The night passed in a blur. The following day passed similarly. Ever since the bus accident, I’d felt like I’d been sleepwalking.
Gray skies seemed especially appropriate for this late afternoon. Clouds roiled above us. The cloying fragrance of imported lilies carried on the wind, all the way down to the market. I was avoiding his funeral service, but it looked like Clyde had found at least one way to still haunt me.
In some ways I was relieved by his death, since he was now in no condition to interrogate me and discover who I really was. But most of all, I brimmed with anticipation. There was something I had to tell Penny. It was itching to come out. But this wasn’t the right moment; I had to wait.
My arms were loaded with pantry staples and frozen food—dumplings, ramen, soup stock, and a few snacks too, after I’d wheedled for some at the mini-mart. I gamely held everything while Penny scanned the aisles, comparing the prices of two very similar cans of lentil beans.
“These are on sale but expire soon,” I overheard her muttering. “Is it worth it?”
“No,” I said, partly because it was true, and partly because I couldn’t wait to tell her my idea.
“You’re right,” she sighed, grabbing the other can. I watched her count out change at the register with a reluctant smile. Every time she handed over a coin, she looked hesitant—like maybe she didn’t need lentils at all. Like maybe she could survive on air alone.
“This should last us until the end of next week,” she said. As soon as we were outside, she flicked her lighter, exhaling cigarette smoke in the air. “Then I’ll get paid.”
Distantly, I could see black-clad figures in the cemetery. My stomach lurched. Everyone who knew Clyde was at the funeral right now. Everyone but me and Penny.
“It’s not your fault,” she told me firmly. Like she knew exactly what I was thinking.
I ground out the flickering embers with the heel of my platform boot. I scooted down instinctively, like one of the attendees could somehow see me. Even though there was no way I’d get caught—and it’s not like I was guilty of anything—I still felt a little weird.
“It was self-defense,” Penny said, squeezing my arm. “You didn’t know he was going to get hit.”
I wondered if after I told her my plan, she’d still think I was in the right.
His burial had to be strictly symbolic. I knew there was no body inside that coffin, not since the Institute changed things on the island. Like everybody else, Clyde’s body would now be donated to science.
Every body had its use, one way or another.
“You look lost in thought,” Penny sighed. “Look, do you want to see a counselor or something? Because we can totally—”
A loud crash interrupted her. A Downhiller had taken a baseball bat to one of the kiosk screens in the market. Glass shards clattered onto the pavement. Unlike the Downhill boys who’d graffitied the Institute building, this Downhiller wasn’t masked. I even vaguely recognized him as one of the Night Market vendors.
“I’m out,” he announced to the gawking passersby. “Been evicted, after twenty years of working here. These monsters are turning my place into a coffee chain.”
For good measure, he smashed the glass screen with the bat again. Coins spewed out from the money counter. He’d broken the whole machine.
“Shit,” Penny whispered. “He’s not going to get away with this.”
But the vendor didn’t seem to care. He strode away while the crowd around the kiosk grew. I could see Penny gritting her teeth, wondering what to do. I knew she needed money too.
“Hold these bags,” I told her. “I can grab—”
“No, Helga,” Penny said. I was startled by the tears in her eyes.
She could be so stubborn. All of the change was nearly gone by now. I’d even seen a girl wearing an all-too-familiar button-down hovering at the edge of the crowd with a torn look on her face. But as soon as she and Penny made eye contact, the girl very quickly walked away.
“I told you,” Penny said, looking at her retreating figure with a grim smile. “The interns get nothing from the Institute. Even less than me.”
“Fuck the Institute,” I said.
“Yeah,” Penny said, laughing now, although I didn’t think the situation was all that funny. “Fuck the Institute.”
We took shelter under the roof of a bus stop while lightning flashed across the sky. Penny was quiet through the downpour, chewing on the ends of her hair. Around us, people muttered darkly about the frequent delays. The bus hadn’t been running on schedule ever since the first ground tremor.
“The funeral’s probably over,” I told her.
“Oh yeah,” she said, absentmindedly. “That’s true.”
I would’ve bet anything she was still thinking about the broken kiosk and the coins on the ground. The crowd had long dispersed. Their absence, plus the broken machine, made me feel uneasy. I felt a shift in the air. Something was brewing.
I’d been shocked to see an Institute intern among the crowd, but Penny had been totally unfazed by the girl’s presence. I thought about how carefully Penny had counted out change for groceries at the mini-mart. I clutched the bags to my chest, hugging them close. I wondered if Father had bothered to leave her any money to take care of me.
I suspected he had not.
I felt really bad for Penny. Especially because there was something else that I needed from her. But this was it; this was the last thing I’d ever ask of her.
“I have to go,” she said, as soon as the rain let up. “I have to—”
“Go back to work,” I finished for her. “I know, you’re always working. I’m coming with you.”
Penny’s eyebrows skyrocketed up to her hairline. “It’s not like you to volunteer to come with me to the lab, Helga.”
“Well … there’s something I wanted to ask you, actually.”
“This isn’t what I think it is, is it?” Penny’s expression changed as quickly as the weather around here did, from hesitant to stormy.
We walked toward the black gates, back up Mount Amaris. Penny fished out a stick of gum from her bag before shaking her head and reaching for a cigarette instead. We both looked at the fresh mound of dirt piled under the bouquet of white flowers. This was Clyde’s grave plot—although he wasn’t actually there, but somewhere else.
“I think you know what I might want,” I hedged. “You promised you’d help me with my soul mate, remember?”
“Oh,” was all that Penny said.
The timing was weirdly perfect. If it wasn’t Clyde, it would have been someone else. Any body would have to do. But with Clyde’s death, my plan had become crystal clear.
I knew what needed to happen next. Now to see if Penny had the stomach for it.