A number of years ago, a player on the Yankees struck out five times in one game. Afterwards, in the post-game TV interview, a reporter asked the manager, Joe Torre, “What are you going to say to him?” Torre answered: “I’m not going to say anything to him. He knows he struck out five times. I’m going to write his name in the lineup and see how he does tomorrow. Now, if he does it again, then we’re gonna need to figure out what’s going on.”
I really loved Torre’s response to his player’s bad night. Way too often, too many bosses—in baseball and in business—tend to jump the gun and overreact, instead of simply looking at an episode of underperformance as an aberration. What is the purpose of feedback, anyway? Is it to vent our frustrations by hitting people over the head? Or is it to provide insight that lets someone know how they are doing for the purpose of future improvement?
Back when I worked as an administrative assistant out in Los Angeles early in my career, I was on time for work every single morning. After several months of perfect punctuality, however, I had a bad week of car trouble that resulted in my getting to work about a half hour late three days in a row.
On that third day, instead of asking me what what’s been going on (again, this episode of my being late was an exception, not a pattern), upon my arriving at work my boss just started screaming at me in front of all my coworkers (and I quote), “I don’t know what the hell’s going on with you, but if you can’t find a way to start getting here on time, you better start looking for another job!!!”
In case you were wondering, yes, that’s the same boss who had previously thrown a box of pens at my head. And, yes, I probably could have and should have talked to her about my car problems earlier in the week, but I was just too terrified to ever speak to her. It wouldn’t have made a difference anyway.
When someone on your team slips up, it’s good to keep in mind this Rule of Three: The first time something happens, assume the person had good intentions and this was a one-time occurrence. You may want to just let it go. The second time, make a mental note of it and perhaps ask the person if everything’s OK. The third time: now there’s a pattern and an issue to be dealt with.
Of course, this “three strikes” rule won’t apply to every situation. For example, if there’s a safety issue, or an integrity violation, or irreparable damage caused by the mistake in question—that may be a “Rule of One” situation. This is a judgment call that a manager must make. But the Rule of Three is a good guideline to follow to avoid knee-jerk reactions, and to allow you time to pause and think how best to handle the situation.
When we think of giving and receiving feedback, the image that most often comes to mind tends to be that of a manager providing feedback to his or her employee to let them know how they’re doing. And it could be either positive or negative, as in, “Nice job on your TPS report!” or “We have a problem.” But feedback is, of course, not just something that managers do!
We all give feedback all the time—up, down, and across—both in the office and outside of it. When the waiter asks, “How was everything this evening?” and you say, “Great, thanks!” or “The food was awful, the music was too loud, and your prices are too expensive,” that’s feedback.
So, when providing feedback, it’s important to be clear, intentional, and purposeful regarding who we are giving feedback to, our relationship with that person, the type of feedback we are providing, and its potential impact on the recipient. And to help you to deliver feedback most effectively, I recommend keeping in mind what I call the Five Types of Feedback: Highlighting, Reinforcing, Developmental, Corrective, and Disciplinary.
1. Highlighting—Catching someone doing something right and pointing it out for the purpose of acknowledgment.
• “Hey, great job on that presentation—you were awesome!”
2. Reinforcing—Similar to Highlighting, only taking it to the next level by providing more specific and concrete details/examples, as well as encouraging the person to keep doing what they’re doing.
• "Hey, great job on that presentation—you were awesome! Your proposal was really interesting, your slides were creative, and you did a really effective job of delivering it. Keep up the great work!”
3. Developmental—Pointing out positive performance…along with opportunities for growth and improvement.
• “Hey, great job on that presentation—you were awesome! Your proposal was really interesting, your slides were creative, and you did an effective job of delivering it. Keep up the great work! Next time, you might be even more effective if you were to incorporate some interactivity by engaging your audience in a conversation. I think that might help you to gain buy-in for your ideas.”
4. Corrective—Like Developmental, but with the focus on what’s been done wrong so as to explore how the person can improve going forward.
• “Overall, you did a pretty good job on your presentation, but some of the slides were difficult to understand, and certain other parts weren’t entirely clear. What are your thoughts on what you might do differently next time?”
5. Disciplinary—Like Corrective, only more serious; for example, if or when dealing with an ongoing problem, poor attitude, lack of effort, negligence, an integrity or safety violation, etc.
• “We need to talk….”
Ideally, of course, a feedback conversation should be a dialogue rather than a monologue, an opportunity to sit down with someone and ask how they thought they did, prior to our providing them with our take. We need to consider the Who, What, When, Where, and Why, in order to determine the How. In other words: Who is the person and what is your relationship to or with them? What is the nature of the feedback? When and Where are the right time and place to have this conversation? And Why, what is the purpose of the feedback—what are you trying to accomplish? The answers to all of these questions will then determine the How.
For example, sometimes it makes the most sense to provide feedback publicly in real time, in the moment; and other times we need to have a more private and confidential conversation. But the bottom line is that if we want feedback to be done well, and to go well, we need to be aware of the situation and the individual, and take the appropriate action in the right way, in the right place, and at the right time.
“My manager gives me way too much feedback!” said no employee ever. No matter how much feedback a manager gives, it often feels, to many people, that it’s not enough. Leaders need to be aware that in the absence of feedback, it is human nature to fill that void of silence with negativity. So, one of a leader’s most important responsibilities—and privileges—is to set their people up for success by letting them know how they are doing and how they can do better.
Providing feedback without real, specific, concrete examples, though, is not very helpful. Without the specifics, the recipient may not be clear on exactly where they went wrong or how they can improve. And even if the feedback message is positive and constructive, you still want to be specific to reinforce what the person did well and should continue doing. Using the “Stop, Start, Continue” process, and/or the Feedback Sandwich method (both discussed in other chapters), are excellent ways to help you formulate and then deliver your intended message in an effective way.
On the subject of being specific when providing feedback, here is an important point to keep in mind: I hear a lot of people deliver feedback messages along the lines of “You are always late,” or “You never return my emails.” But I caution you to avoid the use of broad, sweeping generalizations if you want your feedback to be taken seriously and credibly. People rarely do anything “always” (100 percent of the time) or “never” (zero percent of the time). The truth is, typically, somewhere in between.
The same holds true for using words such as: usually, generally, mostly, occasionally, sometimes, often, frequently, and rarely. For example, you have more credibility if you say, “Over the past month you have arrived late [that is after 9 a.m.], fifteen times out of the twenty work days.” That is more quantifiable and indisputable—and gives you more credibility—than telling someone that they are “always” or “usually” late. Similarly, saying, “Out of the last ten emails I sent to you, you only responded to two of them,” that also carries more weight than saying, “You frequently don’t respond to my emails.” So, the next time you are about to make a broad generalization that someone may dispute, remember to ask yourself the question, “What percentage of time is ‘always’?”
Lastly, when is a single rose more valuable than a dozen roses? When it is given any day of the year other than Valentine’s Day, a birthday, or an anniversary. Similarly, a lot of managers reserve all their feedback comments for mid-year or end-of-year performance review meetings. The most valuable feedback that you can give, however, is that which you deliver any other day of the year. When there is an opportunity to correct a mistake, help someone do something better, or to catch someone doing something right, those are perfect—and often unexpected, but greatly appreciated—feedback opportunities. Though this metaphor has in some ways become a cliché, the truth is that feedback is, indeed, a gift…and one that could, potentially, if well-delivered with positive intentions, change the course of someone’s life. And, while receiving feedback is sometimes difficult and uncomfortable—and, at times, even embarrassing or painful2, if we reframe feedback as a gift, we will welcome it rather than discard it. For, like any physical gift that we may receive, we can either cherish it or toss it in the trash. But either way, we should give some consideration to the thought behind it. And, even when it’s a message that we may not want to hear, there may be some hidden value there.
If you were about to go on stage to deliver a presentation, and your fly was open, you had toilet paper stuck to your shoe, and spinach (or, for me more likely, chocolate) in your teeth—wouldn’t you rather know than not know?
In Review
The Big Lesson: When you are about to deliver feedback to someone, it will be more effective if you start by asking yourself what type of feedback you are giving, who you are giving it to, and what your intention is.
The Big Question: What are some situations in which using the five types of feedback model can help you to be more effective?
Your Big Insight:
Your Big Action: