one: Obvious Intentions

The reality is that marginalized people experience discrimination in public spaces. As they move through their lives and through various spaces, they cannot predict if they will be treated with respect, let alone if they will be safe. When they attend a show or event at your space, they should be able to know what to expect, or at least what you intend to have happen—and not happen—within your walls. So, how can you let them know? You can’t just open the door; you have to put out a welcome mat.

Signs, Online and Off

The first step is making clear what you stand for in every physical and digital space you inhabit. If you have clear wording on your website, social media, flyers, event pages, menus, entryways, bathrooms, et cetera, people will know that “Harassment and Violence Will Not Be Tolerated” or that yours is a “Hate-Free Zone.” I encourage you to get specific about what you don’t tolerate and how you’ll handle it by posting an official “Anti-Harassment Policy” on your website and the walls of your space. You can find more examples of these in the appendix.

Your messaging should make it clear that staff will take complaints of harassment seriously and that harassers will be dealt with appropriately. This is good for potential victims to know, as well as potential harassers.

Once you’ve let people know that the staff is on their side, you have to let them know who the staff is. Designate who can handle their questions and complaints by having people wear a “Staff” shirt, sash, button, hat, apron, or hoodie. You have options, so whether you all agree to wear the same color or use the space’s name or logo, your patrons should know who they can trust when something happens.

Remember, there’s more than one sort of harassment, even though our society might discuss some more than others. For instance, is your space trans-friendly? Say so! Make your ­restroom signage obvious and clear: toilets or urinals, sitting or standing, single stall for everyone, or whatever your set-up is. Just make sure people know they can use whichever bathroom they feel most comfortable in with the full support of staff.

There are also important class and accessibility issues every space must consider when it comes to events. Let people know about sliding scale donations, the closest public transportation stops, and ramp availability (or lack thereof) on all flyers and event pages.

Share your awesome policies online from time to time as a reminder to your community. This is easily done and can be scheduled in advance. Who knows? Maybe making these things part of public discourse might inspire other spaces to do the same.

Finally, it’s crucial to provide a way for folks to communicate with you anonymously with any complaints or suggestions. This is so they can do so without fear of retribution. Set up an anonymous message form on your site, provide an email address dedicated to complaints of harassment, or, if they want to mail it in, let people know to whose attention they should address it.

Make Your Space Welcoming for All

Dealing with harassment itself means that the problem has already happened, but you can go a long way toward preventing harassment if respect is built into your space and its various elements. When you do the work to make it clear that ­everyone is welcome, it becomes part of the overall atmosphere.

People have different needs. When you anticipate people’s needs before they arrive, it shows that you acknowledge that they exist and that you value having them in your space. If you don’t have some particular accommodation and you’ve found a workaround for it, display obvious signage to let people know. I’ve created a few checklists to start you thinking about how to build a welcoming space. Check off the ones you already have. Some of the accommodations listed below are required by the Americans with Disabilities Act. Since state laws can vary as long as they don’t directly conflict with the federal law, it’s important for a manager or owner to know what exactly is required in each state. But you’re not doing all this just to avoid litigation, right? You’re doing it because you want people to feel welcome. I encourage you to exceed legal requirements and even people’s expectations. I’ve left a few spaces blank so you can add some items specific to your space.

Accessibility

Food Options8

Gender

Of course, making safer spaces is more than a checklist. You have to think both holistically and specifically. For instance, don’t overlook the little things that make up the overall feel of your space. Don’t give a pass to discriminatory statements, art, or “jokes” on event flyers, tip jars, or band merchandise. What you allow says something about your space. This includes the break room and other employee-­only areas. Taking this seriously when no customers are looking makes it easier for staff to take customers seriously when they voice their concerns.

How about the resources specific to your town? Keep the numbers for taxis, shelters, and local support hotlines available at your door, front desk, or office. Have multiple copies on hand, especially if you have a bar, back room, or an upstairs. This book includes a list of national hotline numbers in the appendix, as well as room to fill in your local numbers.

Apteka Restaurant, Pittsburgh.

Fabricated by Seth LeDonne.

Have a first aid kit on hand. Offer condoms and tampons, with signage in the bathrooms to let people know where or from whom to get them. And while there is not much a dive bar can do about the “old beer and fresh bleach” smell, other types of venues can go scent-free for those with fragrance sensitivities.

Naloxone, also known as Narcan, is a medication used to prevent overdoses by blocking the effects of opioids. You could save a life by having the pocket-sized injector or nasal spray on hand.

Can you think of any more considerations? List them below and check off the ones you have put into action so far.

Get Everyone on Board

If no one has your back when it comes to making your workplace safer, the way you interact with and support patrons can still have a huge impact them, so keep it up! You can’t make it an “official safer space,” though, if you’re the only one who knows about the improvements you’ve made. In other words, unless the entire venue is on board, you’ll never reach everyone in your community who needs a safer space. So take it one day at a time. Chip away at the barriers that keep your colleagues from embracing these policies. Tell them about what you are getting out of this guidebook, your success stories, and how doing good makes you feel good. At the very least, you’ll be the resident anti-harassment figure who everyone can (inevitably) turn to.

When I used to run house shows in London, my way of trying to make them a safer space was to point out that they were happening in a kitchen, with a gas hob, and that any sexist, racist, transphobic, homophobic, or generally shit behaviour could lead to you being set on fire. Half-joking aside, I had to fight so hard, alongside other women, to make that punk house a slightly safer space. I was sexually assaulted there a number of times, including once by a guy who came all the way up the stairs into my bedroom and got into my bed to touch me up whilst I was asleep. It took me years to get him to be accountable for that. And so many other things happened that I haven’t got the time or energy to challenge, especially now that it’s not an active gig space anymore.

We need safer spaces to make it easier for everyone to organise politically, and also for us all to have a fucking break sometimes. I am so grateful for all the work that has been done to challenge sexual harassment and assault at gigs because I’m starting to relax and feel like I can let my guard down—and this is important for being able to recharge, to keep fighting.

—Ren Aldridge, Petrol Girls/Nasty Women

Common Concerns and How to Address Them

I’m not saying it will be easy. Dealing with harassment can be uncomfortable. You’re asking your staff or coworkers to step up, be a little courageous. That might not be something they’re used to, and our patriarchal culture has plenty of ready-made excuses and ways to avoid facing the reality of harassment. You’ll definitely have to deal with some of them.

“I don’t wanna talk about it.” Sometimes people think the way to get rid of a problem is to not talk about it, that silence around tough issues will make them go away. This isn’t true, of course. In fact, it often makes the situation worse. Tension can build, resentment sets in, and people will give up and leave your space rather than risk a conversation with someone who seems unwilling to hear them. So ask your staff or coworkers to flip the script. When customers approach them about harassment or discrimination, it is not a nuisance. It’s an opportunity to make them feel safe and valued. Which, presumably, will ensure a return visit from the people you want returning—otherwise the only people you’ll have left in your space will be the ones harassing.

“What about the men?” A safer space is just a place where people feel comfortable being themselves. This is achieved by supporting people, encouraging them to speak up, listening, and ultimately taking action when they feel threatened or intimidated. Spaces where white cisgender men can feel comfortable being and expressing themselves—and where they are sure to be taken seriously—are abundant. Spaces where people who are not white cisgender men are afforded that same respect and consideration are not. That’s why it takes a little bit more work to provide that space and ensure that people know about it.

Society has historically given the benefit of the doubt to men who perpetrate violence while constantly questioning the women and LGBTQIA people who file complaints of harassment or reports of sexual assault, regardless of a mountain of harrowing statistics showing they’re telling the truth. Two-thirds of women in the United States have experienced street harassment at some point in their lives, and 68 percent of those women were concerned that it would escalate into something more violent.9 A 2012 survey conducted of gay and bisexual men in the United States also found that 90 percent reported being harassed or made to feel unwelcome in public spaces because of their sexual orientation.10 Approximately one in five women in the United States have been victims of rape, and half of all women have been victims of other forms of sexual violence at some point in their lives.11 Moreover, men are far more likely to be victims of rape themselves than they are to be falsely accused of rape; 1.4 percent of men in the United States reported being raped in their lifetime.12 Of the 32 percent of all rapes that are actually reported, about 2–10 percent are false accusations.13

It’s not a zero-sum game. Intentionally and publicly supporting women and LGBTQIA folks, in addition to following through upon receiving complaints of harassment, doesn’t make a space less safe for men—it makes it more fun for everyone.

“That’s never happened here.” That you know of. If people don’t trust you to take their stories of harassment seriously, then they won’t tell you when it happens. Maybe one of your other staff members harassed them before. Maybe there is sexist, transphobic, or racist imagery on display (old posters, flyers, stickers, the shirt the bartender is wearing). Maybe they overheard your coworkers’ “joke,” and it did not come off well. Maybe they never told anyone at your venue about that time they were harassed and left because of it, merely because they had been disbelieved, silenced, or ignored whenever they’d told their story in the past. You won’t stand a chance of gaining their trust without putting down the welcome mat and making it obvious your venue has their back. When I train venues to become official safer spaces, it’s common for me to warn them that they might see an uptick in reported stories. It’s not that harassment is happening more, it’s just that your patrons are more willing to trust you with their stories. That’s a good thing.

Hiring and Curating Events without Bias

Marginalized people feel more comfortable around people who are like them. Prioritize hiring people from a variety of backgrounds and life experiences. Pay people fairly and equally—white men do not get to make more for doing the same job! Some businesses opt for transparency by publicly posting the pay rate for each job, preventing the internal biases of the person doing the hiring from affecting the person being hired.

If you are only booking straight, white, cis male bills, artists and audiences will notice, and they will be increasingly more vocal about it when they do. Sometimes it takes extra work or a financial risk to book new or unknown artists who do not fit the patriarchal mold, but it must be done, and the more it’s done, the easier it is to keep doing it. When diversity is expected by audiences, everyone in your scene knows that they would be welcome on that club stage or gallery wall, giving you more bands and artists to choose from in the future! Strive to never have an event that only features straight, white, cisgender men. Linda Holmes, host of NPR’s Pop Culture Happy Hour, has a great perspective on curating diverse bills:

The reason you have to be aware of whether your shows are inclusive is not because women otherwise aren’t good enough. It’s because you, as a curator, have antennae that are naturally more likely to hear some voices than others. That’s true, in my opinion, of basically everyone…. Your effort is to compensate for your own limitations, not to compensate for other people’s not being able to compete. And those limitations aren’t necessarily because you’re a bad person! Two equally aware, thoughtful people can have totally different references. I am much more likely to naturally notice things that vibrate on a frequency that thrums in my head, but as a curator, I can’t confuse that with quality or meritocracy. So if you don’t notice gender, if you “don’t see color”...? You’ll perpetuate your own limits.14

Of course, even the best curator or booker can’t know everything about every act or artist they schedule. What if you’re caught off guard and a featured band or performer is causing problems by being sexist, homophobic, or racist? This scenario is bound to happen. It’s often outside your control, especially if you’re not the person doing the booking. There are still ways to demonstrate the “obvious intentions” of your space, to both restrict their platform and show your patrons that you don’t support that bullshit. You can turn on the house lights when they make offensive remarks, or simply turn off the sound to cut their set short. Cut them off at the bar. Wear a shirt or make a sign at the door or on the tip jar that says you don’t stand by their remarks or beliefs, or even that just says what you do believe in (as in, “Black Lives Matter,” “Believe Victims,” “Refugees Welcome Here”). You can get creative with it or simply go with a classic “Booooo!” instead of applause. When you assert your values, you empower others to do the same—and you do it on behalf of those who, for whatever reason, still don’t feel powerful enough to do it themselves.

There was a situation where a specific show was happening with a known abuser in one of the bands. Since the venue was trained by Hollaback! Baltimore and was a safer space, I knew that the employees would take my concerns seriously, even if their conclusion wouldn’t be what I had hoped. In the end, they removed the band from the show.

—Chris Belkas, Fake Crab Records

Policies for Those First Crucial Moments

The more you can do in advance to help people feel safe in your space, the better their experience. Obvious signage, a knowledgeable and diverse staff, and inclusive shows are all positive steps toward that goal. Unfortunately, it does not mean harassment and violence will never occur in your space. You need clear, actionable policies in place before an incident occurs, so that things don’t go off the rails in the very first moments. Chapter 2 will go into this in more detail and give you the raw material to devise your own robust and extensive plan for responding to ugly behavior in your space, but let’s establish some foundations of care. This will minimize any missteps or time wasted.

The short version is this: you and your staff need to be able to ground people who are in crisis and avoid victim-blaming. And you need to know in advance how to do or not do these things. That’s what makes it a policy.

First of all, not everything is a crisis, but you should definitely know when it is. A crisis is defined by three key things: (1) a high level of stress is present, (2) the person finds it difficult or impossible to cope, and (3) it is temporary.

Responses to crisis may vary, but some people may be sobbing, yelling, taking very short breaths, or speaking too fast. On the other hand, they could be very quiet, staring into space, and nonresponsive. This is because they have temporarily lost their coping skills. If someone cannot relate their story to you effectively, they may be in “crisis mode” and unless they can be brought back into the present moment, or grounded, then you won’t be able to help them.

Therefore, before we get into the details in Chapter 2, let’s talk about how to deal with someone in crisis. That way, even if you only read this chapter, you’ll be much better off—and more helpful. After all, people can experience a loss of coping skills after any traumatic event, so by memorizing the techniques below—and training others to do the same—you’ll be ready assist no matter the situation. The techniques are the same for all sorts of crises: harassment, assault, or rape; a robbery or theft; a car accident; a mass shooting event; a hate crime; the effects of military assaults (on soldiers and civilians); and even unexpected events that trigger memories of previous traumas, like a particular phrase or smell or object connected to the original event, or seeing similar situations played out on a national scale in the twenty-four-hour news cycle.

If you believe someone is in crisis, your first priority is to help them feel as grounded as they can given the situation. Some common grounding techniques:

Once someone is able to tell you what has happened or how you can help, let them! No need to keep talking about breathing. And if you read the situation wrong and they say “Why do I need to breathe? The jerk is over there, are you gonna talk to them or what?” just quickly apologize and move on to helping them.

While you’re grounding someone, be warm and empathetic and listen to them. Validate their feelings by using phrases such as “I believe you,” “It’s not your fault,” and “You have the right to be safe in this venue.” It will help the victim and at the same time will help you avoid a common problem they often face: victim-blaming.

What Is Victim-Blaming?

When approached by someone who has experienced harassment, being their advocate is your number one priority. Incidents of harassment unfold within a particular society. In our case, that’s a society defined by a range of unequal power relations. That means that those with power—the abusers—often get to control the narrative that describes their own actions and those of the abused. The result is a cultural bias that blames people for their own victimization. It is of the utmost importance to recognize what victim-blaming is and to avoid it.

Victim-blaming is when the victim of a crime is held partially or completely responsible for what happened to them. This occurs far too often in cases of rape, sexual assault, and harassment. Victim-blaming is dangerous because it wrongfully focuses attention and fault on someone who has done nothing wrong and takes attention off of those who have. It also re-traumatizes victims and prevents them from coming forward to report crime for fear of retribution, judgment, and scrutiny from the authorities, family, friends, and society as a whole.

Why Do People Victim-Blame?

The benefit of blaming the victim for those who harass and assault is obvious: they’re let off the hook. Unfortunately, they’re not the only ones who do it. Victim-blaming distances people—especially the most vulnerable—from fully processing an awful occurrence by reinforcing the popular belief that crimes, like harassment, are infrequent and only happen to people who are careless. People reassure themselves, “Because I wear this and act in that way, what happened to that person will never happen to me.” This is simply not true. Moreover, it’s a very dangerous misconception that makes things worse. The truth of the matter is that most individuals belonging to a marginalized population have experienced harassment based on their identity (or identities or perceived identities), and the key to ending it isn’t blaming the people who suffer the effects of abusive behavior but holding people who abuse accountable for said behavior.

So there you have it. You’ve done all the preparation you need to do, or enough to feel confident. Now comes the time to understand that all the preparation in the world can’t guarantee anything. Chapter 2 will be your training in what to do when the behaviors you hoped to avoid have happened anyway. We’re in this for the long haul, building a better world inch by difficult inch. Until that new day dawns, we’ll still have a lot of messes to clean up.

8 You can find information regarding your state’s laws and more through FARE: Food Allergy Research and Education.

9 Holly Kearl, Unsafe and Harassed in Public Spaces: A National Street Harassment Report (Reston, VA: Stop Street Harassment, 2014), http://www.stopstreetharassment.org/our-work/nationalstudy.

10 Patrick McNeil, “Harassing Men on the Street.” Feministe. October 15, 2012.

11 M.C. Black, et al., The National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey (NISVS): 2010 Summary Report. (Atlanta: National Center for Injury Prevention and Control, 2011), 18.

12 Ibid., 26.

13 D. Lisak, et al., “False Allegations of Sexual Assault: An Analysis of Ten Years of Reported Cases,” Violence Against Women 16, no. 12 (December 2010): 1330.

14 Linda Holmes (@lindaholmes), Twitter posts, October 3, 2017.