No matter how terrifying this prospect may seem, the best time to travel with your child is when they’re between zero and six months old. They’re immobile, they sleep a lot, and there’s literally nothing a boob (or pacifier) can’t fix. Most importantly, they’re not relying on constant entertainment, meaning you can chill out and actually enjoy your time away.
Will your babe go buck-wild and cry for an entire flight? Maybe. But know this: Millions of babies have cried on millions of flights before you, and no one remembers. If it happens, just try to calm your spawn and get over it. Earbuds and movies are available on planes for a reason.
Let’s move away from the things you can’t control, and focus on what you can.
Pro Travel Tips:
- Travel in a pack. The more hands on deck, the smoother the whole experience will be. Grandparents, aunties, and friends make excellent on-the-road babysitters.
- Don’t skimp on diapers. You never know when a three-diaper poo-explosion is just around the corner.
- Start packing a week before your trip. It’s going to feel like you’re bringing the whole damn house, and in a way, you are. Not attempting to do it all the night before will keep anxiety levels at bay.
- Bring your baby carrier. It frees up your hands while you’re navigating through the airport, and may even allow you to flip through a magazine if your baby conks out on the flight.
- Don’t expect special treatment. If your kid falls asleep in the stroller in line to go through security, you’re still going to have to take them out to go through the metal detectors (and they will wake up). Don’t panic. Just roll with the punches; the whole ordeal will be over soon.
- Don’t bother pre-boarding. Yes, it may be tempting to get in and get settled, but the less time spent on the plane, the better.
- Smile a lot at surrounding passengers. If you’re nice to them, they’ll be more likely to engage in a game of peek-a-boo (or hand you back whatever toy was launched in their direction).
- Resist the urge to bring special “care packages” for people on the plane. This trend is bullshit. Crying kids on a plane is a reality of travelling, and everyone needs to get the fuck over it.
- Don’t worry about liquid restrictions. They will let you bring all kinds of milk and water on board as long as it’s for the baby.
- Do not forget the snacks. Load up your diaper bag with finger foods that will keep your little one occupied. Baby Mum-Mums, blueberries, grapes, steamed carrot sticks, crackers, cheese—pile it all in.
- Purchase a seat for your baby (if it’s not way out of budget). This way, you will be able to bring your car seat on board and strap them in, making them more comfortable and therefore more likely to sleep during the flight.
- Don’t rush yourself. Pre-baby travel was easy. You used to be able to just grab your passport and credit card and show up sixty minutes before departure. That is no longer your reality. Be organized and leave early. Give yourself plenty of time for emergency diaper changes, impromptu feedings, and properly checking in your eighteen bags.
- Bring a change of clothes for yourself in your carry-on. Something is inevitably going to get smeared or barfed or spilled all over you in flight, and sitting in it for hours isn’t the sexiest.
Bonus Travel Tips for Non-Infants (Ahem, Good Luck):
Once your little one becomes more mobile (somewhere around twelve to eighteen months), you’re slightly more fucked. A three-hour flight can feel transcontinental if you’re not prepared for the worst.
We wouldn’t want you to be ill-equipped for an excursion with a more active spawn, so we’ve compiled some additional travel tips that will have you worrying about one thing and one thing only: what kind of vino is available 30,000 feet in the air.
- (Wo)man up and go through the Global Entry application process. This VIP access will save you hours in lines and ensure your sanity doesn’t get left behind at customs when your toddler suddenly loses the ability to use their legs.
- Book flights around their nap schedule. If you can get them snoozing during the flight, it’ll shave off an hour or two of entertainment. On the other hand, if you know your kid will not nap if they don’t have a bed in which to do so, then shoot for a morning flight―they’ll nap upon arrival and won’t be a total a-hole at dinner that night.
- Bring books. Lots and lots of books (if they like books, of course). Bonus tip: Buy the light-weight, fabric kind to save your shoulders from a heavy carry-on.
- Don’t forget familiar sleeping cues like blankies, soothers, and anything else that smells like home. This will ease them into sleep mode with less drama.
- Factor in delays and stay away from late flights, because you know an overtired toddler gives zero fucks about unforeseen circumstances, regardless of how many trips to the gift store you make.
- Don’t over pack your carry-on with toys. Bring the top-five faves and a few different activity options. Let’s be real, a jacked-up iPad with three seasons of whatever the hell they’re into right now will likely be the winner anyway. Bonus tip: Download some educational games; it’ll keep them busy and you’ll feel badass when they recite the alphabet perfectly.
- Wear breathable, comfy clothes that can endure toddler abuse. They can (and will) treat your body like a rock-climbing wall, and high-waisted raw denim will not help your cause. Assuming you’d like to be comfortable without feeling like a total slob, choose loose, soft, dark clothes.
- Get to the airport with plenty of time to spare, so it seems more like a playful and fun adventure and less like The Amazing Race. Murphy’s Law always applies to rushed situations—do not play with fire.
- Bring a light-weight umbrella stroller if your kid frequently has ants in their pants. It’ll keep them trapped, so you don’t appear to be the frazzled mother you actually are.
- Do yourself a solid and pee before you board, even if you have to force it. There’s a good chance you won’t be moving for a while, and a twenty-six-pound hot and sweaty kid is the last thing you need on your full bladder.
- Baby wipes should be within reach at all times. Besides cleaning your child and all the surface areas at the airport/in the airplane, they will also keep your skin glowing throughout the whole ordeal.
- Diaper-bag essentials: teething remedies, allergy medicine, fever medicine, Polysporin, cold and cough syrup, Band-Aids, Q-tips, bug spray, After Bite, and a thermometer. Throw in some rosewater spray for yourself as an in-flight refresher that will have people wondering how in the hell you’re keeping so well.
In summary, if you were an avid traveller before, there’s no reason you can’t be one now! Is it a pain in the ass? Kind of. Is it worth the trouble? Absolutely. The memories you make during family vacations will stay with all of you forever, and instilling a love of travel in your child from a young age is a gift they will thank you for a million times over in the future.
Jean Andrade (a.k.a. Oma) in Jamaica, 1953,
courtesy of Nikita Stanley.