School Prep: The Master List

As self-proclaimed queens of lists, we broke down all the back-to-school mayhem into an easy-to-follow guide so you can roll up to the place like the badass, prepared-AF mom you imagine yourself to be.

Here’s everything you need to know before the first (ever) day of school arrives.

Clothing:

• Note that clothing will inevitably get lost, ruined, and/or forever forgotten—this is not the time for Armani Kids.
• Get slip-on indoor and outdoor shoes (did you think this wasn’t going to cost you much?) with Velcro. Do not get into the lace game this early.
• Choose a backpack that’s larger than preschool/toddler size so all the shit above and below can actually fit.
• You’ll need mittens, toques, and scarves, plural (so many that you’ll probably want to buy them in bulk from your local dollar store).
• Send your kid with a full change of clothes in a secure bag (large zip-locks or travel laundry bags will work). This backup outfit will likely sit in their cubby all year untouched, so make sure it’s not your kid’s favourite items. It will literally be used only in case of a pee accident or weather-related disaster.

Food:

• Kids in kindergarten usually get three opportunities to eat in a day (morning snack, lunch, and afternoon snack). Pack accordingly.
• Get a lunch box that’s easy to open (the bento-box style tends to be easiest for small hands).
• Grab a bag that fits said lunch box. Let your kid pick it to help build excitement.
• Get two water bottles (one will get left behind before the school year is over, for shiz).
• Don’t expect to get lids or cutlery back. Buy that shit in bulk.
• Buy in to the hot lunches (e.g., Pizza Day). It’s not only easier on you, but your kid won’t feel left out.
• Don’t feel guilty for sending the same stuff all the time (especially if your kid actually eats it).
• A smorgasbord of snacks qualifies as a well-rounded lunch if you play your cards right.
• Hot tip: The summer before school starts, role-play lunchtime by practising opening (and closing) containers and eating with your kiddo so they don’t start their first week of school in a whirlwind of anxiety.

Supplies:

• Get labels and/or Sharpie markers (for identifying anything you’d be willing to search for in a lost and found box).
• No school supplies are necessary in the kinder years, as everything will be provided for them in class. Save the crayon and paper aisle for grade one, no matter how much enjoyment you get out of curated pens.

Safety:

• Develop a secret password (the more absurd, the better) for rare situations when you may need to send an unfamiliar adult to pick up your kid from school. Any stranger who doesn’t know the password is a no-go!
• Explain to your babe that they need to tell their teacher about anything that makes them feel afraid or uneasy.
• Don’t bother teaching your kid about “Stranger Danger” because not all strangers are dangerous. Instead, help them identify and avoid unsafe adults or “Tricky People.” A Tricky Person is an unfamiliar adult who is asking a child for help (safe adults ask other safe adults for help; not children) or asking them to do something that contradicts family safety rules (like following them somewhere). The idea is to avoid burdening kids with generalized and unnecessary fear of all new people and to instill instead the importance of evaluating how a person is acting and how they feel as a result.
• Teach your kid about Safe People to go to for help if they ever find themselves alone and requiring assistance. Obviously a trusted adult (like a teacher) is ideal, but we like to tell our kids that if they ever need to ask a stranger for help, find either a mommy or a police officer.

Sanity Savers:

• If you’re already an emotional mess (read: commercials now make you cry), then be prepared for tears. It may not happen immediately, but if you find yourself sobbing on your porch after the school bus drives away, try to remind yourself of all the awesome independence your child (and you!) now gets to experience. And don’t worry, they still need you.
• Use the month of August to practise all the things they still need help with, like putting on a jacket and wiping their own ass. Also practise zipping zippers so, come winter, your kid doesn’t freeze to death waiting to get their GD snowsuit put on properly.
• Don’t plan too many after-school activities, as kids will come home exhausted. Leave some room for downtime and save martial arts for the weekend.
• Get involved with the class and teacher. Yes, you. Actually read about upcoming events and join the party. Not only will it demonstrate to your kid that you have a vested interest in their academic life, but you’ll also get on the teacher’s good side and that’s always a plus.
• Don’t stress about your child being a baby genius before school starts. That’s what school is for! Get them excited about learning by reading at home, using learning apps, and teaching through play (the I Spy game while you’re stuck in gridlock totally counts).
• If volunteer opportunities arise, take ’em. They give you a chance to see first-hand how your child interacts in the classroom (and you’ll finally be able to put faces to the many names of their compadres).
• You don’t have to overschedule your kid in a vain attempt at keeping up with the Joneses. Sure, your child may excel at hockey, soccer, horseback riding, swimming, piano, and dance . . . but not all at once, babe. One or two extracurricular activities a season are just fine, and remember, free play (read: boredom) is equally important for developmental skills.
• Mind your business and let schoolyard politics roll off your back. Apparently, mom cliques are a thing; you will want to avoid this drama at all costs. Teach your child the same.

At the end of the day, remind yourself (repeatedly, if needed) that millions of babes, just like yours, are starting school this year and in the grand scheme of things everything will be fine. Educators are not only saints but also (highly capable) professionals, and this will be a wonderfully transformational year for your child. So go on, girl! Be free! Live your best life!

Until pickup, that is.