The incredible transformation from maidenhood to motherhood is one that is generally taken too lightly. In North America specifically, there remains a deep lack of understanding about the postpartum experience. Hormones are out of whack, causing major emotional ups and downs; sleep deprivation is a monster that can wreak havoc on even the most calm and collected among us; and the feeling of isolation that a new mother experiences when the last visitor leaves and her partner heads back to work is completely overwhelming.
No woman can survive this time alone. Every new mother needs help, love, and the time and space to heal. Asking for help, however, is often the last thing on a woman’s mind when she’s in the throes of the fourth trimester, and even if she does consider it, it can be hard to properly vocalize her needs. That’s why we wrote the following letter on behalf of all the brave women out there who have just brought new life into the world.
Pass it on.
Dear spouses, partners, friends, loved ones, parents, in-laws, and everybody else,
When the new mom in your life arrives home with the family’s new pride and joy, please, let her heal.
Only days or even hours ago, either she pushed a watermelon-sized child out of a pea-sized hole in her body, or a baby was forcefully removed from her abdomen (as her organs lay in a tray beside her). Let her heal.
She looks in the mirror and sees a woman she doesn’t recognize. Her stomach is soft, her eyes are tired, her skin is pale, and her cheeks are swollen. She is afraid of her own reflection. Let her heal.
She’s starving. Her body is the only source of nutrition for two humans now. She’s burning hundreds of calories per day just producing milk. Make sure she has a ton of water, and healthy, whole foods available to her at all times, and let her heal.
She needs to feel fresh air on her face, but she’s not strong enough to go for a walk. Lay her in bed, take the baby, bring her a cup of tea, open the bedroom windows, and let her heal.
She is prone to panic, anxiety, shock, and depression right now. She’s dying to “bounce back,” but it’s not happening fast enough for her. Tell her she’s doing great, and let her heal.
Don’t dismiss her cries for help as weakness. Don’t assume she’s complaining, and never tell her to “suck it up” or “get over it.” Doing so will make her wish she had the strength to strangle you (and one day down the road, she will). Give her all the energy and patience you can muster, and let her heal.
Please, everyone: Let her heal. We promise that if you do, she’ll be a stronger mother and woman, and everyone stands to benefit from that. Especially her.