courtesy of Aleksandra Jassem.
- Infants may be tiny and helpless, but they’re also pretty indestructible. Don’t let them freak you out.
- Don’t be alarmed by weird skin things. Babies are strange and so is baby skin. Nine times out of ten, it’s nothing.
- Cure cradle cap by applying a hefty dose of coconut or olive oil to your baby’s head and popping a little cotton hat over the whole mess. Leave it on for ten minutes, remove the hat, and then gently remove the softened scalp flakes (ew) with a fine baby-comb.
- Don’t rush your baby into crawling or walking. Trust us, you will miss the immobility when it’s gone.
- There’s no need to baby-proof your entire house; just teach them to not touch your shit. It’s tedious, but then you can bring them to other people’s houses one day, and they’ll know what *the look* means.
- As long as your baby is happy and safe, there’s no need to rush to their crib when they wake up in the morning or after naps. If your kid wakes up screaming bloody murder, go get them. But if they’re chillin’, then just let chillin’ babies chill.
- Learn how to give yourself a quick and easy up-do (slicked back into a ponytail or tossed into a messy bun). Lucky for you, greasy hair is great for styling.
- Don’t underestimate the healing power of breast milk. Rashes, weird eye things, scrapes and cuts—when in doubt, squirt some milk on it and watch the magic unfold.
- Make it a point to get out of the house without your tiny ball and chain every so often. Even if it’s just to go back to the pharmacy. Again.
- It’s okay to let your baby get a little dirty, and it’s fine if they eat random stuff off the ground (excluding the obvious shit). Hello, strong immune system!
- Nothing with babies is permanent. Whenever you’re about to lose it, just remember: It’s a phase. Phases end. We promise.
- Use your baby’s wet wipes as makeup removal wipes. Models use them on set; why shouldn’t you?
- Fill your thermos with an adult beverage for that mid-summer 7:00 p.m. stroll. No one will ever know.