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Type Talk

the myers-briggs type indicator

A few years ago, my family decided to try a new vacation spot. Will and I thought about visiting any number of cities and small towns within three hundred miles of home. Once we narrowed it down to the shores of Lake Michigan, I was in charge of choosing the spot and booking a place to stay.

For months in advance, I browsed travel sites. I quizzed family members and Facebook friends. I pored over houses for rent on the internet. And finally, three days before we left home, I decided which little town we would visit and rented a house for our stay.

When I told a friend that I’d finally nailed down our plans, she said, “If we ever go on vacation together, I’m making the plans. I can’t handle spontaneous people being in charge!”

I must have looked at her like she was crazy, because she quickly explained: “Don’t get me wrong—I love my spontaneous friends! It’s just that I freak out when things are left open-ended until the last minute. I can’t believe it doesn’t bother you.”

Was she calling me spontaneous? Until that moment, I had always thought of myself as a planner. When I was in high school, I read every page of every college pamphlet I received—from at least two hundred schools. When I was in college, I loved sitting down with the course catalogs and mapping out my future. I put together course plans—for my freshman year straight through graduation—mapping out exactly what potential paths might look like, how many classes I’d be able to sample, and how many majors I’d be able to squeeze in.

Did you catch the key word in that last sentence? It’s potential.

I love dreaming up future possibilities, examining situations and plans from every conceivable angle, and test-driving potential life paths in my head. I thought that meant I was a natural planner. And by “natural,” I mean I thought I was someone who was good at and enjoyed planning. However, my friend’s comment made me realize I was getting myself wrong—again. I’m much better at possibilities than plans.

With that friend’s small remark, a few things clicked into place for me. Before that day, I had still been debating whether I was a J (for decisive Judging types) or a P (for open-ended Perceiving types) for my Myers-Briggs type (P, definitely P). I realized why I had had such a difficult time managing my calendar and why it had been that way for years. I also realized my spontaneous ways, while fine in and of themselves, were quite possibly stressing out my more methodical friends.

This was all so obvious I couldn’t believe I hadn’t seen it before. Yet there it was.

Once I knew I was definitely a P, I could start accounting for this preference in everything I did, from the way I planned my meetings to how I arranged my kids’ playdates to how I booked my vacations. But not until then.

What You Need to Know about the MBTI

The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator is a personality inventory originally developed by Katharine C. Briggs and her daughter, Isabel Briggs Myers, nearly one hundred years ago. The two women greatly admired the work and psychological theories of Carl Jung but found them inaccessible to the general public and not particularly useful for everyday life. So they created an assessment tool. This was during World War II, and their goal was to help women who were entering the workforce for the first time because of the war effort identify the jobs for which they’d be best suited and the roles in which they’d be most effective.1 Interestingly, that’s how it’s often still used today.

You’ll recognize some of the letters in the MBTI from Keirsey’s temperaments. While Keirsey’s temperaments each combine two traits, the sixteen MBTI types signify four pairs of preferences, allowing for a more detailed understanding of each personality type.

The title Briggs and Myers gave one of their books, Gifts Differing: Understanding Personality Type, explains their mindset. The title comes from Romans 12:6 in the King James Version of the Bible, which says that we all have “gifts differing according to the grace that is given to us.” And as you might expect, a fundamental belief of the MBTI system is that while certain types naturally have certain proclivities, there are no “good” types or “bad” types. All types are equal, and each type brings something important and necessary to the metaphorical table.

Like Keirsey’s temperaments, the MBTI assessment shows how people’s behaviors differ largely because they see the world through different lenses, although, with its sixteen types, the MBTI is able to do this on a more granular level. Every individual has been given different gifts and has a different viewpoint. Many conflicts are rooted in these differing worldviews, and the assessment helps people understand those differences.

The most common reaction people have to seeing their MBTI type is, “Oh, that explains so much!” Understanding your MBTI type can help you understand how to care for yourself and how to better relate to the people around you. It’s similar to being given the owner’s manual for a certain model of car—your preferred model.

What All Those Letters Really Mean

The MBTI is based on eight psychological preferences, which are broken down into four opposing pairs we’ll call dichotomies. These four dichotomies generate sixteen possible combinations.

The four dichotomies are as follows:

As always, when determining personality type, it’s critical to remember that we’re all a little bit of everything. Each of us has all eight qualities in our mental tool belt. We are all introverted and extroverted, intuitive and sensing, and so forth. The dichotomies simply capture the mental process in every pair that each of us is more inclined toward.

Let’s examine the four dichotomies in more detail. To understand the MBTI inventory, it’s essential that you understand the vocabulary of the indicator’s framework.

Introversion/Extraversion (I/E)

The first set of preferences is Introversion and Extraversion. This preference explains the way one prefers to engage with the world. Do they prefer to turn their attention toward the external world or introspectively toward the world within them?

For Introverts, the inner world—the world of ideas—is what they think of as the real world. It’s where the real action is and where they naturally prefer to spend their time. Interacting with ideas in their own heads is natural and effortless.

For Extroverts, the real world is external. The real action happens outside themselves, with other people and input. It’s where they naturally prefer to spend their time and where they feel most at home.

Some describe this preference as being about energy management—whether a person is an Introvert or an Extrovert depends on where they focus their attention and how they get their energy. Do they feel energized after spending time alone or after spending time with others?

Anywhere from 30–50 percent of the population is introverted; the remainder of the population is extroverted.

Intuition/Sensing (N/S)

The second set of preferences is Intuition and Sensing. (Because Introversion is represented by an I, Intuition is represented by an N.) This doesn’t reference whether a person is thoughtful, or sensual; instead, it identifies how a person prefers to take in information from the world around them. Do they pay more attention to information taken in through their five senses, or do they focus instead on the underlying meaning of what they observe—the patterns and potentials of that information?

Intuitives naturally focus on the big picture, read between the lines, make connections from seemingly disconnected ideas, and see potentials and possibilities. They’re drawn to what’s going on beneath the surface and focus their attention on what could be. Sensors focus on observable facts: what they see, hear, smell, touch, and taste. They focus their attention on what is.

Sensors greatly outnumber Intuitives: 70–75 percent of the population identify as Sensing types, with females slightly outnumbering males.3

Thinking/Feeling (T/F)

The third set of preferences is Thinking and Feeling. These don’t have anything to do with being thoughtful, intelligent, or emotional, whether a person’s heart is cold or warm. Instead, they describe a person’s natural decision-making process. Thinkers and Feelers naturally use different kinds of information when making decisions.

When making decisions, Thinkers are analytical, logical, and consistent; they rely on their reason as they search for fundamental truths and underlying principles. Because they are task-oriented and impartial, they are easily perceived as uncaring.

Feelers, however, are always evaluating how a decision will affect the people involved. They make decisions with their hearts and are often perceived as warm, caring, and compassionate. They are tactful and likely to consider others’ points of view, and they strive to maintain harmony with their decisions.

While Feelers slightly outnumber Thinkers in the general population (at about 55–60 percent), 65–75 percent of women are Feelers.4

Judging/Perceiving (J/P)

The final set of preferences is Judging and Perceiving. This dichotomy has been called the lifestyle preference or the preference that describes structure. This is the dichotomy most likely to be misunderstood. It describes whether a person brings a judging or a perceiving preference to their outer, external (extroverted) world and therefore is the one most obviously on display for the outer world to see.

In this framework, Judging does not mean judgmental, nor does Perceiving mean perceptive (as in insightful about people and events). In preference-speak, Judging means this type prefers to have decisions (aka judgments) behind them (settled). They feel more comfortable once the decision, whatever it is, is made. In preference-speak, Perceiving means “preferring to take in information.” Perceivers prefer to postpone decisions in order to stay open to new information as long as possible.

Judging types are in danger of missing new information because they’re too focused on closure, on achieving the goal. These types plan ahead so they don’t have to rush before deadlines. They are systematic, methodical, and scheduled.

Perceiving types are ever on the lookout for new information, often without even realizing they’re doing it because it’s second nature. To others, they appear flexible and spontaneous, and they don’t like to have a lot of plans on the calendar. Perceivers are in danger of staying open to new information for so long that they miss the opportunity to make a decision at all.

This preference is pretty evenly distributed in the general population, with a possible slight preference for Judging.5

The Sixteen MBTI Types in a Nutshell

Now that we’ve outlined the four dichotomies, we can start to see how those with various types are different not only in their behaviors but also in their values and points of view.

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Let’s take a quick look at the sixteen MBTI types. I’ve written one-paragraph summaries here, but you can find a ton of good information in books and online to dive deeper into the types.6

NT types (Keirsey’s Rationals)

INTJ: The INTJ is a strategic thinker whose mind not only understands concepts but also is able to apply those concepts in useful ways. I can see author and apologist C. S. Lewis as an INTJ. Both highly creative and intensely logical, Lewis was able to build deeply symbolic fantasy worlds from scratch, imbue ancient myths with even more significance in his adult fiction, and stake his claim as the Christian apologist of the mid-twentieth century with his clear, systematic defense of his faith.

INTP: The INTP is a curiosity-driven analyst who lives in the world of possibility, inventing theories for everything. I enjoy imagining that Jane Austen was an INTP, because she was a keen observer of life who relished exposing inconsistencies in her characters’ behaviors. From her letters, historians gather this isn’t a skill she confined to the page.

ENTP: The ENTP is a visionary who is constantly seeing possibilities in the world around them. The most interesting ENTP I’ve come across in a book lately is Mark Watney, the astronaut accidentally abandoned on Mars in Andy Weir’s novel The Martian. ENTPs are great at improvising on the spot, finding creative solutions to problems new and old, and spotting logical fallacies in plans and systems—all qualities that kept Watney alive during his extended stay on the Red Planet.

ENTJ: The ENTJ is a natural-born leader whose forceful, decisive nature makes it easy for them to take charge. I see ENTJ qualities in Edward Rochester, the hero of Charlotte Brontë’s novel Jane Eyre (if we can call someone who locks his wife in the attic a “hero”). He’s confident and commanding; he makes his plan and deliberately carries it out; he uses his experiences to develop his own set of laws to live by.

NF Types (Keirsey’s Idealists)

INFJ: The INFJ is a tireless idealist who is guided by a strong inner sense of right and wrong. Picture Atticus Finch in To Kill a Mockingbird. Atticus is that rare combination (truly, because INFJs make up less than 1 percent of the population) of idealism and action. Though soft-spoken, he will fight to the death for what he believes in and strives to see the world made right on both a large and a small scale.

INFP: The INFP is a creative dreamer whose inner imagination guides their values, beliefs, and actions. Anne Shirley from Anne of Green Gables is a textbook INFP—an idealistic kindred spirit who lives more in her dream world than in the real world. She’s a hopeless romantic who’s committed to her ideals and guided by pure intentions, even if reality isn’t always sunshine and rainbows.

ENFP: The ENFP is a warm, inspiring enthusiast whose passion for projects and ideas is contagious. Picture Bridget Jones of Bridget Jones’s Diary. Bridget is a free spirit. She’s fond of witty banter and enthusiastic about everything. She may seem flighty, but she’s always searching for the deeper meaning behind everything.

ENFJ: The ENFJ is a charismatic persuader whose excellent people skills can be used to influence, inspire, and motivate. Emma Woodhouse of Jane Austen’s Emma just might be my favorite ENFJ. Handsome, clever, and rich (though only one of the three is an ENFJ trait), Emma relishes the spotlight, tells a great story, loves to exert her influence to “improve” others, and enjoys making connections between ideas and—more significantly—people.

SJ Types (Keirsey’s Guardians)

ISTJ: The ISTJ is a quiet pillar of society with a deep regard for duty, tradition, and stability. It’s clear to me that Marilla Cuthbert in Anne of Green Gables is absolutely an ISTJ. I can also see Colonel Brandon of Jane Austen’s Sense and Sensibility as this type. He is dependable, objective, and realistic and has great respect for the past—all qualities that lead Willoughby to call him a bore but help him win over Marianne in the end.

ISFJ: The ISFJ is a kind-hearted nurturer who unites strong powers of observation with a deep-seated desire to do good. Mother Teresa seems like a good fit for this type, with her practical solutions and heavy reliance on what has worked in the past. This quote makes her sound like an ISFJ: “Don’t look for big things; just do small things with great love.”7

ESTJ: The ESTJ is an excellent administrator whose clear standards and values make this type a decisive, confident leader. Minerva McGonagall in J. K. Rowling’s Harry Potter novels screams ESTJ to me. Her outer persona is confident, structured, and firm. She’s quick with the wry comeback. In the words of David B. Goldstein and Otto Kroeger, “ESTJs are ingenious in solving real-world problems in practical, elegant, no-nonsense ways.”8 That’s McGonagall all over.

ESFJ: The ESFJ is a people person who is genuinely interested in bringing out the best in others. Picture Margaret Hale in Elizabeth Gaskell’s novel North and South. Margaret is resistant to change and sentimental about the loss of her old, idyllic life. She has zero qualms about calling out injustice when she sees it, and she doesn’t hesitate to share her righteous opinions with others.

SP Types (Keirsey’s Artisans)

ISTP: The ISTP is a hands-on master craftsman who is compelled to figure out how things work and is comfortable with tools of any kind. It’s no coincidence that many action-hero types on the big screen, such as James Bond, present as ISTPs. Bond stays detached, keeps his cool, thinks on his feet, doesn’t care about the rules, and is always ready to spring into action.

ISFP: The ISFP is an artist who is firmly grounded in reality and always up for experiencing something new. I see cartoonist Charles Schulz and his best-known character, Charlie Brown, as ISFPs. ISFPs, who rely on feeling and sensing, are very perceptive about the people around them; Schulz channeled his insights about human nature into his cartoons. Schulz himself was quiet, kind, and humble—all ISFP traits.

ESTP: The ESTP is an outgoing risk-taker who lives in the here and now and prefers to learn by doing. If anyone enjoys living on the edge, it’s the ESTP. Imagine Scarlett O’Hara, the belle of the ball in Gone with the Wind, who delights in being the center of attention. Scarlett can turn on the charm or be intensely practical (or both at once, if you consider her marriages or the famous green dress she made out of Tara’s curtains to seduce Rhett Butler).

ESFP: The ESFP is an entertainer at heart whose enthusiasm and energy often make them the center of attention. I can see Truman Capote, author of Breakfast at Tiffany’s and In Cold Blood, as an ESFP, because of the way he approached both his work and his personal life. Capote felt he couldn’t write In Cold Blood, which was based on a real event that happened in Kansas, until he visited the town and got to know the people involved.9 In his social life, he basked in the attention of the elite New York society women he called his “swans.”

You Are One, and Only One, Type

You may see yourself as fitting into one of three or four different types. But according to the MBTI, you are one type, not a hybrid. So banish that talk of being an INFP/J. Your MBTI type isn’t just four mix-and-match letters; it describes a whole pattern of behavior and mindset. While no MBTI type description will perfectly capture everything about you, one will be closer than all the others.

Changing just one letter doesn’t feel like a big deal, but that one letter can make a huge difference. Two types just one letter apart might not share any cognitive functions! (I’ve tried hard not to use that phrase until now. If what I just said makes zero sense to you, hang tight—we’re getting there.)

Putting This Information to Work in Your Own Life

The MBTI is focused on personal growth. At its core, it assumes that self-understanding leads to growth. The MBTI makes you feel special, and at the same time it makes you feel as though you’re not alone.

The MBTI assessment is a staple of colleges, corporate America, and career counselors, precisely as Briggs and Myers envisioned in the World War II era.

Many individuals first encounter the MBTI in their school days, since colleges and universities around the world use the assessment. Not many twenty-year-olds know what they want to do with their lives, even though they’re in school to prepare for exactly that. That’s where the MBTI assessment comes in. Understanding your type can be a huge shortcut to important decisions such as choosing a field of study and finding the right career path. The instrument helps students deliberately assess who they are, what they want, what they need, and how they are apt to succeed before they have to decide whether to study law or medicine; if they’d be happier moving to Chicago or Los Angeles; or if they should accept the start-up job offer or the corporate gig. The very process of wrestling through the inventory’s questions forces people into a useful posture of self-awareness and self-examination. It’s helpful on a personal level too. So many young people may feel they’re a mess, especially if they’re one of the rarer types. When a person identifies and learns about their type, they discover it’s okay to be themselves.

The MBTI is a favorite workplace tool for similar reasons. Career counselors use it because when a person understands their personality, they can better identify which fields they’d probably be effective and happy in. This is because a person’s work is so intimately connected to their talents, needs, and gifts.

Eighty-nine of the Fortune 100 companies use the assessment.10 It’s not unusual for potential hires to take an MBTI assessment as part of the employee vetting process. Corporations use it with the goal of helping their employees be the best they can be and aiding groups in working more effectively together by drawing on each individual’s unique contributions to the organization. A broad distribution of type strengthens an organization and prevents it from being lopsided. Without all the types working together, an organization will have points of weakness. Using the MBTI mediates weaknesses by bringing the right people—and their accompanying strengths—on board.

Marriage counselors often lean on the MBTI because it helps people better understand themselves and their spouses. It gives them a neutral lens through which to view the ways they interact—both the wonderful ways and the stormy ones. As marriage expert John Gottman says, most conflicts in marriage aren’t solvable; the best we can do is learn to manage them and live with them.11 The MBTI has a similar assumption: a person’s personality can’t be changed, but it can be cultivated, and a variety of skills can be learned to facilitate better communication. Because the MBTI promotes empathy and understanding between individuals, it is an excellent tool for helping married people manage those unavoidable conflicts.

It’s a valuable tool, but it’s also frequently misunderstood and misapplied. Let’s change that.

How (and How Not) to Determine Your Type

A shocking amount of confusion exists about the best way to go about finding your type in regard to the MBTI.

Online assessments abound, and many people attempt to determine their type using one of the copious unofficial assessments available. People love these because they’re fast, free, and easy. And while they are a good starting point, don’t put too much faith in your results.

Why? Because it’s amazingly easy to mistype yourself. I’ve spoken with many people who say they get a different answer every time they take an online test, leading them to believe their personality type changed. That’s not what’s going on. The truth is, like me, they didn’t type themselves correctly in the first place. The Myers & Briggs Foundation requires the official instrument to be administered by a trained professional to ensure that you get what it calls your best-fit type, and it strongly suggests a follow-up conversation with a knowledgeable MBTI expert.12

I took the official MBTI assessment just a couple years ago—long past the point when I knew better—and typed myself completely wrong. It was the official instrument, but the person administering the assessment was a lay enthusiast, not a trained MBTI administrator, and I’m positive that made a difference. I tested as an INTJ, when I’m really an INFP. You might remember I made this same mistake when I took the official assessment back in college. Back then I made the mistake of answering the questions based on what I wanted to be like, not what I really was like. When I screwed up the test recently, it was because I answered the questions according to my learned behaviors, not according to my inborn preferences. These learned behaviors do not affect my MBTI type.

The error rate of people who are mistyped is caused by several factors. First, as a self-reporting instrument, it’s only as accurate as a person’s answers. Second, the official instrument’s questions are quite straightforward, almost misleadingly so. It can be hard to understand exactly what the assessment is asking. Takers often don’t understand that they need to answer with their gut-level reactions to generate an accurate result. You want the response that best captures who you are at your core—without molding, shaping, or training. For the test to be accurate, you need to pinpoint your innate behavior, not your learned behavior. By the time you have a few decades behind you, untangling the two can be difficult!

Vocabulary can also play a role in incorrect results. The assessment uses familiar words (extravert, perceptive, sensing) in unfamiliar ways, and this understandable vocabulary confusion can generate inaccurate results.

Environmental factors can also skew your results. Your mood and fatigue level at the time you take the assessment will affect its outcome.

A paid version of the official assessment is, of course, available on the internet,13 but if you want to take the official instrument, the easiest way may be to get in touch with your closest career counseling center. You’ll be able to significantly close the 20 percent error gap by talking over the instrument with a trained MBTI administrator, both before you take the test and after you get your results. (Hopefully reading this book will also improve your odds of getting an accurate result!) You should have the foundation you need to understand your type after reading this book and talking things over with someone who knows you well.

If you prefer to figure out your results on your own, tread carefully. Some MBTI experts specifically advise against reading the various type descriptions available online and elsewhere to help you determine your type. They believe those descriptions are misleading and confusing, more like horoscopes than diagnostic tools. I’ve found the descriptions useful myself; they’ve helped me build a framework for understanding the different types of personalities, making it easier for me to perceive the wide variety of healthy human behavior at work in me and the people around me.

When trying to identify your type, remember that no one MBTI type description will perfectly capture everything about you. The question to ask yourself is, Which type fits me better than any of the others?

If you want to go the free route, I prefer the short, simple test at www.16personalities.com,14 but remember—as we discussed earlier—your results are only a starting point.

A few guidelines for taking the self-test:

  1. Answer each question quickly. Give it five to seven seconds. If you don’t know the answer, move on and come back to it later.
  2. Give your gut-level answer. No overthinking.
  3. Be honest with yourself. Give the true answer, not the answer you wish were true.
  4. If you’re not sure how to answer, ask yourself what you were like as a child. Select the answer that best applies to your grade-school self.
  5. Do the best you can for now, because we’re diving into more information on getting your type right in the next chapter.

Get Comfortable with Your Type Description

Once you have your type description in hand, it’s time to read all about it. I’ve listed my favorite books in the Recommended Resources section. There’s a huge amount of information online, but not all of it is good, so proceed with caution. My favorite MBTI descriptions on the internet can be found at personalitypage.com.15

You won’t see yourself in every part of every description—I sure didn’t. You may not even like parts of the descriptions. (I’m an INFP, and I hate the thought of anyone calling me a “healer,” yet that’s how my type is often described.) But don’t skip this step, because it’s a quick and easy way to see what your MBTI type could look like in action. After you read about common patterns of behavior for each type, you’ll be able to more easily identify similar behaviors in your own life or in the lives of the people around you.

How (and How Not) to Use Your Type

Our types should never dictate who we are or what we do—not to ourselves or to anyone else. Maybe you’ve heard people say things such as, “I’m an ENFP, so I couldn’t possibly _____.” That is not the point of diving into the MBTI framework. Instead, we can use our MBTI types to gain clarity about aspects of our personalities that we have felt lingering beneath the surface but have never been able to articulate. Once we bring these things into the light, before our conscious minds, we can actually do something about them.

Some of these action points are practical. For instance, after my methodical friend helped me realize I wasn’t a planner at all, I was able to face the fact that I wasn’t great at managing my calendar and actually do something about it. I had been struggling in this area for years, but because I thought of myself as someone who was good at this, I was blind to my struggles. When the blinders came off, I was free to get the help I needed, which mainly meant asking friends who are natural planners to help me put systems in place.

Some of the actions I’ve taken are more personal. As I’ve learned about what it means to be an INFP, I’ve been able to recognize myself in descriptions of common but unhealthy behaviors. For example, INFPs are at risk of idealizing their important relationships and then getting really disappointed when the other people in these relationships inevitably disappoint them—not necessarily because they did something terrible but because they’re human. Looking back over my life, I can see this pattern at work in ways that are much too embarrassing to put in the pages of this book.

Try this for another example. As an Idealist type, I can be quick to get caught up in the moment and say melodramatic things that I’ve learned the hard way I’ll feel really stupid about later. I’ve discovered that even though this is my natural tendency, I don’t have to go with it. I can bite my tongue and avoid feeling like a schmuck later when my easily enflamed emotions have died down.

The Good and the Bad about Your Type

I’ve hinted at the fact that each type has its strengths and weaknesses. Different types have different needs and differing expectations from life and people and bring different things to the table.

Let’s say you are an ISFJ. The odds of this are pretty good; it’s one of the most common types. You probably already know you’re people-oriented and that you hold tightly to your core values. You’re probably friendly, upbeat, and tradition-minded. You’re responsible, practical, and family-oriented.

That’s all good news, and a lot of MBTI talk stops right there, with the good stuff. But let’s harness that information about your ISFJ type to take a look at your weaknesses—your blind spots. Blind spots are the problem points in our lives we never worry about because we don’t even know they exist. When you learn about your type—the good and the bad—this knowledge can serve as your guardrail. It’s much easier to keep from falling off the edge of the road if your eyes are wide open and the path is lit.

Potential blind spots for the ISFJ include: you’re likely to be uncomfortable with change, whether that’s a change of career or a change of apartment or a change of relationship, like a break-up. You care about the way things look, which can be a strength—until you cross the line into becoming overly status-conscious. You care a lot about what others think, and compared to other types, you may need more positive affirmation to feel good about yourself. If you’re in an unhealthy place, you may not take good care of yourself, sacrificing your needs for those of others. You may catch yourself guilting others into doing what you want.

This is where the MBTI can help. If you’re convinced you’re not the kind of person who would ever manipulate someone into doing what you want, you won’t even notice when you do it. But if, as you learn about your type, you shine a light on that blind spot, you’ll be able to catch yourself in the act and stop doing it (well, at least some of the time).

As I’ve learned more about my type over the years, I’ve gotten comfortable with my strengths . . . and the weaknesses that go hand in hand with them. Just as you can’t simultaneously be short and tall, whatever strengths each type has are offset by corresponding weaknesses.

As an INFP, I do ideas really well. I’m terrific at coming up with new concepts and possibilities. The flip side of this is that I’m not so great at the follow-through. But that doesn’t mean INFPs never finish their projects. In their wonderful book Creative You, David B. Goldstein and Otto Kroeger explore the different styles of creativity among the sixteen MBTI types. The way they articulate the INFP’s creative process has helped me. For my type, they write, “The possibilities are usually more exciting than the actual doing, and INFPs leave projects unstarted and unfinished. So you must step back and take a moment to consider how your ideas can be put into practice while focusing on deadlines and sharing; this amplifies your strengths.”16

Ideally, interacting with the MBTI also will help you better understand how to interact with types who are different from your own. Once you learn how other types see the world, you’ll find it easier to accept them for who they are and know how to respond when you interact. By learning more about typing, and the sixteen personality types, you can see how traits you once perceived as weaknesses may actually be strengths, and vice versa. There are two sides to every coin—each type has strengths and weaknesses, which result in wildly different careers, leadership styles, and more.

Working through Communication Breakdowns

When we bring different personality types together, communication breakdowns are inevitable. Communication is the main challenge we face when we interact closely with people of different types because each of us interprets, understands, and acts in different ways.

Thinking types may feel they’re being considerate by getting straight to the point in a conversation, unaware that their feeling friends perceive them as uncomfortably blunt. Intuitive types may think they’re contributing by sharing their grand plans in a team meeting, unaware that the thought of making so many changes at once completely stresses out their sensing colleagues. Extroverted types may feel disappointed when their spouses don’t immediately respond with enthusiasm to their ideas, ignorant that they just need time to think the ideas over.

Because we have so much invested in our relationships, it can be enormously unsettling when they seem to go “wrong.” Understanding the MBTI helps us see that misunderstandings are inevitable. When we don’t see eye to eye with someone else, it doesn’t mean things are going wrong—it means they’re normal.

Conflicts that arise due to personality differences can be troublesome but fairly innocuous, as long as we’re able to diagnose what’s happening. Not all relational conflicts are personality conflicts, of course, but many are. And those can often be effectively managed when we enlist the aid of a good personality framework to see the world through someone else’s eyes for a bit.

More than Meets the Eye

Many people find the MBTI to be an extraordinarily useful tool for understanding themselves, their work, their habits, and their relationships.

But for this type talk to be helpful, you need to get your type right—which, as we’ve covered, is difficult to do. This is the bad news for all you armchair MBTI geeks, because to really “get” framework, you have to understand what the cognitive functions are and how they operate. If you’re confused about your MBTI type, this is probably why. In the next chapter, we’ll dive into the lesser-known but extremely important cognitive functions, the heartbeat of the framework.