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hard to do: no mind games!

This week’s reading assignment:
chapters 34 in Every Young Man, God’s Man

“When I am alone with my temptations, I choose pleasure. Feeling like I’m all alone in it makes the situation worse and causes me to be spiritually lazy. On the other hand, when I am with friends or can interrupt the temptation with a phone call, prayer, exercise, or something else, then that interruption keeps me out of the situation.” …

Here’s my point: you are not alone when you admit your battle with sexual temptation, and you are not alone if you fail.

—from chapter 3 in Every Young Man, God’s Man

EVERY YOUNG MAN’S TRUTH
(Your Personal Journey into God’s Word)

What’s your most treasured reward for good work, a nice performance, a fine sports season? You’ve probably got those trophies and ribbons sitting on a shelf somewhere, right? But what about rewards in your life with God? Here, too, you can win awesome payoffs. Because God rewards obedience. The scriptures below will help you understand the reward for embracing and acting upon the truth. And they’ll encourage you to stay disciplined in your efforts against temptation.

It’s true that you’re saved only by God’s grace and could never earn His favor. But that doesn’t mean you can’t please Him by following His will. When you choose His ways, He loves to give you the high-five.

Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven. (Matthew 6:19-20)

So we make it our goal to please him, whether we are at home in the body or away from it. For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, that each one may receive what is due him for the things done while in the body, whether good or bad. (2 Corinthians 5:9-10)

Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. And you have forgotten that word of encouragement that addresses you as sons:

“My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son.”

Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons. Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live! Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. (Hebrews 12:3-11)

1. What is the difference between storing up treasures on earth and in heaven? Where is your biggest bank account located at the moment?

2. On the cross Jesus suffered the full penalty and judgment for our sins. While we won’t be judged, the quality of our works on earth will be judged some day. How does this make you feel?

3. How is Jesus a great example of sticking with obedience, no matter what?

4. What are some of the rewards of accepting God’s discipline, according to the author of Hebrews?

Section I: focus on chapter 3. Note: for an eight-week study, include Section II starting on this page.

EVERY YOUNG MAN’S CHOICE
(Questions for Personal Reflection and Examination)

I recently asked a room of young men, ages seventeen to twenty-one, to take an anonymous survey that contained the following question: what are the top three battles you face as a younger man?

One hundred percent of them—every guy in the room—wrote that sexual temptation, lust, masturbation, or porn topped his list.

I believe that being a Christian and having character are not the same thing. When God entered your life, you instantly inherited many things. You were forgiven of all your sins, you became a child of God, and you were placed spiritually in heaven with Christ.… [But] a fundamental change in your character traits (who you are and how you react under pressure) was not on the list. God has chosen to bring us character only when we decide to do hard things that require faith in His way.

5. Why is sexual temptation so high on the list of battles for most guys? Of the listed reasons why guys lose this battle, which most closely relates to your own struggles?

6. God made character development a growth process. In your opinion, why didn’t He just give you a good character when He made you His child?

EVERY YOUNG MAN’S WALK
(Your Guide to Personal Application)

Mark, for example, knew exactly what God’s plan for sex was, but he rationalized and debated with himself about the whole idea of remaining pure. Once the debate began in his mind, he worked through various scenarios regarding his girlfriend, Kelly. Like a kitchen faucet with a slow leak under the cabinet, Mark began allowing certain things to happen. For instance, their good-bye kiss went from a peck to a full-on session of deep kissing. He figured that was okay because everyone still had their clothes on.

When you resist change, however, God has other ways to get our character in order, and those usually involve His calling a time-out on your plans. God can forge character by allowing difficulties, delays, or even the consequences of your choices to act as His agents of change. The Bible is filled with examples of His making men uncomfortable so He could teach them something about character. Just ask these guys: Joseph … Moses … David … Jonah … Job … Paul.

7. Recall the story of Mark and Kelly. If you were Mark’s best friend, what advice would you have given him at the beginning of his relationship with Kelly?

8. When has God made you uncomfortable in order to get you to change? Of the six biblical characters listed, which has the most to teach you, personally, about this? Why?

9. Kenny says that “God’s young man risks letting God be in control and managing him freely.” But what’s the big risk? What is the scariest part for you?

10. What for you was the most meaningful concept or truth in chapter 3 of Every Young Man, God’s Man? How would you talk this over with God? Write down your response as a prayer to Him. What do you believe God wants you to do in response to this week’s study?

EVERY YOUNG MAN’S TALK
(Constructive Topics and Questions for Group Discussion)

Key Highlights from the Book for Reading Aloud and Discussing

God’s men have a long-range plan. God’s men think through questions—tough questions. Have you ever asked yourself:

• Why can’t I grow past sexual temptations and thoughts?

• Why am I not getting closer to the standard I know is right?

• Why do I keep repeating the same mistakes over and over?

If you are asking yourself these questions, then you are searching for the one thing that separates the men from the boys—character.

God’s man Hosea was speaking to a group of spiritually immature men in Israel. He used their knowledge of farming to explain God’s work in their lives and how they could be productive for him. The picture he painted was the all-too-familiar one about hard work and sweat paying off at harvest time. Any good Israelite knew that a fruitful yield started with the condition of the soil. Hard soil was bad, and soft soil was good. Hard soil offered little chance of taking the seed, while tilled land yielded a crop—perhaps a bountiful one. The farmer had to do the hard work (breaking up the unplowed ground) to get the results.

Hosea’s metaphor works today as well. If you want to be God’s man on the outside, you’ve got to pull out the jackhammer and get to work on the inside.

One of the most difficult things I have ever done was to talk about this [masturbation] habit with the men in my Bible study. It was also one of the best things I ever did. When I confessed my situation to my brothers, God gave me the strength to say no to the flesh and say yes to His Spirit in the moments of testing. He knew it took guts for me to give up my “dirty little secret.” He knew it required faith and humility because I risked rejection for a stronger walk with God.

Discussion Questions

An opening question: Which parts of this chapter were most helpful or encouraging to you? Why?

A. Are you a boy or a man (based on the questions you ask yourself)?

B. What would it mean for you to pull out the jackhammer and work on your inside? Be as specific as possible.

C. Why is it so hard to talk about our dirty little secrets with other guys who care about us? What helps you gain the courage to do it?

D. Kenny says: “You can’t necessarily expect immediate results when you choose to do the right thing.” In your experience, what can you expect?

E. How do you react when you hear God saying no to you?

F. Kenny makes this statement: “Sometimes God’s will feels like a cruel joke—even sucks, if you’re honest.” Tell about a time when this was true for you. How did you deal with it?

Section II: focus on chapter 4.

Note: if you’re following a twelve-week track, save the rest of this lesson for the following week. If you’re on the eight-week track … then keep going.

EVERY YOUNG MAN’S CHOICE
(Questions for Personal Reflection and Examination)

My appetite for pleasure and fun controlled my life. Why should I say no to what I wanted to do? I was young enough, insecure enough, and lonely enough not to listen to the voice in my head questioning some of my decisions. While I am ashamed to reveal everything about my BC (before Christ) days, they reveal a fundamental truth about me: when it was in my interest, I was a pro at playing mind games to get what I wanted when I wanted it.

Our actions reveal our true heart and our maturity in Christ. When Jesus shows up on your porch with some truth about your present direction, an attitude that needs adjustment, or an action that needs to be addressed, how do you react?

11. What are some of your favorite mind games for getting what you want?

12. In the second quotation above, how do you answer Kenny’s question about your reaction to Jesus?

EVERY YOUNG MAN’S WALK
(Your Guide to Personal Application)

Danny used these same mind games when he complained to Ashley that she didn’t really love him. When they started dating four months earlier, he respected her virginity. He bought into the “true love waits” motto. But as he daily fantasized about her, the whole virginity thing became less attractive to him. He resented the firewall she had installed regarding physical intimacy.

Danny’s mind became one track—and it was no longer on God.

His parents were right, but Tom could not admit that. He fought them tooth and nail about getting a summer job to pay for his car insurance, his gas, and his car repairs. His mom and dad told him that since he was not taking summer school classes, the next three months would be a great time to find a part-time job to cover his car-related expenses.…

He had other things on his mind—like sleeping in and hanging out with his friends.

13. How could Danny change so much in just four months? If you were Danny, what could you have done to help yourself stick with “true love waits”?

14. Have you ever been like Tom? What did he learn about a man’s responsibility—and what have you learned so far?

15. Carefully read John 4:4-30, focusing on verse 23. Think: how would you answer Kenny’s five questions about self-honesty?

a. Am I being honest with myself about my spiritual commitment to Christ?

b. Am I being totally honest with God about my life?

c. Have I been honest with others about my spiritual life and struggles?

d. Am I willing to hear the truth from God and other brothers about my spiritual direction?

e. Will I do what they say?

16. What for you was the most meaningful concept or truth in chapter 4 of Every Young Man, God’s Man? How would you talk this over with God? Write down your response as a prayer to Him. What do you believe God wants you to do in response to this week’s study?

EVERY YOUNG MAN’S TALK
(Constructive Topics and Questions for Group Discussion)

Key Highlights from the Book for Reading Aloud and Discussing

I bet you’ve rationalized a few things. You wouldn’t be normal if you haven’t. It’s easy to do. All you have to do is repeat one of the following excuses …

All of us will stand before God one day and have to account for our actions today. You want that day to be a great one. He won’t accept your bogus excuses for why you traded in your commitment to Him for cheap physical thrills or moments of gratification. What will you say to the Lord—the same Lord who reads all your thoughts and exposes your mind games? That’s why, when facing a moral dilemma, you have one of two ways to go: either face up to the truth or run from God.

The best habit you can get into is seeing how God’s purposes for bringing truth to your life are all about you! He’s doing this because he loves you. He may be telling you things you may not want to hear, but they are things that you need to hear to become God’s young man. The fact is that He can’t help Himself—He is the truth. So how do you know when God’s speaking His truth to you? It’s God talking when.

Discussion Questions

An opening question: Which parts of this chapter were most helpful or encouraging to you? Why?

G. Read the first quotation above, then check out the excuses that Kenny lists in the book on this pagethis page. Talk about which of these you’ve used at one time or another. What were the results?

H. Do you agree that facing a moral dilemma offers you only two choices? Can you share a personal example about this?

I. In the past, what things has God told you that you didn’t want to hear? (What is He telling you right now?)

J. Kenny says: “Sometimes accepting the truth is hard because change requires action, which can produce tension.” Where do you feel the tension when you face a tough truth about yourself?

K. God sometimes acts like a surgeon with us, cutting in order to heal us. Are you down with going under the knife? Talk it over.

L. Kenny states that God will eventually out us to get our attention. What does he mean?

M. How would you like to pray for one another before closing your group time?