Finding out you’re pregnant is a different experience for everybody. Some women peek down at the plus sign on their pee stick and promptly log into Pinterest for inspo on how to adorably share the news with friends and family. Others (ahem, us) experience a wave of anxiety that makes them thankful they’re standing beside the toilet, because they need either a place to sit down or a place to puke.
Notwithstanding your initial reaction, once the news of an impending baby bump starts to settle in, the vain bitch inside of you will inevitably start to ask some hard-pressing questions:
“How much weight will I gain during pregnancy?”
“Will my ankles swell?”
“DOES EVERYBODY GET STRETCH MARKS?”
We’ll be the first to admit that our hearts always skipped a beat at our monthly weigh-ins. Seeing the number on the scale increase by one to two pounds a week is kinda freaky, even for the most self-assured mamas among us. We constantly stared at our skin in the mirror at the end of the day to make sure no hormone-induced blemishes had popped up, and we religiously creeped social media to see how our belly sizes compared to our fellow preggos’.
We’re guessing that you, like every other pregnant woman in existence, have been dying for someone to give you the real lowdown re: the effects of pregnancy on your bod. So, without further ado, here are some facts to calm your inner narcissist:
Cons |
Pros |
Your alcohol consumption will drastically decrease. |
Clean liver = glowing skin. |
You’re going to put on about thirty pounds during pregnancy. |
You might lose about forty pounds postpartum. |
For the first few months, you won’t even look pregnant; you’ll just look like you’ve overdone it on the Mexican food. |
Nobody notices weight gain of anything under fifteen pounds. |
You’ll feel like you look fat. |
You never look as fat as you feel. Seriously. |
You won’t be able to stay up past 10:00 p.m. |
You will never miss out on your beauty rest. |
Hormones will make a lot of your hair fall out postpartum. |
Hormones will make your hair thick, long, and shiny AF during pregnancy. |
Postpartum hair loss is often concentrated around the hairline. |
A sparse hairline can be easily disguised with a heavy fringe. (Bonus: Getting a new “do” might make you feel like a superstar again!) |
You will become super sensitive to smells. |
You will have an automatic excuse to not take the garbage out. |
Your feet might grow a little. |
Um, hello! New shoes! |
Your breasts will become sensitive as they start producing milk. |
You will get a sneak peek at how you’d look as a centrefold. |
Every pregnancy is different. You may never experience any of the pros. |
Every pregnancy is different. You may never experience any of the cons. |
The most important advice we can give you is this: Don’t waste your precious time worrying about how your body will change during pregnancy. It will eventually return to its original stature (or something close to it). The female form is majestic.
Having said that, on the days when you feel like total shit, a bold lipstick (Tom Ford anything) and a great hat will go a long way.