How to Not Lose Your Shit on the Daily

All moms lose their shit. Some moms may look like they have it all together, but trust us, they don’t. They just have better ways of hiding it.

Below are some examples of the types of things that we tell ourselves when we need to haul ourselves out of the abyss. Feel free to borrow them whenever you feel the mom-crazy coming on. And remember: When in doubt, just calm the fuck down.

Scenario 1:

You’re mindlessly scrolling through the news on your phone and there it is: an article about a toddler who died (probably while their mom was scrolling through the news on her phone). Panic and mom guilt set in.

Stop. Remember: Tragedies are not the norm. Yes, they do happen. And yes, it’s heartbreaking and awful when they do, but they really are rare. Pay attention to the world around you, but don’t let yourself live in a place of fear. Everything is fine. We promise.

Scenario 2:

It’s been one of those days. Nothing is going right. The house looks like a bomb has been detonated in it, and all you want to do is teleport into the future to a time when the kids are self-sufficient and you can actually hear your own thoughts.

Stop. Remember: The days are long, but the years are short. It’s the most annoyingly true parenting cliché of all time. Whenever you feel like you want to press fast-forward to your retirement plan, remind yourself of this mantra. Time feels like it’s moving at a glacial pace sometimes (especially when your toddler starts the “incessant whining” phase), but it does fly by, and these childhood years make up a tiny percentage of your kid’s life. Try to just breathe and take it all in. Try to remember all the little details—you’ll be looking for them in your memory bank in the not-so-distant future.

Scenario 3:

Your ever-confrontational spawn has you totally doubting your parenting abilities. In the span of one afternoon, you’ve lost your temper, you’ve yelled, you’ve thrown toys in the trash, and you’ve administered more time outs than you’d like to admit. You wonder when this shit is going to get easier.

Stop. Remember: It’s never going to get easier, but you’re getting better every day. Every day you understand the need for patience more deeply. You muster more cojones to stick to your guns and set fair boundaries for your kids. You get more confident in your ability to make decisions on their behalf. Switch your goal from matronly perfection to constant improvement, and celebrate all the small wins. They’re proof that you’re moving in the right direction.

Scenario 4:

Maybe you’ve put a career on hold to stay home with your kids. Maybe you’ve fallen into a bit of a slump, and you’re feeling like you may never get your groove back. Either way, one day, when you’re sitting in your living room, bored out of your tree as the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse theme song mocks you in the background, a “What have I done with my life?” freak-out ensues.

Stop. Remember: You’ve got time. Not to totally contradict point #2, but in the grand scheme of things, life is not even close to over yet, and there are opportunities to try new things every single day. Always remember that you’re never too young or too old to change your mind and live life in a new way. If you want to try something—try it. Better an “oops” than a “what if.”