Chapter 16
Hitting the Target, Not the Bull’s-Eye
Remember Robin Hood? After his opponent hit a bull’s-eye, the legendary archer drew back his bow and let his arrow fly, splitting his opponent’s arrow down the center. A bull’s-eye on top of a bull’s-eye; if only life were that glorious and simple!
Whether you’re a serious archer or a casual dart thrower, you know that hitting the bull’s-eye is the exception, not the rule. Although we aim for it every time, we seldom shoot straight enough to hit the exact center, and when we do, we shout with surprise and joy. So why, when we take on a task in our everyday lives, do we grade ourselves on whether we hit the bull’s-eye?
Major league baseball fans certainly don’t judge players’ performance that way. When a star home-run hitter steps up to the plate, eleven times out of twelve, he fails to hit a home run! Two times out of three, he fails to even get a hit. Nobody categorizes singles, doubles, triples, walks, and strikeouts as “not-home-runs.” Coaches judge players on whether they’re using the correct batting stance, making a smooth swing, and being patient and not swinging at bad pitches. Batters know that if they approach the plate following rules they have practiced, they are more likely be productive, which includes possibly hitting homers.
The tasks we put off are almost always those where we’re afraid we’ll miss the bull’s-eye. To the perfectionist, a bull’s-eye means getting it perfect, without a mistake. The pleaser’s bull’s-eye is making everyone happy. The warrior’s is not being bored and feeling fully engaged. And for the rebel, the dead center of the target is feeling independent.
All the tools in this book won’t help you if you are still thinking that you need to hit your bull’s-eye. The fact is, no matter how much determination, commitment, and preparation you can muster for a task, if it has challenged you in the past, your arrow is not likely to land dead center. You’re going to need to change your idea of what success means.
When practicing piano you hit a lot of wrong notes. In batting practice you often swing and miss. Target practice is the same. When your arrow lands outside the bull’s-eye, that’s okay. Your job with any task you’ve decided to own is simply to get on with it. That’s why I advise my clients to Hit the target, not the bull’s-eye. Without the pressure of a perfect outcome, starting the task will be less formidable, and your chances of completing it will be greater.
Target practice is especially important for perfectionists and pleasers, who have strong attachments to their bull’s-eyes. Perfectionist Jordan’s bull’s-eye was getting an “A”; his passion for excellence demanded nothing less. But since he was unsure and confused about what to write for his essay, and he didn’t feel clear headed, a perfect grade seemed unlikely. The illustration below shows what Jordan felt like after his first essay writing session: nothing but misses.
What happens when you take your focus off the bull’s-eye and look at the whole target? Here’s what changed for Jordan.
Of course, Jordan might still get an A. But his job is merely to stay on the target. The only way he could miss this target would be to delay action; that is, to procrastinate. If you believe that as long as you are hitting the target you are doing well, you’re much less likely to put off the task. Expanding your attention beyond the bull’s-eye to the whole target, you’ll evaluate your work more favorably, which will help you tackle the task next time.
As a pleaser, Athena’s bull’s-eye was not disappointing anyone she loved, and thinking she had to hit it was making her put off a task that sooner or later she had to complete. How could Athena break this news to her parents about her gap-year plans without upsetting and disappointing them? Was there a way that would make it easier on them?
Athena’s procrastination was about more than disappointing her parents. They could get angry with her. As a pleaser, Athena’s core value—social connection—was at risk. To accomplish this task, Athena had to widen her aim beyond the “keep her parents happy” bull’s-eye and see the whole target. Here’s Athena’s target after she met with them and told them her plan.
Once Athena identified her real goals, the task became much more doable. She didn’t have to hit the bull’s-eye of pleasing her parents anymore. Success for her was to stay on the target.
But it wasn’t easy for Athena to see how well she’d done. Athena’s habit was to feel guilty and get mad at herself whenever she disappointed anyone, and that was her first instinct this time, too.
If you believe that as long as you are hitting the target you are doing well, you’re much less likely to put off the task.
Although Athena’s parents weren’t as upset by her plan as she had imagined, they had a lot of counterarguments they wanted her to listen to, and they grilled her about some of the details, like where she would live and how she would support herself. They seemed hurt that Athena had waited so long to tell them, which, of course, was very painful for a pleaser like Athena. She’d definitely missed the bull’s-eye.
And that was okay! Athena was authentic. She risked upsetting them. She explained her point of view without hedging anything. And when her parents did express some disappointment, she didn’t try to take care of them in any of her old ways. She just rode the wave.
Athena was definitely on the target. I encouraged her to give herself a pat on the back for what she’d done right. And I told her what I often tell my clients: a pat on the back for hitting the target makes a lot more sense than a kick in the butt for missing the bull’s-eye!
“Hitting the target, not the bull’s-eye” is most essential for the perfectionist and the pleaser because they both tend to judge themselves harshly. But the other two types of procrastinators can also benefit by adjusting what they are aiming at.
Emily’s bull’s-eye is full engagement. Unless she feels stimulated enough to feel completely absorbed in the task—physically, mentally, or both—she feels bored, dull, and useless. Of course, every time a warrior completes a boring task—or even the smallest doable part of a boring task—it is an accomplishment. Staying on task despite being bored is the hardest thing for the warrior to do. But if you are preoccupied with what didn’t happen—feeling engaged and focused, with mental and physical reflexes firing effortlessly—you’re likely to overlook what you’ve accomplished and skip the celebration you deserve. In the following illustration, we envision Emily’s target when cleaning her room.
Can you create full engagement doing tasks that bore the heck out of you? Probably not. What you can do is identify the target that goes with the task, and reward yourself for hitting it. The reward can be literal, as in allowing yourself specific time playing a video game or watching a movie, or it can be psychological, as in reviewing how accomplishing the task brings you closer to a personal goal that will fully engage you.
Your reward can even be whimsical. If you envision your target like a dartboard, giving each concentric ring a value, you can keep score. Whatever your method of rewarding yourself, don’t be faint with the praise. Remember that for you, battling boredom is the biggest battle of all. Winning that battle is what makes a hero out of a warrior.
The rebel’s bull’s-eye is independence, doing tasks that are your idea to do. But as a rebel, you’ll be faced with lots of tasks assigned or inspired by others that don’t make sense to you. If you need to hit the independence bull’s-eye, you’ll postpone those tasks as long as you can get away with it.
By opening up the entire target, you’ll make the tasks you need to get done to advance your overall independence much more rewarding. Here’s what Tyler’s default target might look like for any task that challenges his short-term independence.
When we conceptualize a challenging task, or any doable part of a challenging task, as a target rather than a bull’s-eye, we allow ourselves more ways to win. Winning creates more motivation for us to meet future challenging tasks head-on, rather than putting them off.
Exercise: Hit the Target
Identify your bull’s-eye. Write it down so you have a visual reminder of what you’re not needing to accomplish with this task.
Ask yourself, What does “being on the target” mean for this task? Write down the specific things you come up with on your target. Using any of the tools in this book would be on the target. For example, letting a new belief take root can be a ring on the target. Other rings might be choosing a time for a five-minute jump-start, riding a wave of negative emotion while doing a task, dividing the task until it’s doable, and eliminating distractions.
You can download a blank Hit the Target worksheet at http://www.newharbinger.com/35876.
To cultivate more of this motivation—what might be called a winning attitude—reward yourself every time you hit the target, no matter how insignificant it may be. When, rather than catering to her boyfriend’s need to hang out after school, Athena chooses to practice guitar, she wins. She missed her “Keep everyone happy” bull’s-eye, but she’s on the target when she takes care of her own needs.
When Jordan gets his history essay back with a correction circled in red and an A-, he’s missed his “It has to be perfect” bull’s-eye. But he still wins because his target includes “risk making mistakes.” Emily may feel bored out of her mind while doing her laundry—no bull’s-eye for her—but she did think to double the time she allotted for the chore, and ride the wave when she got bored. That’s being on the target.
Every time you hit the target is a cause for celebration. Be generous to yourself and, no matter how insignificant what you’ve done may seem, lavish the praise. Every time you complete a doable, you can either pat yourself on the back for being on target or kick yourself in the butt for missing the bull’s-eye. The choice is yours!
It’s quite possible, perhaps even likely, that when you opened this book you were tempted to put off reading it. Getting this far may have involved numerous battles with the procrastination beast and, if so, I want to offer you my congratulations! Reading any book that challenges the way you think and behave is difficult. The fact that you did it is praiseworthy. I hope you give yourself a pat on the back, or the equivalent, to acknowledge your curiosity, honesty, and persistence.
In the final chapter I’ll try to give you a little perspective of what is at stake for you, and a few words that I hope will inspire you. Like the other chapters, it’s short—a doable for sure.