Ah, the Almighty Mom. We’ve all met her.
Her shit doesn’t stink, and her offspring is a gifted, gorgeous genius-baby who does the family taxes. She’s the self-appointed authority on all things motherhood, and she became an expert in child-rearing the moment she got knocked up.
Before you had a kid, you could tolerate her. Now you’ve got a child of your own, and she’s sitting beside you on the couch preaching her sleep-training methods, and you’re searching for a wall to bang your head against.
The Almighty Mom particularly sucks because in your exhausted, dazed and confused, first-time mom brain, there’s a chance you might actually take her seriously and feel like a shitty parent compared to her. Fuck that.
We’re here to call these ladies out, because there isn’t a mom in the world who has her shit together 100 percent of the time. Anyone who feels the need to brag in the presence of other mothers is just trying to draw attention away from her own insecurities. We promise, these moms also deal with non-Instagram-worthy drama, and they too sob in the middle of the day, just like the rest of us.
If you happen to be that mama who sometimes (perhaps inadvertently) goes on and on about how impeccable your motherhood experience has been, and how perfect and special your child is, think about being on the receiving end of that convo and how utterly annoying it sounds.
Not all moms want to spend an afternoon discussing nap schedules and poo consistency. There are more interesting things to talk about. Besides, who cares about who’s doing it best? We’re all doing the best we can, and that’s all that matters.
So what should you do when an Almighty Mom parks herself across from you and unloads her unsolicited advice? Be kind. All that glory-talk is probably coming from a void that needs to be filled, so help a sister out. Listen, smile, nod, and say, “That’s good to know. Thanks for the tip!”
Then do whatever the fuck you want anyway.