeze of lemon and some fresh herbs adds a boost of flavor.
• Choose high-fiber whole grains, not refined ones. Reducing your bread intake can cut a ton of calories and carbs.
• Limit sweets and foods with added sugar. Be picky about the carbs you consume.
• Cut back on takeout. Skip the junk food and fast food. Try to plan ahead and pack foods from home as much as possible. Keeping healthy snacks on hand can save you from grabbing a candy bar or other less optimal snack.
• Avoid fad diets. They can lead to mood swings and—hey, let’s face it—you’re already juggling a lot as a new mom recovering from pregnancy and getting your hormones to rebalance.
Everyone’s calorie needs are different. The following chart outlines calorie guidelines for maintaining weight and for weight loss, depending on your age and how active you are. Generally, when you are in the weight-loss mode, you drop approximately 500 calories from your daily maintenance calories to lose 1 pound per week:
1 pound equals 3,500 calories (500 calories × 7 days = 3,500 calories)
These guidelines are just that—guidelines. Your calorie needs may be higher or lower, and might change depending on the results you get. If you find that a suggested calorie level is just too low and you are always hungry, even if you are losing weight, increase your calorie intake a bit. If you’re not losing weight, you may need to cut back a bit more. In the end, you are better off losing the weight at a slower pace, while changing your eating habits, than losing pounds quickly and not being able to keep them off.
DAILY MAINTENANCE AND WEIGHT LOSS CALORIES GUIDELINES FOR WOMEN (CALORIES PER DAY)1
AGE: 14 to 18
SEDENTARY MAINTAIN: 1,800
SEDENTARY WEIGHT LOSS: 1,300
MODERATELY ACTIVE MAINTAIN: 2,000
MODERATELY ACTIVE WEIGHT LOSS: 1,500
ACTIVE MAINTAIN: 2,400
ACTIVE WEIGHT LOSS: 1,900
AGE: 19 to 30
SEDENTARY MAINTAIN: 2,000
SEDENTARY WEIGHT LOSS: 1,500
MODERATELY ACTIVE MAINTAIN: 2,000 to 2,200
MODERATELY ACTIVE WEIGHT LOSS: 1,500 to 1,700
ACTIVE MAINTAIN: 2,400
ACTIVE WEIGHT LOSS: 1,900
AGE: 31 to 50
SEDENTARY MAINTAIN: 1,800
SEDENTARY WEIGHT LOSS: 1,300
MODERATELY ACTIVE MAINTAIN: 2,000
MODERATELY ACTIVE WEIGHT LOSS: 1,500
ACTIVE MAINTAIN: 2,200
ACTIVE WEIGHT LOSS: 1,700
AGE: 51 +
SEDENTARY MAINTAIN: 1,600
SEDENTARY WEIGHT LOSS: 1,200
MODERATELY ACTIVE MAINTAIN: 1,800
MODERATELY ACTIVE WEIGHT LOSS: 1,300
ACTIVE MAINTAIN: 2,000 to 2,200
ACTIVE WEIGHT LOSS: 1,500 to 1,700
To determine whether you are sedentary, moderately active, or active, in addition to your daily routine (additional activities might include brisk walking, jogging, biking, aerobics, or yard work), think about the amount of moderate or vigorous activity you do on most days of the week. Consider yourself active if you do more than 60 minutes; moderately active, 30 to 60 minutes; and sedentary, fewer than 30 minutes.
Many women find it difficult to initiate dietary changes and to begin exercising at the same time. You do not have to do both at the same time. Start with changing your diet while maintaining your current level of activity, whether it is sedentary or very active. Once you have your eating plan under control (which might take a few weeks), then start to add exercise to your daily routine. If you already exercise, by all means continue.
Before you begin dieting or exercising, promise yourself not to get on the scale every day. Choose one day a week to weigh yourself when you wake up. As we mentioned earlier, don’t be disappointed if the scale does not reflect a decrease right away. Results can sometimes take a few weeks, but they will come. Factors, such as salt intake and your body’s fluid status, can alter your weight. Also, if you are toning up and building muscle, the scale numbers may not decrease as much, even though your body is getting leaner. Take out a tape measure or use your old clothes to measure the inches you are losing on your waistline, thighs, and hips.
If exercise has always been a part of your life, you are extremely fortunate. Keep it that way. When you are ready to shed your pregnancy weight, first and foremost, get medical clearance, then gradually resume your old routines. If you don’t have an old routine, and exercise is new to you, don’t worry. It’s never too late to start. Some new moms get so into exercise they have an even better body after pregnancy than before getting pregnant. That mom might be you!
A healthy diet combined with regular exercise is the best way to shed the pounds. Exercise will help you lose fat instead of muscle. Once you are ready to start losing weight, eat a little less and move a little more each day. Many moms feel that going to the gym and carving out that time for themselves not only helps them get in shape, but also reduces stress and gives them energy. Some say it keeps them emotionally stable in their crazy new-mom world.
We know that not everyone has access to a gym, but there are many exercises you can do at home. Ask someone to watch your little one, close your door, turn on an exercise video, and get to work. You don’t need a gym to do deep squats, leg lefts, stomach crunches (make sure you get clearance from your doctor for these), to lift free weights, or to jog in place. It’s really amazing how much you can do at home.
It may be tempting to push yourself into a strenuous routine for fast weight loss. But rapid weight loss is not healthy and is hard on your body. Please don’t overdo it. Just a quick walk around the block with your baby in the stroller is a great way to start adding exercise to your daily routine (and maybe even relieve that nagging backache). Take the stairs whenever you can. Put your baby in a carriage and walk in the mall with a friend (a great way to exercise in the winter or on a rainy day, or if you just need some retail therapy).
• Medical clearance from your doctor or health-care provider is essential. Explain your exercise plan and ask if there are any exercises you should avoid. Inform your doctor if you are breastfeeding.
• Complications during pregnancy or a C-section will prolong post-delivery healing time, and abdominal exercises may need to be delayed. Check with your doctor to make sure.
• Stomach muscle separation requires special attention. Ask about exercises that are safe and beneficial to your healing process.
• Back pain can often be relieved with stretching and exercise, but start slowly, don’t push yourself, and be aware of any warning signals. Stop immediately if something does not feel right.
• Start with 15 minutes a day and gradually work your way up. Keep reminding yourself that exercise is not an all-or-nothing proposition. A 10-minute walk has benefits.
• Treat yourself to some new gym clothes, especially shoes if your feet have expanded from pregnancy.
• Get as much support as you can and share your goals with your partner.
• Get well hydrated before exercising. Drink a glass or two of water, even if you don’t feel thirsty, about an hour before you begin your routine. Sip water during your routine, if you need to.
• Change into comfortable clothes. Wear a sports bra with strong support.
• Factor your warm-up time and after-exercise stretches into your routine. It is vital to warm up your body before you exercise to prevent injuries, muscle sprains, and strains.
• Be aware of your body as you work out. Know when to stop. Warning signals include pain, dizziness, feeling faint, shortness of breath, palpitations (irregular heartbeats), back pain, pelvic pain, and bleeding.
• Stretch to prevent muscle cramping.
• If you have the time, lie on the floor on your back with your arms and legs relaxed for 5 minutes of total relaxation. This is called the corpse pose in yoga; it is designed to relax your body and clear your mind.
• Your muscles may feel sore, which is okay, but they should not feel painful. Take a minute to distinguish between feeling sore and being in pain. If pain is what you feel, refrain from exercising for a day or two. If the pain is severe, consult your doctor immediately.
• Stand tall for the rest of the day. Suck in your tummy, straighten your back, lift the top of your head to the sky, tuck in your chin, and distribute your weight evenly on both feet.
Always remember you are beautiful and strong. Be compassionate and kind with yourself. Ask for help when you need it. Don’t try to do it all alone. We wish you and your families a beautiful and healthy life ahead. Sending all of our new moms love and big hugs!