Contents
Foreword
Memoirs of an Aspiring Actor
One
The Early Years
‘I was an only child. You see, they achieved perfection first time round’
Two
An Actor’s Life for Me
‘It is purple on the green below’
Three
You’re in the Army Now
‘Hands off your cocks and on with your socks!’
Four
Civvy Street
‘You’re not that good, so smile a lot when you come on!’
Five
The MGM Years
‘Is his cock all right?’
Six
The Warner Years
‘Please, mush, any mush’
Seven
Enter the Saint
‘You say, “Ladies and Gentlemen…” and then you’re humble’
Eight
The Persuaders
‘You can’t sell a programme with me in, it’s immoral’
Nine
And the Word was Bond
‘There’s only one thing I hate more than alligators’
Ten
Elementary, Dr Watson
‘Say the marks and hit the lines’
Eleven
It’s Bond and Beyond
‘Well, we shall air our crotches’
Twelve
A Farewell to Bond and Niv
‘You wanna be careful, mate, your lot are dropping like fucking flies’
Thirteen
Taking Stock
‘I’d gladly piss in your ear any time’
Fourteen
The Health Scare
‘In Kristina I had found my soul mate and it has made me happier than words can ever express’
The End…
…and with thanks