Potty Training In One Week

Q My son is 16 months and showing no awareness when he does a wee or a poo, but my mother keeps nagging me to start training. Do you think he is ready?

A Very few children have the muscle control required for potty training before the age of 18 months and the majority are not ready until nearer two years of age. However, if the following statements are true for your child it may mean he is ready:

His nappy should sometimes be dry when you get him up from his longest nap, or dry a couple of hours since his last nappy change.

He understands and is capable of following simple instructions such as bring me your shoes, or sit here until Mummy gets your jacket.

He should be content to sit by himself and play with his toys or look at a simple book for at least 10 minutes.

He should be capable of taking off his socks and shoes, and attempting to pull down his shorts or trousers.

Q My 18 month-old toddler points to her nappy when she does a poo, but shows none of the other signs. Should I attempt to potty train her?

A It is unwise to start potty training until the child is clearly showing nearly all the signs. But you can begin to prepare her for potty training by doing the following:

Buy a potty and leave it in the bathroom, explaining what it is for and encouraging her to sit on it for a few minutes before she gets in the bath. Under no circumstances force the issue at this stage, allow her to take the lead.

Take her to the bathroom when you go and explain what you are doing. But do not ask her if she wants to use her potty. Let her take the lead, she will very quickly start to copy you and sit on her potty.

Start encouraging her to pull down and pull up her shorts by herself. Give lots of praise when she manages to do it by herself.

When she is playing with slightly older children, ask them if they mind her watching how clever they are at doing a wee on the potty or loo. Obviously if the other children are not keen to perform, do not force the issue.

At bathtime and when she washes her hands, put lots of emphasis on the difference between the words wet and dry. Face cloths are a great way to demonstrate this. After a while ask her to show you the wet one, then the dry one.

We are going on holiday soon and my husband reckons that it would be a good time to begin training our toddler, as he could assist by helping with our young baby. What do you advise?

I would not advise potty training on holiday. It would be unfair to expect the child to give potty training the concentration it requires, when he is excited about being on holiday.

During the first couple of days of potty training it is much better if there are as few people around as possible, thus avoiding too many distractions.

If you have a young baby try to start training at the weekend so your husband can take care of the baby, allowing you to concentrate on the training. Make sure your husband has done a trial run of caring for the baby before you actually start the potty training. The less interruptions when you are training the better.

Should I reward my child with a sweet or a treat when he is successful at using the potty.

It is better if you can avoid this type of bribery. A child under two years will normally be happy with a star chart and lots of encouragement and praise.

Occasionally, if I am training an older child with a very stubborn streak, I do compromise. I explain that once he has three stars on his chart he will get a small treat. Once he is using the potty regularly, I tell him that when he has six stars on the chart he will get an ice-cream. This approach helps minimise the risk of the child only using the potty if he gets a reward.

What should I dress my child in during the potty training period?

During the first two to three days when in the house it will be easier if you dress him in a very short t-shirt that does not need to be pulled up when he sits on the potty. He should also wear pants that are big enough to be easily pulled up and down.

When you have to take him out it is important that he continues to wear pants. Never go back to nappies once you’ve started, even if there are accidents. It’s too confusing for the child and the main reason why potty training often fails.

Do not be tempted to use pull-up nappies. It will also confuse your child. Parents who use these on outings to avoid accidents take much longer to potty train their child, as the absorbency of the pull-ups decreases the child’s awareness of being wet and dry.

Ensure that the outer garments are as simple as possible. Avoid lots of buttons, poppers or braces. Tracksuit bottoms or shorts and a loose short top are ideal.

My daughter aged two years and eight months has been dry for over six months, but she refuses to poo in her potty or the toilet. She always waits until she has her nappy on and then does it.

This is a very common problem. In my experience it is more common amongst children who have irregular or hard bowel movements. It is worthwhile giving her more fruit to eat especially at breakfast time, and increasing the amounts of fluids she has. This often helps regulate the child’s bowel movements. Once a regular time is established, line her potty with a nappy and encourage her to sit on it at that time. As a special treat let her watch her favourite video. Once she is regularly having a bowel movement, pretend to run out of nappies. With the help of a new book or video, she may be persuaded to use the potty without the nappy in it.

If this fails it is best not to force the issue, just accept she is going to poo in her nappy. The problem usually sorts itself out once the child is out of nappies altogether. However I would not advise taking her out of nappies at sleep times too quickly, just to solve this problem. All too often I have seen children completely back track with potty training because of pressure from parents or carers.

It is important never to attempt to break this habit by showing disgust at the dirty nappy, or scolding her. This sort of disapproval could lead to her becoming very worried and anxious, and withholding the poo altogether.

When should I start getting my daughter to use the toilet instead of the potty?

Once she has developed enough bladder control to reach her potty in the bathroom, she should be encouraged to use the big toilet. It is best to insert a specially designed child’s toilet seat that fits securely inside the big seat. The ones that are padded appear to be more popular with young children and some come with handles for them to hold on to, which is even better.

The toilet can seem very big and frightening to a toddler. To avoid long-term problems with using the toilet it is important that you not only hold her around her waist, but that you kneel down so you are face to face. Proper eye contact with her will help reassure her that nothing awful is going to happen.

Once you feel your toddler is confident about sitting on the big toilet, hold her with only one hand. As her confidence increases continue to get down to her level so she doesn’t feel intimidated or alone, but encourage her to sit, while supporting herself. These few very simple measures will ensure that she quickly builds up her confidence to sit on the seat unaided.

My son is two and half years and has been clean and dry for nearly three months, but still sits when he needs to wee. At what age will he be capable of standing up and peeing?

Many boys are nearer three years of age before they start to wee standing up. This is usually around the same time they start nursery and see how other boys are doing it. All children love to copy, so encourage him to go to the loo with daddy or other boys as much as possible.

If he is still not quite tall enough to aim into the loo easily, he may need to stand on a small step. He may need to be held under the arms until he learns to balance confidently by himself.

He may also need assistance in the early days in learning how high to hold his willy up, so he aims into the loo. When he is finished teach him to shake his willy over the loo, to avoid drips on the carpet.

If he is unsure or reluctant about standing up and peeing into the loo try getting him to pee into a disposable plastic cup over the loo. This trick seems to have worked with many of my little boys who have been hesitant about using the loo.

Once he is successfully potty trained how long do I wait before taking him out of nappies at sleep times?

Continue to use nappies at the lunchtime nap. If he is consistently dry when he gets up for at least two weeks, you could then abandon the nappies.

For the night-time sleep I usually wait until the child is at least three years of age. If on waking his nappy is dry or only slightly damp for several weeks, you could then abandon the night-time nappy.

If you find he then starts to wake up in the night needing his potty, at this age he should be capable of getting out of bed and using the potty by himself. Obviously you would have to then install a small very dim night-light in his room.

I have found that installing a night-light with very young children can often lead to disturbed sleep and more night waking, so try and avoid this until he is nearer three years.

Is it advisable to use a waterproof sheet once he is out of night-time nappies?

There are special water-proof pads that can go across the middle of the bed which can help when accidents occur.

If your child is one of the few who does not like the feel of these pads, use a water-proof sheet on top of the mattress, then the fitted sheet, then a further pad and finally a further fitted sheet. This way if your child does have an accident in the night, you can simply whip away the first two layers, and avoid having to remake the bed completely.

Finally remember that your child should not have excessive drinks before bedtime. A cup of milk should be given no later than 6pm and if still thirsty at bedtime offer a small amount of water.

My three-year-old son manages to stay dry most nights and we are thinking of taking him out of night nappies. My mother has suggested we should lift him at our bedtime and put him on the potty to avoid a wet bed.

Many parents believe that lifting their child to wee at their bedtime encourages night training. Some experts believe that this practise only conditions the child to pass urine at certain times and actually delays the child learning night-time bladder control.

In my experience I have found it better to accept an occasional wet bed. The child then learns to control his bladder naturally and get up to use the potty when he needs to. However, if a child were over four years of age and regularly wetting the bed I would consider lifting him.

Before abandoning the night nappy, check the amount he is drinking at bedtime. If it is a huge amount, gradually cut back. Explain to him that he must have his big drink before 6pm, as he will only be allowed a small drink of water at bedtime.

Once you are happy that he is not drinking an excessive amount at bedtime, explain he is a big boy now and no longer needs to wear a nappy at bedtime. Ensure that he goes on the potty just before he gets into bed.

If you find you are getting the occasional accident, install a night-light and leave a potty in his room. Explain that he should use the potty in the night when he needs to do a wee.

Once he is older his door can be left slightly open so he can make his way to the bathroom.

My mother says that my two sisters and I were potty trained by the time we were eighteen months old and that I should start putting my son who is nearly 13 months old on the potty after every feed. I obviously believe my mother when she says that we were all trained so early, but I have read that beginning potty training too early can be psychologically damaging.

Do not give in to pressure from well-meaning relatives and friends because attempting to potty train your child before she is physically and emotionally ready could lead to her feeling pressurised and cause her to rebel and resent using the potty. I have come across many children who have developed serious long-term problems with constipation and anxiety about doing a pee because their parents introduced the pot too early. Wait until your child is showing all the signs listed here before introducing her to the potty.

Children under 18 months rarely have developed the muscle control required for potty training. While I do not dispute that your mother managed to get you all out of nappies and trained by 18 months, it probably took her nearly six months of training instead of a week of training when done at the right moment.

If you wish to avoid possible months of stress for your child and yourself, wait until both she and you are ready. In my experience this is usually between 18 and 24 months. However, for many children and parents the time may not be quite right until much later. The important thing to remember is that it is not the child’s age that is important, but whether they are showing all the right signs of being physically, emotionally and psychologically ready, and that the timing is right for you and the rest of the family.

My daughter now aged three years and two months was potty trained very quickly at 26 months. She has been dry every morning for the last three weeks, but at least twice a week she wakes up with a dirty nappy. I feel that we are never going to progress to getting her out of nappies totally if she keeps doing a poo in the night. None of my friends has experienced this problem, nor have I found the answer in the many baby books that cover potty training.

When removing your daughter’s nappy in the morning pay particular attention to whether the poo is very soft and comes away with the nappy or whether it is quite dry and hardened onto her bottom. This will give you an idea of whether she is actually doing a poo in the early hours of the morning or just after she wakes up.

If the poo is hardened onto her bottom it is obvious that she is doing it in the early hours. The cause of this is often diet related; check that you are not giving her too much fruit in the late afternoon. Try giving her daily intake of fruit in the morning for a few days to see if this improves things. Also look at the time she is having her tea and last drink at night. Teatime is best around 5/5.30pm with a drink followed by their last big drink no later than 6pm.

If the poo is soft it is possible she is doing it on waking. I would therefore try getting her up slightly earlier and putting her on the potty before she manages to fill her nappy. As she gets older she should learn to get up by herself when she needs a poo, and hopefully return to bed if it is too early.

My son is three and a half and still has an accident three or four times a week, usually when we are visiting friends. I am starting to feel very angry when this happens as I find it embarrassing because all of my friends’ children seem to have gone beyond the occasional accident stage.

Many children of this age continue to have the odd accident and I personally would not be too worried about three or four accidents a week, particularly as it is probably because he is so engrossed in play with other children.

Normally I’m not in favour of reminding a child at this age, but I think a gentle reminder on days out would do no harm particularly if you could get the other mothers to agree to remind their children at the same time. This would avoid your son feeling like the odd one out.

While it is important that you try not to show how angry you are I think he is old enough to realise that there must be a consequence to his accident. I would chastise him but I would insist that he changed into his clean pants by himself and that he must rinse the wet pants out in the sink, before putting them in a plastic bag to take home.

My daughter, aged 29 months, who has been potty trained for nearly a month now, was always prone to bouts of nappy rash as a baby. I thought this would stop once she was out of nappies during the day, and although things have improved she still is prone to getting a sore red bottom every few days.

If you are finding that her nappy is very wet in the morning it may be worthwhile trying a different brand to see if it is more absorbent. Also look at the amount of fluid that she is drinking before bedtime. I normally advise a drink of no more than 5/6oz from a cup no later than 6pm and I always delay putting the nappy on until they are about to get into bed, so that I can put them on the pot one last time just before they go to bed. If a child were shouting for more to drink I would offer them a small drink of water, but no more than a couple of ounces.

It is also worthwhile putting some cream on her bottom several times a day. There are types of homeopathic creams which contain calendula and this will help protect her skin but are not as sticky as the normal nappy rash cream.

Ensure that her bottom is cleaned and dried properly after she does a pee and a poo. Try to avoid using baby wipes, scented soap and bleached loo roll for a while, as all of these things can irritate the skin. Putting her in one hundred per cent cotton pants is also advisable, as polyester mix fabric does not allow the skin to breathe.

My daughter has been potty trained since she was 22 months. She is now nearly three years old and goes to the loo without being reminded, manages to pull her pants down and back up by herself and wash her own hands. However when she does a poo she always shouts for my husband or I to go and wipe her bottom. My husband says she should be able to manage this by herself now and is beginning to get quite cross when she shouts out. How can I persuade her to wipe her own bottom?

I think she is still a little young to manage this all by herself. The majority of children do not manage to wipe themselves properly until after three years of age, most usually managing this task successfully somewhere between three and four years.

However, it is important that you spend time teaching her how to do this. Start off by guiding her hand with loo roll in it, then finish off cleaning the bits she has missed yourself. As she gets more adept at cleaning herself properly, encourage her to do it herself and say that you will come and check once she is finished.

It is important to teach little girls the importance of wiping their bottoms from front to back.

My son who is 26 months old has been potty trained for nearly two months and has started playing with his willy. My health visitor assured me that this behaviour was perfectly normal in little boys and just to ignore it. However, when visiting my husband’s parents last weekend he was constantly rubbing and playing with it in front of everyone. My in-laws were horrified and said we must put an instant stop to ‘his disgusting behaviour’. My husband has now started to get angry and shouts at our son every time he sees his hand wandering to his private parts. I’m at my wits end at how to deal with this behaviour; while I do not want my son to get a complex about his penis I do get very embarrassed when he starts to play with it.

It is very common for both girls and boys to start examining and playing with their private parts once the nappy is abandoned. They are discovering a part of their body that up until now they did not know existed and when played with gives them pleasurable sensations. This is all part of their natural development and no child should be chastised for this behaviour. However, they must come to learn that it is something that is not done in front of other people.

With children under 28 months distraction is usually the best way to deal with this situation. When they are sitting on the potty encourage them do something with their hands like reading a book or playing with a puzzle toy.

By the time the child gets to nearer three years old the interest becomes less, but should it still persist, explain to your son that it is okay if he wants to touch his willy but it should to be done in the privacy of his own room. If you are out and about and he starts to play with himself, tell him gently and firmly that he should take a trip to the bathroom. If you adopt a special look for these situations he will soon get the hint. If he continues to play with himself excessively it would be worthwhile discussing it with your health visitor to try and discover if there is an underlying psychological reason causing this behaviour.

My son, who is eighteen months old, seems to be aware when he needs to do a pee or a poo as he will point to the potty when he is about to do one. But he is very erratic about taking instructions when it actually comes to sitting on the potty; sometimes he will sit happily for 10–15 minutes, occasionally doing a poo or pee, other times he will resist sitting on the potty and start running around all over the place.

Your son is obviously showing signs of having some bladder control, but he is still very young and probably not ready yet either psychologically or emotionally. Do not force the issue as this could lead him to becoming quite rebellious about using the potty. I would be inclined to put the potty away for a couple of weeks, then try again with Stage One. However, do continue to take him to the toilet with you a couple of times a day, explaining simply and briefly what you are doing.

During the two weeks I would encourage him to participate in other tasks such as dressing and undressing, and helping to tidy his toys away. Although he is young, I would introduce a star chart and reward him with lots of praise and a star or sticker when he willingly co-operates. Even if he doesn’t fully understand the concept of the star chart, the number of stars or stickers each day on the chart will be a good indication as to how co-operative he has been. I also find it helpful to mark a cross in the box every time I request the child to do something; if they co-operate I cover the cross with a sticker. You can then tell at a glance how many of your requests has been completed willingly.

Once you see several consecutive days where nearly all the crosses are covered with a sticker, you could bring the potty back out and try Stage One of potty training. Start off by taking him to the toilet with you again and encouraging him to sit on the potty fully clothed. If he consistently sits on the potty two to three days in a row, you can then gradually introduce the potty at night and in the morning, setting a time limit of only five minutes each time. Each time he sits on the potty for this length of time he should be given lots of praise and a sticker. Gradually increase the length of time he is expected to sit on the potty to ten minutes, but not any longer than this.

Do not go on to Stage Two of potty training until you are confident that he is happily and consistently following the instructions in Stage One, and that you are also ready to devote the time required to potty train him in a week.

My daughter is nearly two years of age and has been potty trained for nearly three months. However she still has the occasional accident two or three times a week. How should I deal with this? Am I being unrealistic that she should be aware whenever she needs to go to the loo?

Your daughter potty trained at a very young age and occasional accidents are to be expected. It would be worthwhile keeping a chart for a few days to see if there is a pattern to her accidents. It is often when a child is engrossed in play or becomes over-tired. If you can pinpoint when the accidents are happening then you can give her gentle reminders at these times.

However, it is important to remember not to go back to reminding her all the time, only at the times accidents are most likely to occur.

It is also important not to scold her when she has an accident, but it is worthwhile drawing her attention again to the difference between wet and dry and how much nicer it is to wear nice clean pants. When she does have an accident I think it is important that she is made to change into her dry pants herself, so that she understands the consequence of wetting her pants.

My son is nearly 20 months and will happily sit on the potty twice a day for five to ten minutes. However, as yet he had never actually done anything in the potty. Should I continue to sit him on the potty or abandon things for a while?

I would continue to sit him on the potty for these two short spells and give him lots of praise for sitting so nicely, as long as he is happy to do so. However, as he is still very young I would abandon it if he begins to show signs of rebellion and boredom. If this happens put the potty away and try again in two or three weeks.

Should he continue to sit happily I would continue to put him on the pot twice a day and take him to the loo with you two or three times a day, following the advice here at the preparation stage of pottying.

The aim at this stage is that he is happy to sit on the potty for short spells and also happy to obey simple instructions. These things are actually more important at this stage as it will help the potty training procedure work more quickly once he does start to pee in the potty.

Should I encourage my son to help me empty and clean the potty after he has used it?

I usually find that within a very short time of being potty trained most children are happy to use the loo more often than the potty. For that reason I do not make a big deal of actually encouraging them to help empty and clean the potty. However, if they were insistent on helping I would allow them to, but on the agreement we do it together. This helps avoid extra work of cleaning up the spills that are likely to occur if the child attempts the task by himself.

If your child is determined to help empty and clean the potty it would be advisable to keep all cleaning agents out of reach. One mother I know used to allow her son to spray the anti-bacterial cleanser into the potty. Then one day he got hold of the spray before she could stop him and attempted to spray it into the potty; unfortunately the nozzle was facing the wrong way and he sprayed it into his eyes. He had to be rushed to hospital and kept in overnight for observation. Fortunately there was no long-term damage, but it was still a frightening experience for the child and his parents.

If your child is insistent on helping empty and clean the potty I would advise that it should only be rinsed out with cold water when he is helping, and disinfected at a later stage.

Potty Training Questions and Answers